#32
No sooner had the answer ended than Johannes’ lips approached. They gently bit my parted mouth. Tenderly, coming straight on until our noses brushed, then suddenly tilting sideways and touching briefly, his lips repeatedly meeting and parting.
A kiss that came in shallowly like a sigh, not too deep inside, sucking affectionately. His breath that I wanted to drink in entirely instead. Johannes stroked my back as if about to untie a string, with difficulty. With eyes half-closed, under our touching foreheads, he murmured with sweet difficulty.
“I really must go now. If I stay any longer… I won’t be able to hold back.”
It was woefully insufficient, but I had no choice but to agree. We who had been pressed tightly together from waist to intertwined knees reluctantly parted.
I smoothed my disheveled clothes. Johannes hurriedly tidied my eyes and cheeks ruined by tears, my messy hair, and my lips wetted by being kissed several times. It must have been well over 5 minutes.
In fact, I don’t remember exactly how much time we spent. I only remember that when Johannes, after awkwardly squeezing the back of his neck once in front of the entrance, opened the door and went out, Griselda, who suddenly raised her head, looked as haggard as a half-dead person.
Johannes said that his sister looked very startled, so he comforted her, spinning out a very detailed lie that there was not a single person to trust. Then for a moment, he stared at me with eyes still flushed with excitement. A gaze that was clearly being forcibly torn away, reluctant to leave.
His profile turning away into regretful shadows. I could not take my eyes off his back for a long time. It was right after the hem of Johannes’ cloak had completely disappeared around the corner of the corridor. My dazed wrist was suddenly grabbed.
I, who had been completely lost in thought, was so startled I nearly stumbled. I looked to the side.
“Young lady.”
The thin yet firm sensation like a dry branch was Griselda’s. She supported me. Well, saying she supported me is putting it mildly; she pushed me into the inner room as if throwing in a bundle.
Oh, oh, oh! As I lost my balance and staggered inside with my feet tangled, she closed the entrance door with a bang and rushed at me frantically.
“You mustn’t, young lady!”
Her dry face had dim eyes hazily open. Somehow looking like a mud-covered skull, I became a little frightened by that appearance. Griselda grabbed me as I stood there in confusion and pulled.
“W-wait! Griselda!”
Taken aback by this unprecedented forceful attitude, I tried to resist by digging in my heels, but Griselda was too relentless. I was dragged all the way to the bed like a cow being pulled to slaughter, my arm held tightly.
Griselda, who had unceremoniously sat me on the edge, knelt in front of me with a thud. Before I could protest, she abruptly clasped both my hands together as if in prayer. Her hands were trembling violently.
“Young lady.”
“What is this…!”
“You mustn’t. You mustn’t, young lady.”
“Griselda!”
“You mustn’t.”
“Why are you doing this? Let go. It hurts.”
I struggled with all my might to pull my captured hands free. But Griselda’s grip was so incredibly strong that soon my fingertips began to tingle from lack of blood flow. In the end, I had to hunch over, completely unable to move.
Had we been there too long?
Had we been so noisy?
My heart, which had not had a moment’s peace all day, felt like it would tear apart then. An anxiety I didn’t want to acknowledge was gnawing at the tips of all ten of my fingernails. You mustn’t, you mustn’t. Griselda repeated the same words three or four times, almost begging. She seemed to have forgotten all other words.
“Young lady, you mustn’t.”
“…What?”
“That is not allowed, it’s something that must not be done.”
“Please, Griselda. You need to speak clearly for me to understand or not. No, first let go of my hands…”
“It’s something that should not be done, and should not exist. You’ll be punished. Above all, your safety will be in danger. It’s a big problem.”
“Just what is it that can’t be…”
“You know very well yourself, young lady!”
It was almost a scream.
“Him of all people! Oh, how could this happen! Him of all people! Absolutely not!”
Time stopped.
Her voice felt like it was slamming me onto a stone floor.
“…Absolutely not. You mustn’t… Young lady… You mustn’t…”
Long fingernails seemed to tear down my spine. My jaw clenched as I tried to feign innocence. My lips pressed tightly together.
Only then could I be certain of what Griselda could not bring herself to say. The meaning of that gaze that had been pricking me knowingly or unknowingly all through the end of summer, the gaze I had deliberately pretended not to see and turned away from. You…
So you knew everything after all.
You knew it all.
She was trampling on the foundation I had painstakingly built with sand scraped together, and faced with her threatening the hope I had barely grasped, anxiety came before anger. I had to strain my neck to not look like a criminal. I barely managed to move my burning lips.
“What you’re saying now…”
I couldn’t bear to fix my carefully controlled gaze on her. I ended up avoiding Griselda’s eyes. There was only one thing I could do.
“I don’t understand… at all… what you’re talking about.”
Griselda did not respond.
An oppressive air unlike any before flowed through the women’s quarters. The silence that filled the inner room was as uncomfortable as past enemies meeting as hostages, and only the twilight of the last summer began to creep in like the afterimage of a dead flame.
Autumn.
The harbinger of ruin was thus poking its head in.
***
“The war will resume soon, why don’t you offer a prayer for safety?”
It was not long after that when Griselda cautiously suggested this. Having finished a simple breakfast, I stood in front of the mirror and raised my arms to the sides. Griselda draped a thick outer garment over me from behind, then smoothed down the skirt neatly.
At the beginning of autumn, when scattered dark red fallen leaves were being trodden underfoot. The morning air was noticeably chilly, so much so that even the sash tied around my waist felt loose. I quietly observed Griselda’s expression and asked for her opinion.
“That’s a good idea. When would be a good time to go? We should go before sunset, right?”
“As they say, strike while the iron is hot. Let’s send word now.”
“Alright then.”
Having easily obtained agreement, Griselda’s hands moved faster. She turned me this way and that to finish dressing me, and quickly combed my hair as well. Only after carefully checking for any deficiencies did I glumly watch her leave the inner room with hurried steps.
Around that time, I was properly savoring a floating sense of ecstasy. My whole mind was as light as a feather that would flutter away with a puff of breath. This was because Johannes, who used to end our occasional encounters with just a smile, one day whispered a single word secretly in my ear as he passed by.
“Soon.”
He continued on his way as if nothing had happened. Blood rushed from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. My heart pounded obliviously, overwhelmingly full.
Having been born and raised in a cage-like space, I couldn’t even begin to imagine where or how I would live from now on. But the fact alone that I would be with Johannes made my fearful heart swell so much. Just when I felt like I might float up to the sky, having replaced my heart with a balloon, Griselda tethered me to the ground.
She didn’t directly stop me. However, since she no longer interrogated me after that almost deranged scolding before, I was rather bothered by her unnatural silence. Why don’t you try to stop me more, I wanted to ask, but I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to make unnecessary trouble.
I swallowed my muffled feelings. I refrained from encountering Johannes. It was a resolution to not go against Griselda, at least until the day of departure, by staying as inconspicuous as usual.
In fact, I had long since grown sick of prayers that yielded nothing no matter how desperately I beseeched, so I rarely visited the chapel, but going along obediently with Griselda’s wishes was also part of my effort to avoid conflict.
Griselda soon returned.
The chapel, far from the main tower. On the way there, her gaze couldn’t stay in one place and she seemed rushed, somehow looking very different from her usual self. Around that time, her cheeks were more sunken than usual and she clearly looked unwell.
Once I even asked if she had fallen ill, but she shook her head. Don’t worry about me, young lady.
The early morning chapel, devoid of human shadows, was silent with chilly air settled like cold water. Griselda pulled two chairs up to the front of the altar and placed them one in front and one behind. I stared blankly at the pale statue across the altar, waiting for Griselda to finish her task.
“Oh my! What was I thinking…”
Griselda cried out softly. It was an awkward exclamation that seemed forced just now. Feeling it was somehow artificial, I turned around.
“What is it?”
I saw Griselda at a loss over the chairs. She lowered her gaze as if troubled and opened her mouth hesitantly.
“I’m sorry, young lady. I forgot to bring the cushions.”
“On such a cold day, and in this freezing place… How unlike you to make such a mistake.”
“I’m truly sorry. If it’s alright with you, would you mind waiting here for a moment? I’ll be right back.”
“No, don’t trouble yourself. Let’s just go back. It’s not like war will break out right away, we can pray tomorrow…”
“No!”
I stopped in my tracks as I was about to move. This woman had never been so rude as to cut me off like this. Griselda’s face turned red.
“I’m sorry.”
“…It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“I was too hasty… I heard there were many casualties in the last battle, so…”
“How can I possibly worry about each and every soldier? If I were to pray for them all by name, I’d wear myself out first.”
“I’m not asking you to pray for the dead. Forgive my presumption, but things seem to be getting worse… Especially since the young lord participates in every battle, if you pray yourself, rather than someone else, wouldn’t God look after him more, seeing your sincerity? …Aren’t you worried?”
Griselda swallowed her words for a moment. Then she said softly, sharply:
“…He’s your family, after all.”
Like pulling a needle from a pincushion.
I was at a loss for words. I’ll be back, she said quietly as she turned away, and I couldn’t even think to stop her as time passed bleakly while I was alone.
When yandere male lead believes she loves him — but she never did
“How dare you!”
“How dare you make me love you, only to cast me aside as nothing more than a friend?!?
“I will never accept that.”
“I will never let you return to him.”
“Even if I have to burn myself to ashes.”
“Even if I must shatter my purity, my dignity, my very soul.”
“I will never let you escape me!”
This was the first novel that introduced me to the matriarchal genre. I’ve read it three times already!
At first, the male lead despised the female lead. Later, he misunderstood that she liked him, so he condescendingly and reluctantly reciprocated her feelings.
Then, he suddenly discovered that she was kind to everyone in the same way, and there was already someone she cherished in her heart, and that person was not him.
The male lead couldn’t believe it, he became angry and crazy. He was determined to capture her body and heart by any means necessary.
Synopsis:
Want to see how a green tea bitch male lead falls in love with the female lead?
Want to see how he flirtatiously pursues the female lead?
Want to see how he gets slapped in the face repeatedly?
The male lead is a green tea bitch, a poisonous lotus, jealous, ruthless, unscrupulous, with a venomous heart, and he’s also a delusional maniac.
The female lead is righteous, positive energy-filled, kind, a holy mother.
Let’s see how two people with extreme personalities come together~
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