I was now examining my own posture. To anyone’s eyes, it would look no different from pouncing on Yezar in the garden.

“This, this isn’t what it looks like!”

“I, I’m perfectly fine! The garden was a place even the late Duke enjoyed. I’m quite used to it. I’ll be on my way now!”

‘…Well, it wasn’t exactly flattering, but the garden had been a favorite spot for my parents, who often sought unusual amusements.’

Ah, please, it’s not like that at all! But the gardener had already fled before I could even grab him.

I flailed my hands in panic and dropped them. Yezar was still beneath me.

“Ugh. This is all Yezar’s fault. What an embarrassing misunderstanding I’ve gotten myself into…”

“The lady did mount me, though…”

“Be quiet. I’ll bite your cheek right off.”

He fell silent immediately. I slowly slid off him and buried my face into my dress. He seemed concerned and spoke to me.

“My lady, please lift your head.”

“What if the gardener spreads rumors? If he says we were doing… certain things in the garden like the previous Duke and Duchess, I don’t think I’ll be able to look any of the servants in the eye ever again.”

“It’s fine. I’ll ensure he keeps quiet. And as long as we know we didn’t do anything, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

I slowly raised my head.

“But the fact remains that I pinned Yezar down and kissed him on the cheek. To anyone watching, it must’ve looked like I attacked him.”

“Well, since nothing actually happened, it’s fine.”

Is that so. Since nothing truly occurred, is it really alright? It still felt strangely uncomfortable, but staying like this might mean running into someone else soon enough.

“Yezar, shall we try our efforts in the bedroom?”

“What exactly are we supposed to do in the bedroom…?”

Why was he looking at me with such a bright red face? I strangely felt a playful urge stirring.

“Well, the bedroom is the only place where no one else would intrude, just the two of us, right? Why is your face turning as red as a strawberry? Were you imagining something?”

As I leaned in with a smile to look at his face, he quickly turned his head away and replied sulkily.

“You’re the one who said I shouldn’t tease, aren’t you…”

He realized I was teasing him. Ah, now I understand why Yezar likes to play pranks on me. The way he speaks all flustered and blushing is just too adorable.

“I know. But now that I actually teased you, I can’t stop laughing. I’m sorry. Are you mad?”

“I would never get angry at my lady over something so trivial. Still, teasing isn’t very proper.”

“Alright, I’ll stop.”

I took his hand and stood up, brushing grass off my dress.

“My dress is ruined just from rolling around in the garden for a moment. Oh, Yezar’s clothes are stained with grass juice too.”

Considering I’d pinned him down like that, it was only natural.

“Oh dear. I’ll need to change clothes.”

“Heh. We’re not children playing in the garden—what on earth are we doing?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. It reminded me of when I used to go play on the hills behind the house as a child and come back completely disheveled. That had been fun too.

“You’re right. But I think it’s fine, since my lady smiled.”

“I did laugh, but ahaha… I won’t knock you over in the garden again. I must’ve been too rough.”

I was perfectly rational. It had been an extremely impulsive act. But perhaps the reason I didn’t regret it was because Yezar was laughing along with me.

***

Morning came. It was the morning when Weaslet was due to arrive. I yawned involuntarily from exhaustion.

‘Yawn. Why did Weaslet have to come so early in the morning?’

It had been a leisurely morning, but now I couldn’t afford to relax with a guest arriving.

After being attended by maids and having a simple breakfast, I went looking for my husband, who was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Yezar now?”

His training should’ve ended by now. He wasn’t in the study either. Ember answered.

“The Duke is at the main gate, going to welcome Weaslet Orbetian.”

“He really didn’t have to do that. How thoughtful of him.”

“Well, he’s someone precious to my lady.”

“Even so, my family is my responsibility. There’s no need for Yezar to trouble himself.”

Especially since he’s a busy man. I felt like I was bothering him too much. Ember then said to me.

“If the Duke hears you say that, he’ll be sad. No matter how busy one is, caring for a loved one’s family is only natural. Wouldn’t you agree, my lady?”

“Well, when someone’s busy, they tend to neglect other things. That’s not something I should insist on—it’s something I should understand.”

Ember’s expression suddenly looked somewhat sorrowful. Did I say something wrong? I quickly added.

“Anyway, I am grateful to Yezar for taking the time despite his busy schedule. He’s truly a kind person.”

Saying this, I tried to end the conversation. But she suddenly gripped my hand tightly—warm, just like how my nanny used to hold my hand back at the Count’s estate.

“My lady, you are someone precious. Everyone loves you for your kindness.”

Ember’s sudden praise felt awkward. Why was she saying this all of a sudden? I wasn’t used to this sort of thing.

“That’s why I hope you won’t always understand everything. If the Duke ever makes you feel disappointed because he’s busy, please get angry, be annoyed. I’ll always be on your side.”

“It’s something I should understand, so why…”

Besides, I was only a temporary presence here. For her to say she’d side with me instead of Yezar, who had always been by her side.

“Because my lady deserves to be respected. You always do your best as the Duchess, and even when I made unreasonable requests, you always listened carefully and considered others.”

“What I did, I did because I wanted to help him. And I worked hard as Duchess only because I didn’t want to be a burden to him. So Ember, you don’t need to think of me that highly.”

It was enough that she cared this much. She didn’t need to be any kinder. I clearly understood the boundaries servants were meant to uphold.

As long as those boundaries weren’t crossed, we could maintain a perfectly good relationship.

“But watching my lady, I feel like I’m seeing the Duke—someone who’s grown accustomed to enduring and holding back. The two of you are quite alike. You both carry everything alone, pretending to be fine with a smile, yet you simply hide your painful feelings from others—to avoid troubling anyone. That kind of consideration is truly sad.”

But how else could I express those feelings? Even if I did, nothing would change. It would only make those around me uncomfortable.

Over time, hiding became second nature. I learned to stay silent, knowing no one would truly listen. But… here, there were people who told me it was okay.

“There’s one thing I hope my lady understands. Here, it’s alright to get angry, to be petty. Don’t always understand. Just remember that you are precious.”

“Why are you saying this to me…?”

“Because I selfishly wish for my lady to stay, and even if you ever decide to leave, I hope you can laugh freely here. Honestly, I was worried because only one of your family members is visiting today. It’s been quite some time since the wedding, yet the only one who regularly sends letters is Weaslet Orbetian, the second son of the Count Orbetian family.”

So that was why. Ember had intentionally reached out, worried I might feel lonely over this.

“Ember, what do you think love is? Is it love if you cherish and value someone, yet can’t even find time to visit them?”

“My lady…”

“Is it very sad to sit in an empty room, waiting for someone who never comes—having no time to share a meal, take a trip, or even talk?”

Her eyes grew blurry. Why did Ember look like she was about to cry? I was fine.

“It’s sad. Very sad.”

Was I… actually very sad too? But I had always told myself it wasn’t mine to claim. So I never allowed myself to want it.

Something inside me cracked, and droplets began to fall. Something slid down my cheek. Was it raining? But outside, not a single cloud was in sight.

Touching my cheek, I realized I was crying.

“Ah… Why am I like this?”

Why was I crying? Why were the tears suddenly flowing without stopping? It was embarrassing.

“Sorry, Ember. Must’ve gotten some dust in my eye.”

I said with a bright smile, hoping she’d just let it pass. Sharp as ever, she understood my intention and replied.

“I’ll tell the maids cleaning the hallways to be more thorough. Don’t worry, my lady—I’ll explain to the Duke. Please rest for a while.”

I wished the tears would stop soon. Was something wrong with my tear ducts? They wouldn’t stop flowing, wetting my face. There was no way I could face Weaslet or Yezar like this.

“Alright. I’ll rest. Thank you, Ember.”

“Yes, my lady.”

***

‘I just ended up crying.’

Looking in the mirror, I saw my eyes were red. The damp cloth Ember had left beside me was still there.

Why had I cried? Was it because of unexpected kindness? Or because here, no one treated me as a distant young mistress who had to be kept at arm’s length?

I made up various excuses in my mind, but I already knew the truth. The truth was, I wanted to feel that affection I had always told myself wasn’t mine—affection I had never allowed myself to want. And now I finally understood the part of me that had never wanted to forgive my family for never coming to see me.