177.

‘That child’ cries.

Around that time, the inner courtyard of the fortress was still hazy. The wind of late summer rides on the ashen dawn. The end of the procession had just crossed the drawbridge. They will return in a few days, heading towards the royal capital at full speed. Everyone thought war was imminent.

Given the timing, the atmosphere pervading the fortress lately seemed ready to draw swords at even a single flying spark. Amidst such a tense atmosphere, Johannes stood behind the duke, treading on his shadow.

His gaze, seemingly fixed straight ahead watching the distant envoy, was strangely unfocused like someone staring into empty space. Around his eyes, even an unidentifiable pain was deeply soaked like cold sweat. Perhaps if someone from the household had seen that face of his now, they might have marveled that he had gained such killing intent at his young age. The insensitive expression of a mere boy was so dark and murderous. Even his neatly lowered white hand convulsed spasmodically.

‘That child’ is crying.

“After the war begins, we will surely draw them into a full-scale war.”

Suddenly, the duke’s thick hand was placed on Johannes’ shoulder. No. It was not simply resting. He gripped his eldest son’s shoulder so tightly that a cracking bone sound could be heard. He seemed to pay no heed to his still young son’s soft bones.

And at that moment, a look of shock spread across Johannes’ face as if suddenly attacked. It was not a reaction to the pain in his shoulder. Due to the unexpected contact, his consciousness that had been fixed on a distant place crashed back into his mind, and his entire field of vision wavered. In that moment when he was startled and unable to collect his thoughts.

…Ah.

Without realizing it, he tried to cut the duke’s wrist that had captured his shoulder in two. He did not even recognize that the owner of the wrist he was trying to break was his own father. It was merely an obstacle. A mixture of aimless anxiety and anger seemed to freeze everything inside his chest. Because Inet’s sobs echoing from somewhere high above his head were deafening in his ears like waves.

Finally, the arm muscles under the skin with bristling hair twitched abruptly. It was a tense situation. However.

“The center of the continent is our main goal, so there is nothing more to overcome.”

His eyes met the duke’s. Only then did the duke’s later words reach Johannes’ eardrums through the waves. Father. Reason rapidly returned to Johannes’ pupils.

Endure it.

Johannes immediately lowered his eyes. The way his eyelids fell was like washing his entire face with cold water that stung from his eyelashes. In the end, his eyes became perfectly even as if by a lie, without any distortion. As if he had not experienced any pain in his shoulder or emotional turmoil. Only in his fist clenched downwards did a faint tremor remain like an aftershock.

Only then did Johannes notice that cold sweat was running down his back. His breathing, which had become rough at some point, was killed while closing his mouth as calmly as possible. Without a sound, he was only desperate in his chest. Who knew preserving the human exterior could be this arduous? It was difficult to keep his sanity as all his senses seemed to resonate only with Inet’s sorrowful crying. Now. Right now…

I want to run to you immediately.

“Of course, their royal family won’t be willing to acknowledge it…”

“They’ll turn a blind eye, won’t they?”

Johannes, who had closed his mouth as if to shut up forever, suddenly voiced an opinion. It was anger he could not contain in time. Fortunately, he did not include his barely suppressed hostility in that tone. Surely one of the father and son’s blood would have seen. The duke’s gaze, who could not have known the situation, fell on his eldest son’s head.

“Do you think there’s any meaning in that?”

“No.”

Johannes answered briefly. As if he had no intention of continuing the conversation, he stared down at the front while pretending to have the demeanor of an heir. However, the duke’s gaze would not leave him alone. He was looking down at his eldest son as if demanding something.

Endure it. Johannes finally managed to withdraw his consciousness from the presence in the chamber above his head, only after repeating it over and over. With barely half the composure secured, he forcibly recalled an incident experienced in the library long ago and answered as the duke would want.

“Father, you probably won’t even be interested in reality. There’s no need to seek recognition from the dogs you use, nor any reason to sincerely respond to their whims. Already our name… isn’t your title Valdemar?”

There was not even intonation in the forced tone of speech. It sounded as if he was reciting some scripture, but one corner of the duke’s mouth slowly rose upward.

“That’s right.”

Like that, the iron-faced man smiled for some reason. His arrogance was as lofty as a spear. Johannes finally bit his molars inside his mouth. His murderous intent, which had only reached its peak without direction, was finally turning its head towards the duke who had sold off his sister. Ah, even if that spearhead pierces your own abdomen someday, you will have no way to excuse yourself… He acknowledged that day in anger that was no longer miserable that he was a treacherous person who could strike even his father someday.

So two months ago.

After the night when the siblings fiercely struggled against each other, from the moment Johannes decided to confess his situation, Inet was unable to escape the duchess’ gaze even for a moment. As she had worriedly predicted, it was because the duke’s absence was prolonged. Yes. It took a full two months for the diplomatic trip to firmly establish the Western Alliance.

And during those two months, the butler who acted as the duke’s proxy urgently sought a marriage partner for his sister. Fortunately, they agreed with the royal family at the right time, and envoys from each family were exchanged only once. The ducal family inquired about their intentions first.

The royal family sent several portraits of candidates along with each family’s coat of arms, without any additional remarks. That was the end of it.

Johannes could only watch with his eyes open as the splendid shields that would carry away his sister were displayed before his eyes. The time when the court official holding the king’s personal letter recited the names and achievements of the candidates felt like an eternity spent in hell.

Is this a game of the gods? This damn joke has gone too far.

Although the eldest daughter was the target, it was the eldest son who received the fatal wound.

He was sitting leaning against the duke’s seat, but in reality he was in a stance where he could reach out his hand at even a speck of dust touching his skin. He couldn’t even count how many times he had stopped his hands from going out on their own.

Every time evaluations of each candidate passed from mouth to mouth among the retainers, his whole body twitched. Those trying to sell her off like an object. Those trying to separate her from me.

His joints, limbs, eyes, blood, all seemed to be surging backwards looking for an outlet. At this rate, he would kill all the troublemakers blocking the way between him and his sister, and even chew up their heads whole. None of the retainers noticed how the fortress heir, who was made to attend as a formality, was watching the backs of their necks. A black dragon of calamity sat behind them.

It was especially not a normal situation since Johannes’ body was not at all the same as before. In order to control a body that now changed stealthily along the blood vessels without any pain or precursor, he had to devote all possible attention.

Since he was not a normal human anyway, Johannes did not want to be bound by human ethics anymore. However, the problem was that his appearance when he lost his reason was far from the attitude of a pitiful and regrettable suitor, and it was the only reason he endured to allow the retainers to preserve their lives.

Johannes knew that the position of ‘heir to Valdemar’ was an essential element of a ‘hideous but pitiable beast’. It was something he could not lose even if he wanted to.

He swallowed his anger that seemed to fill his throat with dirt and crush his heart. Rather, it would have been better if it were just a shell, but the only person who would pity even my true nature and put a leash on this neck was my sister, so let’s refrain from actions that would make me abandoned like an orphan in the world by her. And tonight. Let’s confess to you by any means necessary. No, Inet. It would rather be a confession. He silently resolved.

But that night.

‘…Which family’s sons?’

‘What are their names?’

‘How old are they?’

The voice of Inet that reached Johannes’ ears when he returned to his bedroom after enduring was as calm as an awl. She inquires about the candidates’ personal information with the attitude of inspecting stallions. On the other hand, her heartbeat resounding in his eardrums was different. It was undeniably the throbbing of a person swollen with anticipation. As if she couldn’t wait any longer. As if she couldn’t bear not leaving and getting married as soon as possible. Thump thump, thump thump…

‘Well. That’s not too bad compared to Valdemar….’

She laughed softly. Until late into the night when she climbed into bed with the hem of her nightgown rustling, she did not call the name of her ‘only’ brother even once. She tried not to care. He already knew well enough why his sister’s heart was so heartless for the past two months. He understood why she had to laugh and couldn’t think of him. It didn’t matter. I’m going to you now anyway.

…But.

Strangely, his feet wouldn’t move. He stood frozen, gripping the entrance to his bedroom. Although his soul had long since filled to the tips with pain and his heart had already arrived at the lady’s chamber, he felt as if some dark stain difficult to hide remained behind his eyes, and that was what held his ankles. It felt like the sensation of the world turning black on the day he lost Inet two months ago. He couldn’t identify what it was.

I understand.

I understand you.

However….

………

Why on earth….

Over and over….

Me….

………

It was clearly at that moment. For some reason he himself could not understand, he lost his way. Just as Idris had done in the past, he did not know what to do with the anger that swept over him like a gust of wind in a situation that could not be easily blamed. He was broken and sank in the rapids of emotion. His whole body trembled as if struck by lightning. In the end, that night Johannes could not even leave his own bedroom. He greeted the morning standing blankly at the entrance.

And what followed was terrible.

Miserable passion hit its peak dozens or hundreds of times a day. His whole body’s blood was drying up from not being able to meet his sister, but he absolutely could not set foot in the lady’s chamber. After repeated failures, only anger without a clear target remained. Like a starving dog, he hated everything in all directions except Inet as if they were mortal enemies, and each time his body changed. Only indistinct grief and murderous intent without clear cause or target seemed to be the entirety of the being called himself.

In the end, it was confusion where he could not even grasp what he desired or what he avoided.

What on earth do I want from you that makes me feel like I’m dying? What am I so angry about being stimulated by? I don’t know. Just, now the only clear truth was that she was more desperate to him than life itself. Like that, with nothing in sight, he spent several more days until the duke returned, in a state like a monster wearing a human face.

It was the worst.

“Let’s go back.”

The duke who had watched the envoy to the end turned around. At his call, Johannes raised his head as if startled. The procession visible beyond the castle gate was already like a speck of dust. However, he could not easily follow behind the duke. As soon as he barely folded and threw the overflowing murderous intent deep inside himself and got a grip on his changing body, he first sought out Inet’s voice that would be in the chamber above.

She was still sobbing.

‘…What should I do?’

‘…….’

‘I am free.’

‘…….’

Free.

Johannes turned around, painfully pressing down on the joints at the ends of his protruding hands. He strode to take his place beside the duke who had gone far ahead, and walked side by side. Meanwhile, various parts of his body continued to writhe uncontrollably. He had to gently bite his lip to avoid letting out a groan.

Please stop crying, Inet.

He desperately begged.

Yes, now her marriage and such were not even in his mind. There was no leisure to be in pain over parting. Only his heart ached and his throat felt completely parched. Your tears are like some kind of waterfall to me…. Isn’t it more sobs of the past 6 years of sorrow rather than joy?

His heart listening was completely torn. He was so frustrated that he could not console her in this situation that he felt he would go mad soon. No, I’m already not normal…. His forehead fell slightly downward. Surely he will not be able to visit the lady’s chamber today either.

The reason is unknown. Even though I’m this desperate, damn it. Why on earth….

…You are not much different from my foolish and stupid son. What an amusing thing….

Johannes’ consciousness, which had been lost in thought, suddenly jumped. It was the voice of some man. He had faintly heard it while heading towards the meeting hall, trailing the household knights like a tail beside the duke. For some reason, that voice whose age was difficult to gauge right away was not unfamiliar to Johannes’ ears. But the memory is vague.

The man asked again gloomily.

Shouldn’t you pay the price for devouring my son by ending the woman’s last breath?

At the moment Johannes raised his head as if drawn to that voice.

His field of vision opened wide.