#125

Although his mother was in pain to the point of death, they said it was intercourse. Even after repeated confirmation, it looked like nothing more than assault, but the one who laid down his mother was none other than his father. He could not bring himself to intervene. He had no idea what he should do.

“You should leave, young master.”

Someone grabbed Johannes’ hand. Johannes was startled and looked up. Deep wrinkles like the passage of time and hair white as eternal snow came into view. It was the head butler.

He respectfully took the towel Johannes was holding and wiped his wet hair and body. He called over a passing maid and ordered her to prepare clothes for the young master to change into. Soon, he began to speak in a soothing tone as he led Johannes with slow steps.

“The Duke simply cherishes his consort deeply. So you need not worry about anything.”

“But still….”

Johannes, unsure of his own judgment, swallowed dryly before continuing.

“…Shouldn’t we stop them? Mother seems to be in great pain.”

“It may be hard to believe, but this is how men and women naturally share intimacy. I believe the priest previously explained to you about human original sin. That unseemly sight is the task we mortals must bear. We cannot avoid it, nor should we.”

“Did you not avoid it yourself?”

“……”

The head butler answered with a polite cough. Johannes closed his mouth. The head butler had explained the lewd, sacred act between men and women with more refined vocabulary than the knights before, but now the rain, which had become almost a downpour, was drowning out his voice. Feeling a belated chill on his wet back, Johannes shivered slightly.

After escorting Johannes to the children’s room, the head butler left immediately. His sister was still not in the room. Having changed clothes with the help of the maids, Johannes sat on the edge of the bed. He wasn’t sure how long he had been listening to the sound of rain with a dazed mind. Suddenly the door opened and his sister entered. He jumped to his feet as soon as he saw the white hem of her skirt through the door.

“Where have you been?”

“Errands….”

His sister answered with a feverish, dreamy expression. Johannes immediately rushed to her, practically lifting his sister, who was about his size, and led her to the bed to lie down. As he was about to cover her with the blanket after lying down next to her as usual, his sister, who had turned to face him, suddenly asked.

“You… did something happen?”

“Why?”

“Your expression doesn’t look good.”

Surprised by his sister’s unexpected concern, he blinked.

“…I saw something strange.”

His voice came out slightly scratchy. The blood of the sick person with scarred skin. The expression of the retainer who had cried out that it was divine punishment. His mother’s moans that had leaked from his parents’ bedroom were still lingering in his mind. Even though he was lying down, the place felt strangely uncomfortable.

“I saw… something strange too….”

His sister mumbled with difficulty and closed her eyes. Her smooth forehead was flushed red. That forehead, having nursed her for days, he knew well it was like a ball of fire.

Johannes unconsciously reached out his hand but froze. Strangely, he didn’t want to touch this child. No, it felt like he shouldn’t do such a thing to his sister. The image of his parents’ bodies in his mind was overlapping with the image of himself and his sister. He was assaulting his sister. It was horrifying.

“This is how men and women naturally share intimacy.”

Was that act, supposedly an unavoidable task for humans? Would the culmination of the affection he held also look like that? Johannes unknowingly bit his lip. Separation of men and women. He felt he could finally understand the answers that had been given to him in bits and pieces without a full explanation. If that’s what intercourse between men and women looked like, it would have been awkward to explain regardless of who the other person was. No, even so….

Are those who worried about us truly in their right minds?

When his thoughts reached that point, Johannes inwardly became very angry. Isn’t it true that blood relatives are in a relationship where they can’t possibly see each other as potential romantic partners? He even felt a strange shame at being misunderstood for something that should be such a firm taboo that not even the slightest possibility could be considered.

To have thoughts of intercourse with his sister. It’s absurd. He affirmed it as if making some kind of vow. That the emotion flowing between them was sibling love, and moreover, it was an emotion qualitatively superior in its sincerity and purity compared to the ordinary emotions of common people. Thus, he reassured himself to the very bottom.

It’s not improper because it’s an affection that needs no reason. There can be no impure motives here. Just extreme sibling love. It’s natural. At that moment, when he was setting his mind straight without a shred of doubt, an arm, pale in contrast to its warm temperature, came over his nape.

“I’m dizzy, Johannes. I hate this so much…. It hurts…. It hurts….”

His sister, who had been breathing heavily, started to groan under his chin. Johannes raised his upper body slightly with her arm around his neck.

“Are you very dizzy? Should I get you a wet towel? Call the priest?”

“It hurts so much….”

“Ah, what should I do?”

“I wish I could just die rather than be in so much pain….”

His sister seemed too out of it to answer properly. She just whimpered, tightening her grip on Johannes’ neck as he tried to get up. In the end, his body collapsed back down. The skin touching through the fabric was burning hot. His heart sank anew. Johannes, unable to move, embraced his sister’s body. Leaving no gap, he whispered anxiously with his forehead pressed against her temple.

“Don’t say such frightening things. You must overcome this.”

“……”

“Giovinetta.”

“……”

But his sister gave no answer, as if dreaming alone. He reached out and pulled her waist to embrace her. His sister, as if by some instinct, put strength into her arms and nestled into him. Johannes stroked her back, which seemed like it could melt from the fever at any moment, and repeated. That he was distressed because she was in pain.

“At least I’ll never do anything to hurt you, Giovinetta.”

Protecting his sister. It seemed there was nothing more important among the many duties he now shouldered. By that point, he even thought that the bloodline connecting the two of them was a strong wall defending his sister from himself. Thanks to that, he wasn’t even in a position to be able to harm his sister.

How fortunate… how fortunate we are to be siblings.

It was that very night.

Johannes suffered his first nightmare. It was a nightmare where an enormous, bluish moon, seemingly about to collapse, rushed over his head. A premonition that he would surely die came from all directions like shadows. He desperately wanted to run away, but the tightly closed darkness was like invisible iron bars.

As Johannes shuddered like that, someone’s face appeared above him, as if eating away at the moon, and looked down at him as he trembled. The floating head that blocked the moon dropped words as if chewing them.

“You. If by any chance the day comes when your father is right and we all return…. If you want to blame me, if you want revenge…. Then….”

Johannes heard that voice clearly but didn’t hear it. He saw clearly whose face it was that was pouring out the black voice, but didn’t recognize it. Ultimately, forgetting is practically the same as not having heard or seen at all, isn’t it? In any case, the short hair, like melted gold, contrasted with the pale moon, hurting only his eyes.

Johannes sat up with a start.

The nightmare that felt like his head was being crushed was clearly as long as years, but as he pressed down on his pounding chest, all the detailed memories flew away. In the end, all that remained on the bed was the sensation of the body.

“…don’t…!”

The dampness of the soil touching his back and nape.

“…eus!”

The pain of the flesh on his wrists and ankles rotting away from sword cuts.

“…s, …reus… sir! …please!”

How rough was the surface of the stone wall that he frantically scratched with his burst fingertips. And above all, the most vivid sensation that remained was the wretchedness of being pierced from the crown of his head.

“Giovinetta!”

You abandoned me.

Johannes blinked his eyes wide, breathing heavily. He gave up trying to recall the dream he couldn’t remember. Not a single short scene came to mind. He looked down with bewildered eyes at his sister sleeping beside him. And he grasped the hand of his sister, in fact the hand of the person who had rejected him in the nightmare.

Tiny spasms were running through his entire body from fingertips to toes, but his sister, whose fever had not yet subsided, didn’t seem to notice and couldn’t open her eyes. How many times had he tossed and turned? His sister’s slender neck, looking even more heartless than usual today, was tightly wrapped by her long hair. Her neck looked as if it was tied with a rope. It seemed like she might suffocate and die like that.

“Giovinetta.”

Johannes ended up calling his sister. He didn’t want to wake her if possible, but the trembling in his whole body just wouldn’t stop. I wish you would look at me. The sensation left in his limbs and body and the dark emotions were welling up to the point where his flesh felt like it was being cut.

“Giovi….”

He was about to call out once more without thinking but closed his mouth. Perhaps because of the unusually vivid nightmare, his sister’s name felt strangely uncomfortable. Johannes was astounded at his own brief hesitation. Isn’t it wrong to fear a mere dream?

Pull yourself together, he sternly admonished himself. And he took a deep breath. With each long exhale, it felt as if a piece of the spasm was being washed away. Fortunately, now much calmer than before, he looked down at his sister’s face for a moment and untangled the hair wrapped around her neck as if scratching it away.

His throat was terribly dry, probably from sweating cold sweat. He got up from his seat, drank a glass of water, and put the water bottle down next to the basin. And that was the moment.

Johannes was startled and unconsciously took a step back. For an instant, he felt as if he had seen something he shouldn’t have. The dark water in the basin rippled, reflecting an unfamiliar figure.

A strange man.

Johannes widened his eyes. His feet were frozen.

“…that woman …protect her, you say.”

“……”

“That… do you even know who you are when you make such a vow…?”

“……”

“It’s not even funny. Do you think I’ll stand by and watch you run wild as you please…?”

A voice even darker than that night faintly flowed out from inside the basin. No, rather than flowing out, it seemed more like a voice flowing deeper under the water. It was damp and monotone.

“…ed …son. The son… …ed the father. This… rejected the father, and the son rejected the father.”

Continuously, the man let out incomprehensible words. Now, unlike at first, it sounded like his own monologue, no, almost like some kind of incantation. That voice like black water seeped into the basin.

“…The woman despises the son, the woman despised the son, and the woman despised the son. The son is eaten by worms. The son was eaten by worms, and the son ate the worms. …The son rejects the father. The son rejected the father, and the son…”

It seemed like it might grow a whole bunch of black moss under the basin.