When I opened my eyes, a familiar ceiling was in view.

I blinked slowly a couple of times.

Strangely, my eyes were gritty.

‘Why am I alive? I was certain……’

Unable to comprehend the current situation, I hastily sat up.

Surely my body had been utterly ruined, but aside from heaviness, it was not completely immobile.

I cautiously surveyed my surroundings.

And soon after, I heaved a sigh of relief.

“What a dream to have. It’s the worst dream I’ve had recently.”

The dream of Meriel dying is really absurd.

I chuckled at the absurd memory, then furrowed my brows at the bandages I happened to discover.

The bandages looked freshly wrapped, meticulously encircling each of my finger joints.

I blankly stared at them, then leapt from my spot, screaming.

“Aah!!”

I was wearing a black dress.

“It can’t be…, it can’t possibly be real….”

With trembling fingers like those of a reed, I clutched the blanket sheet.

Sure enough, bandages were wrapped around my ankle as well.

For a moment, my head felt as if it had been hit with a hammer, but no further thoughts came.

I hurriedly descended from the bed, but my unhealed ankle twisted. Having suddenly attempted to rise, my balance faltered, but I had no energy to care about that.

Even though my limping steps felt unstable, I couldn’t stop.

This had to be a dream. It must be a dream.

I had to leave this room, turn down the corridor, and descend just one flight of stairs.

I could find my daughter’s room even with my eyes closed.

“…Riviana?”

Turning my head towards the voice that called me, I saw Bake with his pale face.

I couldn’t hide my delight and reached out towards him.

“Bake, please call for Meriel.”

“……”

I smiled, but Bake did not.

He only wet his lips and stared at me, without giving any kind of response.

But the more he did that, the more I drew up the corners of my mouth and smiled as brightly as possible.

Meriel liked when I smiled.

“Hm? Let’s go and have a strawberry cream cake together after a long time. Meriel would wake up even in her sleep for a strawberry cream cake.”

“……”

Unable to bear the wait, I called Bake again, but his reaction didn’t change much.

Once more, I lifted the corners of my mouth and took a limping step.

“No, come to think of it, Meriel is at the academy now, right? Then first, let’s prepare the carriage.”

“Meriel is dead.”

Bake abruptly turned his head, as if he couldn’t bear to look at me.

Staring blankly at him, I laughed even more.

“What are you talking about, Bake. That’s impossible.”

“……”

“There’s no way Meriel could be……”

Struggling for words, I ended up not finishing my sentence and collapsed powerlessly.

Yes, in fact, I knew.

No matter how much I pretended it wasn’t true, or how many times I denied reality, nothing changed.

My daughter was dead.

Now, I can never hold that lovely child in my arms again.

“…after you collapsed at the funeral, I alone saw Meriel’s coffin being entombed in the shrine’s underground cemetery and was on my way back.”

“……”

“Are you okay?”

Bake, who had approached, gripped my shoulder.

I swallowed the rising sob and grabbed his arm.

My vision blurred with tears pouring down like a heavy rain, and my throat choked up.

“…I, want to, see, Meriel.”

“……”

“Please, take me to Meriel…”

“Later. First, recover. It won’t be too late even if we go later.”

“Meriel, doesn’t like, being alone. Even if she pretends, she’s a, very, scared, child……”

I regretted it every day, over and over.

It shouldn’t have been about letting that little one leave my arms.

I shouldn’t have made her wait until her birthday for something as trivial as learning to cut a cake.

I should have let her play hide and seek to her heart’s content.

I shouldn’t have nagged her about being ladylike.

If it had come to this, I should have let her eat as much cake as she wanted.

No. What’s the point of all this? No matter how much I regret it, I can’t see my daughter anymore.

A tear fell on the back of my hand.

Whether it was a wound, the bandage was suddenly dyed bright red.

Several days passed in a daze after that event.

Everything felt unreal, making it hard to accept it all as true.

But ultimately, I had no choice but to accept this absurd reality.

Denying reality was futile as each day unfolded exactly as I had experienced.

And because of that, my irritation grew even more.

Among the countless days, why did I have to wake up again on the day of Merial’s funeral?

If someone was giving me a chance, couldn’t they have turned me back before Merial died?

In Merial’s room, which had not yet been cleared, I slowly closed my eyes.

Really, it all felt like a dream, no, I wished it were.

Now, I had nothing left.

I closed my eyes holding Merial’s teddy bear.

The teddy bear the child held every day smelled of milk.

It was Merial’s scent.

I buried my face in the teddy bear in an attempt to somehow escape reality.

But that didn’t change anything, or did it really?