134.

Johannes, breathing heavily, gnashed his molars. Having suffered the same nightmare for so long, yet unable to recall anything in detail, he felt utterly nauseated these days. Perhaps this is how it feels to peer into the surface of the black oil said to be spewed from deeply corrupted earth.

Rising every night drenched in cold sweat, he remembered only Xavier’s knees. And the leather gaiters covering the shins below those knees. Simultaneously, fragments of dark and ominous impressions floated up like gleaming black oil slicks. That was it. It was hazy. Nothing was clear. However.

The voice.

“Stand.”

“Come here.”

“Wait.”

“Eat.”

“Damn it…”

Johannes bolted upright and escaped the bed. He had no particular destination in mind. It was merely the convulsions of his entire body that couldn’t remain lying down. Before his eyes could adjust to the darkness, he paced the entire chamber like a lost stray dog. The sense of helplessness that had persisted for a fortnight was gently pressing down on his shoulders.

Even as he struggled to control his rapid breathing, his steps were unwavering. Not once did he bump his knee against furniture or stumble over rocking horses rolling on the floor. His exceptional eyesight proved useful even at times like these. He had no idea what he could do to shake off this dreadful weight. He just.

“Inette.”

Johannes covered his face with both hands, murmuring the name of someone who wasn’t there.

“Inette.”

The name called out repeatedly pooled in his hands.

He who seemed utterly unable to stop suddenly halted in place. His pupils, which had seemed on the verge of death, abruptly widened, and his upper body lurched forward. Then he fell to his knees, face-planting on the floor.

“Ha, ah, ugh…”

Johannes’ short cries of pain burst forth one after another, filling the chamber. He couldn’t raise his head. It hurt. The sensation of his spine twisting vertebra by vertebra. Spreading from his back throughout his entire body, it was a strange pain he had never experienced before. A feeling like he might vomit something up. It felt somewhat like nausea.

He hastily raised his hands to grasp his collar. But it was hard to endure. Finally, he dry-heaved into the edge of empty space. Several times. But he couldn’t throw up anything. Meanwhile…

Such an indescribable feeling of suffocation.

It felt as if his head had been randomly submerged in water. No, it felt as if some disgusting water was rushing into every orifice of his face. His chest felt heavy with his throat blocked, he wanted to vomit something, but at the same time, he wanted to inhale. He wanted to spit out, wanted to swallow. He wanted to let it out. Let it out… No, swallow. Swallow… Ah, devour… devour… want to….

…What on earth?

Despite the summer heat reaching its peak, he felt a chill. From head to toe, completely cooled and drenched in sweat. His soaked body felt as cold as if plunged into thin ice. However, this level of cold seemed largely due to his own body being like a ball of fire. Heat spread along his spine throughout his entire body, making it feel like his skin would peel off. Shivering and exhaling rough breaths, Johannes suddenly lifted his head. His sister shouldn’t see him.

‘In this state’.

What state? Not knowing what he looked like, yet feeling a chill in his chest as if a blade were lodged between his ventricles. He froze like a gear missing its teeth, remaining frozen in place. Though there was no need to check, he barely stood up on trembling legs and peered into the bed.

“…Inette?”

Not there.

Fortunately.

His pupils suddenly relaxed with the sudden sense of relief. His limbs relaxed along with it. The pain was fading like a lie. Finally unable to endure, he collapsed at the edge of the bed. Even in the darkness, a bewildered and confused color seeped into his pale face. The exposed half of his face, crudely nestled in his bent arm, looked deathly pale.

“Pathetic… How pathetic…”

And a moment of silence.

Johannes lightly slapped the exposed cheek with the hand he had raised to the bed. It was an attempt to gather his scattered thoughts. A bit harder, once more with a slap. He took a deep breath while pressing down on the reddened skin. Though he hadn’t accomplished as much as he intended, it seemed better than before.

Lately, he couldn’t be considered normal. Constantly dazed to the point of being burdensome to himself, in any case, difficult to be called sane even out of courtesy. It was hard to shake off the feeling that his reason was functioning a few beats late. So he couldn’t come to his senses, entranced by nightmares that fed on dreams.

“Pull yourself together, you weakling.”

He rested his chin on the bed like a beast and stared at his sister’s place. His long eyes finally regained their usual neat appearance. Only now, as if suddenly waking from a long sleep, he carefully counted the days in his mind.

“…Allow about ten days of leeway.”

Fifteen days as of today.

It was time to recover. Unless he pulled himself together properly even now, he would be utterly unable to face his sister whom he would meet again in the near future. No. She wouldn’t want to see me. It was a strange conviction, though without particular grounds.

In the bedroom, hushed without even moonlight. Fine blood vessels were rising in Johannes’ eye whites, wet to the point of being chilling. He only swallowed his breath.

***

And his judgment was completely wrong.

Johannes pulled the bowstring, trying hard to hide his bitter expression. After a brief aim, the arrowhead flew in an unhindered parabola and stuck into the target with a clear cry. The young knight standing near the target pulled out the arrow and shouted cheerfully.

“Bulls-eye!”

No need to announce it.

The arrow seemed to have hit dead center without an inch of error at first glance. However, Johannes could clearly see that it had landed slightly off from the initially aimed spot. Even after gradually retreating to test his limits, now at a distance where the height of the wooden wall holding the target looked about the length of a child’s head, there was no problem.

Was it because his mind was scattered? No. He lacked strength. Johannes lowered the short bow fitted to his build and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The weather was perfectly clear, with white clouds or feathers floating sparsely. In the blazing heat of the sun, it felt like his hair would melt away.

“Here.”

His assistant handed him an arrow. Johannes shot two more rounds in quick succession. This time, it was undoubtedly a bulls-eye. Though he had not been learning archery for long, his rate of improvement was this good.

“All bulls-eyes!”

Again, half a beat late, the knight in charge of the target shouted with an even brighter expression than before. However, the fact that Johannes’ judgment was completely wrong remained unchanged. That is, he still didn’t feel well. Ah, damn it… I thought I’d feel better if I exercised…

In other words, on that day, it was Johannes who had undertaken the unscheduled training. Stunned by the pain from two nights ago, which was by no means ordinary, he summoned the priest as soon as day broke. After undergoing bloodletting, which he suspected might be nothing more than a formality, and receiving prescriptions for several medications, his body still felt just as stiff.

Perhaps it was because his muscles had stiffened. Recently, using the excuse of experiencing a few unfortunate incidents, he had idled away several weeks. Even his companions, who were careful with their words in front of the Valdemar siblings, had indirectly expressed their concern that his condition ‘didn’t seem like usual’, so there was no need to say more.

The children had added that the time he spent sitting blankly was longer than the time he spent active. In this situation, Johannes belatedly and anxiously diagnosed that it would have been stranger if his body hadn’t stiffened or hurt.

However, his sister.

As soon as he came to his senses, he missed his sister first. Belatedly, to the point of feeling guilty, it was a longing like a drought cracking open. He swallowed it somehow like a needle. It was already the fifteenth day since his sister’s confinement. Since it was nearly double the ten days Griselda had guaranteed, they would surely be able to reunite soon. It wasn’t a certainty.

He just couldn’t help but believe so, or else his mind wouldn’t be able to endure. Moreover, since his body still hadn’t shaken off the burning pain in his spine that had started two nights ago, when he thought of his sister, it only intensified…

In this state, he needed some activity to focus his mind and body on. If possible, he hoped to increase his physical strength. Anytime. Anyone. Enough strength to overcome any situation. In the end, the choice he made was formal knight training. At this point, he felt somewhat like he was chewing on dried mugwort, worried that he might be swayed by the phantom called nightmares.

Johannes requested a temporary training instructor from the household knights. The knights gladly accepted. Of course, being a child not yet seven years old, it was somewhat early for him to undertake training, but wasn’t this boy none other than the duke’s heir? It was also idle due to the hot weather, and in the end, the young knights who would end up taking on the role of instructors were in no position to refuse their superior’s orders.

Thus, the lesson that followed immediately after the long physical training that had begun in the morning was the basics of archery.

“You could be deployed to the battlefield right away.”

The companion who had been watching the target with admiring eyes suddenly blurted out his thoughts. Johannes glanced at him with a look that said ‘what nonsense is this out of the blue’. The boy, who was considerably older among the Valdemar siblings’ playmates, responded to that quizzical gaze without hesitation.

“I truly think so.”

“Unnecessary flattery.”

“Ah, no, it’s not.”

“As if I’d believe a rascal like you?”

Johannes made a joke while averting his gaze downward. The smile he managed to put on looked more like a sigh.

“It’s not flattery at all. It really seems not far off. You know I’m being promoted to Oswald’s squire this coming October, right? You can trust my eye for these things. I’m sorry to say this to your face, but Johannes, you’re mentally more mature than your peers, so even at fourteen, no, thirteen, you could go on campaign just fine. This is absolutely, absolutely not idle talk.”

The boy rattled on without seeming particularly sorry.

“I heard you shouldn’t carelessly encourage beginners. What are you doing, hand that over here.”

The boy, who had seemed quite smooth even in front of the heir, finally startled and hurriedly handed over the arrow. Taking the arrow, Johannes imagined a virtual enemy at the center of the target. Immediately, a fair-haired, blue-eyed, genial face came to mind. And once again.

“Bulls-eye!”

He shot it clean through.