172.

“Uh… Ah!”

A small exclamation burst out. Unexpectedly lifted into the air by Johannes, Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar hastily used both hands to cover her skirt that was flowing down to her lower abdomen.

“My goodness…. Johan. You don’t seem to find me heavy at all. How can you lift me up like this?”

Johannes cut off her dazed question by abruptly turning his body. His gaze, which hurriedly followed his furrowed brow, immediately fixed on the bed. The dagger embedded in Javier’s nape wouldn’t leave his mind.

The memory, which had been merely an unhealed scar, now felt like nectar soaking his brain. Yes. If I must soon send you away, I’d rather remain as the most terrible man in your life, wearing the face of your brother. Only then can I dare to die with your dagger in my neck and remain by your side, if only as a corpse you cherish dearly.

No.

No. No. No….

He anxiously refused inside his pale lips. But even he didn’t know exactly what he was refusing. Was it a refusal of himself, who sympathized so deeply with the malice of the dead man that he had been hearing like an auditory hallucination?

Or was it a refusal of his sister, who wouldn’t move as he had been fantasizing all along? Only the image of Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar groaning like an evil spirit, completely shattered in his grasp, seemed so real and cruel that it might soon occur.

It was utterly incomprehensible. Could a person fear their own desire? Johannes unconsciously shook his head like someone with a migraine. Most likely, it would be impossible. Ah, so surely this is not my desire. This is all that man Idris’s doing.

It’s all your fault. His frozen lips were chilling. Into that mouth, Johannes muttered like Idris. It was you who had multiple options from the start, he said. You could have chosen to look at me tenderly as a lover, he said. But you didn’t choose that, he said. Now, all that was left for her was the second-best option.

The second-best option.

It was for Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar to harbor the same intense emotions towards Johannes himself that she might have felt for Javier in the past. This night. You and I will settle this once and for all. In the end, he was blinded with rage.

Because his entire being, trying to mechanically follow evil instincts, was burning up and his legs were so tense that he felt he would go mad.

He kept muttering. It’s not my intention. It’s not my will either. The sensation of crumbling under external force and being swept away by it is colder than perpetual snow and hotter than molten iron. The only thing as urgent as life itself right now is his own voice demanding a definite guarantee, thrashing about in his head like a rabid dog. The spasm rising from the inside of his stomach, through his shoulders, to his tightly clenched jaw wouldn’t stop.

“Johan. My skirt…! My skirt is falling. At this rate, my back will be exposed. Put me down… Quickly!”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar struggled vigorously. Johannes, who had been walking absent-mindedly, barely understood her cry and came to an abrupt stop. He looked at Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar, who was fidgeting in his arms, with a dazed gaze. His expression was so blank that he looked like a soaked idiot.

“…Stop struggling needlessly. You’ll get hurt.”

Johannes, who had been exhaling labored breaths irregularly, suddenly warned. As if that was a signal, without another word, he briefly tossed Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar up and caught her again.

With a cry of ‘Ah!’, he repeatedly grasped her side and thigh that fell into his arms. As soon as he held Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar again, he began to walk with long strides, his fingertips still trembling. It was because he was exerting so much force that all the blood had drained from them. Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar, who had just fallen through the air, was just holding onto Johannes’s shoulders with an expression as if her heart had sunk.

Are you perhaps afraid too? Do you find this situation difficult too? Ah, do anything, Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar. Please. Please…. If you truly don’t want to give me the worst guarantee before this darkness passes. If you don’t want to behead this unfortunate traitor. Using your duty as an excuse to finally reject me….

If you don’t want to end up in the hands of a ‘devil’ who is neither your brother nor your servant.

He panted quietly through his slightly parted mouth. His throat felt not just dry but as if it was cracking open, and the sensation of his mind being finely shattered was almost unbearable. His reason was as thin as a thread. When Johannes finally reached the bed in a flash, at that moment when even the retina inside his eyelids trembled.

“Um, Johan.”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar, who had been frozen still, hesitantly called out to him.

In fact, Johannes had no intention of responding to whatever his sister might mumble. Not a single syllable sounded human, and like a person with only eyes left, he could see nothing but the bed on which he would torture his sister all night. What generosity could he have to answer? He should probably start by breaking her chastity belt. Just as he was about to put one knee on the edge of the bed, intending to lay her down.

“…Johan.”

“……”

“Jo… Johan. Don’t let go of me yet…! Okay?”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s arms wrapped around the back of his neck. Johannes’s brow, which had been pale as ice with empty pupils, twitched at that moment. Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s nose bridge was touching his ear and cheek. Her cheek, barely visible at the edge of his vision, was somehow deeply flushed.

That appearance, no matter how you looked at it, seemed like someone reluctant to part from him, making him curious despite his burning insides and the urgent and bewildering situation. What’s with her?

“…Why.”

Johannes responded as if pushed by Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s breath.

“Well. You, I mean, before you put me down….”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s lips moved at the left edge of his vision. Then they closed tightly again like a clam. Whatever was so embarrassing and difficult, she groaned lowly with “Hmm, uh…” for quite a while, and then, as if she had finally made up her mind, she opened her mouth.

“Th… Throw me one more time.”

And said.

“…What?”

For a moment, he thought he had misheard.

“……”

“……”

A tremendous silence fell between the siblings. Johannes pushed back the shoulder that Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s head wasn’t resting on, bringing her cheek into his field of vision. Only after twisting his face, which was damp with cold sweat, did he fully see Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s temple and one eye. Rolling her eyes this way and that, she glanced at him with a very embarrassed look.

“…Didn’t you hear me?”

“……”

“Me. Couldn’t you throw me one more time?”

“…Throw you?”

“Y-Yes…. Like just now.”

“Why?”

Unconsciously, Johannes’s voice returned to its usual tone. He himself didn’t notice, but it was clearly a tone of disbelief. As a result, Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s forehead turned red. Soon she started to mumble, her shoulders deeply hunched, unable to properly meet his gaze.

“Well. That….”

“……”

“…Do you remember by any chance?”

“Who.”

“You know, that bear-like servant who used to attend to your baths.”

“That fellow… Why. Did he do something to you?”

Johannes’s eyes widened. Even before righteous anger, his heart sank with dread. The act of tearing apart the limbs of that bastard whose face and whereabouts he knew well while still alive couldn’t take precedence over the instinct to confirm Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s well-being.

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar, who had also widened her eyes in response, finally replied in a rather casual and bewildered tone to Johannes’s serious reaction.

“What could that guy do to me? Who does he think he is.”

A breath that sounded like that of a living person came from Johannes’s throat. As if a string at the back of his head had been pulled, the reason he thought had been completely erased seemed to condense into his skull in an instant. On the other hand, his blood strangely cooled.

“The thing is….”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s gaze dropped an inch lower. Returning to the initial topic seemed quite embarrassing and shameful, as her nose bridge to the corners of her eyes turned red. Even then, unable to immediately voice her thoughts, she anxiously bit her lips, and finally, after burying her forehead in Johannes’s neck as if clinging to him, she continued speaking.

“You know, don’t scold me needlessly and just listen. Actually, a few days ago, I happened to see that guy suddenly lifting a chamber maid into the air and catching her… I just happened to see it.”

“……”

“You don’t know. How flushed that maid’s face was that day. Being lifted several times with her feet not touching the ground, she was giggling with such a happy expression, enjoying it so much. I immediately closed the window, but inwardly, I was so envious…. So….”

“……”

“Since you’ve already lifted me up today… I, I also… wanted you to do it. Surely you wouldn’t let me keep envying a mere chamber maid forever, right? Hmm?”

“……”

“Who else’s arms could I laugh in but yours?”

“……”

“So, don’t put me down. Do it one more time….”

Do it.

Among the long, detailed request, that particular phrase brushed past Johannes’s ear as the final word. An unavoidable, dizzying chill rose from his neck, where her breath touched, to his temple. His flesh trembled. His spine tingled as if he had been caught by the nape.

“You, in this situation, can still….”

His voice, which he unconsciously tried to raise in outburst, was suddenly swallowed.

Do it.

It hadn’t been long since he had coaxed Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar to act coy with him like this, even mimicking unfamiliar behavior while grinning. It was a time when he believed their emotions had connected. A time when he firmly believed that she would one day ascend to his throne as a lover and strangle his neck. Gradually, Johannes’s chest heaved. His voice, barely managing to come out after enduring the burning thirst, was almost commanding.

“…Ask again.”

“Should I?”

“……”

“Do it more.”

Unlike before, Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar responded nonchalantly. Johannes felt the back of his head go blank at her unchanging attitude. His throat was rapidly closing up, and he couldn’t understand why. Finally, as if swallowing dry saliva, he commanded again.

“With my name.”

“Name?”

“Yes. My name.”

“Hmm.”

“……”

“Do it one more time, Johan.”

“Again.”

“Do it one more time, Johan.”

“Again.”

“Johannes.”

“……”

“Hmm…?”

Why. Is it still not enough?

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s last breath slid down his neckline. It was because she, who had been hanging on his ear, curled her shoulders round in his arms. Johannes couldn’t move an inch and just stared straight ahead.

Everywhere is still dark. It’s a world of molten lava shadows. There, only the trace of his sister’s breath clung to his skin, refusing to leave, shining with light. It was an exquisitely painful and sweet hook. The hideous world that only his eyes could see seemed to be mocking him entirely.

You’ve gotten half of what you wanted. That’s all it will ever be, though.

What’s the point? Without torturing her.

You’ll always be her brother while alive, and nothing but a devil when dead, so shouldn’t you quickly earn her hatred? Shouldn’t you obtain even the dark side of the moon? Hurry, the night you’ve decided on is passing.

Sparks flew inside Johannes’s retina. His jaw instantly tightened. …Shut up.

“…Here.”

“Wow!”

Suddenly spreading both arms, he dropped Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar onto the bed right below. He judged that it wouldn’t be particularly painful since the bed was filled with high-quality wool and soft straw. Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar, who had rolled once, laughed loudly, finding something very amusing. Despite her face being clearly flushed with joy, she sat up abruptly as if jumping and shouted.

“That hurts!”

“…Do you find this situation amusing?”

Johannes spat out the words as if chewing them. No, his molars actually clenched involuntarily. Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar tilted her long, disheveled hair to one side, then gently gathered it in both hands while grumbling.

“Don’t reproach me. I know it’s not proper behavior…. Ah! I don’t know… I don’t know. I’m so tired from arguing with you all night, coaxing you, trying to soothe you. Really, I’m so exhausted that if I could, I’d throw away all ladylike pretenses. So… there.”

Having finished arranging her hair, Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar moved her hands behind her. As she seemed to be fumbling with the bedding, suddenly an object about the size of a human head hit Johannes squarely in the face.

“You take a hit too.”

The object fell onto the bed with a soft thud. Johannes’s gaze broke sharply from the air and fell. Near his knee lay the object – a decorative pillow that Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar had embroidered and well-stuffed. It was a gift they had received on their birthday last year.

“You….”

“Hmm?”

“You….”

Johannes’s mouth closed. A different kind of internal conflict, unlike before, was rising from his feet to his throat, and he couldn’t bear it. Finally, both his knees climbed onto the bed. He abruptly approached his sister, who was sitting properly, and planted his arms on either side of her, firmly imprisoning her at a distance where their noses were almost touching. His lips parted last.

“Are you pleased…? Are you excited now? You must have lost your senses since early evening, right? That’s why every time, every time, every time…! You’re just thrilled to death, aren’t you? Do you think this is a time for you to be laughing? Really?”

“Oh my, our young master. Why are you angry again?”

“Just how numb does a person have to be, really! You…!”

“Hmm?”

“You….”

Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar’s hand cupped his cheek as she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners as if to tease him. A quick kiss touched his forehead and then left. Since they were already so close, almost touching, the whole process ended in an instant.

Johannes’s shoulders visibly trembled as he glared at Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar with bulging eyes under his furrowed brow. Johannes barely swallowed an angry groan. He truly felt like he was going to die.

“You…. You don’t have the slightest interest in me.”

Indeed, he has never had the power to resist her gestures. Because you are so lovable. Because I like you. With an emotion of such a painfully simple name, I… just because of that.

This heart that dares not harm you feels like it’s going to die.