“Yes. Then, let’s see you and your family at the upcoming banquet.”
I wondered when I’d see him again.
“The banquet is soon, isn’t it?”
“Very soon. You always missed it because you were unwell each time.”
I had desperately tried not to get involved with the original story, but his sharp gaze accused me of faking illness.
“This time, please attend without making an effort to fall ill. You weren’t just the Count’s beloved daughter anymore—you’re now a Duchess. And your family misses you, Julietta. They want to see your face.”
If he meant family, was he referring to my eldest brother and father? I wiped away the bitter expression that naturally surfaced and smiled.
“Yes. I’ll definitely attend.”
Even if family who never visited and rarely sent letters claimed they missed me, it didn’t feel real. I had only decided to move past my younger brother.
‘As for the rest of my family… I don’t really want to see them. Remembering them just makes my heart ache.’
***
After seeing Weaslet off, I walked beside Yezar for a short while. The servants discreetly gave us space, as if encouraging us to enjoy our time alone.
Sometimes, the servants were overly considerate.
“Yezar, thank you so much today. For intentionally giving siblings time to talk, for tolerating Weaslet’s rude behavior, and for the meal—our head chef clearly put in great effort.”
His thoughtful care felt especially touching today. He was my precious family, after all. I could tell he was making an extra effort to be kind.
“No, I’m the one who should be grateful. I enjoyed speaking with my brother-in-law and hearing stories about you that I’d never known before.”
“Please forget those embarrassing stories as quickly as possible.”
My grumbling made Yezar laugh.
“They were pleasant to hear. Aren’t they memories?”
Could they even be called memories? They were just humiliating moments. But since Weaslet chattered about them, I realized just how clumsily I had stumbled through one accident after another in the Count’s household.
“I suppose I did cause quite a few incidents. Hmph. I don’t wish to share my foolish anecdotes with my husband. Please don’t listen to any embarrassing stories about me when I meet my younger brother at the next banquet.”
“Then would other stories be acceptable? For instance, your daily routines. I’m curious about how you spent your days in the Count’s household.”
There wasn’t anything particularly special, but if he was curious, sharing that much was fine.
“That’s acceptable. Listen as you wish.”
“Thank you, my lady.”
His overly bright reply felt oddly unsettling.
“But my lady, there is something I must say.”
“What is it?”
Could it possibly be about Bertisha? I swallowed hard. Since I had agreed to bring him to the banquet, inevitably I’d have to face Bertisha.
I could understand if he wanted to confide his worries about that.
“Are you truly comfortable meeting family members other than your brother-in-law?”
But suddenly shifting the topic to me made me blurt out in surprise.
“Me? You’re not talking about Her Majesty the Empress?”
Yezar tilted his head, puzzled.
“What does Her Majesty the Empress have to do with this? I asked because I was concerned about the expression you wore before your brother-in-law left.”
“What was wrong with my expression? I smiled while seeing Weaslet off.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but we speak face to face every day. I can now tell when you’re forcing a smile.”
“You didn’t need to notice that… Must everything be perfect?”
It felt like a person who left no room to hide. For once, I disliked his perfection.
“Do you not wish to see your family, my lady? When your brother-in-law said they wanted to see you, your own expression looked as if you were facing someone unwelcome.”
He had accurately sensed my feelings. With no point in hiding it now, I asked him.
“If I say I don’t want to see them… would I seem like a terrible person?”
Yezar slowly pulled me into his embrace.
“How could that be? The lady I’ve come to know doesn’t hate anyone without reason. There must be a reason you don’t wish to see them.”
As he comforted me, emotions I usually hid from others began to seep out.
“…My family says they love me, but they’ve never truly spent time with me. They call my name affectionately and smile, yet I’m always left alone.”
My hands clenched involuntarily. I no longer wanted to understand. I didn’t want to resign myself to giving up on something that was never truly mine.
“I thought I had to understand because they were busy. I told myself it was unavoidable to be left alone, so I shouldn’t be greedy. But today, Ember told me it’s okay to get angry, okay to be petulant—that I don’t have to understand. And that’s when I started crying.”
“So that’s why you were crying alone earlier.”
His gentle pat on my back stirred emotions that had begun to settle.
“I wanted someone to say that to me. Truthfully, I never wanted to understand. I didn’t want to be left alone. I desperately wished to be someone’s priority.”
I buried myself deeper into his arms, tightly gripping his sleeve.
“I don’t want to see them. Meeting them only makes me sad. It brings back memories of being alone. But because I know they claim to love me, I can’t complain at all… It hurts…”
It hurt. The fact that I couldn’t speak harshly to their kind faces made me feel no different from the lonely child Julietta who had craved affection.
The conflicting emotions of resenting them yet unable to let go because they were family still lingered within me.
“I will be by your side. Whenever you feel pain, I’ll be there. Please don’t suffer alone.”
He was foolish. How could he keep caring for others when he wasn’t okay himself?
That’s exactly why my heart flutters. That’s why boundaries blur and I keep wanting to lean on him.
“You’re not okay either. You find it hard to face Her Majesty the Empress—why do you keep worrying about me first?”
I wasn’t someone worthy of this. I was just a contractual wife, a fleeting connection in his life. This warmth given to me felt undeserved.
He gently stroked my back and quietly recounted a memory.
“I remember you holding my trembling hand at our wedding. You were the first person to reach out to me, someone who always bore emotions alone. That’s why, for someone like you, I naturally worry about you before anyone else.”
“…I’m worried about you, Yezar. I’m afraid you’ll push aside your own feelings just to comfort mine.”
When one tends to others’ emotions, their own often end up neglected. I didn’t want Yezar to suffer in silence while worrying about me.
I truly loved seeing him smile brightly. Hearing that, Yezar laughed warmly.
He tucked my stray strands of hair behind my ear and gently kissed the corner of my tear-stained eyes.
“Then we’ll keep worrying about each other. Isn’t that enough? At the banquet, we’ll be together. You won’t be alone.”
“B-But just now, near my eyes…”
“We’re completely alone right now. Couldn’t you see this as my own way of trying to care for you?”
Not a single word was wrong. After all, I was the one who first suggested this closeness. Yet my burning cheeks flushed for a different reason.
“Yes, I understand… I was just startled, that’s all. I didn’t dislike it. I wanted you to know that.”
Afraid he might misunderstand, I added the words, and Yezar looked delighted.
“Yes, my lady.”
Again, that response that made one’s heart flutter. I mustn’t misinterpret it.
“Still, if you feel too overwhelmed at the banquet, please tell me. I’ve experimented with many ways to avoid attending banquets before.”
Given how Weaslet suspected malingering, my excuses for skipping events had become quite convincing over time. If it helped, I was fully ready to share these methods.
Of course, my words made Yezar’s shoulders tremble slightly—probably from holding back laughter. Was my story really that amusing? It was based on multiple hard-earned lessons after all.
“You don’t need to go that far. Being with you makes past hardships feel like distant memories. Now, instead of painful days, I recall the joyful moments we’ve shared, our conversations, the time we’ve spent together.”
“Really?”
“Yes. In the past, I might not have said so, but now that you’re by my side, I’m truly alright. Or… do you think I’m lying?”
After speaking with him daily, I could tell whether he was genuinely happy or just pretending.
He wasn’t lying. Whether my intense training had worked or not, he smiled brightly, as if those difficult moments had never existed.
I wouldn’t know for sure until we faced it together, but even this much felt like a blessing.
After all, the first time he came to me, his expression had looked somewhat lonely.
“You’re not lying. You truly seem alright.”
“It’s all because of you, my lady.”
Our exchanged words melted like snow, tender and warm.
“But Yezar.”
“Yes, what is it?”
“Um… I think I have something coming out of my nose… It’d be better to wipe it.”
I couldn’t possibly soil him with such a thing. He gently let me go and offered his handkerchief.
Then, as if something amused him, he laughed quietly again.
“Hah… M-My lady, really…”
I had tried my best to hold back, but my ironclad resolve that I couldn’t leave such a thing on Yezar’s clothes gave me courage.
“How could you be so adorable?”
And just like the word “adorable” he had freely used in front of Weaslet, it seemed to have lingered as an unintended side effect—Yezar uttered such an unbelievable phrase.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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