“You don’t know what it means to love, to truly care for the one you love. You don’t know now, and even if you live your entire life, you’ll never understand what it is.”
“No! I really do love you… I truly do. Even if you don’t believe anything else, please believe this, I beg you!”
Casien pleaded desperately, but the answer that came back was as cold as it could be.
“You thinking that you loved me was just your delusion.”
“No. No, Roel… I…”
“Casien.”
“Don’t. Don’t do this, Roel… Please, don’t…”
“I-”
“I won’t listen…! Roel, just don’t say anything. I’m begging you, please. Please don’t…”
Even with his throat clogged with grief, Casien somehow continued to speak. As he did so, he looked up at Roel with eyes more earnest than ever before.
“Please forgive me just this once, for the first and last time…”
But it was no use. Roel finally put an end to their relationship.
“I would rather choose to die than love you again.”
With words closer to a curse than a rejection.
It would have been nice if those were just words meant to push him away, but there was not a hint of falsehood on Roel’s face.
Something inside Casien completely crumbled.
It felt as if his body had been hollowed out, as if all the blood in his body was draining away.
Tears flowed endlessly as if his tear ducts were broken. He barely managed to wipe them away with trembling hands and tried to reach out, but Roel left the alley with one last contemptuous look.
He shouldn’t have been collapsing like this; he should have run after her right away.
He should have kneeled before Roel, begging for forgiveness for his wrongdoings, trying to hold onto her somehow…
Even if it was a mistaken love, Casien was sincere.
So he wanted to protect this love, even if it was too late, but Roel now knew too much to be fooled by Casien’s hollow love.
Soon, Casien was unable to overcome the helplessness that engulfed his entire body and gave up, letting the strength drain from his body.
Roel gradually moved away and soon completely disappeared from the alley.
It was the day when their one-sided love for each other finally met its respective endings.
* * *
When Roel, who had been walking in a daze, reached the entrance of the alley, two knights from the Grand Duchy appeared. As if they had been waiting, they blocked the entrance of the alley behind their master.
In fact, they had arrived here not long after Roel and Casien began their conversation. They had tried to approach right away, but words that subordinates should never hear were being exchanged.
As a result, they had been waiting in a place where they could rush in at any moment if the situation became dangerous, and only now revealed themselves.
From the slightly embarrassed looks on the knights’ faces, Roel also realized that they had heard some of the conversation.
‘They saw everything.’
She had to say something, but her mind was still blank, so Roel just stood there blankly.
At that moment, someone’s urgent voice was heard from not too far away.
“Roel!”
At the anxious voice, Roel finally came to her senses. From the irregular breathing, disheveled black hair, and beads of sweat on his face, she could immediately tell how much Reus had been searching the streets.
“Roel, are you alright?”
Reus pulled the woman a little closer to him with hasty hands. Then he checked and double-checked every part of her body to see if there was even the slightest injury.
Even at this moment, Roel thought that his gentle touch was quite different from Casien’s.
If Casien’s touch was always rough and self-centered, Reus’s touch was very cautious, as if he would break if he touched her.
She now realized why she had never found contact with Reus uncomfortable.
“Are you really alright?”
“Yes, I’m… fine.”
It was then that Reus noticed Roel’s red, swollen palms.
It didn’t look like she had fallen and gotten hurt, as there wasn’t a single scratch visible. But it was too obvious to ignore, as her palms were definitely swollen.
Then, as if realizing something, Reus stopped moving. His gaze, which had been intently scanning Roel, briefly surveyed the surroundings and soon turned towards the dark alley. There, Casien could be seen, half out of his mind, kneeling down haphazardly.
Just by looking at that scene, one could roughly imagine what had happened between the two in that short time.
What kind of nerve did he have to approach the woman? Reus’s anger rose fiercely at Casien’s audacity.
Roel, sensing the unusual atmosphere, tightly grasped the hand that was trying to move away from her.
At the woman’s warmth touching his hand, calmness immediately settled within the wall that had been rippling with coldness.
“Is there anywhere you feel uncomfortable?”
Roel shook her head weakly, looking a little tired.
“I want to go home, Reus.”
With those words, Reus took Roel and immediately headed for the carriage without any hesitation.
* * *
After returning to the Grand Duchy’s castle, they seemed to be living a normal daily life on the outside. However, from the way Roel often stared blankly into the air, it was evident that a small crack had formed.
“Why is Her Highness acting like that?”
“Is she sick…?”
“Did she have a fight with His Highness at the festival? His Highness keeps watching her nervously.”
“Even when they returned to the hotel after the festival, the atmosphere didn’t seem very good.”
Sometimes even the servants of the Grand Duchy’s castle openly watched the Grand Duchess with concern, so there was no need to explain how often Roel was lost in thought.
Reus was very worried about Roel, who was different from usual.
But… he did nothing. He instinctively knew that now was the time to leave Roel alone.
He just waited for her to return to her original state as soon as possible and turn her gaze back to him.
However, no matter how long he waited, the blank, watery eyes never turned to him.
Reus, who had become impatient, lost the composure he had barely maintained. His mind, filled with anxiety, began to make absurd speculations.
‘What kind of conversation did they have?’
He roughly knew what had happened that day after hearing from the knights. But he didn’t know the specific details of the conversation between the two.
He wanted to find out by any means necessary, but he couldn’t directly ask Roel about the contents. This matter was not an area where he could interfere.
Roel was his benefactor, not his lover.
When he was reminded of this obvious fact, Reus’s already powerless heart sank even heavier.
If he stopped thinking, these feelings would disappear, but his damn mind kept raising more questions.
What kind of words did that bastard use to hurt her so much that the broken woman even raised her hand? Did he beg her to divorce me and get back together with him? Then what did Roel… What did Roel answer?
It was only at the end of these repeated questions that the question Reus was really curious about flowed out of his mind.
…Could this also be a part of their love quarrel?
Even though Reus had never been interested in love, he knew that it wasn’t all that special for ex-lovers to get back together. Didn’t he hear the story of a couple who had recently divorced but then met again and remarried?
And while he had never paid attention to it before, Reus was also aware of all the rumors surrounding the two.
In particular, the rumor that Roel Ibelre had been almost unilaterally clinging to Casien Ersian.
These days, there was a rumor going around that Roel had deliberately married the only Grand Duke of the Empire to provoke Casien’s jealousy. They used to say all kinds of nonsense, from him seducing an innocent woman to who knows what else.
Just looking at this, one could tell that the circulating rumors were not to be believed. Yet the reason he cared about it was only one.
‘If by any chance Roel was even slightly swayed by Casien Ersian…’
Somehow, the movement of his fingers tapping on the desk seemed to be as heavy as Reus’s heart.
‘They met for nearly 4 years, didn’t they?’
If they had met for that long, it would take quite a while to forget. Perhaps it would take more time to start forgetting than the time they had spent together.
In other words, it wouldn’t be strange at all if Roel still had even the slightest feelings for Casien Ersian.
‘If she’s not leaving for Beliata but going back to that bastard…’
Even though he had personally witnessed Roel firmly rejecting Casien at the Ibelre estate, even though he remembered that she had the face of someone who had completely cut off her feelings for him at the Imperial Princess’s birthday banquet, he was still worrying about this nonsense.
The vulgarity of his own thoughts brought a deep sense of self-loathing today.
“Haa…”
It was obvious that Roel, the person actually involved, was going through a very confusing and difficult time because of this.
‘Even if Roel goes back to that bastard, there’s nothing I can do.’
In the end, it only served to remind him of his position as nothing to the woman.
Could a person become this powerless?
Reus was once again unable to come to his senses for a long time due to the sorrow of his first unrequited love.
At that moment, Roel, who had been reading a book in her bedroom, closed her eyes tightly. As Reus had feared, it was because she thought of Casien.
However, unlike the gently lowered eyelashes, her heart was constantly spewing out harsh words.
‘That jerk.’
No matter how much she thought about it, Casien was infuriating.
She knew that he didn’t truly love her, but she had no idea that he had been openly playing with her.
All those actions were meant to provoke her. Even for the kind Roel, it was not at all strange that she couldn’t let go of the rising anger.
‘How could he do that even though he knew everything…’
Packaging that as love, in the end, it only meant that he enjoyed how she had clung to him crying and begging, didn’t it?
‘And that’s love?’
Anger boiled up inside her once again.
This was the first time Roel had been so angry that it wouldn’t subside, so she was at a loss as to how to relieve the rushing emotions.
__________
Turns Out He’s Been Secretly in Love with Me (Female-dominant)
One-line summary: He acts like he doesn’t like her but is actually playing hard to get.
Synopsis:
Xu Muzhou like her. He has liked her for a very long time, and through repeated schemes, he finally closed the distance with her.
But this is still far from enough.
He wants to be the one who stands out among her many suitors, to fight for her attention, and to make her take the initiative to pursue him.