#128

“You, it doesn’t seem like you’re doing this out of concern for me.”

“Huh?”

“Tell me honestly. What’s your ulterior motive?”

“Ulterior motive? What do you mean? I don’t know about such things.”

His sister evaded with a well-feigned innocent tone. Johannes, seeing through her cunning pretense, now sensed not just a greeting but his sister’s forceful action. He instinctively tensed his muscles, preparing for whatever might come.

“What are you trying to do this time?”

“I’ll show you. Just be quiet for a moment, Johan.”

His sister seemed determined to follow through. For some reason, with a slightly excited expression, she leaned in close. Johannes felt a chill down his spine but quickly suppressed his tension. The way his sister approached seemed no different from her usual greetings, dispelling his earlier concerns. However….

Slowly, Johannes’s eyes widened. The angle of the kiss was different from usual. His sister’s lips were not coming from the outside to his cheek, but approaching straight on. Finally, Johannes held his breath. The wind passing through the courtyard seemed to hold its breath too, and the rustling of leaves faded to a blue silence from the edges.

Soon, only his sister’s faint breath seemed alive, brushing his lips. Platinum blonde hair cascading down filled his vision. It was as if she alone was breathing in a motionless world, gently flowing into him.

His lower lip was drawn into that soft wave.

Johannes froze completely. The heart pounding in his rigid body collapsed without a sound. Something was different.

Though they had often exchanged light kisses on cheeks and foreheads before, the feeling this time was unlike any other. A fruit-scented kiss. It was a sensation he had never felt before, making him want to arch his back. He was shocked. Belatedly, as if struck by lightning, he jerked his body back, quickly bracing himself behind.

“Wha…”

What are you doing. The words wouldn’t come out properly. He gaped. His lips felt chilly. Except for the slightly moistened area, his entire body felt as if thrust into a fire pit. The brief, delicate sensation left on his lower lip like sweet remnants seemed to have uprooted his entire being.

“Is this not it?”

His sister, who had returned to her place before he even noticed, tilted her head.

“You seem surprised, Johan. Did I offend you?”

“What are… what are you… doing… Ine…”

“Strange… He seemed to like it…”

“Like it? Who… who on earth?”

“Father.”

“…Father?”

Sweat, cold or hot he couldn’t tell, trickled down Johannes’s spine. Though he had questioned first, the exchange between them didn’t fully register in his ears. Past voices flowed into his mind, creating utter chaos.

“…Actually, doing that sort of thing can’t help but feel good. You must keep your wits about you, that’s what I’m saying…”

“…This is how men and women naturally express affection…”

“…We cannot avoid it, nor should we avoid…”

A sweetly cruel contact.

He instinctively realized the terrible situation this kiss could lead to. Thump thump, thump thump. His heart, beating like it would tear out, supported that realization. As if part of his heart had been cut away by that brief kiss, his chest felt like it was caving in. He, well, felt… good. It seemed that way, at least.

This can’t be happening.

His shoulders stiffened and began to twitch slightly. He was gradually becoming shocked by the thrill he felt, no, by the fact that he had felt a thrill. He understood bodily for the first time that day the idiom about losing one’s soul.

“Ugh…”

Wiping his mouth almost as if punishing himself, he pushed his body away, raising his knees swiftly. He felt he needed to get as far away from his sister as possible. Then suddenly, thud! Perhaps he had retreated too far, as his back and head hit the tree trunk. Unprepared for the sudden impact, his vision blurred.

“What are you doing?”

His sister asked in a startled tone. But he could barely hear. Though it should have hurt terribly, Johannes felt no pain other than the flash of light splitting his vision. His entire body’s nerves had already been on fire. Such a body, having collided with something, could hardly fully register the pain.

In any case, his retreat was blocked like that.

“Johan?”

Focus returned to his wavering pupils with a start. His eyes met his sister’s. Sitting innocently on the warm grass, his sister looked bewildered, apparently surprised by her brother’s violent reaction. Could she be hurt? An unfounded sense of guilt washed over him out of habit.

“Sor…”

“Hm?”

“Sorry. No, this… I… I mean, it’s not… that I dislike it…”

Johannes, apologizing without realizing, suddenly closed his mouth. If not that, then what? You fool. This wasn’t something he should apologize for. If he had truly been offended as she said, he wouldn’t have been so flustered.

Unable to suppress his panting, he stared at his sister and finally lowered his gaze. At that moment, he felt deeply from the pit of his stomach. That he was desiring more of this step that could never be taken back once taken, this act that might immediately strip away the cover of what he called sibling affection.

Ah, damn it.

Johannes swallowed hard. The sensation of teetering on the brink of collapse was indescribably terrible. It felt like he might lose himself entirely without even managing to salvage the situation. So he had to stop his sister at all costs. A small scratch either of them might receive in this situation was hardly an issue. Whether himself or her, they needed to remain within the safe walls for a long time, don’t you see?

He took as deep a breath as possible. And spoke as firmly as he could.

“We can’t do this.”

“……”

“This isn’t right.”

His sister looked puzzled at his adamant refusal. Blink, blink. She stared at him with clear eyes for a moment. Soon, as if not minding anything, she approached him. She stubbornly sat down between his bent knees like a persistent water lily, even pushing her hands into his sides to brace against the tree trunk.

Johannes raised his head in surprise. He couldn’t help but inhale at the sensation of his sister’s long hair brushing against his waist and thighs.

“No, Inet.”

He restrained his sister, barely hiding his agitation. He lowered his head, pushing away Inet’s nose tip with his forehead. And then, his pounding heart plummeted once again. Scent.

Body scent…

A faint, all-too-familiar scent was rising from his sister’s hair and ears. It was the scent of white flowers he had completely forgotten about due to their closeness. Johannes was now trembling all over. He couldn’t understand how a scent could make him so dizzy.

“Johan.”

His sister, pushing up his forehead with hers, met his eyes. Johannes immediately lowered his eyelids. His sister then began to persuade him, examining him from various angles.

“Don’t be like this, let’s do it just once more. Okay?”

“Do what more. I said no.”

“Whyyy. Haven’t you seen the two of them kissing? Aren’t you curious how it feels?”

“…I’m not curious.”

“And it’s not that different from a greeting, really.”

“This is different, Inet.”

Johannes cut her off firmly. But his sister tilted her head.

“I don’t see what’s so different.”

“You…!”

Don’t see what’s different? Just as he was about to raise his voice in exasperation at his sister’s tone, which was now hard to tell if serious or joking.

“Could it be you dislike me?”

“……”

“Answer honestly. Are you doing this because you dislike me?”

“Dislike you… That’s not the issue…”

He gritted his teeth. Observing carefully, it seemed his sister was asking sincerely, but he found it difficult to answer. Dislike you? If I truly disliked you, I wouldn’t be this agitated. You don’t know. What we could do, what mother’s expression was like lying beneath father, you say you saw it all, yet how can you not know at all.

He steadied his breathing, which refused to calm, and opened his eyes properly. Only then did their gazes meet directly. And Johannes froze from head to toe. Clear blue eyes were staring at him, bright even in the shade.

That blue was cruel in its transparency. A selfishness and stubbornness unconcerned with her brother’s refusal. Eyes that had been different in color and shape from the very beginning…

“I like you though…”

“……”

It was blue water that drenched his sharply alert reason in one gulp.

“So, okay? Let’s do it.”

He saw innocent curiosity blooming in his sister’s blue lake. That green-tinged curiosity was chillingly threatening. It was as if his sister was pulling at his wrist with algae-like fingers, urging him.

Johannes, Johannes. Shall we not stand together on that protruding embrasure and try throwing ourselves off? Don’t you think it would be quite fun?

Was that why? He reddened with sorrow. An unbearable resentment welled up. He wanted to shout and ask his sister. Are you so engrossed in the momentary sensation of floating that you don’t even think about the moment your head will be smashed on the ground? While I feel like I’m about to die, is this all just childish play to you? Is that it? Unlike you, I.

I.

“Shall we?”

A gentle touch cupped his chin. He had been lost in an inexplicable sadness, frozen to the spot, when he started in surprise and opened his eyes wide.

“Stop it.”

His trembling lips, pressed by his sister’s fingertips, parted slightly.

“Inet, no.”

His sister’s forehead and nose bridge brushed against his.

“Ine…”

His breath froze at his sister’s breath touching his lips. His breathing stopped. There was a cold pomegranate taste on the tip of the tongue that finally crossed over. That tongue is sweet. He felt like he might faint in despair.