‘Don’t hate me…?’

Each word sharply pierced my heart.

Scared from falling down the stairs, she asked not to be hated as soon as she saw ‘Mom’.

It was heartbreaking that she said she would be a good child who doesn’t use bad words to friends and doesn’t pick at carrots.

Mentioning things the other person might like and being cautious resembled me.

‘Why do I feel like she resembles me?’

Had there been a time when I said I would be a good child, so please don’t abandon me?

‘Ah, this was when I was my original self.’

Just before starting the adoption process after catching the eye of a couple who came to the orphanage, I saw their hesitant looks.

‘Honey. I’m concerned that she’s too quiet for a child. She only answers when I ask, wouldn’t an more lively boy be better?’

‘I think so too. Then, let’s ask to see another boy again…’

‘…Please take me! From now on I’ll talk a lot. I was quiet because I thought you’d find it annoying if I said too much. Please choose me. I’ll be a good child.’

Thinking they wouldn’t take me, I jumped in and squeezed out my voice.

The couple stroked my cheek saying they would take me, but in the end chose another child.

‘How much must she have worried and agonized to say she’d be a good child.’

Imagining how much she must have cried thinking she might be abandoned made me uneasy.

Honestly, I didn’t have much sense of her as my child since she wasn’t in my memories.

No matter how much I tried to recall, I didn’t know who this child was.

When I thought of the name ‘Blanche’, it was just blank.

But somehow I felt fond and wanted to treat her well. Even if I lost my memories, it seems I didn’t forget my feelings for this child.

I bent my knees to meet the child’s eyes.

‘Looks like she cried a lot. Her eyes are red.’

I gently patted away the tears welling up with my sleeve.

“Blanche, right?”

The child looked at me with a strange expression.

‘Hmm. How should I explain this? Would a 4-year-old even understand properly if I told her?’

As if wondering why I was addressing her that way.

“Blanche. When I woke up after sleeping, my memories were gone.”

“…Your memories are gone?”

“Yes. So, people say I’m 25 years old, but I think I’m 20. About 5 years? I can’t remember, so I might seem a bit unfamiliar until I find my memories.”

Thinking the explanation might have been a bit vague, I added more.

“Shu Shu is 4 years old, so if you can’t remember 5 years, that means you can’t remember Shu Shu who is in that time too.”

Clear moisture rolled in the child’s eyes that had been tearing up.

‘She understood and applied that right away?’

They said she was 4, but her comprehension was really high and smart for that age.

More than that, since she understood, there was something I had to say.

“I’m sorry. For not remembering you.”

I could feel that she must have been a very precious child.

Surely we must have many memories built together, but I felt sorry that I couldn’t remember any of them.

The child shook her head.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Mommy. Shu Shu… It’s okay even if Mommy doesn’t remember Shu Shu.”

Then she said with a broad smile.

Unshed tears still clung to the corners of her eyes.

“Because Shu Shu remembers! You kissed Shu Shu, and told me you loved me every day. You said you’d always love me no matter what happened.”

“…”

“That means you still love me even if you don’t remember Shu Shu. You just have to not hate Shu Shu.”

Tears welled up as I choked up. Ayla also seemed to be tearing up as she turned away and moved far off, and Jade’s face contorted.

“Mommy, don’t cry.”

The child reached out and rubbed under my eyes just as I had done earlier.

I barely managed to hold back from bursting into tears.

“…Can you wait a little bit? I promise I’ll definitely remember you.”

Even if not in my memories, this was certain.

That I truly loved this child very much.

The child glanced at Jade, their eyes met briefly, and she immediately lowered her gaze.

Then she came behind me and hid.

‘She wasn’t close with Jade, why is she so afraid?’

Anyone could see she was intimidated by Jade.

“Larien. When the rain stops, you should leave for the capital right away and get a proper examination.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t ride in carriages for long, remember? I came separately on the way here too.”

Right. Jade couldn’t ride in carriages for long due to his parents’ accident.

“Brother, come out and talk with me for a bit.”

Ayla, who had been crying in the back, wiped her eyes hard and dragged Jade out.

“Blanche. Did something happen with Jade…?”

“No…”

It was a response that clearly showed something had happened.

Though I didn’t press further since she wanted to hide it, it still bothered me.

When morning came, the rain had stopped.

The sun was blazing as if it had never rained.

It was perfect summer weather. Jade left Salome Castle first by shifting into animal form.

I headed to the Boston Count’s estate with Blanche. When we arrived at the Boston estate, it felt somewhat awkward.

On the other hand, it was also comfortable since it wasn’t the Belaste Duchy.

“Welcome back, my lady. Lady Blanche.”

Seeing Mary, whose hair had grown much longer and freckles had faded, it really hit me.

That 5 years had truly passed.

I explained the situation to Mary. That I couldn’t remember anything after age 20 since falling down the stairs.

“T-then, Lady Blanche too…?”

I nodded silently, looking at the child who was hanging her head. The child yawned, seeming sleepy.

She must have been tired from staying awake the whole carriage ride.

‘It would be better for Mary to put her to sleep than me.’

I was going to entrust the child to Mary to put her to sleep for now.

But the child clung to me, on the verge of tears.

‘She insisted on sleeping next to me yesterday too.’

She hated being apart from me so much that I had no choice but to let her sleep in my arms.

The child fell asleep mumbling for me not to go anywhere. I laid her down on the sofa, patting her belly.

“Lady Blanche must have been very anxious.”

“Mary. You’ve been staying with me?”

“Of course. I left for Rukah with you and have been staying with you ever since.”

I was relieved to have someone who knew about my lost 5 years.

Since Jade said he didn’t know when I asked him.

“Can you tell me some things? They say I’m a countess now? Is there anything I need to take care of right away?”

“Hmm, let’s see. I’ll ask Sir Aaron a little later. Sir Aaron is the representative of the merchant group.”

Mary told me that after learning I was pregnant, I moved to the annex and then set it on fire to escape.

“After that, you stayed in Rukah with the help of the previous count and gave birth to Lady Blanche as well.”

I found it strange as I listened.

I don’t even attempt reckless things at all, yet I set a fire to fake my death and run away.

“Then you returned to Langransha to treat Lady Blanche’s divine power depletion. The previous count passed away, and you’re staying here now to succeed him.”

“Her divine power was almost depleted? Isn’t that dangerous? Is she alright now?”

I felt a moment of fear as I listened to Mary’s words.

‘In the original story, divine power depletion was an extremely dangerous illness…’

“She received treatment at the Grand Temple so she’s fine now. Even if it happens again, it would be safe if Marquis Rowe does some kind of absorption.”

I was glad there was a definite solution. I asked if there was anything I needed to take care of right away.

If not, I wanted to look around the Boston estate and rest a bit.

“Oh dear. You need to visit the Asitan Count’s estate. You have an appointment with the countess.”

“The Asitan Countess…?”

Since I had no memories, it felt like people were popping up from everywhere each time I heard something.

“Ah, well. You attended Princess Cassandra’s birthday banquet. You spilled wine on your dress there, and the Asitan Countess lent you her shawl.”

I had to go return the shawl, and since a visit request was already made in advance, I couldn’t not go.

Mary brought the Asitan Countess’s shawl that had been cleaned in advance and a box of packaged gourmet desserts.

“But, Mary. Is it okay to go like this? Wasn’t I living under Diane’s identity? Wasn’t ‘Larien Belaste’ supposed to be dead?”

As I was preparing to go to the Asitan estate, a question occurred to me.

Even if I had done plastic surgery, I had different features from Diane.

Diane’s eyes were pink, while mine were sea blue with hints of purple…

“Is it okay for me to meet other people?”

“Ah. Don’t worry about that.”

Mary pointed to the pendant I was wearing around my neck.

“The previous count gave it to you, and if you wear that, others will perceive you as Lady Diane. Actually, even I do.”

With just this, there was no problem with external activities.

To be honest, I was worried. Both Count Boston and Diane were dead, and I wasn’t sure if I could lead well.

I was concerned about what would happen if I made a mistake and caused any issues.

“Lady Blanche, are you awake?”

The child who had woken up groggily turned her head sharply as if looking for me.

Then, upon spotting me, she immediately got down from the sofa.

“Mommy. Don’t leave Shu Shu behind.”

I stroked her head, thinking I should take the child to the Asitan estate.

“That’s strange.”

“What’s strange?”

“Lady Blanche usually didn’t speak formally to you.”

Mary tilted her head towards the anxious child and said,

“She used to stay with me just fine even when you went out alone, though she would get bored…”