“……Now? Wouldn’t it be better to go after your body has recovered a bit? It’s late now too.”

When I turned my head towards the window, it was certainly a dark evening. Raindrops were falling lightly.

‘He said I’m still 20 years old……’

Just last night, it was winter with snow piled up…….

“Jade. Is it spring now? Or summer?”

“Spring is ending. Summer will come soon.”

It felt awkward to accept that spring was ending and summer was coming soon.

“Jade. I want to get up. I feel suffocated.”

“……Come here.”

I approached the window with Jade’s support and opened it.

I put my hand through the opening to catch the raindrops. The rain touching my skin still felt strange.

“Larien. You’ll catch a cold.”

When I stretched out a bit more, I could see the castle walls.

“Where is this……?”

“We came to Salome Castle for a while.”

“If it’s Salome Castle, isn’t this where your castle is?”

No wonder it didn’t seem like Jade’s bedroom. Indeed, it wasn’t the Rowe Marquis’s residence.

“Is the child here too?”

“She should be with Ayla now, so don’t worry too much.”

“What kind of child is she?”

When I asked about the child, Jade hesitated to answer.

‘He seems reluctant to talk about the child……?’

I felt anxious, wondering if I had been a bad mother to the child. Is that why he stopped me from going to see her earlier?

‘Since he said we’ve only recently met again, I must have raised the child alone.’

The conditions for the child’s upbringing weren’t very good.

‘Did I get irritated with the child due to stress from that, or maybe even abused her……?’

Of course, even if I had intended to raise the child with love I never received myself, human affairs can’t be hastily judged.

‘Having never received love, not knowing how to give it, I wonder if I raised her properly…….’

Still, there was one hopeful point.

‘Now that I know the child is his daughter, and we’ve all come to the castle together like this…….’

It meant we were a family on good terms.

‘But he said we’re not married.’

I wondered if it was a relationship by mutual agreement.

It still felt surreal that I had given birth to Jade’s child.

“Why are you closing it? I wanted to look more……”

He closed the window and brought a towel.

He carefully wiped my hands with the towel.

I felt I needed to take in Jade’s actions, even a little, to adapt faster.

“You fell down the stairs and lost consciousness, then just woke up. Lie back down in bed.”

“I’m fine, really. I don’t need to lie down. Rather, my body feels stiff and I want to move around.”

The headache that was severe when I first woke up had improved considerably.

Jade, who was still worried and following me around closely to keep an eye on me, was subtly annoying.

‘But how did I end up falling down the stairs?’

I was curious about the reason I fell down the stairs.

“Jade. How did this happen to me? Did I simply slip on my own or twist my ankle or something?”

“……No.”

“Why can’t you speak properly since earlier? It’s frustrating.”

Judging by Jade’s attitude, it seemed like someone might have pushed me from behind.

“Blanche lost her footing on the stairs. You saw it and embraced her, which is how this happened.”

The words that came out of Jade’s mouth were more shocking than I expected. To think I fell like this while embracing the child.

“What? Is the child okay?”

“You absorbed all the impact by embracing her as you fell, so she’s not injured anywhere.”

Even I, an adult, lost consciousness from the fall. There’s no way a 4-year-old child would be fine.

‘Even if she’s not physically hurt, she must have been very shocked.’

I was also concerned about Ayla’s words that the child would be upset if she knew her mother had forgotten her.

‘Is it okay to let the child know that I’ve lost my memory?’

But I couldn’t keep avoiding and not seeing her either.

She’s still young and needs her mother’s care.

I made a decision. Before meeting the child, I would try to fill in as much of the 5-year gap as possible.

“What kind of personality does the child have? Is she quiet? Or energetic? How was my relationship with her? What does she like? What does she dislike?”

“Larien. Ask slowly. And I’ve only met Blanche recently too…… I didn’t treat her particularly well.”

Jade concluded bitterly that he wasn’t close with the child.

‘Her mother has lost her memory, and she’s not close with her father.’

I felt sorry for the child born to such parents.

“Her personality is…… on the energetic side. But she’s a bit shy with strangers. You had a good relationship with her. She likes macarons, and dislikes…… carrots, I think.”

I was honestly surprised to see Jade listing information about the child.

‘He said they weren’t close, but he’s answering everything I just asked right away?’

Anyone could see that Jade had affection for the child. He wouldn’t pay any attention at all to someone he wasn’t interested in, no matter what they did.

‘He says they’re not close, but he likes her a lot.’

That was somewhat reassuring. At least we weren’t the worst parents.

“Jade. Do you know what my current situation is? I’m not a Belaste duchess yet, right?”

“Larien Belaste has been declared dead.”

“……I’m dead?”

It was a more shocking update than I expected.

“What on earth happened……”

“I’ll tell you what I know. Larien.”

Jade first said that a child was born between us, and it was hidden from Duke Belaste.

He said I ran away pretending to be dead in order to give birth to the child, with the help of my uncle, Earl Boston.

Apparently, I had been hiding in a place called ‘Lekah’ under the identity of ‘Diane Boston’, the only daughter of Earl Boston.

I was embarrassed and flustered to hear that I had received help from Earl Boston.

‘And then I’ve been living under the identity of uncle’s only daughter……?’

We had never had any interaction before, but I went to him when I got pregnant?

“When I return to the capital, I should go to uncle first to thank him.”

“……Larien. Earl Boston died a few months ago. You’re the countess now.”

Jade informed me that Earl Boston had died after hearing my murmured words.

‘Earl Boston died, and now I’ve succeeded him.’

He was just a relative I wasn’t close to and felt sorry for troubling……

Why do I feel so incredibly lonely, as if I’ve been left all alone?

My vision blurred with tears and my head hurt like before.

‘You’re even prettier up close.’

I sank to the floor, unable to bear the pain.

‘I thought you were all grown up, but you were still a baby. Larien.’

I heard the same person’s voice as just before. Whose voice is this?

“Larien!”

Jade immediately clung to me and examined me.

“Jade, be quiet. Just be quiet for a moment. Can only I hear this sound?”

“Larien. What sound are you saying you hear?”

Is this part of the 5 years of memories I lost?

I closed my eyes tightly because my head hurt so much. My dark vision changed to a room that a young child might use.

Earl Boston was sitting in an armchair, painting with a brush on an old easel with a palette on his lap.

He smiled, saying he remembered the day I came to ask for help. He said he was relieved that Blanche would grow up clinging to me.

He continued speaking while clutching his chest.

He apologized, wondering if he had been a good father.

He asked me to forgive this departing father.

He said he would stay nearby in whatever form.

Saying he should have loved you more, he dropped his brush and his hand fell into empty space.

Earl Boston’s figure disappeared without a trace, and I carefully opened my eyes.

“Jade…… You said uncle passed away a few months ago……?”

The voice I just heard and the scene I saw were memories of when Earl Boston died.

“As per Earl Boston’s will, there was no funeral, and he was laid to rest next to Diane Boston’s grave.”

“Diane is dead too……?”

Jade moved his chin to indicate yes.

‘Uncle and Diane are both dead….. Well, that’s why I’m living under Diane’s identity.’

It was bitter. That they died during the 5 years I’ve lost my memory.

‘Judging by what uncle was saying to me, we must have become very close after I went to ask for help.’

The first memory that came back to me was of Earl Boston, after all.

“Larien. Can you stand up?”

“Ah, yes……”

I grabbed Jade’s hand and barely supported my trembling legs as I stood up.

‘A memory came back, but it doesn’t feel like something I experienced.’

I had a feeling it would take quite some time to fully recover my memories.

“Blanche! Don’t go in! Wait a moment!”

The door opened and a child who looked just like me entered with Ayla.

“Mama!”

The child ran to me and hugged my waist, clinging to me.

‘Is this child Blanche?’

The momentum pushed my body backwards.

Jade reached out to try to separate Blanche from me. The hands of the child hugging me were trembling.

‘She must have been very shocked. Well, they said I embraced the child when I fell down the stairs……’

Feeling sorry for her, I shook my head at Jade and left the child as she was.

“I’m sorry, it’s Shu Shu’s fault that mama got hurt, Shu Shu did wrong……”

The child burst into tears.

“From now on, I won’t say bad things to friends either, and I won’t throw tantrums, boo-hoo.”

I hesitated as I was about to pat the child’s back to comfort her.

“I’ll eat carrots without being picky too. So, please don’t hate Shu Shu……”