198.

In that dream, Johannes, floating in the air, repeated Giovinetta’s last words. Like. A bug. Like, a bug…. It sounded almost like a curse spat out by the princess. He felt his face growing cold and pale. And blankly, he looked down at his feet. He saw Idris’s eyes, which had grown cold just like Johannes’s under the red shadows, as he sat reclined in an armchair with his lover sitting on his stomach. At the same time, he could feel Idris’s body as if it were his own.

A heat like a midsummer downpour.

Pouring, pouring.

The tips of Johannes’s feet, suspended in midair, pour out a hot energy that smells of blood. The emotions that fell like a torrential rain soaked Idris’s chest below, then filled his stomach to overflowing and rose up to his vocal cords, but just then. It was tightly closed at the root of his tongue. That sensation. It was now a familiar misery, like second nature to both men.

Idris’s Adam’s apple bobbed once. As he watched Idris swallow his wretched internal conflict, a maddening downpour rose up to the tips of Johannes’s hair as well. Rather, fulfill what your woman wished for.

Hit that woman.

Unable to bear his anger-filled eyelids, Johannes closed his eyes and then opened them wide. Ah. Giovinetta’s face comes into view straight ahead. And so he was Idris’s body again.

He bit down hard on the hot, damp inside of his mouth. Then he tried to raise his hand, or more precisely, Idris’s hand. While possessing this man’s body again, he intended to slap Giovinetta’s cheek as she had wanted. Even if he couldn’t move as he wished, his determination to strike her was relentless. He had no more reserves of noble and sincere mercy or patience left since the moment he placed his husband’s heart in Inette’s hands.

Yes. Johannes’s humanity and goodwill had already hit rock bottom. The confusion that had plagued him for nearly his entire life was erased as if shattered. And now his body craves the omnipotence and sense of liberation he secretly tasted in the night when the whole court was asleep. It howls as if in a fit. Hit the woman. Hit the woman…! Ah. There was no more hesitation. After all, isn’t his true form a four-legged beast with only one wing?

He is a devil.

He is a soulless body, evil by his very existence. He is the King of Corruption who came to defile his sister’s sacred realm as an instrument of curse. Surely such a vile beast should scratch the bare ground with its claw-filled hind legs and raise its deeply scarred horns high? The woman who is rammed with her whole body by the black flesh charging with a terrifying momentum will tumble down to the depths of the devil’s den and redden her sensitive cheeks. Those cruelly beautiful and heartless eyes will be stained with mud-like fear and disgusting excitement like tears. Inette. You should tremble and beg me. Forgive me.

Forgive me. Johannes. Crawling.

His sister crawls on her knees on the burning castle grounds. Johannes, still standing in midair, looked around in shock. Where is this, now…?

Suddenly raising his head, he sees a vast red night sky. Below it, the Gustavus castle fortress crumbled like ashes consumed by flames. He was dumbfounded by the intense heat of the sparks that occasionally flew onto his cheeks. Then, upon unexpectedly discovering his sister, his previously calm expression crumbled. A faint groan escaped between his parted lips. His tattered sister was already at his feet before he knew it.

“Johan.”

Her platinum blonde hair, made even whiter by the ashes clinging to it, flowed down past Johannes’s feet and spilled onto the ground. Amidst the raging flames, her entire face was a muddy mess from the tears pouring down like rain.

“Open it.”

“……”

“Open it. Johannes….”

“……”

“What should I, how should I…. W-will you, open it…?”

His sister, trembling like an aspen tree in her wedding night nightgown, waited for his answer and finally lowered her face as if sobbing. Her lips, as detailed as a still life painting, carefully, carefully touched Johannes’s instep, which was as terrifying as that of a pitch-black bird of prey. He breathed slowly and heavily. Surely it must be dirty. It must be disgusting. What an unbearably suffocating sight.

Of course, there was no way to endure it. Finally, he whispered in a deeply trembling voice.

“You know.”

“……”

“What could I want from you who has nothing?”

“……”

“Your innermost desire is my desire….”

I will, again and again, possess you in the form you desire. I can’t bear it. He grabbed her head, which was more alluring for being so pitifully ragged, as if snatching it. Just as he was about to bend her neck back completely to expose all the pale eyes hidden beneath it. Whoosh.

The image of Inette, who had pressed her forehead closely against his knees, dissipated like smoke.

Before he could even confirm her excited eyes, Johannes was back in Idris’s quarters. Inette? Johannes blinked in confusion. Again, what is this….

It’s a room that’s suddenly completely blocked off and silently red. No raging flames, no burning castle walls.

Johannes, floating in midair, felt a dizzying vertigo. Though it was all just a turbid dream fantasy, he himself didn’t realize it. So he felt entirely anxious, as if he had actually received her kiss on his instep and stopped midway. His spine was completely chilled. He wanted to resolve it. He wanted to completely resolve this half-spat out feeling. He had to resolve it. But, she’s gone. That child is gone.

With a very bewildered expression, he tried to look around, and just then he caught sight of movement below. It was the lovers as before. Idris sat in the armchair with his head bowed amid the miserable silence. Giovinetta, with a cold expression, sat astride Idris’s stomach, turning away from him.

Was that woman my sister? Or is she Idris’s woman? I don’t know. I can’t tell. Johannes pressed his forehead tightly while keeping his gaze fixed on Giovinetta. It was extremely difficult to understand the situation. His breath was unbearably rough as he watched the woman’s movements. Damn it. The moment he uttered a low curse. His focus blurred, and now he was once again looking at Giovinetta through Idris’s eyes.

Johannes swallowed dryly as he looked at Giovinetta sitting on ‘his’ stomach.

The dizziness was so extreme that now the whole space seemed to be distorting in confusion. Is this body Idris, or Johannes? He didn’t know his own identity. It didn’t matter. This worked out well. Let’s raise our arm even now. Johannes gritted his teeth as he tensed his shoulders with a menacing air. I need to resolve this, so raise your hand. Let’s hit that woman, ‘our’ cruel lover. Hit her, I say.

Please.

Idris.

“…So that’s why you were troubled.”

However.

“Is our child so horrible to you?”

“……”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize sooner.”

“……”

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

The dream Idris once again refuses to move according to Johannes’s will.

The man who shared one body with Johannes lowered his head as if swallowing his own soul. He buried his forehead in Giovinetta’s chest. He quietly let go of his trembling lover’s hand, and then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. While his own miserable feelings at being denied head-on were no less than Johannes’s.

Have you lost your mind? Johannes, trapped in that man’s body, couldn’t even utter a single shout.

And Giovinetta, who had been sitting up straight alone, froze with a completely shattered focus. Gradually, from her fingertips to her shoulders that had been trembling alone for a while, she shook violently. Her chin. And finally, even her eyes. Then at last.

She lowers her face onto her lover’s nape as if collapsing.

“I, I don’t… understand, understand your words…. Don’t understand…”

Giovinetta rubbed her wet eyes against Idris’s neck. She slid her hands under his armpits. She hugged his back, which was twice as broad as hers. Her face, buried as if falling, was sobbing and soaking Idris’s collar.

“W-why did you… give me this?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why couldn’t you, hold back?”

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“……”

“Why….”

“I’m sorry.”

Idris closed his eyes as if atoning. He twisted his head towards the nape of the woman who was crying like a child in his arms. He quietly kissed every clean spot that touched his lips. He stroked her back that curved so elegantly even at a time like this. Over and over, over and over, over and over. Until her crying subsided.

What remains when you swallow your own turmoil once.

It was like such a narrow and lonely beach. It’s as if even the sound of white waves crushing sand is ringing in my ears.

“I won’t let you suffer alone.”

“……”

“If I may make an excuse, Giovinetta.”

“……”

“We….”

Idris hesitated for a moment, then leaned close to her ear and whispered in a clumsy joking tone.

“It was so good that day, wasn’t it?”

A faint hint of laughter lingered at the end of the joke. It was sincere, but not truly a laughing expression. Even if it’s like a bug to you, it’s still my child. Our child, isn’t it? So please, can’t you smile at me just once? Can’t you be happy with me? He was subtly begging for his lover’s mercy like that. It was the miserable joke of a sinner who was not a sinner.

Somehow, Giovinetta’s earlobe that touched Idris’s lips heated up.

It was good, wasn’t it, Giovinetta? You enjoyed it too, didn’t it…? Johannes could feel her temperature rising high, just agreeing but unable to say it out loud, as his lover’s voice came whining and whispering again with another kiss. When Idris’s breath brushed her ear, her shoulders trembled nervously like at first. When her chest quietly suppressed her breathing, Johannes’s vision went completely dark like a child with indigestion. Because of an inexplicable feeling of suffocation that overcame him.

It was like a tidal wave.

Take it out.

“…You need to break the habit of hurting yourself alone when you’re troubled.”

Whether he knew or not. Idris, who had imprisoned Johannes in his body, softly comforted Giovinetta as he stroked her back. Giovinetta, who immediately blushed her wet face, burrowed deeper into his arms.

“That’s… why I came here…”

“…Xavier taught something nasty to his young sister.”

“He didn’t teach it.”

“It’s as good as he taught it. It’s no different. I remember all your wounds.”

The tone that followed immediately as soon as Giovinetta finished speaking was quite firm. Giovinetta was at a loss for words. Afterwards. Idris apologized with a sigh that sounded like a groan. In fact, it was a situation where Giovinetta might have made some desperate excuses.

But she didn’t budge. She neither made excuses nor burst out in anger. Relieved that Giovinetta showed no signs of pulling away from him, Idris lay down fully, resting his nape on the backrest. All the while, the arm firmly holding his lover was stronger and more thoughtful than any knight’s. He gathered Giovinetta’s hair together. Lovers embracing and being embraced like one body. Each other’s faintly burning body heat. The air.

They were like the Valdemar siblings in their childhood.

“I keep… hearing voices.”

Giovinetta whispered softly in the lukewarm, red atmosphere.

“They gossip behind my back, asking if I’m carrying Xavier’s child.”

“……”

“Is that voice real? Is it truly human voices…? No matter how much I cherish my brother like my own body, even if that affection is a bit excessive. He’s just a corpse. Knowing nothing. Those things flowing as if for people to hear behind the backs of wide-awake people… are they really human voices?”

It’s a voice so thin it seems about to break. All of Idris’s nerves gathered to his ears. Though they were already tangled like vines with nowhere left to cling, one side of his chest pressing his ear to Giovinetta’s mouth felt chilly. At the very least, it’s a rumor he’s never heard. And….

What if he wasn’t a corpse?

He couldn’t bring himself to ask.

“I don’t know. I. The vermin of this fortress, like summer insects… behind my back, always… whispering, whispering…”

“……”

“It’s really something I don’t know about. If it had been Xavier’s child, I would have been happy instead. I, you know, there hasn’t been a day I haven’t prayed a hundred or a thousand times lately. For it to be his child instead…”

“……”

“Then, I could easily kill it…”