#28
“Someone who was so indifferent to household matters came every day, every day! Visiting frequently to ask about the young lady’s well-being. No, not just daily! They came in person several times a day, to the point where I felt guilty for not having good news to report.”
Griselda continued speaking without pause.
“This morning, they even brought flowers. To use for medicine, and to float the remaining stems in a vase. How did they know valerian was a medicinal flower…! No, no. This isn’t the time for that! I’m so flustered. Please wait. I’ll be away for just a moment, a very brief moment. I’ll be right back.”
After spilling her long-suppressed feelings like rapid gunfire, she bowed several times to the air and hurriedly left the room.
The sound of people being called and leaving outside the bedroom seemed like a distant wind. Only my world remained as calm as a lake bathed in mellow twilight. I want to see you. Shallow ripples rose on the flat, dazed surface. It was a bit amusing. Even after waking from sleep of unknown duration, that this ailing heart could still conjure such emotion, Johannes.
I want to hear your voice.
I want to face you.
I want to embrace your gaze.
I miss you.
Like tiny bubbles rising from ancient ruins in deep waters, I thought of him.
Griselda returned. She went straight to the wardrobe and brought out several outer garments. She carefully raised my body, as weak as water grass, dressed me in several layers, tightly fastened the front, then laid me back down neatly. She placed a fresh damp cloth on my forehead. How strange. Griselda, sitting at my bedside, peered into the vase and spoke.
“To think they brought a whole bunch of flowers not yet in season. I wonder if they found some blooming in the shade, unaware of the season. It’s a good thing for you, young lady.”
She seemed to be looking at the valerian she said was floating in the water. Only then could I smell the subtle floral scent permeating the entire room. Having been buried in it all day without realizing, I hadn’t noticed the pleasant fragrance. I felt newly grateful to Johannes.
For it was a time when I didn’t yet know that nothing is as frightening as a slowly encroaching calamity.
That which kills knowingly or unknowingly, without reason. In my foolishness, I was simply delighted, imagining a man with no idle time, or even if he had some to spare, one who would hunt forest beasts, delicately combing the woods in search of flowers that might be blooming somewhere.
“Do you remember by any chance?”
Griselda suddenly asked. I turned my face towards her.
“We decorated your wedding veil with valerian too.”
“…Did we…?”
“Yes, since it was late autumn. There’s no better flower for a bride than valerian.”
I don’t particularly want to remember that. I could see Griselda, who had become noticeably gaunt in my absence, smiling like a small flower, oblivious to others’ feelings. I covered my desire to hear no more of those not-so-pleasant old memories with that smile. Griselda continued speaking.
“Though you’re naturally as beautiful as a fully bloomed flower now, you were as lovely as a bud back then too. Did you know that even the blind and deaf in the palace whispered about such beauty at just twelve years old? I felt quite proud for no reason.”
Hmm… Twelve. Where have I heard that…? The number sounded oddly familiar. I pondered for a moment, retracing my memories. Come to think of it….
“…I was twelve then.”
“Yes.”
I recalled Johannes, who had been conflicted after having his lips stolen by a pretty twelve-year-old lady. And the look in his eyes that couldn’t hide his disappointment. Perhaps, perhaps. My stomach tingled as if I had swallowed a handful of down feathers.
Could it be that for him, it had been such an old emotion? Had I been too foolish to notice? Ah, if so, for how long have I been loved?
With my naive mind, I found myself harboring such an impossible expectation. The longing that had been rising cautiously drop by drop until then surged like a fountain. My tired heart pounded.
“Um, Griselda.”
“Yes, young lady.”
“Aren’t there any flowers left besides the ones in the vase…? If there are, could you give me just one?”
“There are. Shall I trim it for you?”
“Yes, leave the stem a bit long. So I can hold it comfortably.”
“Certainly.”
Griselda quickly trimmed a flower and placed it on the table. I was relieved she didn’t ask the reason for my sudden request. In fact, it wasn’t such an unusual request, so her response was natural, but still, I felt a prickling sensation in my throat.
My feet tingled as I hid my embarrassed feelings. As I fidgeted with my awkwardly clasped fingers under the blanket, a guard knocked on the door to announce a visitor.
“It seems the priest has come.”
Griselda said, glancing at the entrance as she stood up. I’ll go see, she said. I watched her hurrying back without much thought. The sound of hinges sliding echoed softly. The entrance door opened halfway. And there….
Johannes was there.
That face I had longed to see so much. Our eyes met instantly as his gaze swept in, threatening to overturn the entire inner chamber. The longing that had been quietly bubbling up in secret suddenly settled.
Griselda seemed to be saying something to Johannes, but his pale gaze remained fixed only on me. It wouldn’t leave. It felt as if Johannes’ gaze was pulling me. I naturally dropped my legs over the edge of the bed, like a cart on a slope.
I saw Johannes startle. I paid it no mind. I just grabbed the flower on the table and shakily stood up.
Put that girl back down. Only then did Johannes hurriedly turn his gaze and order Griselda. I could hear it from afar. Griselda whirled around in alarm.
“Young lady!”
She rushed over and supported my waist.
“Why aren’t you lying down?”
“I… help me… stand.”
“Will you be alright?”
“Y-yes. I’ll be fine, so hurry.”
I walked to the entrance, half-supported by Griselda. Though it was only three or four steps, I was out of breath. Having barely made it to Johannes, I straightened my posture.
I was in the inner chamber, Johannes outside the bedroom. We stood frozen, facing each other up and down, as if an insurmountable wall had been erected across the low threshold. Johannes stared at me, unable to say anything. He seemed somewhat anxious.
Up close, Johannes’ complexion was just as Griselda had described. He was half-pale, like partially frozen snow. And dressed in light indoor clothes without even a light piece of armor. Seeing only the sword at his waist, which was now like a part of him, it seemed he hadn’t even attended the council that day, staying secluded instead. His disheveled hair, visibly rushed, didn’t quite match his neat attire. That appearance was unfamiliar.
It wasn’t because of some awkward reason like being messy or strange. Rather, having seen him in tattered rags for quite some time and on every occasion, his proper appearance was unfamiliar to my eyes.
In the end, despite being glad to see him, I couldn’t help but laugh. How long had it been since I’d seen Johannes properly dressed, whether like this or that? Such a thought suddenly struck me.
Johannes, who had maintained a stiff expression until then, quietly admonished me.
“…What are you doing? Why is a sick person coming out like this? You should be lying down more.”
“I can walk just fine, see.”
His shoulders jerked briefly. It seemed he had forcibly restrained himself from raising his hand reflexively. This time too, he had nearly rubbed somewhere on my face or body out of habit, I thought. Pleased by his reaction, I somehow felt shy.
My eyes, which had grown a bit hot, couldn’t stay fixed on his clear, icy blue eyes and slid downwards. I felt Johannes’ gaze on the bridge of my nose. After watching me for a moment, Johannes spoke softly.
“You really don’t look well.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“How do you feel?”
“Much better. I can manage.”
Johannes let out a long sigh. Then a brief silence followed, filled with many listening ears.
I had a lot I wanted to say to him. No, in fact, I didn’t have any particular topics in mind, nor did the content itself matter much. What meaningful things could someone who had been lying down like dead until just now have to say? I just wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to hold Johannes’ hand, to lean on him. I wanted to be embraced and to embrace.
I wonder if Johannes felt the same longing at that moment. I’m not sure.
That day, Johannes stood before me for a long time. How could someone who couldn’t speak properly not think of leaving, standing there for so long like an anxious spectator? Gradually, I felt the invisible gazes waiting respectfully begin to change strangely. They must have wondered what we were doing. Only then did I become urgent and exclaimed softly.
“…Thank you!”
“Hm?”
“Um, yes. I mean… I wanted… to thank you….”
“Thank me?”
“You sent flowers, didn’t you? I’m grateful….”
I trailed off, my words becoming unclear.
I didn’t think Johannes had sent the valerian flowers with any special meaning. As it’s a well-known medicinal herb effective for women’s ailments and various diseases, he probably just picked it without knowing its exact effects. That was the extent of it. Still, I wanted to show a side of myself just for Johannes in front of him.
I raised the valerian I had been holding to my ear. I tucked the flower stem behind my ear, just as I had done in some autumn long ago.
“Hey, Johannes. Look at this.”
Doing something I wasn’t used to made me feel ticklish inside, and I couldn’t look at Johannes properly. Fixing my gaze on the tip of his chin, I asked.
“How is it?”
I could see his jaw tense slightly, but there was no answer.
“…”
“Why aren’t you saying anything…?”
Still no response. That reaction made me think negatively. Do I look very haggard? Come to think of it, I might look a bit shabby since I haven’t been able to groom myself properly. Feeling somewhat upset, I looked up at Johannes and asked again. Our eyes met.
“…Does it not suit me?”
Johannes’ gaze instantly lost its way. It wandered restlessly between my forehead and ear for a while. Then, barely, very barely, it settled on my eyes.
The deepening twilight. Through Johannes’ collar, to his ears, to his forehead. Ah, that.
I, what great thing did I do?
At that moment, I thought Johannes was gathering all the sunset onto his skin. Gradually, as if taking pieces of the evening sky. I still haven’t forgotten how even his cool gaze finally turned red. And the answer that made my listening heart ache.
“No, it’s because you’re pretty.”
“…”
“…So pretty it’s hard to look at.”
The smile that finally appeared was painfully faint.
I wanted to call out to Johannes. But my voice, tightly bound in my throat, wouldn’t come out as I wished. Only the loud sound of my pulse echoed in my dazed eardrums. Rest. I received the bow that could no longer be postponed. Johannes quietly turned away.
I raised my hand without realizing. There were thousands, millions of reasons within me to want to hold him back. But my fingertips froze. Because the one reason why I shouldn’t grab him mercilessly buried all of those.
I took a deep breath, suddenly exhausted. Abruptly scared, I looked around. I saw the family members standing neatly in their respective places.
And even Griselda’s gaze, which alone seemed strangely anxious.
Male lead is reincarnated to save his wife
I’ve also read this one twice already. The female lead is kinda soft and gets embarrassed easily—not really my type, but the plot is definitely worth reading. Hurry up and read it, y’all!
Intro
When Shen Yuan encountered Su Jin again in his previous life, she had already become the Prime Minister of the current dynasty. As for him, the former top young master of the capital, he had long since fallen into the abyss, becoming a singer on a pleasure boat.
After a song ended, he was redeemed and sent to the Su Residence.
Su Jin respected and cherished him, gave him a roof over his head, and bestowed him with warmth. Shen Yuan fell deeper and deeper, but before he could express his feelings, Su Jin passed away.
Shen Yuan died to follow her in death, but instead, he returned to when he was fifteen years old.
At that time, he was not yet engaged, and Su Jin was just a poor scholar.
Shen Yuan gritted his teeth, casting aside all his pride, and thought of ways to coax and entice her every day.
The colder and more indifferent Su Jin was towards him, the more proactive Shen Yuan became.
He was not afraid of being mocked by the world, only wanting to marry his Wife-master early, to hold her hand and never let go for a lifetime.
[Note: This story will not specifically point out the male lead’s reincarnation time point; it’s all in the details. Whenever you feel that the male lead is acting strangely, he has most likely been reincarnated.]
[Touch the gear icon in the bottom right corner of the screen to move to the next chapter if you want.]
