Sorry, the Patricidal Tyrant Seems Beastly - Chapter 59

“You’re covered in dirt.”

Benjamin whispered while brushing off the dirt.

“Come here.”

His voice sank low. Somehow it seemed to scratch his throat.

The dust cloud that had risen during the duel had mostly settled.

“Weren’t you in a meeting with the staff?”

“It just ended. What brings you to the training grounds?”

“I was drawn by the commotion.”

“You’ve got dirt all over your head. If it’s noisy, you should avoid the area.”

Charlotte brushed her side hair back with her fingers.

“I was out for a walk because I felt stuffy.”

“Even if I open another path to avoid the rough road, you keep walking the path I tell you not to.”

It was a sigh. You, you’ll keep doing this.

“This old man must be upsetting Your Majesty.”

Fedlin touched his own neck.

‘He’s overprotective.’

I can see why.

Fedlin put down the wooden sword.

“Please give us some privacy.”

This wasn’t a conversation to have with others around.

“Leave us.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

The place was immediately cleared. Once their presence faded, Fedlin opened his mouth.

“It would be good to learn how to grip a sword.”

“I forbid it.”

“I’m not saying to live the harsh life of a swordsman. They say blades make life difficult, but that depends on the hand holding the hilt.”

Whether that blade will cut oneself or the enemy, that’s still unknown.

“Let her learn.”

“Listen, Lord Duncan.”

“Do you intend to keep restraining those steps? I understand your mindset of keeping someone who’s experienced a monster’s grave close, but if so, teach her how to grip a sword first. At least knowing how to protect oneself allows for future planning, even if something unexpected happens later.”

“……”

“Though she’s unlikely to directly face monster dangers, those who’ve experienced monster’s graves tend to die similarly. They die with the creatures.”

Having spent years as a mercenary swordsman, he felt this keenly.

“Now is the time.”

Soon, days of losing and having lives taken will increase for everyone.

“Changing your mind after losing is too late.”

This was something only Fedlin could say.

He had lost his own child that way.

“Even if you regret after everyone is dead, the dead cannot return.”

[This is the timeline separator]

Water dripped steadily outside the bathtub.

The area around the tub was wet, and the misty steam blurred vision.

The maids who offered to assist with bathing were all sent away.

It was closer to the truth that Benjamin, who doesn’t allow others near, had driven them out.

‘It’s annoying.’

That’s how he had declared it.

Usually it would be more troublesome to do it oneself, but not for Benjamin.

He seemed to be rejecting others.

No. It would be more accurate to say he was putting weight on rejection.

“Why do you keep feeling awkward?”

Benjamin asked, looking down at Charlotte.

Her body stiffened awkwardly.

“It’s hot.”

“The imperial physician said to keep your body warm, so bear with the heat a little longer.”

She wore only a thin slip. The shoulder straps were narrow and the fabric light.

Geranium petals were scattered in the bathwater. A faint herbal scent wafted gently.

Red petals floated dispersed on the water’s surface.

Charlotte pulled up her shoulder strap.

His hand touched her shoulder.

“Is that the smell of herbs?”

“Ah……”

“Why are you trembling?”

“……”

“Look. You’re trembling again.”

He buried his face in Charlotte’s shoulder.

“This will last for a few days.”

She shrugged her shoulders to avoid his hand.

“Again.”

“Pardon?”

“You’re flinching again.”

“I said it smells like herbs.”

“So what?”

“It causes aversion……”

“That’s never happened before.”

Benjamin gently bit Charlotte’s forearm.

“……”

Charlotte’s eyes widened.

What are you doing?

As she blinked in bewilderment, Benjamin answered.

“I’ve never felt aversion.”

“Huh?”

“You’re delicate. You’re becoming numb to stimuli, your eyes are gradually losing sensitivity.”

She frowned, narrowing her eyes. What did he mean by that?

“Stop stripping away your emotions. That’s becoming a habit too.”

Charlotte awkwardly lowered her head.

“Why do you keep lowering your head?”

Don’t look down.

“Look up.”

“……”

“Don’t look down.”

Benjamin rested his arm on the tub and pressed his temples.

“It’s like my insides are being scraped out.”

Charlotte leaned back.

“Your hair is all curly and tangled.”

“I think it’s because of the dirt clumping together.”

He placed his hand on Charlotte’s cheek. “You have a slight fever,” he whispered softly.

“Are you dizzy?”

“I’m fine now.”

“You still feel warm.”

“I took the medicine to raise my body temperature, didn’t I?”

The medical ward had given her medicine that was good for recovery.

Though it might be hot due to the raised temperature, the imperial medical ward had guaranteed the medicine’s effectiveness.

“I can feel your breath, but I don’t know why everything feels so faint.”

It was like that the entire time she was unconscious.

He could only feel her even breaths with his hand to her nose, her complexion was almost nonexistent.

“Your peaceful expression eased my worries.”

After that, his words trailed off.

He braided her hair to the side over her shoulder.

Her dark red hair looked almost black when wet.

His fingers combed through her long hair.

Her nape was clearly visible. Her white skin was clear without blemishes.

He bit her nape, baring his teeth.

“Wait a moment…!”

Charlotte slightly lowered her head.

“I told you not to lower your head.”

He mumbled with his mouth. The soft sensation was peculiar.

“It’s all wet.”

Somehow she wanted to cover her ears.

“You had no self-awareness before, but have you gained some now?”

Charlotte frowned at him as if scolding.

“Your ears are red. The heat’s risen and only here is hot.”

“Stop it.”

“Don’t carve it away. If you become numb to stimuli and carve away your emotions one by one, there’s no reason for a person to exist as a person.”

Emotions are what make humans human.

“You’ve already become used to carving away at yourself.”

Charlotte reached out and gripped the bathtub.

Her legs sank weakly. Her toes curled and clenched.

“You keep avoiding it.”

You’ve been wary from the start.

“I’m thirsty.”

Charlotte held her breath.

“It’s still not enough.”

“……”

“Do you dislike it?”

“It’s a bit awkward.”

“So you don’t dislike it.”

“I don’t dislike it.”

She had never considered disliking it.

His thick hands enveloped Charlotte’s shoulders.

“When you’re so cautious, it makes me feel like I’m doing something terrible.”

“It just feels a bit strange.”

“I haven’t done anything terrible yet.”

As Charlotte stiffly traced her neckline, his fingertips touched her arm.

“You’re still in my sight.”

Because when you’re out of my sight, you were in unexpected places in unexpected ways.

“You’re within my reach.”

[This is the timeline separator]

Within his reach.

What does that mean?

I understand the desire to protect.

“Your Majesty?”

Charlotte wore only an outer garment over light training clothes.

Everyone else had been sent away.

Not a single maid was present, and only a few guards were at the training ground.

Fedlin held out a wooden sword.

“I’ll teach you how to hold a sword first.”

Charlotte took the wooden sword. Leather was wrapped around the hilt.

“Don’t grip it too tightly.”

“……”

“Your Majesty’s blade is not meant for cutting down enemies. Don’t do anything that will harm your body. Of course, there is also the purpose of killing enemies. However, protecting yourself takes priority. Don’t use your body recklessly like the guards. Don’t throw your life away by rushing into enemy territory.”

“Is there a reason you’re saying this from the start?”

“Don’t use the sword for others.”

The wooden sword was heavy. They said iron was added for weight, and it felt heavy in her hand.

“Don’t put altruism into the blade.”

Fedlin set conditions as he taught Charlotte swordsmanship.

‘The blade is selfish.’

Only for Your Majesty.

Charlotte slowly opened her hand gripping the wooden sword.

The wooden sword was crude. It was worn and chipped in places.

“Don’t hesitate at the sword’s tip.”

Fedlin handed her the sword hilt.

“Empty your mind completely.”

“……”

“If thoughts and hesitation are in the sword’s tip, the direction of the blade will also falter.”

Fedlin raised his left arm.

“If you’re swept up in emotions, the blade will eat away at your own body.”

Fedlin gestured to his right arm.

His right eye as well,

And his limping leg.

All were the price of being swept up in emotion.

“There will be times when your sword-gripping hand feels like it’s bursting.”

Charlotte waited for his next words.

“There will be days when that hand is stained with blood. There will be times when things don’t go as planned, and the hand gripping the sword hilt feels heavy.”

Fedlin took a breath and asked.

“Do you understand why I’m telling Your Majesty this first?”

“It seems you’re telling me reasons why I shouldn’t hold a sword.”

“Yes. That hand should not grip a sword. If not for the monster’s grave, this old man would have refrained from directly handing you a sword hilt.”

Fedlin had spent long years on the subjugation front lines.

Eighty years.

A life short if short, long if long.

Aging slowed while wielding a sword.

That’s why he was still here, unable to die.

“A monster killed my child.”

Fedlin quietly swallowed his thoughts.

‘Ah, father. Sa-save me please. Ah, the monster ate the child. Aaaah! Aaargh! The child, my son aaargh… Huk! M-me instead of the child, please, aaaah! Damn monster! Spit out my son! Damn it! Shit! I’ll tear you to pieces…’

To not lose weakly.

To not repeat the same mistake.

“It seems this old man has taken on an unpleasant role.”

Fedlin swung the wooden sword.

A cloud of dust rose, obscuring vision. She lowered her eyes blankly.

“Please, walk the imperial path and lead it uprightly.”

Survive.

Somehow it seemed he was saying such words.

[This is the timeline separator]

The sword tip straight.

The body’s center firm.

These were the basics of swordsmanship Fedlin taught.

“Isn’t this too much strain before you’ve fully recovered?”

“When there are too many people worrying nearby, one becomes numb even to this concern.”

Charlotte silently looked down at her own hand.

“What are you staring at so intently?”

Fedlin approached and asked.

“My hand feels numb.”

“The wooden sword has an iron core, so it was probably a bit heavy.”

This iron core weight is used to divide practice swords, and even low-grade practice swords had considerable weight.

“You were quite skilled for your first time.”

Somehow her senses had dulled.

“Is your body stiff?”

“A little.”

“Are you alright?”

“My body feels a bit numb and heavy.”

The hand gripping the wooden sword was stiff.

Her forearm ached from the heavy weight.

“Your skin didn’t tear.”

“Such a minor thing wouldn’t tear the skin. That day, the skin tore from the recoil transmitted to the sword hilt after striking the monster’s lair. Usually, unless you’re a subjugation squad rolling around on the front lines, you won’t swing a sword hard enough to tear the skin of your hands.”

She stood there blankly after putting down the wooden sword.

“What’s the matter?”

“I think I understand what it means to not become numb to pain.”

I think I also understand what Benjamin meant.

“It seems I’ve already become numb.”