My eyebrows rose involuntarily at the unexpected answer. I tried to hide my surprised expression but it didn’t work out as I thought.

“So…… have you thought about it?”

“What are you referring to when you say thought……”

“Roel.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

My shoulders stiffened as if it had become a habit at Reus’s sharp gaze.

“Let’s be clear before we talk.”

“About what….”

“That damned-…… forms of address and way of speaking.”

‘It seems like he’s suppressing his anger for a moment.’

Soon Reus spoke in a slightly exasperated tone.

“Am I that difficult for you?”

“……….”

I thought, ‘Is that even a question?’ but of course, I answered the opposite.

“No? Not at all.”

To give it credibility, I made my shoulders relax and intentionally didn’t avoid his piercing gaze. Then Reus muttered to himself in a somewhat deflated voice.

“It seems you find me quite difficult.”

……Anyway, his perception is frighteningly quick.

As I thought about it, I felt a little wronged.

‘I wanted to get along well too.’

It was Reus who drew the line as if he didn’t want to get close at all, warned me in a scary voice, and pushed me away every time.

‘Of course, it was my fault for interfering that day even though Dwin had warned me in advance.’

Either he really hated that I was stubborn that day, or from the next day onwards, Reus openly avoided me in front of the servants as if he couldn’t even stand being together with me.

Then later, he didn’t even make eye contact, and the days he didn’t return to the bedroom became noticeably more frequent.

So I also tried even harder to keep a low profile and stay as quiet as possible.

‘But if he says he doesn’t like even this, there’s nothing more I can do…….’

At that moment, Reus let out a deep sigh-.

It wasn’t a particularly loud sound, but my body flinched again out of habit. When he gave me a look as if asking what I did to be frightened again, I timidly denied it.

“…It’s not like that.”

Then Reus slowly nodded his head.

It was so perfunctory that I could immediately recognize he didn’t trust my words at all.

“I know it won’t seem believable, but I didn’t call you to point something out or to get angry. I just………”

Reus, who was continuing his words, suddenly trailed off. He looked like someone who couldn’t organize the words he wanted to say.

After pondering deeply like that for a while, Reus soon blurted out.

“I wish…… you would act a little more selfishly.”

“Excuse me…….?”

“Aren’t you my savior?”

I nodded my head for now, though I didn’t know what being selfish had to do with being a savior.

“So I mean, I wish you would take advantage of that a little. Don’t try to accommodate me for no reason.”

If it were usual, I would have shrunk back as if it was natural at the tone full of frustration, but now the tension actually loosened a little.

To summarize…….

‘Is he saying I don’t have to think of him as too uncomfortable?’

Or is he indirectly expressing that he doesn’t like the way I’m being careful around him?

When I was unable to grasp the ambiguous boundary, Reus’s voice was heard.

“And I will apologize.”

“Excuse me? Why all of a sudden….”

“For my behavior or attitude that may have embarrassed you.”

I doubted my ears if it was really an apology coming out of Reus’s mouth. As soon as I realized I had heard correctly, I was not only surprised but also confused.

Suddenly saying he wants me to act selfishly, and that he apologizes…….

‘I don’t know what’s what.’

I’m not sure if he felt a little sympathy after seeing I was hurt, or if he experienced something that caused a change of heart without my knowledge, but either way, it was equally abrupt.

“No, it’s fine. Your Grace was originally…..”

“Reus.”

Reus, who corrected my words, now gave me a look as if to say I could speak again.

“…Dwin had told me before that you’re usually sensitive when you return from the battlefield. But that day, I was so flustered and worried that I couldn’t be careful…..”

“Roel.”

“Y-Yes?”

“I knew that my attitude towards you, including that day, had not been appropriate until now.”

“……….”

Suddenly, a strong feeling of disappointment rushed in.

Because confirming something you suspect is different from having it verified.

I’m grateful that he’s being honest…… but I’m also disappointed……

With all sorts of emotions mixed together, I couldn’t continue my words.

“I know it may sound like an excuse, but it took quite a big resolution for me to let you into my space as well. And I’m sure you already anticipated this, but…… I couldn’t separate Count Ibelre from you either.”

‘I knew that influence was there too.’

Since I had already expected it, I answered a little dejectedly.

“I…… fully understand.”

“No. You don’t need to understand.”

Before I could think that he was drawing the line again, Reus said.

“You only need to think of one thing. That you saved my life and I owe you my life.”

“But that’s……”

“I know it wasn’t an action done expecting something in return.”

“……….”

“So just remember the fact that the reason I exist here now, and that I can talk with you like this, is because you saved me.”

* * *

I was grateful that Reus honestly told me the thoughts he had.

Not simply because he disliked me being mindful, but all the things he explained about how he felt towards me and how he thinks now.

That was really nice, but……

[“Still? Then it might be better to set a deadline. Would a week be enough?”]

He didn’t forget about that gift talk and eventually brought it up again.

When I tried to subtly avoid it by saying I hadn’t thought about it in detail yet, he perceptively noticed that too and even set a deadline!

‘I feel like I’ve already enjoyed everything I can at the ducal castle, so what should I even ask for?’

Here, no one hit me in the name of punishment, starved me, or threw things out of anger.

Having such peaceful days continue like this is sometimes unbelievable, and even high-priced items that I wondered if I could really have, along with a bathroom with hot water and a cozy bed, were all prepared just for me.

‘And I even got the dressing room I wanted the most……’

What I especially liked about coming to Rochester Ducal Castle was that I got my own dressing room.

Of course, in Count Ibelre’s castle, there was no such thing as dresses or a dressing room for me, who was barely allowed a corner of the warehouse.

So I tried talking to my father about it just once. But he didn’t even listen, saying internal household matters were Feria’s authority.

‘And when Feria found out about it, she grabbed me like catching a mouse……’

Unlike Feria and Briella who bought dresses and jewelry every day, I had to buy clothes with the money my father occasionally gave me when he came home.

I did manage to save up and buy a few decent dresses, but they were never clothes I could wear to important occasions.

So when I had to go to such places, I had no choice but to borrow Briella’s dresses, and it was truly an ordeal each time.

The reason Briella, who abhorred even the Ibelre blood flowing in my body, readily lent me dresses was simple.

Because if even a small decoration fell off the dress, she could use that as an excuse to torment me for days.

When Briella told Feria everything while crying and whining, curses or violence would definitely come flying at me that day.

So on days when I had to borrow clothes, I had to be as careful as possible, not moving around well like a mannequin anywhere and eating food to a minimum.

After wearing the clothes cleanly like that and returning them, Briella would then say.

[“Don’t you think this dress smells lowly? The cheap smell is so strong I can’t possibly wear it. Throw it away.”]

Saying things like that, she would stuff those expensive dresses into the trash can right in front of my eyes.

But now I have a dressing room several times the size of the warehouse room I used in Count Ibelre’s castle.

I couldn’t even accurately count how many dozens of clothes were hanging there that I hadn’t worn even once yet.

So my daily life in Rochester Ducal Castle was…… just like a dressing room.

Happiness that I never thought I could have, overflowing. Something that sometimes just thinking about it made me feel good and smile.

Reus seemed to want to give me anything because he thought he hadn’t properly done anything for me, his savior.

But for me, things beyond what I wanted were unfolding every day.

So I really couldn’t think of anything to demand.

I thought about seriously explaining my feelings, but I gave up because I felt like I wouldn’t be understood.

‘What should I even talk about?’

While having such trivial thoughts again today, I wandered around the ducal castle.

Suddenly having too little to do, I had been walking around the castle too much these past few days, so now there was nothing much to see, which was a problem if it could be called one.

‘Should I go out today?’

Then suddenly I wanted to see outside the castle, so I left the castle and walked wherever my feet took me. After walking aimlessly for a while, I arrived in front of a building a little distance from the castle.

Unlike the other well-maintained buildings of the ducal family, the exterior walls were uniquely worn out. On top of that, the entrance was tightly wrapped in chains and firmly locked with a padlock.

I wondered what kind of building it was for, but it turned out the purpose of this large, completely unmanaged building was a library.

“There was a library?”

No matter how much I walked around the large ducal castle, there was no library, so I found it unusual but left it at that, but it was because the building was located separately so I couldn’t find it.

I immediately returned to the castle and asked the butler Rotheo about the library.

“The library has been closed for quite a long time by His Highness’s orders.”

“Was there some kind of problem?”

“It’s not like that, but…….”

Looking at Rotheo’s awkwardly smiling face, it seemed there was some reason he couldn’t say.

Having gained no particular insight, I had dinner for now and returned to the bedroom.

In the dark room, I absentmindedly admired the outside, rested my chin on the window sill, and muttered softly.

“Hmm… should I ask about it?”

“About what?”