155.

In the end, even when the entire bed was tattered and long strips of torn fabric swirled in the air before settling on the floor, he continued ripping the bedding like a madman. He couldn’t stop. That ritual, so drenched in intense murderous intent, yet without a single short cry, was rather like desperate tears.

Was it due to excessive agitation? Suddenly feeling a stiff sensation in his spine, Johannes swallowed dryly, his face falling. It seemed that if he pushed on like this, he might be able to shatter something knotted below his solar plexus. His breathing became unbearably rapid.

“Inette.”

He called out unconsciously through slightly parted lips. Just a little. Just a little more….

“I, nette….”

“…Johaaan.”

Of all times, just then.

“Johannes… sir…”

“…”

“Are you theeere…?”

He heard a thin call. Johannes’s pupils, which had been hot and hazy on the verge of releasing his anger, suddenly regained focus.

“Jo, han.”

It was his elder sister.

Johannes, who had thought it must be his imagination, started in surprise and pulled away only when he heard the sound of knocking on the door. A burning heat spread instantly from the nape of his neck to his forehead. Now, along with anger that swelled at the slightest stimulation, an indescribable emotion was welling up. Ah, you.

Why do you come looking for me at such a time again?

He couldn’t bear the frustration. He fixed his gaze on the doorway and unconsciously grasped the edge of the blanket. It was a gesture as if he might snatch his elder sister standing outside at any moment. Ah, yes. He wanted to grasp his elder sister, not just his memories or delusions. If only he could spit out this pitch-black pottery onto her body instead of some object merely imbued with the scent of herbs. If only he could do that, he felt he would have no regrets. But who are you, the duke asks again. Accompanied by the sound of iron chains wrapping around and constricting him once more.

In the end, he sat up trembling. After staring at the door as if to kill it instead of his elder sister, he rubbed his face a couple of times and barely managed to raise his head again. And then he ended up widening his eyes in surprise.

His bed, which had been like rags until just then, was now neat white fabric as if nothing had happened. There was no trace of the fabric scraps that had littered the floor.

Johannes even checked his own hands. He saw ordinary hands no different from usual.

He was dumbfounded. Truly, there had been no intention of his in this result. Is the devil’s power always in this form? He wasn’t even that surprised. After all, wasn’t he someone who couldn’t fully control any part of his own body to begin with? What was there to be surprised about now?

“…Come in.”

He instantly composed his utterly cooled insides, and got off the bed that was as neat as his furrowed brow. But his fingertips kept trembling, forcing him to clench his fists. However….

There was no response.

Johannes sensed the presence fidgeting outside the bedroom with uncanny perception and stared at the doorway. He waited for a moment. After a brief silence, as he strode to the doorway and put his hand on the doorknob, strangely, he caught sight of his elder sister’s figure below the door. His eyebrow raised for a moment. Johannes opened the door abruptly. His gaze flowed down along the doorframe to the lower left.

“…What are you doing?”

“Hm…? What. How did you know?”

His elder sister’s gaze rose towards him with a startled look. Wearing only a white nightgown, she was crouched on the floor with one shoulder pressed against the wall by the doorframe. For a moment, Johannes couldn’t compose his expression. The area under his eyes trembled slightly.

“…Get up this instant.”

“Ah…!”

His elder sister’s body, whose forearm was suddenly grasped, was dragged up to the tip of his chin. Unable to find her balance in time, she leaned her chin on his shoulder.

“Ow, ow…. I was trying to surprise you. Why are you getting angry like this? How boring….”

His elder sister’s sulky voice, with puffed cheeks, settled on his collarbone. Johannes hugged her tightly as she lingered in the doorway with no intention of coming in. He took a step back and promptly closed and locked the door. As soon as the click echoed in the hallway, he tightened his arms around his elder sister. If only he could crush her like this.

“Johan. Johan.”

“…”

“It hurts.”

“…”

“Are you that glad to see me?”

His elder sister burst out laughing against his neck. Only then did Johannes reluctantly release her, but his expression was still not entirely pleasant. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her directly and glanced to the right.

“Where did Griselda go… leaving just you?”

Johannes strained to hide the tremor in his voice.

“She went to the infirmary. I heard Winfrid crying on the way here.”

Whether she knew his feelings or not, his elder sister replied while walking towards the bed. Johannes watched her back while secretly catching his breath. What if she found out? Even amid all this, he couldn’t help but worry about her careless attitude.

His elder sister was now flailing with just one arm in the darkness flickering with a single candle. She advanced as if making waves with her nightgown sleeve, gently bending her elbow. She knocked over every object her fingertips touched. She toppled the vase on the table and pushed the box to make it fall. Then, heedless of whether the objects broke or not, she threw herself onto the bed and sprawled out. The very bed that Johannes had torn apart while fantasizing about her. Ah, Johannes’s jaw twitched.

“I feel… like… I’m alive…!”

His elder sister’s face was covered in an irrepressible smile as she rolled left and right repeatedly. Johannes was rooted to the spot near the entrance, unable to approach her. If only he could just run towards her now.

No, he didn’t even need to run. If he just pinned her wrists down on top of her, she wouldn’t dare move an inch. After that, as much as he wanted, as much as he pleased, as much as he couldn’t release before, just that much, you…. His tongue root to the back of his throat was parched.

“Is that a bow?”

“…A bow?”

“There, leaning against the wall.”

His elder sister wiggled her finger towards one wall. The bow and quiver he had placed near the empty chest, which had been cleared of all toys that no longer interested him, stood alone. His elder sister suddenly sat up and scampered over. She seemed to be looking around for something to use as a target, then grabbed his hand and pulled.

“I want to try shooting.”

“No, no…!”

Johannes cried out as if startled.

“Wait a moment. The target is over there…. Inette. Where are you going? What are you aiming to hit?”

“What does it matter? The bed post would be quite nice.”

“What….”

“If you’re so unbearably concerned about safety, you can shoot instead. I’ll allow you to fulfill your knightly duty.”

“…”

“You know, I’ve grown tired of Mother’s obsession with tidiness.”

His elder sister murmured as she placed the bow in his hands. While Johannes was unable to protest, his elder sister went behind him and embraced his waist. Johannes’s heart sank at the sudden intimate body heat. His throat was choked with a burning sensation. He felt that if he pressed his fingertips below his solar plexus now, he would feel the same lump he had felt before meeting his elder sister.

“Let….”

“Huh?”

“Let go, Inette.”

“I don’t want to.”

“The bow. You said you wanted to shoot.”

Johannes desperately hid the molten turmoil inside and tried to coax his elder sister with a forcibly calm demeanor.

“…You want me to shoot like this?”

“Can’t you?”

“…”

“Are you unable?”

But his elder sister’s tone seeping into his back was excessively provocative and playful. It felt as if all the skin on his back was rising. That sensation. He gritted his teeth at her insensitivity. Even at himself for being unable to easily blame her. Now with the sensation of heat rising from his very spine, Johannes finally threw the bow to the floor.

“You.”

Taking advantage of the moment his elder sister stepped back in surprise, he loosened her arms and turned around. And with all his might, he uttered:

“Go to Winfrid today.”

“Why?”

His elder sister gazed at him with a bewildered look. She didn’t seem intimidated or hurt. She was simply asking because she truly couldn’t understand. Whether it was fortunate that her nerves were so dulled…. Johannes silently swallowed his inner turmoil and forced out an excuse he didn’t mean.

“I’m….”

“…”

“I’m a bit tired today.”

“Tired? You?”

“…”

“My goodness….”

His elder sister opened her eyes wide. She suddenly stepped closer and cupped his face. Johannes was on the verge of jumping, straining every sinew to suppress his body. Finding it impossibly difficult to face his elder sister, he kept his gaze fixed on empty space with his face in her hands.

“No wonder your back felt so hot. Look. Your cheeks are so warm.”

“…”

Johannes ended up closing his eyes. The touch that caressed his cheeks and forehead, ah, as if… it was fanning something pooled inside….

“What’s wrong, Johan? You’re even running a fever. Shall we stop playing and go to bed early today?”

“That’s why….”

Johannes abruptly pulled down his elder sister’s hands. The movement must have been rougher than intended, as his elder sister’s eyes dimmed somewhat. Even that seemingly hurt expression was merely familiar torture to Johannes. It only urged him on by recalling old memories, not satisfying him in the least.

“Today, go.”

“…I don’t want to.”

“Please go.”

“I said I don’t want to.”

His elder sister was stubbornly insistent. Johannes turned his head away as if giving up.

“If you really can’t go, I’ll go.”

“What… That’s even! More unacceptable….”

As Johannes tried to push past her to leave, his elder sister suddenly grabbed his wrist and turned him around. Facing his elder sister again due to the momentum, Johannes was about to raise his voice angrily but forcefully suppressed it. With his neck completely stiff, he just tilted his forehead slightly and asked:

“…Why?”

“You call that a question?”

“…”

“If you’re not here, how is this place any different from a boudoir for me?”

“…”

“My situation depends on you. You know that. And you’re going to leave me alone again with the excuse of being sick?”

Johannes saw a subtle venom rising in his elder sister’s blue pupils. Though even intense anger appeared sorrowful in her eyes due to her innate features, making even him look melancholic.

“You’ve been smiling so well lately, but why today… you keep acting so selfishly again. It’s not like you.”

Johannes’s carefully maintained reason immediately broke at those words from his elder sister.

“…Selfish?”

“Yes.”

“Not… like me, you say?”

“Yes.”

“You….”

“…”

“You… don’t know a single thing.”

The moment Johannes uttered those words as if spitting out bitter water from under eyebrows that had almost collapsed, his elder sister’s complexion turned pale. Johannes stared with an almost maddening feeling at the sight of her long eyelashes trembling above thinly pressed lips.

He nearly shouted at her to stop making that disgusting expression. That expression just like in the old days. If only he had endured and coaxed and soothed her, he might not have had to see that look. But regret couldn’t turn back time. Only after a long silence did his elder sister’s lips part again.

“What… don’t I know?”

Johannes averted his gaze without answering. Finally, his elder sister took a step closer to him.

“What is it, that I don’t know?”

“…”

“We committed the wrong together… but only I’m trapped? While I suffer under that deranged woman called Mother, you’re getting along just fine here without me? Yet… yet I only long for you?”

“…”

“That you also longed for me, I know it all?”

“…”

“You’re saying I don’t know that?”

Now his elder sister was on the verge of clinging to his chest.

When the delicate palm that had been caressing the back of his hand enveloped him, Johannes’s shoulders flinched. He was at the point where his tendons were burning up from suppressing his body that felt like it would jump. Finding it utterly impossible to face his elder sister, he kept his gaze fixed on empty space with his face in her hands.

“No wonder your back felt so hot. Look. Your cheeks are so warm.”

“…”

Johannes ended up closing his eyes. The touch that caressed his cheeks and forehead, ah, as if… it was fanning something pooled inside….

“What’s wrong, Johan? You’re even running a fever. Shall we stop playing and go to bed early today?”

“That’s why….”

Johannes gently pushed away his elder sister’s hands. The movement must have been rougher than intended, as his elder sister’s eyes dimmed somewhat. Even that seemingly hurt expression was merely familiar torture to Johannes. It only urged him on by recalling old memories, not satisfying him in the least.

“Let’s stop.”

Nearly panting, he softly removed his elder sister’s hands. Then he immediately turned and walked to the clothes chest. I’ll lock myself up, he thought grimly. Where are you going? his elder sister called, about to follow him, but he called out lowly as if to block her steps.

“You sleep in the bed.”

“What?”

“I’ll stay here tonight.”

“Here? Where…?”

“The chest.”

“No, you don’t have to go that far…!”

“I might be contagious. No other reason. I’d rather do this than see you get sick because of me.”

“…Johannes!”

Johannes easily opened the clothes chest, pushed his body in, and closed the lid. There was a moment of silence outside the lid without even a hint of movement.

“…It’s been a while… you want to play together, right?”

“…”

“You want to do something like hide-and-seek, right?”

His elder sister asked from beyond the lid. Though her tone was joking as if deliberately misunderstanding his intentions when she surely knew them, her voice trembled uncontrollably at the end.

“I… don’t want to.”