178.

It’s the banquet hall.

Long dining tables are arranged in rows in a space where light bursts from the ceiling, illuminated by hundreds of candles at once. The crowd filling the hall and their noise seemed about to explode like a flash, swallowed by the near-disastrous light. For a moment, Johannes narrowed his eyes. He even slightly lowered his head to avoid the light. Though bright, it was merely pre-meal candlelight.

However, Johannes’ retinas, which had become more accustomed to the scenery of black melting lava than everyday scenes for the past two months, felt foreign even to ordinary light. Let alone the brightness of the banquet hall. It was like a blade rushing into his pupils.

Truly becoming a monster closer to the dark.

Johannes bit his lip quietly, forgetting even the voice he had heard earlier. Only the light-like murmur was filling his ears. The noises filling the banquet hall. The right of succession to the throne…. The etiquette of the royal road…. Did you hear? Rumor has it that the priest….

…My lady, I saw.

Again, a man’s voice mixed in from somewhere. But since there was no way to pinpoint the exact location, that whisper was nothing more than a passing breeze to Johannes. What did he see? Johannes, without any intention to listen further, followed behind the duke, hoping his eyes would get used to the new light source.

That woman… was frightened….

“May you be victorious in every battle!”

The vassal standing closest to the entrance of the banquet hall discovered the duke and his son who had just entered and greeted them as if cheering. Startled by that sound, the crowd’s attention jumped to the entrance. Soon, hundreds of heads filling the banquet hall bowed deeply as if blessing last night’s joyous occasion.

“Long life and good health!”

“Firm honor!”

“Grand Duke.”

A wave of people surges to the far corner of the banquet hall.

“Hmm.”

The duke, as he had always done, answered all those courtesies with a single nod. The noise that had momentarily died down received the duke’s nod as if it were a signal. Pointless small talk, boisterous laughter, and secretive whispers began to spread again in groups of three or five. Eventually, it rumbled low up to the ceiling of the banquet hall.

The duke’s steps walking ahead were slower than usual. Although the subordinates who spotted the ruler and his son split left and right to make way, they soon clumped together like oil, leaving hardly any room to step. Johannes pressed one of his eyelids firmly while roughly filtering through the shower of greetings. He felt nauseous and wanted to vomit.

The banquet hall prepared for breakfast was thus no different from a melee of nobles. All the nobles including the Valdemar family and their untitled vassals who served them. Add to that several groups of servants attending to each of the vassals and maids in charge of all sorts of odd jobs mixed in. Yes, this place is a chaotic mess of brilliant noise.

Ah, Milo’s forces…. The backing…. The tax revenue collected through the bridge…. …Damn it! Those who got beaten like rats should be stomped on their bellies! Haha!

You carefully examine that woman’s bruised wrists and kiss them all over, soothing and comforting her….

…It’s noisy. The back of Johannes’ hand, which he had lowered neatly, raised its joints. How could the group that sold off the princess who should be served with utmost devotion as if hiding a crab’s eyes be so merry and raise their voices in revelry? Due to those ignorant throats, even Inette’s sobbing that had been ringing in his eardrums like an auditory hallucination faded away in the distance.

Have you stopped now? Are you still crying?

Inette’s presence was like hair that had run and hidden into the crowd, fluttering. As if she never existed. Johannes had hoped to find some clue about the situation in the women’s quarters, but there was no way to control his body and penetrate the noise thicker than curtains. So the pleasant commotion of the banquet hall was rather a nuisance.

Would those petty mouths close if dirt were stuffed into their tongues? The suppressed internal conflict rises like a swamp boiling. Even his blood vessels were bulging again now. Noticing this, Johannes took a deep breath to gather his thoughts.

I should… comfort you. In fact, that longing was not even for Inette’s sake anymore. It’s just that he couldn’t endure without confirming her condition.

The wrist you frantically caress. It’s the wrist that was captured by a barbaric man who deserves to be killed even if his bones were stripped…. He was your father’s subordinate.

“Welcome, young master.”

The two servants exclusively in charge of Johannes’ meal service managed to push through the dense crowd and followed behind him.

“Lord Sen! What a vulgar joke!”

A middle-aged woman laughed heartily from somewhere. The sound of someone slapping someone’s body with long sleeves that nearly touched the floor followed. Whispers of unknown identity that were barely audible also didn’t cease.

The frightened woman… clung to you.

…You’re not one to cling to me these days. Johannes unconsciously thought so. Suppressing his legs, his entire body that seemed about to turn towards the women’s quarters right away, he entered deep into the crowded banquet hall.

Meanwhile, a few young knights who had been in charge of the heir’s training also greeted him with some words, but he cut them off with just a forced smile. He had no room to return any more mercy or patience than that.

The woman… begs you. To run away together. You refuse based on self-loathing and the woman’s circumstances, but that foolish woman who can’t see even an inch ahead doesn’t care about your feelings at all. She’s only desperately concerned with looking out for herself. She urges you. Let’s run away. Let’s run away….

Johannes now even smiles bitterly. If only you would ask me first with your characteristic selfishness.

Ah. He groaned without realizing. Just imagining the two of them turning their backs on the fortress made his entire spine tingle. Today, taking advantage of Inette’s weakened heart, if he coaxed and soothed her well, she might desire him in gratitude, even raising such a shallow expectation. She seems like she would urge him that you should rightfully run away with me, just like in the old days when they were brilliantly alone. This thirst would only be quenched then.

Thirst.

Suddenly, Johannes’ heart sank. A choking sensation like pulling a rope ran through his throat. He reflexively tried to grab his neck but resisted. His arm that he barely held back trembled a little. Had he not been heartbroken by her situation? When had he ever mindlessly wished for that child to stop crying, and as soon as he lost track of her, such impurity rushed in.

Johannes gloomily acknowledged. Even at this moment when he was planning to devote himself to her with all his position and body and mind, in other words, everything he had, he was only seeking to gain her affection, no, even a bit of interest.

Is it truly love when it has a purpose? He wasn’t even pathetic anymore. Even at this moment, his skin that longed for her only cracked like a sin. Unable to suppress his knees that trembled chillingly with need for her, the wretchedness he thought he had lost during the two months of confusion came rushing back.

I want to hold you even if I have to use cowardly means.

…You ask for resolve, and the woman answers as if resolved. You exchanged promises. You embraced the woman crying with joy. Embracing… you bury your face in this woman’s body.

The duke’s back walking ahead became distorted like a distant landscape. Even the figures densely filling the surroundings. Johannes gradually lost himself, his vision captivated by delusions. At that moment, the person in Johannes’ arms was Inette. What should I do, Johan? Inette showed her wrist and whimpered.

“Look, Johan. See how that man who calls himself my husband grabbed my wrist…. It hurts. It’s horrible. It’s dirty. It’s disgusting. If this is freedom, I hate it so much. Listen, let’s run away…. Without thinking about circumstances, let’s leave this palace. Please, let’s disappear. Okay?”

“Do you mean it?”

Johannes asked, holding back his trembling breath. Inette’s desperate, moist gaze hooked onto the corner of his mouth like a hook. Her lips parted shallowly. She was like a mermaid trying to receive the oath about to fall from the tip of his tongue as sustenance.

“I mean it.”

The duke who finally reached the head seat sat down.

“Sit.”

Johannes, whose mind suddenly returned at his father’s voice, instinctively looked around. The subordinates in the banquet hall were sitting down one after another. With a roar! As if his ears had suddenly opened, the sound of chairs being pulled sounded almost like the ceiling was collapsing. The sudden burst of chatter hit his ears like iron. His mind was all numb.

“Bring in the alcohol!”

The libation attendant shouted loudly near the back door. A few impatient knights raised high cheers that they would only make on the battlefield, going “Wooh!” Just then, a jester with jingling bells entered like singing and jostled between people, playing the fool. Johannes, who sat down belatedly with dazed eyes, washed his hands in the silver basin offered by the servant. Don’t forget. He desperately tried to regain his senses. Right now, Inette has no interest in someone like me. Far from urging to run away, it would be fortunate if she doesn’t writhe her body in joy. Those tears today all stemmed from ecstasy.

The liberating feeling that my brother is not there.

So he had to come to his senses. It had to be after confessing his true nature to Inette, whatever the outcome. Unless he gains her sympathy, he cannot obtain even a shred of her interest or a single gesture. He quietly clenched his hands that had been washing for a while. There was a bitter scent from the lukewarm water with dried angelica.

The scent of herbs on the woman’s… nape seems to make you cry. It’s the scent of her illness that you’ve never stopped wanting even for a moment since you opened your eyes…. You obtained it again after several years. You are like a blind man. Your vassals are knocking on the door behind, but you are absorbed in smelling that scent….

Why? Suddenly he felt dizzy, as if he were dipping his unclean hands in the tears that child shed today. His mind, which seemed to have returned to its place, staggered, unable to bear the scent. He hurriedly grabbed the wine cup first, roughly drying the moisture with the cloth offered by the servant. His mind and body were dizzy as if bewitched by illusions, his throat parched. He drank the alcohol without even feeling the sensation of drinking.

And now… you have sworn eternal sacrifice to the woman. You and that woman are panting. You… seem as if you will mingle your bodies like this. Both your complexions are colored with joy, your entire bodies already as sweet as one….

“…Should we really run away.”

“Yes.”

“You’re saying that I, this me, is okay now.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“……”

“Johan.”

“……”

“Hurry….”

The delusion rushed in helplessly like intoxication. Before he knew it, Inette was sitting on the bed in the central palace. The husband who supposedly twisted her wrist was nowhere to be seen. He is not visible. Johannes knelt below the bed.

With a swish, his sister’s legs with white marks from silk ribbons seemed to lift, and the sole of her bare foot came to rest on his right shoulder as if pushing it away. In the darkness, her blue eyes looking down at him with her stomach folded quietly were like an enchanting abyss.

Inette. In the chillingly beautiful delusion, Johannes forgot his words. His heart ached unbearably as if it would shatter. He raised his wet hand to caress her ankle, the ribbon marks on the white background. He washed her bare feet as if rubbing her skin with scented water. It was with the intention of erasing all traces of long restraint and other men. Inette silently received his service.

Johannes soon cradled her foot with one hand. He grabbed behind her knee and caressed her smooth shin. He wanted to dare kiss this wet skin. Instead, he pressed his temple to her knee. Just like that, he whispered breathlessly. Don’t do this.

“I know you’re someone who can do it without me. You… don’t need me. So don’t choose me at a time like this.”

He babbled painfully sincere words he didn’t mean, expecting her punishment. Inette’s eyes, which had been looking down at him, turned red and distorted.

“…Shut up.”

“Inette”

“Don’t… question my decision….”

“Inette….”

“I… I…! I said let’s run away!”

With angry eyes, she dropped a tear with a plop, and suddenly pulled the string. The rope around his neck that he hadn’t even known was there pulled Johannes’ head up from his neck in one go, and he ended up bumping his forehead between her legs.

With a flash, his vision blinked.