Pregnant With The Wolf's Child - Chapter 30

“I told you to clean up the guest room you were using.”

“…… You want me to sleep there?”

“You can leave tomorrow after the snow stops. The carriage won’t be able to run now anyway. You don’t like it?”

I was momentarily taken aback by his suggestion to stay the night.

‘One night should be…… okay, right?’

It was difficult to leave, even for Blanche’s sake, because the snowstorm was so fierce.

“That would be great! Sis. It’s been a while since we met, and I don’t want to part ways like this. Have breakfast before you go tomorrow. I’ll lend you some clothes.”

Ayla also grabbed my hand and shook it, pleading, so I couldn’t refuse.

“O-okay. I got it. Thanks.”

“But does the kid always sleep this early?”

Jade lowered his voice as he looked at the sleeping Blanche.

‘I didn’t know Jade would pay attention to Blanche and accommodate her.’

It was surprising to see him being considerate so as not to wake Blanche.

“I think she was tired because Ayla played with her so well.”

“…… Last time, the kid definitely.”

“Huh?”

“No. Never mind.”

Jade shook his head as if he was about to say something. It seemed like he had something he was curious about, but he didn’t bring it up properly.

“Jade. By the way, where have you been? Did you go out?”

“Just for a bit. For a walk.”

“A walk? From earlier until now? It’s cold outside.”

“Not really. I was inside anyway.”

There was a discrepancy in his words, saying he went for a walk but was inside.

Jade didn’t tell me more about what he had been doing.

‘What is he hiding……?’

He turned his back, avoiding my eyes.

“I brought something comfortable for you to wear, sis.”

Ayla handed me a negligee, leaving Jade behind as he disappeared.

“The one for Blanche is what I used to wear when I was little. I don’t know if the size will fit.”

“Thanks for thinking of me, Ayla.”

“What, for this little thing. Sleep well, sis, see you tomorrow.”

I waved to Ayla and entered the guest room.

The guest room. It had been a while since I stayed here, so it felt quite unfamiliar.

‘I have to be careful not to wake her up…..’

First, I laid Blanche on the fluffy bed.

“You must have been uncomfortable all day, but you endured it well.”

I untied Blanche’s bonnet and cloak, placed them on the nightstand, and changed her into pajamas.

“…… Mommy?”

Perhaps she woke up from the touch, as Blanche sat up slowly.

“Oh no. Did Mommy wake you up?”

“Where are we?”

“It’s snowing a lot, so we decided to sleep here tonight and leave tomorrow.”

“Mmm, I see…….”

Blanche, after hearing the explanation, laid her head on my lap.

“Blanche. Did you have fun today?”

I gently stroked her light brown hair.

“I like Shu Shu. I was a bit disappointed that the Marquis suddenly disappeared…… but I’ll play with him tomorrow after I wake up.”

Blanche let out a yawn, her voice thick with sleepiness.

“I want to drink cocoa with Shu Shu tomorrow too…… I couldn’t drink much earlier because I was full.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmm…… The cocoa was delicious…….”

I laid Blanche, who had fallen asleep again, on the bed. In the quiet stillness, small breaths continued steadily.

“Shu Shu, don’t eat that…… Nom nom…….”

She smacked her lips as if she was eating something in her dream.

“What in the world are you eating in your dream?”

I chuckled and slowly rubbed Blanche’s stomach as she tossed and turned in her sleep.

“Are you sleeping?”

“…….”

When I repeatedly rubbed her, Blanche calmed down and seemed to have fallen into a deep sleep, as there was no answer.

‘What was Jade hiding?’

I lay down next to her and closed my eyes, but I couldn’t sleep because my mind was restless.

Even if I tried to force myself to sleep, time just passed meaninglessly.

‘If I walk around a bit and tire my body, I’ll fall asleep.’

I wrapped a shawl around me and carefully closed the door so as not to wake Blanche.

Outside the window, the snow was blowing harder than before.

‘It was a good decision to sleep here. Otherwise, it could have been a big problem.’

As I walked down the hallway, I heard the sound of footsteps coming from the opposite direction.

‘W-who is it at this hour?’

It was a dark night when everyone was asleep. I bit my lip nervously.

“…… Jade?”

Eventually, the owner of the large shadow that revealed itself was Jade.

‘I was scared for nothing.’

A faint smell of strong alcohol came from Jade.

“Jade, did you drink?”

“…….”

He didn’t answer my call, as if he hadn’t seen me.

“Jade?”

I called out to Jade again, narrowing the distance.

‘Is he sleepy?’

It was close enough to be considered strange that he couldn’t hear my voice.

As I approached, I saw dull eyes devoid of any vitality. Jade walked past me.

“Jade……? What’s wrong with you……?”

“…….”

Eyes that were empty, holding nothing. A state where he couldn’t even hear the sound of someone calling him.

‘Is it sleepwalking……?’

Getting up and wandering around as if being led by something, it was like the symptoms of sleepwalking.

I followed Jade, worried about him.

‘Since when did Jade have sleepwalking?’

Although he had insomnia and couldn’t sleep until dawn, it was the first time I saw him experiencing sleepwalking.

“…… Larien.”

I was walking silently behind Jade when I heard a faint, rusty voice.

“Larien……. It must hurt. It must be very hot.”

Jade kept moving, flailing his arms.

‘…… Jade. You, right now.’

He was watching me dying in the annex that was burning away right now.

‘My heart, it hurt so much that I wanted to rip it out.’

‘……’

‘Whenever I realized you were dead, you, who hated being in pain more than anything in the world, died so many times in front of me. Always dying in a way that I couldn’t even save you, couldn’t bring you back to life.’

I recalled the words Jade said while holding me in the main palace.

‘I just thought he meant it was simply difficult……’

Jade.

How many times have you seen me dying?

For 5 years, it was because of me turning to ashes and fading away in the flames that you extinguished your warmth.

You didn’t see why you had no choice but to do that.

You should have first looked at the cause that led to that result.

It wasn’t that you should have been upset, just thinking it was frustrating.

I only felt uncomfortable with the guilt that shifted to me because Jade had a hard life because of me.

In an extremely selfish way, I only looked at myself. Even though Jade was there if I just turned my eyes a little, I stubbornly didn’t look.

‘You should have just forgotten me.’

Seeing it directly gave a different shock than just hearing about it.

‘I was happy that you didn’t forget me, not knowing you were having such a hard time.’

Just not forgetting me.

Recording the time we spent together as a memory and putting it in your mind.

That was all I wanted from Jade.

Where did it go wrong? Was it the choice I made to get close to Jade the moment I found out I had become Larien?

‘I shouldn’t have gotten close to you. If I had avoided meeting you at all, even raising Blanche alone without a father……’

Jade wouldn’t have suffered to the point of having sleepwalking.

‘It’s all because of me.’

Because of the choices I made, Jade, who hated flames, spent the winter cold.

On top of that, I tightly closed my eyes because I wasn’t confident in watching him completely break down and collapse.

“…… Larien.”

“Jade……?”

When I heard a dazed voice calling me and looked for him again, he was already by the stairs.

If he moved just a little more, it seemed like he would fall at any moment.

It was a dangerous height if he misstepped on the stairs.

“No!”

I ran to Jade and hugged his waist.

“…… Jade!”

I was afraid he would push me away, so I held onto him with all my strength and called out to him.

“……”

Jade stopped, but he didn’t come to his senses.

Jade was still trapped in the day I died. He just kept repeating that he had to save me, submerged in the flames.

“I was wrong. Please come to your senses.”

“……”

“You, what should I do with you? What are you struggling with because of me? You can’t even sleep at night……”

If I had just fallen asleep, Jade would have rolled down the stairs like this and spilled dark red blood on the cold floor.

“Stop struggling…… It’s not your fault……”

It was terrifying to imagine him lying alone until morning, until he was found.

“Please look at me. Jade……”

My heart shattered and I leaned against Jade’s back.

“I’m here, you know……”

If only he could return to the original Jade, I wanted to kneel and beg someone.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that to you……”

Tears came from the sorrow that arose from being desperate about how this situation came to be.

“…… Larien?”

Jade’s voice didn’t fade and his intonation rose at the end.

He turned around and looked at me with a clear gaze.

“Why…… are you crying?”

Jade asked, wiping my tear-filled face.

“You, even when I called you, you didn’t answer……”

“Ah. I did it again.”

I wanted to cry more at the sight of Jade dealing with this situation nonchalantly.

It seemed like he was already too used to it.

It meant that this had happened many times.

“Don’t say you’re sorry…… It’s not your fault. It’s all my fault.”

It was frustrating that as soon as he came back, he took care of me first, not himself.

“Jade. I’ll take you to the bedroom.”

I led him to the bed, thinking I had to see him go in to be reassured.

‘Were his eyelashes always this long?’

When I knelt beside the bed and looked closely at Jade’s face, I saw his thick eyelashes.

“Larien. What are you looking at?”

“Hurry up and lie down and sleep. It’s already dawn.”

Jade blinked his eyelids and didn’t try to sleep.

“…… I can’t sleep with you watching.”

“Then I’ll go out.”

I got up with the thought of guarding him outside for a while.

“…… Jade?”

Then Jade caught my hand, and my body tilted towards the bed.

“W-what is this−”

In an instant, I was pinned underneath Jade.

“Y-you, what are you doing?”

His flesh-colored lips slowly got closer.

“Can I?”

“……”

Jade whispered in my ear and asked for permission.

“If I tell you not to do it…… you won’t?”

“…… No.”

Jade, who immediately took my lower lip in his mouth, unhesitatingly lowered the negligee.