I now examined my posture. To anyone watching, it would have looked no different from pouncing on Yezar in the garden.

“Th-This is a misunderstanding!”

“I-I’m fine! The garden was enjoyed by the previous Duke as well. I’m used to it. I’ll be going now!”

‘…It’s not particularly pleasant to hear, but the garden was a place my parents often sought for their unusual pleasures.’

Ah. Please, it’s not like that! But the gardener had already scurried away before I could catch him.

I frantically waved my hands before lowering them. I could still see Yezar pinned beneath me.

“Ugh. It’s all Yezar’s fault. What a scandalous misunderstanding this has caused…”

“My lady did straddle me of her own accord…”

“Be quiet. I’ll bite your cheek off.”

At that, he fell silent. I slowly climbed off him and buried my face in my dress. He must have been worried, for he spoke to me.

“My lady, raise your head.”

“What if the gardener spreads rumors? If he says we did that sort of thing in the garden like the previous Duke and Duchess, I don’t think I’ll be able to look the servants in the eye anymore.”

“It’s alright. I’ll make sure he keeps quiet. And isn’t it enough that we know nothing happened between us?”

I slightly raised my head.

“But it’s true that I pinned Yezar down and kissed his cheek. Anyone who saw would have thought I was pouncing on you.”

“It’s fine since nothing actually happened.”

Is that so? Is it fine because nothing actually happened? Though I felt oddly uneasy, there was no point in staying like this as we might run into someone else.

“Yezar, shall we make our efforts in the bedroom?”

“What are you saying we’ll do in the bedroom…?”

Why is his face turning bright red as he looks at me? I felt a strange mischievous urge.

“Well, the bedroom is the only place where we can be alone without others intruding, right? Why has your face turned strawberry red? Did you imagine something?”

As I laughed and tried to peer at his face, he quickly turned his head away. Then he replied grumpily.

“Weren’t you the one who said not to tease…?”

It seemed he had realized I was teasing him. Ah, now I understand why Yezar played tricks on me. He’s so cute when he blushes and talks like that.

“I did say that. But now that I’ve actually teased you, I can’t help but laugh. I’m sorry. Are you angry?”

“How could I be angry at you over something so trivial, my lady? However, I don’t think teasing is a good idea.”

“Yes, I’ll stop.”

I took his hand and stood up, brushing off the grass sticking to my dress.

“My dress is a mess from rolling around in the garden for a moment. Ah, grass stains got on Yezar’s clothes too.”

Considering how I had pinned him down, it was only natural.

“Oh dear. We’ll have to change clothes.”

“Pfft. What are we, children who played pranks in the garden?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. It reminded me of when I was young and came back in a mess after playing in the mountains. That was fun too.

“Indeed. But I suppose it’s alright since you laughed, my lady.”

“I did laugh, but hahaha… I won’t knock you down in the garden anymore. I guess I was a bit rough.”

It was quite rational. It was an extremely impulsive act. But the reason I didn’t regret it might have been because of Yezar laughing along with me.

***

Dawn broke. It was the morning Wizlet was supposed to come. I yawned involuntarily from fatigue.

‘Yawn. Why did Wizlet say he’d come so early in the morning?’

It had been a leisurely morning, but now I couldn’t relax due to receiving a guest.

After having a simple breakfast with the maids’ assistance, I looked for my husband who was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Yezar right now?”

It should be past his training time already. And he’s not in the study either. Then Ember answered.

“The Duke is at the main gate, saying he’ll escort Lord Wizlet Orbetian here.”

“He really doesn’t have to do that. How considerate of him.”

“Well, he is an important person to you, my lady.”

“Even so, I can take care of my own family. There’s no need for Yezar to go to such trouble.”

Besides, he’s a busy person. I felt like I was being too much of a bother. Then Ember said to me,

“The Duke would be sad to hear that. Whether busy or not, it’s only natural to care for the family of someone dear to you. Isn’t that true for you too, my lady?”

“When busy, one can neglect other things. That’s something I should understand, not insist on.”

At that, Ember’s expression seemed somewhat sad. Had I said something wrong? I hurriedly added,

“Anyway, I am grateful to Yezar for being so attentive despite being busy. He really is a kind person.”

I tried to end the conversation there, but she firmly grasped my hand. It was warm, just like when my nanny used to hold my hand at the Count’s mansion.

“You are a precious person, my lady. Everyone likes you because you are kind.”

Ember’s sudden praise made me awkward. Why was she saying this all of a sudden? I’m not really used to this sort of thing.

“So I hope you won’t try to be understanding. If the Duke ever makes you feel hurt because he’s busy, get angry and throw a tantrum. I’ll take your side too.”

“Why are you saying this about an issue that would be resolved if I just understood…”

Besides, I’m someone who will only stay for a short while. Yet she says she’ll take my side instead of Yezar’s, who has always been by her side.

“It’s because you deserve respect, my lady. You always do your best in your duties as the Duchess, and you even listened to my selfish requests, always considering others.”

“I wanted to help him, that’s why I did those things. And I tried hard with my duties as Duchess because I didn’t want to be a burden to him. So Ember, you don’t need to think of me that way.”

This level of consideration was enough. There was no need to be any kinder. I knew clearly the line that servants maintain.

As long as that line isn’t crossed, we can maintain quite a good relationship.

“But when I look at you, my lady, it’s like seeing the Duke who is used to enduring and holding back. You two are quite alike. You try to shoulder everything alone and pretend to be fine with a smile, but in reality you’re just hiding your feelings when things are tough. So as not to worry others needlessly. Such consideration is truly saddening.”

But how else could I show those emotions? Even if I did, nothing would change. It would only make those around me uncomfortable.

As those instances piled up one by one, hiding became a habit. Knowing they wouldn’t listen, I learned to keep my mouth shut. But… here, there were people who told me it was okay.

“There’s one thing I want you to know, my lady. Here, it’s alright for you to get angry or throw tantrums. Don’t try to be understanding. Please know that you are precious.”

“Why are you saying such things to me…?”

“It’s because of my selfish wish that you won’t leave, and even if you do leave, I hope you can smile comfortably while you’re here. Actually, I was worried because only one family member of yours is coming today. It’s been quite a while since the wedding too. The letters that come are mostly just from Lord Wizlet Orbetian, the second son of Count Orbetian.”

So that was it. Ember had deliberately spoken to me like this, worried that I might feel lonely about that fact.

“You know, Ember. What do you think love is? Isn’t it love when you cherish and value someone, even if it’s difficult to meet face to face?”

“My lady…”

“Is it very sad to have to wait in an empty room for someone who won’t come, with no time to eat together, travel together, or even have a conversation?”

Her eyes grew misty. Why does Ember look like she’s about to cry? I’m fine.

“It would be sad. Terribly so.”

Was that so? Was I quite sad then? But I thought it wasn’t mine. So I didn’t covet it.

Something inside me seemed to break, dripping water. Something trickled down my cheek. Is it raining? But there’s not even a single cloud outside.

As I felt my cheek, I realized I was shedding tears.

“Ah… Why am I doing this?”

Why indeed? Why are tears suddenly flowing like this? It was troublesome as they wouldn’t stop and kept flowing.

“I’m sorry, Ember. I think some dust got in my eye.”

I said to her with a bright smile. Hoping she would just go along with my lie. Understanding my intention, the perceptive woman replied,

“I’ll tell the maids cleaning the nearby corridors to be more thorough. So my lady, I’ll explain things well to the Duke. Please rest for a moment.”

If only the tears would stop soon. Something must be wrong with my tear ducts as they kept flowing non-stop, wetting my face. There was no way I could face Wizlet or Yezar in this state.

“Okay. I’ll rest. Thank you, Ember.”

“Yes, my lady.”

***

‘I ended up crying.’

Looking in the mirror, I could see my eyes were red. I noticed the damp towel Ember had left beside me.

Why did I cry? Because I received consideration I never expected? Or because it felt like they didn’t draw a line here, treating me as a young lady they always had to serve?

I made excuses thinking of various reasons, but I knew. In truth, I wanted to feel the affection I had told myself was fine, that I shouldn’t covet because it wasn’t mine. I now knew that I had never wanted to understand my family members who didn’t come to see me.