I blinked stupidly and let out a small snort. Whatever the man before me was plotting, I had reliable backing. Even alone in a strange land, I felt secure and confident, and couldn’t help but smile. I pointed at the guard’s mouth with my index finger and stepped into the darkness inside the fence.
“If any harm comes to me, you should watch out for that tongue that guided me.”
The guard, who had turned his back to retie the rope, glared at me over his shoulder. His eyes were sullen and grumpy like an ugly fish. I maintained eye contact as I backed away, then called out when about ten paces away:
“My brother might just rip it all out!”
There was a tongue-clicking sound near the fence, as if in disbelief.
I quickly turned around, pretending to be chased like a child. I ran hurriedly and hid behind the first visible house, then peeked out from behind the wall to observe the fence area. It felt like playing hide-and-seek, but of course the guard on duty wouldn’t abandon his post to chase after me.
Ha. I was still excited, and felt a bit disappointed, as if watching playmates disperse without my consent, ending the game. I set out, wondering if I should cause some mischief by the river.
That night. Finding the river path wasn’t as easy as I’d expected. It was a time when everyone was asleep and there was no sign of people, so not only were there no landmarks to guide me, but I couldn’t even see the path I was on clearly as I went deeper inside.
I stumbled along, relying solely on the moonlight above, tripping over stones and slipping in the mud for quite some time. In the distance, I saw something like a lantern flickering, so I blindly chased after that light. I remember running like the wind, clenching both fists tightly lest I lose sight of it. Laughter escaped between my labored breaths. It was the first time in my life I had run so breathlessly.
The young man holding the lantern was startled by the approaching footsteps, panting like a wild animal, and when he saw my appearance up close, he exclaimed “Eek!” and jumped. He was probably a night watchman on patrol. When I asked about the river while gasping heavily, he stared at my face as if he’d seen a ghost, then gave me directions.
“Is it far?”
“N-not too far…”
The night watchman stuttered and shook his head, pointing to some low, shadow-like buildings in the distance to the left.
“It’s brighter just around there. They don’t close shop even at night.”
“Looks like they sell alcohol and food. There must be lodging too.”
I asked, remembering Alyona’s inn. At that moment, the night watchman’s gaze, dimly visible above the dark lantern, darted back to my face.
“Y-yes…”
Before he could even finish his words, I saw his face, with eyes wide open, turn bright red as if on fire. Why is he like this? I was puzzled for a moment, but soon realized the reason. It was a familiar expression I had seen often. The knights who claimed to ardently admire me had looked exactly like this. I guess my outer shell is quite appealing to this man too. I was elated and laughed silently to myself. But for some reason, the innocent young man before me suddenly seemed perplexed.
“Really, w-will you, stay there?”
“Speak plainly.”
I brushed off the night watchman’s hand. Gripping my left wrist, which had been grabbed forcefully, with my right hand, I glared at him. The words that immediately came out of my mouth next were…
“It’s unpleasant.”
“S-sorry…”
The night watchman quickly showed me both his palms, as if surrendering. I stood there for a moment, silently staring at him. At that time, my face probably had no particular expression. While my mind suddenly turned cold, for some reason, the heat rising sharply inside my chest made my ears hot. I felt goosebumps creeping up both my arms with startling clarity.
“It’s unpleasant.”
I said, looking straight into the night watchman’s eyes.
“I said it’s unpleasant.”
I repeated, as if engraving it in my own mind, my vision filled with only the night watchman’s brown eyes, which looked a bit frightened. Those eyes alone seemed as vast as the four seas.
“It’s, unpleasant.”
“I… I see…”
“Don’t touch me carelessly ever again.”
“S-sorry.”
Like some kind of delirium.
At that moment, overlapping faintly with the young man scratching the back of his head, I saw the knight who had once grabbed my wrist in the fortress of my homeland. The voice calling out “My lady!” in admiration. Followed by the countless gazes of my first husband, old man Indridason, and the knights who kissed my feet in worship. Those that made my skin feel like it was rotting wherever they touched.
Pffft.
I let out a foolish laugh at the scenes before my eyes. I knew my own gaze, which had been wide open with tension, immediately relaxed. I saw the clueless night watchman awkwardly smile along. Hehe…
“What do you know to be so pleased?”
I scolded him with a pleasant smile. It’s unpleasant. Those words that had burst out of my lips without any thought gave me immense pleasure. All this time, because I couldn’t say these words, because I wasn’t allowed to say them.
Because I didn’t have the strength to be forgiven.
I had been ashamed of myself alone among people who suppressed their feelings, trembled in fear, and knew no shame. Now, for the sole reason that my love is my own, I speak so boldly.
Is it this easy?
“I don’t know yet. We’ll see.”
“Uh, okay?”
“I might stay longer. Or I might go farther away.”
“Ah.”
At my sudden addition, the night watchman scratched his cheek as if finally grasping the conversation. I covered my cheeks, which kept breaking into a smile, with both hands. The contours of my freely smiling face felt strangely unfamiliar and fascinating. As I traced my upturned mouth corner with my little finger, enjoying the pleasant sensation.
“Then… tomorrow, can I, c-can I, come look for you?”
The night watchman asked me. I looked up at him, unable to suppress my smile.
“For me?”
“Later… um, c-can I buy too?”
“What are you talking about?”
As I tilted my head in confusion, he rambled on for a while, gesturing wildly with his hands and feet, his face bright red. Because he stuttered so severely and couldn’t even look me in the eye properly, I could hardly understand him accurately.
From what I could gather by listening intently, the gist was as follows: His elderly mother has been worried lately because he’s been feeling lonely. He’s sturdier than he looks. You can’t be a night watchman without good stamina. He’s quite gentle…
What nonsense…
“I hadn’t noticed…”
“Uh, yeah?”
“You seem to be a bit lacking somewhere.”
“Huh…?”
“How pitiful…”
My head tilted slightly on its own.
I could understand why the woman he called his mother was so worried. For a free man who should be responsible for the family business to have such difficulties with simple communication and appear so dimwitted. I gave the night watchman a sympathetic smile, just as I often did to Indridason’s defeated knights.
Well, I was in high spirits that day, overflowing with benevolence because of it, hoping to tease someone, and besides, I had no other words of comfort to offer. It was an expression I had been forced to show stiffly in the old days, but today I was confident it was a natural smile that anyone would recognize as such.
“Listen, dear. I can’t fathom how many difficulties you’ll face in your life, but don’t try to live too hard.”
I gently stroked the night watchman’s arm below his shoulder, giving him a soft eye-smile. I felt his startled and fidgety reaction immediately through my palm. Even that was quite intriguing. Shh, shh. It’s okay. I soothed him with feigned kindness.
“Life, you know. No matter how hard you try to live, it doesn’t amount to much in the end. You understand? What’s meant to be will be, and what’s not meant to be won’t happen. All effort is in vain. So there’s no need for deep worries. Tomorrow or the day after, just go ahead as you wish for now. After that, if it seems feasible, continue, and if it seems impossible, just give up.”
“Uh…?”
“Even if you don’t get what you wanted, don’t be too upset or discouraged. Those emotions are all fleeting.”
“…”
“Just live as it comes. Enjoying the moment. Okay?”
At that moment.
As I whispered these raw, sincere thoughts seductively for quite a while, did I perhaps look somewhat like a succubus? I briefly hugged the night watchman’s shoulder, which had become stiff as a board, and quickly pulled away. The night watchman, standing awkwardly with his lantern-holding hand half-raised, looked unexpectedly bizarre in that state. He had been red from the start, but now he looked as if he had been doused with lava from forehead to nape, appearing utterly ridiculous.
How can someone who looks quite sharp be so slow-witted? In normal circumstances, I would have felt sorry for him, but instead, I was dying trying to suppress the corners of my mouth that kept turning up.
“W-what’s your name?”
It was when I had already turned my back on him and taken a few steps. I found it curious how people kept asking for my name that day. I cheerfully called out:
“What good would it do you to know!”
Kretzman.
Looking back, I was quite lucky that day, despite all my recklessness.
My appearance must have been so unusual that I looked exactly like a vagrant with no connections. Perhaps the guard or night watchman might have dragged me to a secluded riverbank if they had dared. I don’t want to imagine what might have happened next. Should I be grateful that they were either conscientious in their own way or utterly simpleminded? I was excessively fearless at that time. And…
Because of that…
I would say that the lovemaking I shared with Johannes in the broken inn two weeks ago was a climax that completely shook my soul. It wasn’t simply an event where I physically confirmed the feelings of a lover that rarely connected. Ah, that incident…
Dare I say, it was the completion of a ‘human being’.
Ex-husband Wants Reconciliation
One-line summary: Chasing the wife to the crematorium (making an effort to attract someone who has become indifferent), the female lead doesn’t look back, the second male lead takes the position.
Intro:
To repay the kindness of the older generation, Su Mu crossed into a female-dominated world and became a live-in daughter-in-law of the Yan family, single-handedly saving the Yan family from fire and water.
But her husband, Yan Jiyue, the eldest son of the Yan family, treated her with sarcasm and never showed her a good face.
It wasn’t until after Su Mu’s death that this pampered and arrogant young master shed a few fake tears and pretended to want to die for love.
This life’s kindness was enough. If there was a next life, she would definitely kick Yan Jiyue away.
Who knew that the heavens would be so kind as to allow her to be reborn, returning to the time when she had just married into the Yan family.
Su Mu glanced at the Yan eldest son, who still spoke coldly to her, and threw a divorce letter in front of him.
“Let’s divorce!”
***
Yan Jiyue never imagined that he would be reborn. He happily went to find Su Mu, wanting to make up for the mistakes he had made in his ignorant youth.
Wasn’t the reason the heavens allowed him to be reborn to let him reconcile with Su Mu?
But when he pushed open the door to Su Mu’s room, the person lying on the bed was another man.
Su Mu’s personal attendant, Xie Yi.
Yan Jiyue hated him so much that his teeth itched. In front of Su Mu, Xie Yi was a gentle and considerate whisperer of sweet nothings, but in reality, he was vicious-hearted and deliberately sabotaged their husband and wife relationship.
In the previous life, it was he who secretly hid in Su Mu’s coffin and committed suicide, stealing a step ahead of him to be buried with Su Mu.
Yan Jiyue’s eyes were filled with hatred as he cursed, “What kind of thing are you? Your background is lowly, what right do you have to occupy Su Mu?”
Xie Yi looked at the sleeping Su Mu and no longer pretended to be a whisperer of sweet nothings.
He proudly stuck out his belly, “I have the right because my belly is capable of giving the Wife-master a daughter.”
***
Yan Jiyue was consumed with jealousy. He spread rumors that Xie Yi had once been branded with the mark of a “harlot” on his chest.
But on the night Xie Yi cut off the flesh bearing that mark, Su Mu suddenly realized something was amiss.
“How did you know the exact moment I was poisoned? And why did you show up a month early?”
Xie Yi remained silent, blood from his wound soaking through his robes. His sapphire eyes brimmed with anguish – or was it just a flawless act?
Between a once-arrogant husband now seeking redemption, and a gentle soul willing to die for her – who truly held the darkest secrets? And could it be that Su Mu and Yan Jiyue weren’t the only ones given a second chance at life…?
[Reading Guide]
1. True divorce, chasing the wife to the crematorium, the female lead doesn’t look back, the male lead is Xie Yi.
2. The ex-husband did not cheat, he just realized too late and didn’t realize that he liked the female lead.
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