162.

“Ah…! I want to die.”

With the sound of her nightgown falling, Inette’s presence stumbles away. Johannes, unable to collect his heated thoughts, suddenly came to his senses and searched for Inette. Her shoulders were hunched as if being crushed from the side.

Johannes approached her, diligently swallowing his rapid breaths. He carefully caressed Inette’s forearms and shoulders, which were covered by her palms over her eyes, feeling his fingertips trembling uncontrollably and finding it difficult to calm down. Such excitement. It was bewildering even to himself.

But soon he readily acknowledged the reason for his excitement. Without deliberately shedding the facade of being her proud brother, that is, without giving up the reason Inette cared for him, he had just acutely realized that the day was not far off when he would finally implement the only way to keep her by his side.

Yes.

No one would propose marriage to a satisfied woman.

Johannes tried to contain his uncontrollable emotion. The position of biting his jaw was his own resolve. He would seep in like black hot water. So as not to startle you with my temperature and make you run away, I will slowly embrace you with persistently lukewarm yet unfading affection.

It wouldn’t be violence. He believed that without a doubt. After all, he wasn’t capable of such a thing to begin with. He only intended to lower all possible curtains like a water surface so that even after the deed was done, she would not notice the situation. He was confident he could subordinate himself to her lower parts more safely and comfortably than anyone else. In the flawless darkness without eyes or ears, ah, I will quietly sink into you. That silent and solitary satisfaction is enough.

Only after swallowing his dry saliva could he barely offer comfort.

“Why… do you say such frightening things? You seem uncomfortable, Inette. Don’t be too upset. It only hurts your feelings. Mother was just worried about you…”

“Don’t take that woman’s side in front of me. I don’t want to hear it. How can you say such nice things even on a day like this? You don’t know. You, don’t know.”

Inette’s foot stomped on the floor with a thud! Her tear-filled eyes glared at him fiercely, as if to pin him down, looking bitterly sad. Johannes immediately took a submissive stance, saying his thoughts were short-sighted, but this was more of a habitual neatness, as in reality, his eyes were filled only with her eyelids and cheeks, smeared with tears, anger, and blush, which was now striking his heartstrings anew.

He felt dizzy. He couldn’t even tell if the sound pounding in his ears was Inette’s footsteps or his own heartbeat. He embraced Inette in a daze.

“I won’t forgive.”

“Inette.”

“I truly won’t forgive until the day I die!”

“Inette.”

“I’ll remember this and surely pay it back someday!”

Inette shook her head violently, unable to bear the humiliation she had suffered. Her long platinum hair waved steeply along with her shuddering body. Johannes, unable to console her and aching, thoroughly examined the ecstasy unfolding in his arms.

No. He couldn’t help but examine it. It was irresistible. While his concern for her feelings wasn’t a lie, his knees were still unbearably weak. He was so captivated by the reality that had come so close, within reach, that he felt his soul might leave him with how lovely she was. He was repeatedly enchanted to the point of dizziness.

The sweaty nape of her neck and reddened earlobes. The lips and even the inside of her mouth, breathing heavily through a few strands of hair that had somehow stuck to her face. The tongue swimming in unrestrained curses. Yet a sister who ultimately had no claws.

To think that such a clearly ominous girl would be the one to have me in the not-so-distant future.

Tonight, his Inette was truly a beast resisting a trap. She spread her innate vitality in all directions. Her qualities as a ruler that had thoroughly enthralled him spread like water spray. He intended to suppress his surging emotion until this beast, protesting so admirably, finally exhausted herself and stretched out her soft and gentle neck.

“Ugh, ah…”

“……”

“Uu, uh…”

“…Inette.”

Inette’s head finally tilted back. All traces of anger had vanished, and she just looked up at the ceiling as if about to wail, like a tired and hurt child with clenched fists. It was after she had broken free from Johannes’s embrace, not knowing what to do, and smashed every little instrument in the bedroom to pieces, raging for a long time.

Only then did Johannes fully, albeit somewhat incoherently, try to appease her.

“I’m sorry, Inette. You’re right.”

“……”

“I’m always like this, aren’t I? Hm? You know. Like an idiot, I can hardly understand your feelings.”

“……”

“It’s pathetic, pathetic. So, can’t you enlighten me? Come here…”

“……”

“Tell me why you’re so heartbroken. I don’t understand well… but I’ll try…”

“……”

“Inette. Please.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Johannes carefully tugged at the end of Inette’s sleeve, his gaze not daring to meet her face but lingering around her collarbone. He seemed to genuinely wish for his sister to share her pain with him.

He seemed to genuinely regret not being able to fully understand her. However, in his blue eyes that glanced at his silent sister’s face, there was still a faintly lingering excitement along with an atmosphere of guilt-like anxiety that he couldn’t fully hide. Will it be now? Or then?

When will you fall into my arms…

He was impatient. In truth, he was just restless because he couldn’t have her right away. His mind was so full of the desire to soothe this child as soon as possible and have her in his arms that his sister’s tears were merely like a flash of light grazing his cornea.

“…The treatment is worse than even Winfrid’s.”

Inette lowered her face. She roughly wiped her tear-stained eyes with the back of her hand. Johannes didn’t miss a moment and stood close in front of her. Still not enough, he even tilted his head to reach her hand fully.

“Why?”

“Don’t you know?”

Inette’s hand lowered slightly, revealing her wet pupils.

“Now I have to ask for Mother’s permission even when I feel the urge to urinate. After getting a husband, I suppose I’ll have to ask that fellow’s permission.”

“…Ah.”

“Even constantly grumbling Winfrid goes to relieve himself on his own feet when needed… You’re thinking inside, what’s the big deal about such a thing, aren’t you?”

“Huh? No, I wouldn’t…”

“Put away that puzzled expression and make excuses. It’s not… that kind of meaning. I… don’t know. I feel like I’ve become an idiot cripple overnight. It’s humiliating… What should I do, Johan? I hate it so much… Really… I hate it so much…”

Inette’s eyes finally shed thick tears. She lowered her face as if collapsing onto his chest. Johannes’s brow instantly contorted. He involuntarily drew in a breath.

Now he was accurately in pain to the point of dying. From today on, her tears were unconditionally the pain he had to bear. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You just need to fall into my arms like this. He kept wiping Inette’s crying eyelids. The tears wouldn’t stop easily.

In the end, Johannes, giving up on other efforts, held her cheeks in his hands and endlessly kissed her forehead, eyes, and bridge of her nose. It was by no means a light touch, but there was no resistance or rejection from Inette. It’s natural. Rather, Inette’s breath, gasping with sobs, created an illusion as if she was returning his kisses, making Johannes feel as if his heart would stop.

“…I wish I could play that role for you.”

“What role?”

Inette asked, clinging to his shoulder as if depending on him. Her breath was so uneven that her voice sounded almost like hiccups, which was cute like a child’s whining. Johannes, unable to contain his regret at not being able to inherit the fortress immediately, stroked her back.

“I wish I could keep the key to your chastity belt. Wouldn’t it be better for you to ask me rather than someone else?”

“How is it, any different, for me, to be better?”

“The mindset is different. I’m saying you don’t have to ask for permission from me.”

“How very, different.”

Although Inette grumbled, she rubbed her eyes against his neck. At her commanding gesture, as if saying she was dying of sadness so please comfort her quickly, Johannes reddened his eyes again with an ecstatic mood. He pressed his cheek against her forehead and whispered.

“If you really hate it… I could remove it for you.”

“How?”

Johannes hesitated for a moment. After searching the opposite space with his eyes, he carefully confessed.

“…Couldn’t I ask Father to give you to me as my wife?”

And at that moment, Johannes felt Inette’s entire body in his arms stiffen slightly. He had no intention of taking it back as a joke, but it was certainly a shocking statement even to his own ears. Johannes silently waited for Inette’s reaction, discreetly ignoring her silence.

“Talk sense.”

Inette pushed his shoulder. Her voice, separated from him like that, was strangely low.

“You don’t like it?”

“Who said I don’t like it? I’m just deflated because it’s such an unrealistic thing to say.”

“……”

“I think I’ll go now for today.”

It was then that Inette suddenly turned away. Johannes was somewhat surprised by her back, which had suddenly become like a sharpened dagger. He immediately grabbed her wrist.

“Why?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep like this because I’m so angry. I’m going to look for a spare key even at this hour of the night.”

Inette roughly shook off his touch and didn’t even look back once. She went towards the exit almost as if charging. Johannes quietly closed his mouth. There was no particular excuse to stop her.

But he wasn’t particularly anxious.

“…If that’s what you want, you should do so.”

He straightened his posture with a faint sigh. It was uncertain whether Inette herself had realized it, but the second shackle that would tighten around her was not something like a chastity belt. It’s your body itself that has started menstruating. So he had nothing to fear.

It was just sincere that he pressed the back of his neck out of regret for letting her go like this. Inette, who was about to fling open the door, suddenly stopped and threw a somewhat bewildered glance at him. Johannes strode up and pressed against her back. He reached out over her shoulder and opened the door for her.

“Come back any night. I’ll be waiting.”

“……”

Facing the empty corridor, he heard Inette’s low breath near his chin. She was silent, only her breathing gradually becoming rougher. As if suddenly filled with anger. No, as if someone had been hit by something.

He couldn’t guess the exact reason. He just anxiously anticipated an optimistic future alone. Inette, who had been motionless, soon left as if kicking away from her spot, and…

This was the second omen that the blind and deaf Johannes had missed.

***

The seasons seemed to pass without much significance. There was a commotion where Inette, thoroughly angered by the chastity belt incident, somehow managed to run out of the women’s quarters in broad daylight, and the Duke’s black leopard pounced on Inette, but fortunately Johannes prevented it. That day, his forearm was torn by the black leopard’s jaws, but it wasn’t particularly noteworthy enough to be recorded.

Johannes hurriedly covered his own wound first after witnessing Inette’s gaze from where she had fallen in the distance, beyond the streaming blood. It was because of the fear that the monstrosity sleeping in his body like blood vessels might reveal itself at any moment.

However, his blood vessels merely spat out blood clots like an ordinary human’s, and he was soon able to feel relieved. He didn’t notice any other unusual signs. Even on that night when Inette visited Johannes’s bedroom with an unprecedentedly pale face, it was the same.