Pregnant With The Wolf's Child - Chapter 66

After having breakfast with the Countess of Escalife, we entered the palace together and arrived at Sunset Palace.

“Shall we go to the greenhouse garden, Earl Boston?”

As I followed the Countess of Escalife down the corridor leading to the greenhouse garden, I thought:

‘It’s a different time than yesterday, but if the Emperor is in the greenhouse garden today too, is Crown Prince Oscar handling state affairs?’

It was common for the Crown Prince to act on behalf of the Emperor.

‘It should be time for a state council meeting with high-ranking nobles now.’

However, there were no cases of the Crown Prince presiding over state council meetings.

‘Has his health deteriorated to the point of entrusting even state council meetings to the Crown Prince?’

Tap, tap, tap…

The sound of a cane piercing my eardrums broke my various thoughts.

‘…Duke Belaste?’

Duke Belaste was coming from the opposite direction, dragging his cane.

“Greetings to Duke Belaste.”

The Countess of Escalife bowed to Duke Belaste.

“It’s been a while, Countess Escalife. And… Earl Boston.”

I lowered my eyelids and bit my lip.

‘To run into him here. He must be heading to the meeting hall in Sunset Palace.’

I had forgotten that Duke Belaste also had the authority to attend state council meetings.

He glanced at me, then said to the Countess of Escalife:

“Countess Escalife. If it’s not urgent, I have something to say to Earl Boston for a moment. Would you mind giving us some privacy?”

“Ah… I see. Then, Earl Boston. I’ll wait for you at the entrance to the greenhouse garden.”

The Countess of Escalife nodded with a troubled expression and left.

‘What does he want to say now.’

I was frustrated with Duke Belaste, who hadn’t opened his mouth for a long time.

“Duke Belaste. I’m on my way to see His Majesty the Emperor. If you have nothing to say, may I go ahead?”

I didn’t know why he stopped me, but honestly, I wasn’t curious.

‘At best, he’ll just apologize again.’

An apology that didn’t feel genuine.

I didn’t want to ruin my mood with words that were nothing more than pleading just to ease his own conscience.

“Wait, wait. Earl Boston. I have something to ask.”

“…Go ahead.”

“I… heard a report from Larien’s doctor.”

Duke Belaste finally broke the ice with difficulty.

‘No way.’

If it was a report from the doctor who had diagnosed the pregnancy…

“He said that Larien was pregnant at the time. Is your daughter… Larien’s child by any chance? Are you raising my granddaughter on behalf of Larien?”

I tried to maintain a calm expression in the face of Duke Belaste’s pointed question.

“Your granddaughter?”

I pressed near my heart, which was beating anxiously, as I exhaled deeply.

“Are you saying you think Larien is alive?”

“Yes. I don’t think it’s that the body wasn’t found because the fire was too intense, but that she didn’t die in the first place.”

“…”

“So, if she’s hiding somewhere, please let me meet her. No. Please tell her to come back. Tell her her father is waiting…”

Emotions I had been holding back welled up.

‘Her father is waiting?’

It was a ridiculous request.

‘When you were never a father even once.’

I had asked once if he couldn’t love me.

During the most heartbreaking time when I was assimilating with Larien’s inherited memories.

Longing for a father’s affection for the first time, I knelt and begged.

‘I won’t ask for much. I understand if you can’t be an ordinary father like others. Even a little is fine. You have two children, me and Uriel, but… I only have one father.’

The words I heard as I crawled to his feet were still strange to me.

‘I will never love you. As I haven’t until now. And I won’t in the future.’

That he would never love me. That he would never love me for eternity.

“…You know well that Larien was pregnant. That when pregnant, it’s difficult to control hormones and shift into animal form at will.”

Should I tolerate this deception of calling himself a father now, after rejecting me first?

“Larien is dead. She couldn’t escape the flames and burned long ago.”

“…Enough, I understand, that’s enough.”

Duke Belaste refused to listen.

“You of all people shouldn’t be like this. You hated Larien the most, didn’t you? What’s your reason for this? Do you want to act like a loving father?”

I didn’t stop and spilled everything out.

“I know I don’t have the right to do this.”

Duke Belaste, who had been listening silently, pressed his forehead and lowered his head.

“When I heard that there was a fire in the annex… I got this burn on my leg trying to go inside.”

Duke Belaste gripped his cane again.

“It’s a wound that only touched a very small part, but I know how hot the fire was. I just couldn’t bear to accept that she died in agony in the flames.”

His daughter Larien had already died long ago.

Because I entered her body when Larien died.

“I have a favor to ask. I know it’s shameless, but could you let me see your daughter…? Even for just a moment, if she doesn’t want to meet, just let me watch from afar.”

I was dumbfounded that it led to a request to meet Blanche.

“How many times do I have to tell you that my daughter is not your granddaughter?”

“It’s not because I think she’s my granddaughter!”

When my face hardened, Duke Belaste hurriedly added:

“I know your daughter has nothing to do with Larien. I know, but… isn’t she so similar? Not just her face. Her kind nature of wanting to help the weak, her bright smile, her warm words of comfort…”

Duke Belaste’s eyes were wet with tears.

“She reminds me of the time I couldn’t love, the time I couldn’t see much. If you let me see her just once, I’ll grant you anything you want. Please.”

It was unpleasant to realize that he was projecting me onto Blanche.

“Don’t ever make such a request again.”

“…You know too, Earl. What a terrible father I was to Larien.”

I should have passed by Duke Belaste right away, knowing it was a pathetic excuse.

Suddenly, I was curious about the reason.

“Why… did you do that?”

Why he didn’t give love. Why he hated her more than anyone else.

“Rachel was my everything. Without Rachel, there was no meaning in living. At one time, I thought I had lost everything precious to me because of Larien.”

Rachel’s death.

The reason for a lifetime of hatred.

“I didn’t hate Larien from the beginning. When I heard Rachel was pregnant, I was really happy. I stayed up for three days and nights to personally name her…”

I had seen it in Rachel’s diary recording Larien’s growth.

The passage saying that Duke Belaste had given the name ‘Larien’ hoping she would grow up loved.

It wasn’t a lie. He had done so at one time.

“I resented her for taking Rachel away from me. Stupidly, I didn’t realize she was the gift Rachel left behind.”

That insignificant love that soon disappeared and turned into hatred.

“Even when I tried to make her the Crown Princess, I wanted to make her noble. So that no one could look down on her…”

He had scolded me when the plan to make me the Crown Princess fell through.

‘That it was all for my sake.’

Is it sincere?

“I got angry when she showed signs of growing up without a mother. I was harsh and strict so she wouldn’t depend on anyone, so she could live alone.”

There was no value in listening further to excuses trying to justify my unhappiness by saying it had to be that way.

“Duke. My father always loved me, and until his dying breath, he was sorry he couldn’t love me more.”

I deliberately emphasized the word ‘father’.

Wondering if the one who left, saying he would always be by my side, might be listening.

“Your daughter wanted her father’s affection more than that strict discipline, more than a high position.”

I’ve always lived thinking I was a child who shouldn’t have been born, that I came into the world and was abandoned.

I craved for his gaze, wanting to hear him say it wasn’t true.

Then I got tired and comforted myself. That I never wanted it in the first place, so it was fine not to have it.

I doubted, measured, and distrusted love given by others.

Having never received it, I worried countless times that I wouldn’t be able to love Blanche, who was most precious to me.

“If the situation wasn’t the same as others, you should have hugged her even once more and told her it wasn’t wrong that she was born, instead of trying to raise her to be strong.”

“…It was my first time, I didn’t know. It was my first time being a father too-”

He shouldn’t have said he was clumsy because it was his first time.

Didn’t he love Uriel?

‘Uriel, well done. This is excellent progress for your age.’

Praising when he did well, encouraging when he couldn’t, making him try again even if he failed.

‘If nothing else, you shouldn’t have said you didn’t know because it was your first time.’

Honestly, I wavered.

Maybe just once, I could show him Blanche.

Knowing well the aching heart of a parent longing for their child, I struggled with whether I could allow that much.

‘This isn’t Duke Belaste’s fault.’

I was foolish.

Not knowing it was the wrong judgment, I listened to excuses and dug open a festering wound myself.

Because I had expectations again.

It’s clearly my fault.