#101

“Victory!”

“Hah.”

Johannes let out a frustrated sound at my excited shout. My hand flew across the chess board, and my lady moved forward a whole ten spaces, pushing Johannes’ duke off the board. I picked up the fallen duke and smiled.

Sitting across from me, Johannes stared in disbelief at his black pieces, whose defensive line hadn’t even been broken yet. He raised his eyes to me.

“What kind of lady moves like that?”

“This one right here?”

I waved the duke in front of Johannes’ eyes with a triumphant smile. My smug look must have been quite exasperating. Johannes lowered his head with a sigh.

“I suppose our young lady doesn’t concern herself with strict rules?”

“Mmhmm. That’s right, that’s right.”

“Ah, you…”

Johannes trailed off, as if about to scold the brazen outlaw before him. He rubbed his face, which had sunk lower than his shoulders. Finally, his upper body rose abruptly, and he leaned back in his chair with a defeated laugh.

“You haven’t changed a bit since childhood. How do you always do this?”

“Is this because you never let me win even once? You’re the one who’s always like this. Would it kill you to close your eyes and let me win sometimes? I’ll follow the rules, and you can lose occasionally.”

“A commander who mixes personal feelings into battle will only face mistakes and defeat, my lady.”

“Next time I’ll give you ten moves, so try to win fairly within that, sir knight.”

I imitated Johannes’ improper, slanted posture as he muttered, and sank deeper into the armchair. Johannes, who had been looking down at me with his arms crossed, suddenly thrust one foot under my armchair.

He pushed the table with the chess board away and pulled my chair closer with his foot. I let myself be dragged chair and all towards Johannes without much resistance. As always, I was secretly impressed by his surprising strength.

Up close, I could see his downcast eyes looking at me with an unusually dejected expression. Ha! I couldn’t help but grin. I stretched one leg that I had tucked under me onto Johannes’ thigh. With a bitter sigh, Johannes grasped my ankle and asked:

“Are you going easy on me?”

“Yes. I’m going easy on you.”

“…Ten moves, you said.”

“That’s right. Ten moves.”

“Think you can’t do it?”

Johannes’ blue eyes flicked up to meet mine. Oh? Are you saying you could do it if you really wanted to?

But what are you going to do about me?

“Are you going to do it?”

I tilted my head exaggeratedly and asked in feigned innocence, but with a challenging tone. One corner of Johannes’ eye twitched slightly. We stared at each other in silence for a moment. Then a wry smile slowly spread across Johannes’ lips.

“…I can’t win.”

He stroked the top of my foot as he leaned on the armrest.

In truth, we hadn’t had any major arguments up until that day. Even so, it had been a time that couldn’t be spent entirely without tension. It was largely because Johannes’ anxiety and obsession, which showed through at times no matter how much he tried to hide it, were difficult to deal with. There was nothing I could do about someone who wouldn’t answer when asked.

Meanwhile, the sky that day was exceptionally clear and bright. The leisurely atmosphere permeating the room that day was especially nice. The autumn sunlight seeping through the window frame was peaceful, and birdsong from outside was the only disturbance to the quiet noon. Even the momentary silence flowing between us was leisurely. It felt as if nothing more would happen.

I couldn’t help but smile. I was already enjoying myself since Johannes, who had no other plans and stayed at the inn, was keeping me company in my game. Seeing Johannes in such a relaxed mood after so long made me even happier.

I stretched my other leg onto Johannes’ thigh as well and poked his stomach playfully with my toes.

“Tell me, Johannes. You secretly enjoy this, don’t you? That’s why you never let me win even once, right?”

“Enjoy? Me?”

Johannes asked back with a bewildered look when I teasingly inquired.

“Yes. Hasn’t it been like this since we were young? You grumble but always let me have my way. Sometimes it seems like you even encourage me to flip the board as I please because you enjoy it.”

“That can’t be. Why would I intentionally lose in a game that’s all about winning and losing?”

“That’s how it looks to me.”

“Ah, I’m hurt. You still don’t know how competitive I am? Do you know why I never miss a day of training? If I were to accidentally fall off my horse in a match, I’m sure I wouldn’t sleep for three months.”

“Hey, are you just guessing now?”

“Well, I’ve never fallen off…”

Johannes tilted his head to the side and answered with a smile in his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or joking. Even seeing him show off a little like that made my cheeks flush with happiness. If it had been someone else bragging, I would have just clicked my tongue, but it was Johannes sitting in front of me. It was all because of that gentle eye smile. How could he shine so brightly?

“I guess you’re unexpectedly the hard-working type.”

“Unexpectedly?”

“I thought you were just a natural genius.”

I retorted playfully with a laugh. I silently marveled at how this person could even make nonsense sound charming.

Of course, beneath that admiration lay an inevitable question. That is, why… Why does someone so confident become so anxious and impatient when it comes to me? Am I such an unreliable person? Questions that were by no means trivial in a situation like that at the time.

Ah, I like Johannes no matter what he’s like.

While wanting to kill him.

“…If I had been born with talent, would you have looked at me?”

I must have been unconsciously avoiding him. When my heart sank as a voice from my childhood suddenly came to me like a nightmare, I faintly heard Johannes asking me as if talking to himself. I looked up in surprise.

“You might be right.”

Johannes murmured again quietly before I could grasp the meaning of his words. I asked, a bit puzzled:

“What do you mean?”

“As you said, you’ve always been quite willful, but I found it pleasing to see.”

“I was willful?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

Johannes laughed like a sigh. I felt Johannes’ touch moving up from my ankle as if caressing my skin and lowered my head. Rustle… rustle. My skirt was being pushed up.

“It’s strange that I found it pleasing to see, even though you were especially willful with me. Was it because of the affection you gave me like some kind of consolation prize…?”

I couldn’t say anything in response. I looked up at Johannes again. His eyes, which had been gentle just moments ago, were now expressionless as if by a lie.

“You seem to have been born with a talent for taming people. No, perhaps I’ve been wishing to be a perfect loser all along. Yes, I… No, I really don’t know. It’s too long ago to look back on now.”

His emotionless face was chilling. A somewhat otherworldly aura.

While I was dazed by this strange sense of incongruity, Johannes slowly extended his arm and lifted my skirt up to near my thighs, his gaze fixed on the top of my foot. His upper body gradually bent forward. His hand broadly covered my knee. The sensation of lips touching my bare leg. The metallic skin visible between his collar seemed a bit eerie that day.

“Um, Johannes.”

“Mm.”

“It’s still daytime.”

“I know.”

“A-Alona will be here soon…”

“So?”

“……”

“She’s your cousin, isn’t she? What does it matter?”

I couldn’t give any answer. I couldn’t even part my lips anymore, just my chest heaving. A sweetness too hard to ignore. But there was also a hint of unease. Largely due to his final tone, which seemed nonchalant yet somehow cold.

“Johannes.”

“Mm.”

“Are you angry?”

The movement of his lips against me paused for a moment. At the time, I was just confused. Not having heard anything, I simply couldn’t tell what exactly he wanted.

Perhaps he was upset by the brief excuse I had given Alona? Should I not have answered that way? No, should I have said we were siblings even at the risk of danger? Why are you so anxious about one serving girl having some connection to me…

“No.”

Johannes answered briefly. He kissed everywhere he could reach while grasping both my ankles. He placed my legs below the knee on his shoulders, then slowly lowered himself to kneel on the floor.

“I locked the bolt in advance.”

Johannes reassured me from between my thighs. It was as if he was making excuses for his cold tone earlier. Somehow his mood seemed melancholy enough to be heard that way. I just panted for a moment.

What are you doing? You should refuse.

My childhood self sneered.

“O-Okay…”

I ducked my head and responded quietly. I simply couldn’t lift my face. Not only because of the embarrassing position, but the touch exploring above my underwear without even asking permission was too shameful for me to look at Johannes.

I was out of breath. Even inhaling and exhaling was painfully difficult with my throat burning. I could feel his gaze fixed on the fully exposed area under my skirt. Thump thump, thump thump. Only my heart beat shamelessly. Johannes slid his lips deep into my inner thigh and whispered.

“Giovinetta Isolde Yuricates Valdemar.”

My name, both familiar and unfamiliar. When was it? A tone of voice I seemed to have heard somewhere before. Even as my body strangely trembled, I looked up in slight surprise. He continued quietly.

“Shall we dine together today?”

“…You want to eat… in my room?”

“Anywhere. My bedroom would be fine too. I just want you to eat in front of me.”

“Why, ah, um…”

“Having lunch facing you. I wonder how many years it’s been…”

Johannes, who had been gently caressing the wet flesh with his fingertips, pressed his lips against it. I let out a low moan I couldn’t hold back, and Johannes’ eyelids slowly lowered.

He seemed to be tasting me with his mucous membranes and eardrums. Like someone who had gotten drunk early while savoring an aperitif, he gradually clung deeper to my body and held the final climax on the tip of his tongue. Occasionally when I twitched and trembled from a sensitive spot being pressed, Johannes would swallow in response.

Anxiety disguised as calm. A subtly sharp obsession.

Johannes maintained that atmosphere until we left the South. My bedroom became like a jar of sweet liquor because of it. The vibrating sweetness in the jar seemed to seep into my head trapped inside, slowly pickling me. Yet the nightmares did not cease.

While wanting to kill him.

The child inside me kept singing.