156.

“…..”

“I’m not in the mood for hide-and-seek right now, Johannes.”

“…..”

“Please stop tormenting me and come out. I… don’t want this.”

“…..”

Silence falls again.

Finally, his elder sister let out a sharp, thorny sob. Johannes could picture the face of the owner of that resentful sniffling without needing to see it.

Surely, beneath furrowed platinum eyebrows, eyes born to be sorrowful would be brimming with tear-like droplets. His elder sister, venting her frustration at him, always had such heartbreaking eyes. Ah, Inette….

But today, I can spend the entire night in this wardrobe if I must.

Johannes only wished for this unbearable torture to end immediately. He desperately held his breath, praying for his elder sister to leave. Despite his efforts, his breathing was very high and rough, constricting his chest. His toes were tingling with fear of being discovered. No, was it merely tingling?

If he could have his way, he would have burst out of the wardrobe right then. Once out, ah, once out, he would have thrown his elder sister down and embraced her wildly. He would shower kisses on her cheeks and the corners of her mouth that smelled of bitter herbs, and press her tightly against his chest….

“It feels good….”

His elder sister might even let those crimson words slip between her lips. Ah….

Johannes endured the sudden surge of nausea by clenching his molars. The writhing sensation in his esophagus made him feel like he would vomit at any moment. He wanted more, beyond that. The dark resentment lurking inside was a terrible thirst that could only be quenched by hearing her tear-filled screams and listening to her agonized sobs.

But it was impossible. With such a nauseating sensation rushing through him, he simply couldn’t. So all this madly thirsting creature could do now was to isolate himself far from her, voluntarily confining himself.

But just as that thought crossed his mind.

“Don’t do this….”

His elder sister approached the wardrobe. Johannes slowly covered his mouth to stifle his heaving breaths.

“Is this the time for us to be playing games? Johannes….”

His elder sister came closer. In the darkness with his vision completely blocked, the rustling of her nightgown was as vivid as the scent of herbs.

“Come out, please.”

His elder sister took another step closer.

“Come here….”

One more step.

“Show me your face.”

And then she stopped.

“Don’t you know how much I miss you every day…? Do you really not know?”

Thump. His heart clenched.

Her thin voice further provoked his thirst, and he nearly let out a long moan. His spine was being crushed. No, he wasn’t sure if it was actually being crushed. At least it felt that way. Johannes desperately pressed his lips while leaning his shoulder against one inner wall.

Ah, even if you miss me, could the depth of your longing match my desire? Now he wanted to beg. To say that he too wanted her. That he was parched in a way she couldn’t even imagine. He wanted to burst out right then. He wanted to jump up and run to his elder sister. He felt like he would die….

“…You really…. You….”

Ha, ah, uh….

“You…. terrible person…!”

Clunk! The wardrobe lid shook violently.

His elder sister had rushed over and grabbed the edge of the lid, trying to fling it open with all her might. Johannes was startled as if he would jump out of his skin. Then, with pain in his back and a twinge in his gut, he covered his mouth again. Just then, as if the weight of the lid was too much for her, his elder sister let go and shouted angrily.

“Are you really going to do this? Are you deliberately trying to torment me? Why… why won’t you come out…!”

“…..”

“You’re all I have left now… why are you making me cling to you like this…. How much more pathetic do I have to become…?”

Ah….

“Who are you?”

It was then that Johannes realized. The source of his revulsion. It wasn’t pain from his demonic body. He was disgusted by their reversed positions, feeling utterly wretched. His elder sister, who had nothing left to hold onto, seeking only him. His elder sister, reminding him of his former self. She who had mocked and trampled him from outside the bars was now trapped in the iron cage of the women’s quarters, while he, cursed as he was, dared to be the crown prince of the West.

He pities her. And he is disgusted with himself for pitying her. As he tries to strangle her, overcoming that disgust, guilt overwhelms him. Guilt?

After experiencing such cruel betrayal….

Now, of all times….

How long, to what extent, must he keep understanding her? Why is your armor always so soft? Realizing that this nausea had long been a familiar sensation, he felt he might go mad.

I should not have tried to understand you.

“Fine. If this is how you’re going to be, I’ll open it myself.”

His elder sister seemed to have made up her mind. Johannes breathed heavily and remained silent. His eyes were wet all over with what might have been cold sweat or tears. Yes, keep provoking me, he whispered through clenched teeth. So quietly it couldn’t be heard.

“Can you hear me? I’m… going to open it!”

Yes, you brought this upon yourself. So I don’t need to feel any futile guilt.

“I’m… going to open it.”

Come closer.

“I’m opening it…!”

Please….

Johannes squeezed his eyes shut. With each of his elder sister’s declarations and gestures, the sound of chains breaking rang like thunder. It was indescribably ecstatic, and therefore all the more tragic. Crunch, crunch. With the sound of bones twisting buried in his eardrums, he leaned his whole body back.

Outside the boundary, his elder sister seemed to be exerting all her strength as the wardrobe let out a labored, long groan. Through the slightly opened gap, the faint darkness from outside began to seep into the complete darkness within. Now it could not be stopped. No. He didn’t want to stop it either.

Open it. Please open it. Dig me out with your own hands, Giovinetta.

…You coward.

Johannes buried the back of his head deep in the clothes. It was his last attempt to cover his heart, damp with vicious desire. He stared intently at the lid that was rattling as if about to open at any moment. Pressing his lips tightly together, he endured the pain shaking his entire body. Both his forearms trembled as if they would shatter in an instant.

In the midst of this, the lid opened. The air from the inner room brushed his cheek, and somehow Johannes lowered his head. His exposed nape was visibly stiff.

“Why… are you avoiding me…?”

His elder sister, having finally unearthed Johannes, asked half-gasping. In that short moment, her breathing had become so rapid. But Johannes couldn’t bring himself to answer, nor even look at his elder sister. He hid his face and even lowered his eyelids like a criminal. Though his dark desires still burned, he felt too ashamed to raise his head for some reason.

“What are you trying to do?”

His elder sister, who seemed to have been waiting for his reaction, asked again.

“Am I… am I that bothersome to you?”

“…..”

“How could….”

“…..”

“How can you do this to me?”

“…..”

“Anyone else, I could understand… but you, at least you…! You should be glad to see me! How… could you…?”

“…..”

“Can’t you hear me?”

“…..”

“Isn’t it common decency to at least give me a reason?”

“…..”

“Why…. Why are you doing this? Why can’t you speak…?”

“…..”

He steeled himself. There was no need to understand or hesitate anymore, right? It was his elder sister who opened the door, so he had done his duty. Now he just needed to reach out and pull her in. Yes. Even if his elder sister were to resent him, it would be entirely her mistake. You can blame yourself.

Johannes raised his head, swallowing his excitement that was about to explode. Only then could he fully take in his elder sister’s appearance. Her disheveled platinum hair shimmered an even deeper gold as it caught the yellow lamplight from behind. Johannes was about to grab her by the collar. Just then.

“You don’t know. All this time, I… In the women’s quarters. I felt like… I was the only one left in the world…! Even if you say you dislike me, I can’t let you go…. So, so… go ahead and do as you please…! Whether you hate it or not…! I really don’t care about your feelings one bit…!”

His elder sister cried out.

“So go ahead and hate me all you want…!”

Her eyes, bursting with frustration, were blurred with tears welling up. Her quivering eyes looked ready to spill like water at any moment. But his elder sister didn’t let a single drop fall. That stubborn brow and gaze overlapped like a foreign object on top of the sorrowful expression of his elder sister that had been etched in Johannes’ mind. And somehow, Johannes….

Lost his resolve.

He was dumbfounded. Without knowing why.

In that moment, the space where the two faced each other was a vacuum with no light or sound, just his elder sister and himself alone. There was no devil spreading inside him, no curse settled there. Just empty. With his suddenly emptied mind and eyes, he only took in his elder sister.

She doesn’t… look so different. That self-centered, headstrong nature certainly doesn’t seem any different from the old days…. But the hue and texture of his elder sister, standing there panting after flinging open the lid, was entirely different. Now his elder sister didn’t seem like a stranger standing before him at all.

Hate me, she said.

Her angry cries and sorrowful tears, claiming she didn’t care at all, seemed to be spreading from inside his own ribcage. It was as if today’s elder sister was thoroughly crushing the pleading look in Giovinetta’s eyes right before him. As if she was bursting through the blood vessels that woman’s bones had been blocking. Urgently.

“You….”

In great urgency, Johannes grabbed his elder sister’s wrist.

“What if I… hurt you…. What are you going to do?”

With a strange anxiety causing his whole body to convulse, he found himself muttering without realizing.

“You say to do as I please.”

“…..”

“Don’t you know. You don’t know anything…. You have nothing. How can you… what are you going to do to me?”

His elder sister looked quite bewildered as her wrist was grabbed. She was drawn into his gaze as if being sucked in. Johannes hastily pulled her closer. With a small gasp of “Ah!”, his elder sister stumbled in mid-air and fell into his arms. Her puzzled eyelids fluttered slowly near his lips. Johannes closed his eyes frantically. As if he could kiss each and every one of her wet eyelashes if possible, he pressed his lips firmly. He felt like he could go all the way down to her lips at this rate. But he was breathless first.

Strangely, a different shade of anger was choking his throat.

From the newly opened wellspring, the pain he had been enduring all this time rose up, and he felt as if he had swallowed a handful of mud again. That sticky residue now seemed to cling to and block everything from his stomach to his esophagus. Ah… feeling left alone? That, I understand how you feel. But while you don’t know me. The insect that had spun webs and lurked in this wardrobe… was me all along.

“You… don’t know a single thing.”

“…..”

“Why do you always have the sadder face instead?”

At last, Johannes’ lips left his elder sister’s eyes. He only stared into his elder sister’s pupils with his own widely dilated ones, completely unaware of his own bewildered expression. In truth, even the content of what he was confessing was not present in his mind. Only his elder sister’s passionate gaze, held in his heart, pierced like waves. He was overwhelmed to death.

“If I… were to suddenly go mad….”

“…..”

“If I were to do something to hurt you.”

“…What?”

“How… would you handle that?”

“…Hurt? You. Me?”

“Yes.”

As if a dam had burst, all sorts of filth that had been caught at the end of his diaphragm poured out. His fist gripping his elder sister’s wrist clenched mercilessly, and at last even his shoulders shook.

“…What are you….”

His elder sister, with a perplexed expression, raised her face from the tip of his nose. Their gazes intertwined at once.