192.

The breath he exhaled lowly was like a blue flame. His sister’s eyes opened wide as she directly received that desolate and hot breath. Her mouth, still not fully closed, gaped open and shut. If she had the strength to move, she would have immediately grabbed Johannes’ words and questioned him in bewilderment.

What is it? Whose rumors are you picking up about whom? Inette had no idea about the remnants of the past that had completely rotted under her brother’s still tender throat. What on earth are you talking about?

Johannes swallowed back the breath he had buried to the bottom.

He didn’t care about Inette’s feelings, who was anxious and restless, unable to follow the conversation. Nothing was visible to him. His mind had long since gone. Only the sensation of his protruding canines piercing the inside of his mouth was acute. With every cold breath, the smell of blood lingered. Just as he could no longer endure the rising anger like a stone.

Trembling.

“You….”

He spoke again.

“Didn’t you fervently desire your brother to the point of killing him and then reviving him? You dressed up that corpse that followed your words like an empty cart, without any consciousness…. You cared only for him, ignoring your lover who stood behind you with eyes wide open. But why can’t it be me? Why not this brother who has the same face as him, with conditions twice as good as before?”

“……”

“You say I’m not even worth using, let alone someone to give affection to…. That the one you’ve chosen over me is just a mere court gentleman…. You’re satisfied? Oh, really….”

“……”

“…You know it’s a terrible joke to me.”

“Johan.”

“I still remember your eyes looking at him, wet with tears. Now that I try to name it, it was something that easily surpassed ordinary affection. Compared to those eyes of yours, my passionate love for you or deep brotherly affection becomes something as boring and lukewarm as the flowers under the bridge all year round. You don’t know those eyes. But unfortunately, I remember. I remember, Inette. I do. No, this damn ‘body’…. Still….”

Crunch. Johannes gritted his molars. His heart felt like it was burning, and yet it was unbearably, intolerably damp. The resentment he poured out seemed to butcher himself instead. Johannes’ eyes, which had been plunging from the crown of his head to the nape of his neck into Inette’s lower abdomen, rose sharply again. His pupils, now completely filled with silver without any white, glistened with moisture in the darkness. Inette still seemed unable to follow his words.

“Johan.”

She was merely restless under his embrace. As if she didn’t even recognize Johannes, who was climbing on top of her, almost covering her body. She only tried to understand him in her own desperate manner, as he spouted nonsense in a terribly painful manner, despite having been fine until daytime.

“I… don’t understand the meaning.”

But Johannes had no desire or consideration to seek understanding from his conversation partner. He moved his lips.

“I’m not even asking for your pure affection. …But”

“……”

“Why won’t you look at me with those eyes?”

His tone was sharp. And trembling. Inette’s breath stopped for a moment.

It’s a night without a sliver of moonlight, so his expression wouldn’t be visible. But she didn’t need sight. Having experienced her mother’s madness throughout her childhood, she could detect the insanity embedded in the other person’s suppressed demeanor just by their aura.

She was pale. She stiffened from her toes up. Johannes raised his body while keeping her waist between his knees. He who had mindlessly gained the upper hand lowered his waist deeply. He panted quietly against his sister’s nose.

“Answer me.”

Softly.

“Answer me, Inette.”

“Wha, what…?”

“Why can’t it be me?”

“I…”

“Why is this time different from before?”

“No….”

A faint trembling struck his palm, which could no longer be called human, but he couldn’t feel it. As if his eyes, ears, and skin had all gone numb. Having given up, it became even more intense. From the moment he unknowingly spat out Xavier’s name, he had already abandoned even the slightest hope that she would understand his intentions.

“If you’re going to be like this. You. If you’re going to be like this now…. Me.”

“Jo…”

“Why on earth did you…!”

It was at that moment. Kretzman’s past voice suddenly pooled at the back of his neck. Johannes’ eyes flew wide open.

…On the night of that woman’s first wedding, you cried and asked her.

You asked again and again.

Why did she give birth to you like this and then abandon you again?

Johannes swallowed his own voice with a gulp. Kretzman’s prophecy seemed to recite his own miserable feelings exactly. He was about to repeat it unconsciously. Yes. You are my lover, my sister, my origin, so you must take responsibility for this life entirely….

But it stopped abruptly.

With an animal-like instinct, he glanced to the side, suppressing his presence. It was because he realized a beat late that this voice should not be heard here as a prophecy.

Is it an auditory hallucination? An illusion? Or is that person truly here…. His back was damp with cold sweat that had quickly formed. Although he had been making ominous prophecies like a midday shadow in crowded places, strangely, there had been no sign of him during moments with Inette. But why on this night.

This can’t be.

Instinctively, Johannes almost jumped up, startled by the sensation of his vision turning black. Inette’s soft and plump palm seemed to wrap widely around his lips, and soon her remaining arm wrapped around the back of his head and pressed down.

He lost his balance. He fell onto his sister’s upper body. The wings that had been narrowly stretched out sprang up from his spine. The wing joint that was sharply bent right in front of the arm pressing down on his head quivered. So, the deformed body thought it was touching his sister. With this body, daringly. He thought his heart would stop.

But what actually touched, no, what was deeply buried in his sister’s shoulder was his face that was still human. Johannes, who had staggered and lost his posture at the sudden attack, barely managed to support himself by grasping Inette’s waist to avoid collapsing. His chest heaved as if it would burst at any moment, making him dizzy to the point of seeing stars. His breathing, which had lost its way with his mouth blocked, came out in hisses through his nose. It was smeared on Inette’s neckline. Although she had tried hard to suppress it, Inette’s pulse was just as fierce. Thump thump. Thump thump. Now he could hear it. The moment when the siblings’ breaths had been so secretly and messily intertwined.

Awkwardly cradled in his sister’s arms, Johannes desperately tried to gather his wits to assess the situation. Kretzman was clearly still here. He had to find him. Lest this moment be interrupted. Lest his identity be revealed. Lest that gloomy prophecy extend to his girl as well. But the next moment. Somehow, Johannes’ pupils dilated.

The woman who held your crying hands cried silently along with you.

……

……

……

Could it be.

On this murderous night, if I were to break down and weep without holding myself back, would you cry with me? The world seemed to have come to a standstill. It was because the image of Inette shedding large teardrops flashed before his eyes like lightning. Inette truly concerned for his well-being. That was a sight Johannes had never once hoped for or imagined.

Inette, who didn’t seek his forgiveness, didn’t ask for understanding, but simply cried with him because she felt sorry for him.

It was truly a strange scene, like twins born from the same womb, hugging each other’s shoulders and crying like children. His heart sank at the sight of her gently ripened appearance. Forgetting even the great threat named Kretzman.

Johannes, now somewhat bewildered and dumbfounded, was now trembling almost his entire body. Why is it so painful for some reason? His insides were in turmoil, unable to change further. Why. For what reason? Inette. Ha, damn it. Inette. In fact, it was a sight he shouldn’t have seen. Knowing and seeing makes it more unbearable. Looking at his sister’s silk-like soft and upright weeping makes him even more thirsty.

The claws that had burst out from behind his coccyx were finally tearing through the mattress. I want to hold you. I want to hold you like that image. Is it really not possible? Please. Just as he was using all his might to hold back his own body, when he finally managed to embrace Inette’s back, fumbling, fumbling. Inette.

“Johannes.”

That cold call.

Goosebumps.

Crept up Johannes’ arm.

Inette, who had been cradling Johannes’ head until then, pushed him away slightly. The siblings’ eyes met at an angle. No, Johannes thought so. Inette’s face, staring at the pitch darkness right in front of her, was terrifyingly expressionless. Her soft lips opened blankly.

“Right now, I… Just with my emotions… I feel like I could faint from weeping… Because I clearly understood just one evil intention you harbored among your long lament. Because it’s such a pitiful thing to me, really, I…”

“……”

“I didn’t want to know…”

“……”

“I can’t believe it, I’m appalled…. How could Valdemar’s heir… unable to control a mere private lust, pester his sister who has just taken a husband…. Who do you think you are, to dare make me… such a shameful woman…”

“……”

“You know, I’m not the least bit curious about your delusion or whatever disgusting circumstances… I hate it. I… I said I hate it…”

Inette, who had been retreating cautiously like a person gripped by fear, suddenly wore a plausible expression. Contrary to her voice that was faint and seemed about to fade away, she deliberately raised her chin. The anger that finally creased her brow was the ice pick that Johannes had often seen over these few years. Duty, responsibility, or Valdemar. The cold point that brought up her surname to her lips.

“So shut your mouth. Don’t say any more incomprehensible, filthy words. Before my ears rot. Please.”

She shook her head, speaking in a hushed but clear voice.

“You… can’t interfere with me. I won’t allow it. Even if you feel hurt, still, there’s no help for it. Because I won’t even allow myself. It’s… a natural thing. My six years were too long and arduous to act comfortably like you. You know too. It’s been six years, hasn’t it? I alone have been sharpening my needle for a full six years. This marriage is my own sword and shield that I’ve barely obtained by grinding and re-grinding the spinning wheel in the women’s quarters. So I can’t lose it now. I can’t lose it willingly. It’s mine.”

“……”

“Now go back to your quarters.”

“……”

“If you insist on not leaving, I have no choice either. I’ll have to wake my husband.”

After a brief moment of patience, Inette, her face turning red, rebuked him in a deliberately hardened voice. That was a threat that she would no longer protect Johannes. Incredibly.

And Johannes truly had the complexion of an object.

He quietly gazed at his sister who was brandishing her own weapon at him. Ignoring the curses that were clawing at himself, he sank into his own dry thoughts. Inette. Your weeping that he prophesied seems no different from the weeping of you from long ago, Giovinetta.

In fact, he had known from the very beginning. He had known. That long hesitation. The seizures. The steps that couldn’t bring themselves to dash out of the bedroom. The days spent wandering alone outside the women’s quarters. All of those. They were all evidence of his knowledge.

Yes. Unless one is a fool, it’s impossible not to know. The corners of his eyes curved long.

“Ha.”

He laughed shortly out loud.

It was a terribly comfortable laugh, just like from when he was younger than this night.