Well, I guess it’s okay. I hope Lofie works at the Perhaem duchy for a long time too.

“I see. I understand how you feel. You should head back now. I think I’ll try to get some sleep as I’m tired.”

“Yes, my lady!”

“My lady. Rest well.”

After confirming the door was completely closed, I closed my eyes for a moment. Though it was an unwelcome tea time, by attending I gained someone who could be helpful to the duchy.

Seeing Ember’s eyes light up at Lofie’s words, her work abilities shouldn’t be bad.

Since she said she’d work until she died of old age, she wouldn’t quit easily either. As she learns the work, she’ll likely fall for the people of the ducal residence and become a useful worker.

In truth, while I thought of hiring her because of Lofie’s nature, there was another reason too.

I wanted to leave behind at least one trace of my presence. Even if my 2 years end and I’m no longer the duchess, Lofie whom I brought will still be here.

I hoped that, even if very rarely, she would recall my name fondly. Even knowing it was my own greed.

‘I really shouldn’t be greedy.’

Why am I like this? I was quite good at giving up and accepting things.

‘Why are you like this? You didn’t covet things that weren’t yours. You’ve done so well adapting to reality and giving up.’

His warm affection would eventually disappear with time too. The title of duchess, the address of madam, none of it was truly mine.

When time passes and the end approaches, will I be able to shed and discard my greed as I did at the count’s residence? At first I was certain, but now I couldn’t be sure.

***

After witnessing the lady’s escapade, Yezar thoroughly restricted her outings. Just thinking about how she climbed up and down several stories relying on a single rope made him dizzy.

When Julieta answered that such things were nothing to her, he nearly clutched his head. His wife sometimes acted as if she didn’t care what happened to her own body.

That angered Yezar. To him, it was an invaluable body.

‘But now she said she’d ask permission before going out. Should I stop restricting her?’

She was such a free-spirited wife after all. If he kept restricting her, she would surely feel stifled. When he thought of Julieta, Yezar’s heart would unknowingly soften.

Lately, he’d been acting sternly towards her, so he took some time to go see her, but…

For some reason, her study was quiet. As he slowly approached, he saw Julieta’s face, asleep and breathing softly. Yezar carefully sat down beside her.

He didn’t want to disturb the deeply sleeping lady. As he sat beside her, gently stroking her rippling hair.

Her red lips parted softly.

“…want to.”

Her voice was so quiet it was hard to hear. She seemed to be sleep-talking. As he listened, wondering how she could sleep-talk so cutely, her next words tugged at Yezar’s heart.

“I miss you… Mom…”

“My lady…”

“Don’t go. Please…”

What could be so sorrowful and longing? Her eyes had become moist. Julieta’s fingertips trembled and twitched.

Yezar placed his hand over hers. As if waiting for this, Julieta’s hand grasped his tightly. As if afraid of losing it, very strongly.

“Could it not be me?”

“…Don’t go.”

“Could I not stay by your side and share your sorrow?”

Knowing she couldn’t hear, Yezar whispered to her. That he wished he could fill her loneliness. Yezar fervently hoped that her eyes would never be clouded with sadness.

“…Leave me alone.”

“I won’t leave you alone, my lady.”

If he’d intended to leave her, he wouldn’t have proposed a contract marriage in the first place. He would have wished for her happiness and blessed her marriage to another man.

“I’m not the pure and upright man you think I am. I selfishly kept you by my side out of greed. So I won’t leave you.”

Even if the lady, upon learning this fact someday, were to criticize him. Yezar was happy in every moment he spent with Julieta.

He wanted to be by Julieta’s side, not beside Bertisha whom he had come to revolve around like an irresistible fate.

He worried more about Julieta’s safety than Bertisha’s wellbeing. His thoughts always ended with Julieta. His fingers wiped away Julieta’s tears.

“Please don’t cry where I’m not, Julieta.”

Just as she always told him. He preferred her smiling face to her crying one too. Because when he saw that smile like a blazing sun, he became helpless.

***

It was a dream I hadn’t had in a long time. Family members with blurry faces appeared. They called my name and soon sat me at the table.

Bubbling soybean paste stew, glistening bulgogi, and familiar home side dishes. The bean rice my mom always made saying it was good for my health was placed in front of me. I habitually complained about the side dishes and my mom scolded me.

“Why are you complaining about not eating something that’s good for you? Beans are so healthy.”

Then my dad chimed in.

“That’s right. Mom made bulgogi that you like too. Hurry and eat.”

My annoying mama’s boy also said to me.

“Hey. If you’re going to complain about the side dishes so much, I’ll eat it all?”

It was a familiar conversation. It was a dream where even my mama’s boy appeared after a long time. He was my very annoying sibling, similar to Wizlet.

I reluctantly picked up my chopsticks and chewed the rice thoroughly. As I ate while grumbling, strangely tears came to my eyes.

The tears wouldn’t stop and kept flowing down my cheeks. Then my family members asked with concern.

“What’s wrong? Did something get in your eye?”

“Our daughter, did something bad happen?”

“Hey. Are you crying because of what I said…?”

I couldn’t remember any of the names they called me. I couldn’t even recall their faces. Even in my dream, faces blurred by mosaics surrounded me.

If it’s going to be like this, they shouldn’t appear at all. They didn’t appear in my dreams for a while. I can’t go back. What can I do even if they appear? I can only miss them.

I knew the end of this dream well. The table in front of me and my family members were disappearing into the distance. In the end, I was left alone in an empty space.

I missed them. Even knowing that my previous life had already ended and I couldn’t go back.

“I miss my family.”

At first, being possessed here felt like a curse.

“I miss you… Mom…”

Even knowing that the more I longed for them, the harder it would be, I kept searching.

“Don’t go. Please…”

Why does everyone leave me alone? Why do I end up alone? Why do I keep having this dream?

As I was despairing like that. A large rice cake appeared in front of me. Looking up closely, I saw a golden-furred puppy looking at me. The puppy gently licked my hand.

It seemed as if it was comforting me. But even so, this was just an illusion in my dream. Because my family wasn’t here. An illusion I conjured because I was lonely.

In the end, I was still alone.

“…Don’t go. Leave me alone.”

As I said that, the puppy licking my hand snuggled into my arms. It seemed to think I was talking to it.

Foolishly, now I even heard auditory hallucinations.

Saying it wouldn’t leave me. Telling me not to cry where it wasn’t.

I hugged the puppy snuggling into my arms tightly. Yes, whether this was an illusion or hallucination I created. Still, the end of the dream that was always lonely was warm today.

That was enough. At least it didn’t become a nightmare.

A moment later, as I woke from the dream, I blinked my eyes. The sunlight shining down and the blowing wind were the same as before I fell asleep.

The creaking rocking chair was the same too, and it didn’t seem like anyone had come while I was sleeping. As I stretched out, I looked up at the clear sky for a moment.

I always felt gloomy after dreaming of my family, but today, why? It wasn’t bad.

“Did the puppy in my dream take away all my depressed feelings?”

Thinking that, a laugh escaped. They say dreams with dogs aren’t particularly good omens, nor are they nightmares. I thought it would be nice if a large rice cake ran to me next time I dream of my family too.

Then I’ll hug that puppy tightly first.

***

Time passed and a week went by. It was finally the awaited spring outing with the ladies. With my gloomy feelings all gone, I was happily preparing for the spring outing with the ladies.

Besides Countess Stemun, I wanted to become closer with Countess Warden and Countess Fireoa whom I met last time too.

‘This time, I absolutely must not let rumors spread that Yezar is a beast who pounces on his wife every night.’

After finishing preparations even more thoroughly than last time, I put on a light spring dress, got dressed up, and headed for the carriage.

Of course, if there was one variable…

“My lady, please get in carefully. I’ll hold your hat so it doesn’t fly away in the wind.”

Somehow it had become a couples’ spring outing.