“Do you know how much your elder brother and I missed you? Why did you come so late? I wished for you to come every day…”

Ayla, who was gently tapping my shoulder, gripped my hand tightly.

Five years.

From my perspective, it was just time that naturally flowed after giving birth to Blanche, but when I saw Jade at the temple, I realized.

Pretending to be dead left an indelible wound.

“…I’m sorry, Ayla.”

“If you’re struggling, you should say so! Why did you disappear like that without a word…?”

Ayla began to cry out loud, acting like a child, as if she was heartbroken.

‘Seeing her cling to me like this, only her body has grown, but she’s still the same as before.’

I was relieved to see Ayla’s unchanged appearance.

“Don’t do this again, okay?”

“Yes. I won’t go anywhere.”

Jade put down Ayla, who had stopped crying.

“Ayla. Stop clinging to Larien, she’s tired.”

Ayla held me tighter and glared at Jade.

“You didn’t even tell me in advance that she was coming, you’re mean.”

“I told you a guest was coming.”

“But you hid the fact that it was her! The most important thing!”

Ayla bared her sharp teeth at Jade, then rubbed her eyes.

As if she couldn’t understand why Jade was holding Blanche.

“Why is elder brother holding a child? You’re someone who hated children so much?”

Blanche, embarrassed by Ayla’s blatant gaze, pulled her bonnet down to hide her face.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide.”

When I reassured her, Blanche slowly lowered her hand that was holding the bonnet.

“He-hello?”

“…Oh my god.”

“My name is Shu Shu. Nice to meet you.”

Ayla, who hastily shook hands with Blanche, let out a long exclamation.

“She looks so much like you! Can I touch her cheek?”

“Here.”

Jade adjusted his hold on Blanche as she leaned towards Ayla.

I couldn’t help but smile at Jade being so careful not to drop her.

“So, so cute… I think I’m going to faint from the cuteness.”

Ayla poked Blanche’s cheek. The squishy cheek dented inward.

“Who is she?”

“…Hmm.”

At Ayla’s question, I pondered for a moment before opening my mouth.

“She’s my daughter.”

“…Your daughter? So you gave birth to someone else’s child?”

I slowly nodded my head.

‘If I tell Ayla, it might reach Jade’s ears.’

I honestly wanted to come clean, but I didn’t want to risk any potential danger.

“Weren’t you and elder brother… you know…”

That kind of relationship.

I didn’t really have the words to answer that curiosity, so I awkwardly scratched my cheek.

“Surely elder brother−”

“Ayla.”

“Ah, okay.”

Jade only called her name, but Ayla stopped asking.

‘What was she going to say that Jade stopped her?’

I glanced at Jade, but he lowered his eyes.

“Oh, I didn’t even know the baby’s name. What’s her name?”

As soon as Jade heard Blanche’s name, he immediately associated it with himself.

‘If he hears Blanche’s name, he’ll have the same reaction as Jade.’

“…It’s Blanche.”

If I had known this would happen, I wouldn’t have named her Blanche.

“Blanche…?”

Ayla smiled slyly.

“I knew it.”

“Ayla?”

“I told you it couldn’t be you.”

Ayla turned around without even asking why and went upstairs, humming a tune.

“Let’s go to my room. I want to show you the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.”

“I’ll follow right away. Go ahead and change.”

“Mommy, I want to see Shu Shu in a dress too!”

Blanche’s eyes sparkled.

“You want to see the dress? Come back to mommy.”

The moment I took Blanche, my hand brushed against Jade’s.

A tingling sensation lingered from the brief contact of skin. I looked down and hugged Blanche tightly.

“Ja-Jade. Are you going too?”

“I’ll be upstairs. I have some things to take care of.”

Feeling Jade’s gaze, I hurriedly moved my feet.

Somehow it was muggy, so I fanned the heat with my hand.

“Mommy. I want to walk.”

“I guess I was holding you too tightly. I’ll put you down.”

I carefully put Blanche on the floor and held her hand.

“Mommy, why are you embarrassed?”

“…Huh?”

“Shu Shu didn’t understand earlier, but now I get it! Why mommy is embarrassed! Your cheeks are really red right now.”

Blanche teased me mischievously.

“Wh-when did I ever get embarrassed?”

“Hmm, Shu Shu’s eyes are accurate. Only mommy and the Marquis don’t know. Shu Shu knows everything. Mommy likes the Marquis, oomph!”

I covered Blanche’s mouth.

“Blanche. Don’t tease mommy.”

Blanche protested, pouting her lips.

“Why? Is mommy not allowed to like the Marquis? Ellie’s parents like each other!”

“…Blanche. You shouldn’t say such things to other people.”

After checking that there was no one around and feeling relieved, I cautioned Blanche.

The people Blanche mentioned were in an officially married relationship.

It was true that my face reddened when I touched Jade and even the slightest contact made me tremble.

Whether we were simply precious friends, or if my feelings were romantic, I was still confused…

But for me, who secretly gave birth to and raised Blanche without Jade’s fiancée knowing, it was something absolutely unacceptable.

‘Where did Jade go?’

I was anxious, being in a place with eyes and ears that I couldn’t control.

“Ayla must be waiting. Let’s hurry.”

“Hmph, mommy is a coward.”

Blanche, who broke free from me, crossed her arms to express her displeasure.

‘A coward…’

It wasn’t wrong. I was very timid and had never asked Jade, whom I defined as a friend, to confirm it.

I was afraid of hearing a rejection saying it wasn’t so. I also didn’t want our relationship to ever be severed.

In that case, it was better to take a step back and just watch quietly.

‘Then nothing would change.’

Friend.

In the end, it was me who got the most angry at that word, yet also felt reassured.

It was a kind of habit hardened by the long years of living in suppression.

To avoid getting hurt, I had to possess nothing.

If I had nothing, there would be nothing to lose, and that was comfortable.

I didn’t want to fear and cling to a relationship that could fade at any moment.

“…Mommy. Did Shu Shu hurt you?”

Blanche, who had been standing far away, moved her short legs and approached.

“Shu Shu is sorry.”

“Mommy isn’t crying. It’s okay.”

Blanche clumsily rubbed my eyes.

“Grandfather said, you don’t have to shed tears to be crying. He said crying inside counts too. So you shouldn’t hold it in.”

“…”

“Okay, mommy?”

I buried my face in my knees.

Blanche squatted down next to me and patted me with her small hand.

“Huh? You’re not coming and just sitting there, what’s wrong? Are you hurting somewhere?”

Ayla came out of the room, changed into a pure white dress.

I overlooked the fact that Ayla, who offered kind concern, and Blanche, who was tightly holding my arm, were together.

“Blanche. Mommy is okay now.”

I barely managed to lift the corners of my mouth to smile.

“You’re beautiful, Ayla.”

Perhaps noticing that my smile was forced, Ayla looked worried.

“You don’t look well. Did something happen with elder brother? Should I scold him for you?”

Nothing had happened with Jade. If I had to give a reason, it was because I felt pathetic.

I didn’t want to trouble others by not being able to control my emotions.

Outside the window, a moderate amount of snow was falling.

“It’s not like that. I’m just a bit cold. I was crouching for a moment.”

“Right. You especially hated winter. My room is warm, so let’s go quickly.”

Supported by Ayla, I entered the room filled with warm air.

“It’s cold. Elder brother doesn’t like lighting fires, so only the servants’ quarters and here use firewood. Blanche. Want some cocoa?”

“Yes!”

“She really resembles you, so cute.”

Ayla brought warm milk with pieces of chocolate to Blanche.

‘Only the servants’ quarters and here use firewood?’

I took in the vigorously burning flames with my eyes.

‘…Has he been spending winters in the cold until now?’

Thinking of Jade enduring the cold and struggling through winter, I felt uneasy.

‘It’s not like we were in the annex together, there’s no need for him to do that just because of me.’

It was hard to understand Jade’s choice to extinguish all warmth and spend winter in the cold.

“I was always anxious. That elder brother would follow after you. But now that you’ve come back alive like this, I feel relieved.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing. You must have had your reasons.”

Ayla lightly gestured towards Blanche, who was savoring the cocoa smeared on her lips.

‘You know I ran away because of Blanche.’

“Blanche! Is the cocoa tasty? Want more?”

Ayla burst into laughter seeing Blanche slurping the cocoa.

“Shu Shu is full. But thank you.”

“Goodness, she even speaks prettily.”

Blanche also interacted with Ayla without awkwardness. The sky darkened as we spent time sharing stories we couldn’t before.

‘It’s already past 9. I should go.’

I tried to leave carrying Blanche, who fell asleep next to me while reading a fairy tale, but the snowstorm was fierce.

The snow piled up violently, making it impossible to move the carriage, which was troubling.

“Larien. It’s dangerous, the snow isn’t stopping.”

“Jade?”

Jade, who had been out somewhere, brushed the snow off his shoulders and grabbed my arm.

“Don’t go.”