The heat melted away in the deep darkness of dawn.
“Water….”
Larien, lying down as if collapsing from exhaustion, kept scratching her throat, parched.
“…Larien. Stop scratching.”
“Mmm, thirsty…”
Red marks appeared on Larien’s white neck.
“I said stop scratching.”
His shoulders were also covered in nail marks left by Larien.
He welcomed the traces Larien left on his body, but disliked them appearing on her.
Jade held both of Larien’s hands and poured water from the jug on the side table.
“I brought water. Drink.”
She only moved her lips, unable to open her eyes. She kept mumbling softly that she was thirsty.
With no other choice, he took water in his mouth and slowly pushed it into Larien’s mouth.
Soon, a gulping sound was heard.
When he pulled his lips away, she let out a peaceful breath, seemingly satisfied with her thirst quenched.
Her apricot-colored lips, stained with bright red juice, glistened moistly.
“…Larien.”
As he ran his hand along her face flushed with fever and smooth jawline, she flinched.
“Yes?”
She would be horrified if she knew how he pushed her away at the end, saying it was too much, but it wasn’t enough.
The desire he had suppressed for so long was still far from being fulfilled.
Jade still wanted her, and wished to endlessly explore her.
“I wonder if you’d be horrified and try to run away again if you knew this.”
Of course, his reason for craving her wasn’t simply to satisfy his desires.
Repeating the slick movements made him feel like he was proving Larien was alive and breathing.
Above all, the satisfaction of being connected with her was irreplaceable.
“Mmm, don’t…”
Larien let out a pained sound as he caressed her heated earlobe.
Pushing away his hand, she turned to her side and fell completely asleep.
“…Alright. I won’t.”
He suppressed his regret, content just to watch her sleeping face.
He hadn’t expected to be with Larien again, so he had to be satisfied.
Even though he told her to sleep over because it might be dangerous to return in the snow, he didn’t expect to encounter her in such a consumed state.
Thinking back on how it happened, he couldn’t sleep.
As always, he saw visions of Larien burning up in agony.
Even though he had confirmed Larien was alive, that she hadn’t died in the fire in the first place, he couldn’t escape that agonizing voice.
Of all times, his medicine had run out, so he drank alcohol, and when he came to his senses, he was standing on the stairs.
As he realized he had wandered out alone in the middle of the night again, he felt a warm breath on his back.
The scent deeply imprinted in his brain, never to be forgotten. The scent of acacia.
He knew without looking who it was that had interlocked fingers and embraced his waist.
It was Larien.
She kept saying sorry in a tearful voice.
Please come to your senses. How could he not sleep at night and suffer because of her?
She had heard all his sorrowful cries that it wasn’t her fault, to stop feeling guilty.
Larien still didn’t know. What she meant to him.
How warm the hand she had extended to him was.
He missed the warmth Larien had given him.
The moment Larien’s sad face blurred with tears, Jade felt ecstasy.
She was showing that she cared enough to cry because she was upset about him.
Was it greedy to want her to be sad, angry, and happy only because of him?
He wanted to wring the neck of Sharlin who dared claim him as her possession and berate him.
He was irritated that she even said such bothersome things.
What annoyed him more was Larien, who just kept her lips shut and only listened.
‘I’m the one who most wants Larien’s child to be of my blood.’
Sharlin’s outrageous words as she yelled at him exceeded what he could tolerate.
Originally, he had planned to break off the engagement with Sharlin after finishing Ayla’s wedding.
As it was only right to make her pay dearly for touching Larien, he went to see Earl Winst.
Three days.
He warned that if she didn’t sign the engagement cancellation papers within that time, he would cut off all of Winst’s funding.
Earl Winst replied that he would discuss it with his daughter when she returned, as Sharlin was out.
The reason he avoided Larien when he returned, when she asked where he had been…
He hid it because she was anxious, asking if it was okay to speak to Sharlin that way earlier.
He didn’t want her to know, lest she unnecessarily worry about Sharlin.
Sharlin Winst.
A woman who had served her purpose, not worth Larien’s consideration.
He had no need for a doll that didn’t know its place and wanted more.
‘…By the way, the child is shy?’
He was doubtful of Larien’s words that Blanche was very shy with strangers.
Blanche approached anyone easily and got along well.
‘Seeing how she played well with Ayla right away…’
Didn’t she reach out to him without hesitation too? Was it just an excuse to divert Sharlin’s attention?
‘There’s nothing good about standing out.’
Considering how she said it was intentional behavior upon seeing Blanche, and all that.
Thinking it over carefully, he understood why Larien had said such things.
“Mmm, cold…”
Larien shivered slightly as she pulled the blankets tight.
“…Larien. Don’t go anywhere anymore.”
Strangely, his irritated mood dissipated as he took in the sight of Larien.
He wrapped his arms around Larien’s waist and pulled her close. Larien, whose furrowed brow had smoothed out as if warmed, turned around and burrowed deep into his embrace.
Jade lowered his head and bit Larien’s neck, leaving a deep mark.
This time, he hoped she wouldn’t forget.
She would keep thinking of it when she saw the mark he had deliberately left.
Jade closed his eyes, using the unfamiliar breath touching him and the steady sound of her heartbeat as a lullaby.
Though the effects of alcohol had long since faded, it was a night when drowsiness washed over him.
[This is the timeline separator]“…Ah.”
My whole body felt stiff.
As I barely opened my eyes, Jade was still sleeping.
His tightly woven abs touched my skin.
‘He looks just like Blanche…’
Jade’s face as he breathed quietly was the same as Blanche’s sleeping face.
There was a pattern of intertwining vines on his shoulder, with sharp scratch marks around it.
‘Did I do that?’
It seemed I had scratched him in pain when our skin first touched.
‘Well, who told him to do it so much.’
Feeling awkward, I bit my lip as I observed his sleeping form.
His habit of clenching his left hand was exactly like Blanche’s. As I looked at his face filled only with sharp lines, my heart shrank at his stirring movements.
Before Jade fully woke up, I picked up the negligee and shawl that had fallen to the floor and put them on.
“…Hup.”
I almost made a sound at the sensation stabbing my waist.
Holding my breath and paying close attention, I tiptoed out.
“I must have been crazy, really. I should have said no until the end…”
Humans repeat the same mistakes over and over. Even knowing what kind of ripples it would cause, I was swept up in the moment at the time.
When he asked if I wouldn’t do it even if he said not to.
I lost my grip on reason and didn’t push Jade away when he answered ‘No’.
“Everything was because of that day… and I did this again…”
Of course, I didn’t regret giving birth to Blanche who came about because of that day.
The day I first felt her move was amazing, and the moment I first saw her in the world was overwhelming.
When she called me mama in her clumsy pronunciation, I wanted to protect her.
The day she took her first steps and toddled over to hug me, I felt proud.
Blanche came like a gift to my lonely life.
The warmth I felt when I heard her confession that she had loved me since she was in my womb was something I wouldn’t trade for anything.
It was a precious experience only possible by having a child.
Even thinking about a life without Blanche was painful.
‘If I get pregnant again like back then…’
Having another baby was a different issue.
My mind became complicated as I considered the situations ahead.
Unlike before when I had asserted that I wouldn’t get pregnant because Jade and I were different species.
With that hasty judgment, I had accepted him without worry and Blanche was conceived.
I had no certainty that I wouldn’t get pregnant.
Lately, I often questioned if I was raising Blanche properly.
Blanche hid her true feelings of wanting her dad to be with us.
She said not to worry, that she wouldn’t insist on living together because I would be sad.
‘When I can’t even be a good mother to Blanche… do I have the capacity to handle another child?’
Luckily, Blanche’s appearance was exactly like mine, but there was no knowing if the next one wouldn’t resemble Jade.
‘Then it’s only a matter of time before Jade finds out about Blanche too.’
I wanted to focus only on Blanche. Even now, I felt upset that I wasn’t doing enough for her.
Dawn was breaking.
‘I should hurry back before Blanche wakes up.’
She would surely be scared if I wasn’t there when she opened her eyes in an unfamiliar place.
‘It would be better to get contraceptives and take them as soon as I return.’
I clutched my stomach as I returned to the room.
“Blanche…?”
The room filled with a desolate air.
Blanche, who should have been sleeping in bed, was nowhere to be seen.
‘Did she wake up and hide somewhere?’
Blanche had a tendency to explore new places. This was her first time in this room, so I thought she might be hiding.
“Blanche? Are you here?”
I looked under the bed where she often hid, and checked behind the curtains as I searched.
I even opened the wardrobe, the last place she could have gone into, but she wasn’t there.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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