“But didn’t you say your father was really pleased? Why was that? If a son knows something his father didn’t, I’d honestly feel a bit embarrassed.”

“……”

“Do you know why your father was so happy, elder brother?”

The naturally emerging childhood story took Jade back to the time when he sat on his father’s lap.

‘Jade, are you bored? Shall we play together?’

‘Father, please work.’

‘Call me father, not “sir”. Then let’s work together.’

It was the day he was taken to the study by his father.

Even though he could sit alone, his father held Jade, saying it was cold, and insisted on having him on his lap while working.

The season had long passed winter and welcomed spring.

The breeze that blew in was mixed with a warm scent, fully spring-like.

He knew the claim of being cold was a lie, but tired of struggling, he gave up trying to escape and let his body relax.

His father’s lap, which he sat on for the first time, was unexpectedly comfortable.

He felt quite secure in the embrace that firmly supported his back.

His father slightly raised the corners of his mouth as Jade sat quietly.

His pregnant mother watched them with contentment.

Somehow his chest felt ticklish, and he wanted to avoid it. So he deliberately pointed out a wrong character his father wrote. He thought his father would tell him to get off his lap and leave immediately.

‘Father. The extinct Lamat word should be written like this. You wrote it as “remaining” instead of “extinct”.’

‘Jade, how do you know Lamat?’

‘…I watched you studying Lamat language.’

‘Darling! Our son must be a genius! At this age! And he knows something even his father doesn’t, without formal education!’

His father, who he expected to be angry, was strangely delighted.

He praised him as a genius and boasted to his mother.

As Ayla said, it would be normal to feel ashamed and embarrassed when pointed out by one’s child.

His father passed away without telling him why he was proud of Jade’s correction.

“Elder brother? What are you thinking about that you can’t even hear me calling? I asked why he was happy?”

“…I’m tired. I’ll handle the remaining documents, you go rest.”

Thinking about his father, for whom there would be no answer anyway, gave him a headache.

He didn’t want to recall anymore.

Going up to the study to process documents, he felt irritated and pressed too hard, breaking the quill pen.

About to call the butler, he found it troublesome and opened the drawer to find another quill pen.

Next to it was an old fountain pen.

It was his father’s fountain pen with Jade’s name engraved on it.

Although the nib was worn and unusable, his father didn’t throw this pen away.

He heard it was the pen used to write down name ideas on parchment while pondering what name to give him on the day he was born.

That’s why he couldn’t throw it away, he said.

Jade held the fountain pen in his hand. He couldn’t apply force. Though it wasn’t used, he didn’t want it to break and have to throw it away.

To become the heir of Rowe, one had to pass a test of surviving in a snowy mountain during a blizzard.

Was it because of the guilt of leaving him in the snowy mountains? His father always acted apologetic, as if he would do anything for him.

When he almost fell from a tree, his father threw himself to save him.

‘…He fell while embracing me as I was falling, and had to stay in bed for months.’

He wasn’t sure if blood ties were that precious.

Even family bound by blood were ultimately strangers. When necessary, they would abandon each other, stab each other in the back, unable to be together.

He hoped Ayla would live well, but he had no intention of sacrificing his life for her.

He taught Ayla the same.

That sacrificing one’s life to save another was an inefficient act that gained no benefit.

‘I’ll never know what father was thinking.’

It was a question he would never know the answer to in his lifetime. To have a child, one inevitably had to engage in intercourse.

The thought of embracing a woman other than Larien was disgusting, even to imagine.

So he had long planned to have Ayla’s future child succeed him as heir.

‘If Larien wasn’t a sparrow beastkin, but like me…’

Blanche, that child could have been his daughter.

‘Larien seems to care for her quite a bit.’

Since she resembles her so much, even if he couldn’t cherish and love her, he would have acted like a kind father.

‘Why does Duke Belaste hate me so much?’

‘Larien, don’t have expectations. You keep wanting affection, so you’ll be disappointed.’

‘I was just curious about a harmonious family. Parents loving their children, children respecting and following their parents. Harmoniously. Just like others do.’

It seemed sufficient to appear as the harmonious family form that the overly idealistic Larien so desired.

‘Is it because there’s no father for the child? Larien’s eyes moistened because I was being good to her.’

The fleeting bitterness in Larien’s eyes was an opportunity for Jade. It was certain she was living apart from the child’s father.

He wanted to be by Larien’s side, taking the place of the child’s father.

‘It’s fortunate the child isn’t shy with strangers.’

Blanche was not unfamiliar with Jade, whom she had only seen a few times, even asking him to play with her because she was bored.

‘If I win the child’s favor, Larien will open her heart to me too. If I just do like earlier…’

He calculated things he could do for Blanche.

‘She seemed to like macarons, so I should tell the butler to prepare various flavors for tomorrow.’

Playing with her for a while was fine.

Because she resembled her, acting kind wasn’t particularly difficult.

Building a castle and lifting it up for her was merely to preemptively silence her crying which would be noisy.

Telling her she could build it again was also because her giving up without trying looked pathetic.

‘…Of all things, she’s small like Larien too.’

Even patting her head wasn’t because the child was cute, but because she reminded him of young Larien, making his hand reach out unconsciously.

Blanche’s light brown hair, resembling hers, was soft.

‘It was like a dog.’

It felt similar to the dog his father used to raise before.

‘She was left-handed like me.’

Jade looked down at the left hand Blanche held.

‘Do young children normally have such high body temperature?’

Blanche’s warmth still lingered, making him feel ticklish.

Blanche.

At first, he was curious because she resembled Larien, and when he learned she was the cause of Larien setting fire and running away, he wanted to kill her.

She ignored the killing intent he showed and grabbed his hand.

‘Larien’s thoughts are clearly visible on her face.’

She was a strange child. Except for Larien and Ayla, touching others made him uncomfortable, but strangely, touching Blanche didn’t make him nauseous.

So it was strange when Blanche held his hand.

Another man’s child born to Larien.

Although she was an existence he could never welcome, somehow she didn’t bother him.

“Mom! Good morning!”

“…Mmm.”

“Wake up quickly!”

I painfully opened my eyes to Blanche’s shaking hand and looked at the clock.

“Blanche, let’s sleep a little more.”

It was still far from my usual wake-up time. I couldn’t believe Blanche, who always whined sleepily and barely woke up every morning, had woken me up.

“Oh my, Mom is such a sleepyhead.”

Smooch.

“Are you still not going to wake up, Mom?”

Smooch, smooch, smooch.

The soft lips touching made it impossible to sleep more. A smile naturally spread across my face.

“Mom’s awake. But isn’t Blanche the sleepyhead?”

“…Shu Shu is not a sleepyhead!”

“But, my baby. Why did you wake up so early?”

Blanche was wearing a light purple dress with frills, not pajamas.

It was the dress she cherished most, received as a birthday gift from Earl Boston last year.

“Why did you change into that dress? It’s too cold to wear in Langrangcha, isn’t it?”

“Shu Shu wants to wear this! I won’t take it off.”

Due to Blanche’s stubbornness, I finally found and took out a thick cloak.

“Let’s go see Father quickly! Shu Shu brushed her teeth, changed clothes, and tied her hair all by herself.”

There were traces of foam around Blanche’s mouth, making me wonder if she really brushed her teeth alone.

The ribbon tied in two pigtails was loosely bound, and the heights on the right and left sides were different.

Imagining her struggling energetically to prepare, I couldn’t bear how adorable it was.

Though it would take a bit longer to redo everything from the start, I was happy.

I was glad that Blanche still needed my help.

“Blanche. There’s a foam mark here.”

“Ah!”

I gently wiped off the foam mark with my hand.

‘I thought I heard some rustling sounds.’

I understood why the sleepyhead Blanche had woken up at this hour.

She had risen early, excited at the thought of seeing Jade.

“Mother, huaaahm……”

Blanche yawned widely, seeming sleepy.

“Blanche, you’re sleepy.”

“Ah, no! Shu Shu is not sleepy! Mother, let’s go quickly!”

Blanche covered her mouth with her hand.

It was a regretful thing to say to Blanche who was responding so energetically, but it was far from the appointed time.

“Blanche. The promised time is not now, but in the afternoon, so we can’t go right away.”

Blanche sat down on the floor with her hands on the ground.

“When does the afternoon come……”

“When the sun sets later?”

“Shu Shu…… wants to sleep again.”

Blanche got up weakly and brought back the pajamas she had taken off and put aside.

“Mother, help Shu Shu.”

I took off the light purple dress and changed her into pajamas.

Blanche walked back to the bed and sluggishly lay down.

“Snore……”

She fell asleep right away. I lay down next to Blanche, who was continuing her journey to dreamland, and closed my eyes.

‘She likes him so much even though Jade doesn’t treat her affectionately.’

Even though I never told her about her father, Blanche recognized Jade at first sight.

‘……Is it inevitable because of blood ties?’

I wasn’t unaware of Blanche’s feelings, as I too had times of repeated expectations and disappointments based solely on blood ties.

As I fell back asleep, oddly enough, I dreamed of being held by Duke Belaste.

A dream that could only be utterly fake, where Duke Belaste looked at me as if I were lovable and gave me a piggyback ride.