Our Every Moment - Chapter 38

Seohee felt as if her heart had sunk. Kang Mo’s sharp eyes, which seemed to pierce through her, flickered more fiercely than ever before, and his low voice penetrated her heart.

“You haven’t even made eye contact with me since you came in here. You only say irrelevant things and try to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. You’re trying to get rid of me right now, aren’t you?”

In that short time, she couldn’t hide her bewildered expression at how he had read her mind in such detail.

“It’s a misunder…standing.”

“Misunderstanding? Ha…”

After staring at Seohee for a while without saying a word, Kang Mo opened his tightly closed mouth as if he had made up his mind.

“Then prove it.”

“…Prove what?”

“If you weren’t deliberately avoiding me, if you really weren’t trying to get rid of me, then prove it. Make me trust you completely. What I was about to do just now, this time you do it.”

Kang Mo sat half on the office desk with a face as hard as granite. Seohee stared blankly at him, a perplexed look on her face.

She must not have expected this situation at all. Seohee felt suffocated, as if she had allowed the kiss but then planted anxiety in Kang Mo with this clumsy guard.

She couldn’t help but feel miserable and irritated that she couldn’t handle her own emotions properly and was floundering about, but she pulled herself together.

“Kang Mo, this is… the office.”

“So you can do it properly when we go home? Then shall we go home right now?”

“No, what nonsense are you…”

Judging by his fierce gaze, if she didn’t show it in action right now, it seemed he would take her home immediately and more. Why did she act so clumsily and ineptly, provoking his anger? Seohee couldn’t look straight at Kang Mo’s angry face. She had to appease that anger somehow…

“What, you can’t do it?”

“…”

“You weren’t like this until this morning. It’s only been two or three hours. How am I supposed to understand your changed attitude in that time?”

Seohee couldn’t bring herself to meet Kang Mo’s eyes, which seemed to be suppressing his emotions, and averted her gaze.

“…Kang Mo,”

“Always, you always do this. Just when I think we’ve gotten a little closer, you take a step back, and just when I think you’ve finally opened up to me, you’re closed off again. You always make me play tug-of-war between hope and despair.”

“Ha…”

“Are you just going along with me right now? You don’t like it, but I’m pestering you, so you’re reluctantly going along with it?”

“That’s not it. Really… it’s not.”

It was just that whenever she thought of Jooyeon, the usual sense of guilt would put the brakes on her feelings for Kang Mo, making her unconsciously shrink back each time… Kang Mo said he oscillated between hope and despair watching her like that. She didn’t know what to say or how to soothe the wound that must have been left in Kang Mo’s heart.

As Seohee pondered in her heart, an incredibly deep sigh escaped from Kang Mo.

“Ha… Let me just ask one thing. This time you really have to answer honestly. I absolutely won’t ask twice. This is the last time.”

Seohee nodded her head silently, tension rising in her at Kang Mo’s voice that sounded somehow solemn. After a stillness that seemed to stop even the flow of air, Kang Mo’s heavy voice resonated in Seohee’s heart.

“Do you… like me?”

How can you doubt that?

How much must she have wavered, how consistently passive must her attitude have been, for him to not believe in that heart and ask in such an uncertain voice?

Seohee couldn’t bring herself to speak, afraid that if she opened her mouth, a sob would come out instead of the obvious answer. After waiting a moment for a response, a self-mocking sigh and a faint sneer escaped from Kang Mo.

“Ah, was avoiding me already your answer?”

His unprecedentedly cynical voice alone was enough to make her heart constrict, but the gloomy words that followed made her heart sink.

“Ha, forget it.”

Seohee was startled to see Kang Mo move as if to get up from the table at any moment, and quickly spoke up.

“No. Kang Mo, really… I wasn’t avoiding you on purpose. It’s not because I don’t like you.”

“No? What’s not no? Over and over you avoid me, step back, as if you’re reluctant. What do you think I’ll think seeing you like that?”

“…”

“Do you know how I feel each time you distance yourself like this?”

“…”

“I feel like a pitiful child with separation anxiety. You have no idea how miserable that feels. Giving me affection like this, then always running away and abandoning me, trembling with anxiety that you’ll do it again.”

Oh my god. Seeing Kang Mo, whose wounds seemed much deeper than she thought, Seohee’s mind went blank. Kang Mo’s deep-seated wounds rendered even Seohee’s long-standing guilt that had been holding her back powerless.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kang Mo. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I couldn’t properly look at you. I really had no idea my self-reproach was eating away at you.

Seohee wanted to convey her heart, her sincerity to him somehow, but her mind, already in shambles, couldn’t produce any words, burning her up inside like a mute with heartburn.

At that moment, seeing Kang Mo try to get up from his seat again, she unknowingly approached him and tightly grasped his sleeve. She gradually narrowed the distance between them, glancing at Kang Mo’s eyes that were looking at her with a doubtful gaze.

She couldn’t stop even though she was afraid he might not welcome her approach now. She didn’t want to leave the wound carved in Kang Mo’s heart like this.

To tell him that she wasn’t reluctantly going along, that it wasn’t just his feelings, that she liked him too, she mustered a small courage to replace the words she couldn’t bring herself to say out loud.

Letting go of Kang Mo’s sleeve, she gently placed her hand on his shoulder. Soon arriving in front of him, Seohee couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes and carefully kissed him with her eyes tightly closed.

Kang Mo, who had stiffened in his sitting position without moving a muscle, felt unfamiliar, but Seohee didn’t back away.

She gently took his lower lip between hers as if brushing it, conveying her heart, then touched his upper lip again. It was disconcerting that he still showed no reaction. Even timidly brushing and taking his lips again and again, Kang Mo showed no response as if he had made up his mind.

What do I do? Is he tired of me now? The thought that suddenly crept in made her heart sink. Is he completely fed up with me now, who keeps stepping back, always rushing to hide my heart, never fully opening up to him?

Her heart suddenly clenched painfully. Kang Mo, who had always been passionate, felt endlessly cold now.

Your lips, your faintly escaping breath are still hot, the heat emanating from your body is also unchanged, so why does your frozen form feel as cold as ice? It felt like running into a huge, impenetrable wall.

Did you feel that way too? Did you also feel like you were looking at a tightly blocked wall every time you dealt with me?

Fear suddenly crept in. Had my indecisive attitude finally ruined the relationship? Then is this the end for us?

Perhaps it was for the best. If she didn’t know how long Kang Mo’s heart would be directed at her, how far this relationship could go, maybe it would be better to stop here before developing into a deeper relationship without worry or fear.

It would be very awkward for the time being, but after some time passed, maybe they could go back to seeing each other as a friend’s younger sister like before. Yes, maybe it was for the best.

But then why does my heart feel so cold? Why does my chest hurt so much? Just from this much? Just from this level of reaction, it hurts this much? It felt like a sharp awl was digging into her wounded heart.

Suddenly, the series of actions she had done to Kang Mo flashed through her mind.

The way she had tirelessly tried to push him away as he endlessly tried to approach. The way she had endlessly been on guard and avoided him even as he never hesitated to approach again and again without giving up.

Did you get hurt too? Did your heart feel this cold and painful too?

The foolishness of believing she could push Kang Mo away despite writhing in agony over just this level of his indifference choked her throat. Her eyes burned hot with tears.

His lips, still firmly closed with a resolute look, showed no sign of welcoming her. His heart must be as tightly shut as his lips.

What do I do? Is he completely tired of me now? Has his heart completely cooled down now? Worries that had never been forewarned dug into her heart. Kang Mo, who had always been hot, felt endlessly cold now.

The moment she slowly pulled away her lips, thinking she couldn’t wrong Kang Mo any further.

“Huh.”

His hot breath and lips pounced fiercely.

Kang Mo’s firm arms strongly encircled the waist and back of Seohee, who had been trying to step back.

Tilting his head, his lips dug in and stole her startled breath. Contrary to the worry that he might already be fed up, that his heart might have cooled, he pushed his lips against hers recklessly and aggressively as if to devour her.

Kang Mo, who had felt unfamiliar for a moment, now seemed to have returned to the Kang Mo she knew so well. The relief that filled her heart lifted the breath that had been choked by tension, and her eyes burned hot.

Seohee raised her hand from Kang Mo’s shoulder and unknowingly clung to his neck as if hanging on, sweetly taking his lips from which hot breaths continuously escaped.

It was Kang Mo who suddenly stopped the kiss that seemed like it would go on endlessly.

Kang Mo cupped Seohee’s face, who couldn’t look at him and had turned her gaze away, and turned it towards him. Unlike the careful action of gently wiping her tearful face, the words that came out of his mouth were not kind.

“Baek Seohee, why are you crying? What have you done well to cry now?”

Seohee couldn’t put into words the complex feelings that even she couldn’t understand. She just couldn’t easily open her mouth, afraid that a sob would escape if she did, and only shook her head.

“You really have a knack for driving people crazy. Huh? Why are you suddenly crying and making me anxious? You have to tell me so I know. Why do you make people worry like this? Were you reluctantly doing this out of pity for me? Do you regret it now that you’ve done it?”

“No, no, that’s not it.”

“Then say it. Explain properly why you’re suddenly crying. You can’t take a single step out of here until you do.”

A sigh like a lament escaped from Kang Mo, who had tightly grasped both of Seohee’s wrists. He felt sorry for her sobbing, but this time he couldn’t just gloss over it.

He couldn’t bear the situation of approaching and then growing distant, of hope turning into despair, any longer. Today, he wanted to properly hear Seohee’s true thoughts and feelings.