The sound of white noise poured into her ears, but amongst it all, one clear voice pierced through her eardrums.
‘I brought this from home to give to our Seo Hee.’
‘As expected, our Joo Yeon is the best. How did you know I ran out of sugar? Thank you. I’ll drink it well.’
‘Yes… Did you stay up late again last night?’
‘Yeah. Three o’clock? No. I think I went to bed around four?’
Joo Yeon glanced at her with pretty eyes at the nonchalant words.
‘You’re so tough. Studying so hard at the study room, and then doing more when you get home? Trying to get first place again?’
‘Well, it’s good if I can, and if I try this hard but still fall behind, then I guess it can’t be helped.’
‘You’ll do it. Because you’re Baek Seo Hee. You’ll definitely make it happen.’
‘Whoa, those words put a lot of pressure on me.’
Joo Yeon, who had been smiling brightly, suddenly brought up something out of the blue.
‘Seo Hee, you’re pretty, kind, and even study well… do you have any worries too?’
At the cringeworthy words, Seo Hee, who hadn’t properly heard the rest, smiled shyly and rubbed her arm.
‘This is suspicious. Why are you making me cringe like this? What, do you have a favor to ask? Let’s see, I already gave you the summary notes, did I forget to give you something?’
‘I told you it’s not that. Just…’
It was quite unfamiliar to see her hesitating unlike her usual self.
‘Huh? Lee Joo Yeon, you have something you want to say to me, don’t you?’
Joo Yeon’s appearance that day unfolded vividly before her eyes as if it were yesterday. Reality and illusions were mixed up in a dizzying way, making it impossible to breathe properly.
“Huh.”
“Seo Hee, what’s wrong, are you not feeling well? Seo Hee? Daughter, Baek Seo Hee.”
Her mother’s calls faded away like a mirage into the air. Seo Hee was captivated by her memories and couldn’t move a muscle, lost in recalling the scene from that day.
‘What do you mean by something to say. Just.’
‘No, there is. Don’t hesitate and tell me. Don’t make me curious.’
After hesitating for a while, Joo Yeon deliberately smiled brightly and asked.
‘You know, how do you think a person can die without pain? Are there people who die without suffering?’
‘Whoa, that’s out of the blue. Why are you suddenly asking that?’
‘Just, yesterday there was another suicide article on the news. So I was curious.’
“Ha… ha…”
I didn’t want to remember anymore. I didn’t want to recall it anymore. We had this kind of conversation? I had this kind of talk… with you?
Seo Hee couldn’t believe it. No, she absolutely didn’t want to believe it.
‘Whoa, Lee Joo Yeon has a lot of time, a lot of time. The exam is right around the corner, and instead of studying, what kind of useless things are you curious about?’
‘Hey, that can happen too. You know I’m a bit quirky. Hehehe.’
‘Right. Our free-spirited Lee Joo Yeon, that’s your charm point. I forget and then remember again. Why did they name clouds as clouds and not poop? They could have called poop clouds, right? That question was really the best.’
Not knowing what Joo Yeon was thinking in her head, I giggled.
‘Yeah, so this time, join me in my quirky thoughts. Okay? What if you hanged yourself?’
If only I had looked at you a bit more closely then…
‘Eww. I don’t even want to imagine. You’d have to feel the suffocating pain until your breath is cut off.’
‘Then what about taking pills?’
If only I had looked into the pain underlying your words then…
‘That would be the cleanest. But, these days, it’s not easy to get pills, right?’
‘What if you fell into the sea?’
Why… didn’t I know… Why couldn’t I think to take a closer look at you when you asked such terrible questions.
‘The salty water would rush in like crazy, wouldn’t it be painful? I almost died before when I accidentally swallowed seawater while snorkeling. My nose stings, my stomach churns from swallowing a lot of salt water. My head hurts. Ugh.’
‘What if you jumped from a high place?’
Why did I think it was just a joke until the end…
‘Eww. Acrophobia. The moment you stand in a high place, you’d probably die of a heart attack first, right? Among them, that might have the least felt pain? But then your body wouldn’t be left intact. It would be something you couldn’t do to your family.’
‘Then you wouldn’t be able to be buried either, right. Would you have to be cremated?’
‘Right. The body would be a mess, what could you do. Ugh, I don’t even want to imagine. But why do you keep asking such creepy things from earlier. Stop it. The more I think about it, I’m starting to get a bit… scared.’
I should have looked at you then, what kind of eyes, what kind of expression you had while saying those things, I should have looked at you closely then. I should have.
‘Lee Joo Yeon, instead of having such quirky thoughts, study. The first exam is important. You know that, right?’
‘Tch, I’m getting nagged by you when even my mom doesn’t nag me. You bookworm.’
‘Bookworm is not it. We go wild and have fun after the exam is over, don’t we? Right? This time too, let’s have a blast after the exam. What should we do? What should we do?’
What was I looking at when I wasn’t looking at you pouring out those terrible questions?
‘Yeah… let’s have fun. Have a blast. Seo Hee…’
‘Yeah?’
‘I fiercely lubby dubby you. You know that, right? Don’t forget. I really really lubby dubby you a lot!’
‘I know I know. I also fiercely cherish our Joo Yeon. Lubby dubby you.’
“Ha, ha, ha…”
Joo Yeon… Joo Yeon, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry to you. What have I done, what on earth have I done to you. Not knowing it was an SOS, not knowing it was a desperate rescue signal you were sending to me.
Please… please save me, if only I had grasped that precious opportunity… how could I have let go of that valuable chance so stupidly, so foolishly.
Joo Yeon…
“Joo Yeon… I’m sorry. Sob.”
I had no idea. Really no idea, no idea at all. I should have held your hand, I should have firmly grasped that hand.
“Mom, what do I do. Mom… what do I do. I’m so sorry to Joo Yeon. Mom, Mom, what do I do. What do I do. Sob.”
Her mother cried out, startled by her sudden outburst of clawing at her chest and wailing, but there was no way Seo Hee, who was out of her mind, could hear it.
The ground split open, and the sky spun round and round. Her eyes lost focus and she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear any sound. Only the sickly sweet scent of chrysanthemums lined up on both sides pierced her sense of smell.
A chill ran through her body as if all the blood had drained out. Her body shook uncontrollably as if it were the dead of winter, not spring. She couldn’t tell if the ground was shaking, if her body was trembling, or if someone was shaking her body.
In the end, unable to endure it any longer, Seo Hee fainted. She couldn’t hear her mother calling for her, someone urgently looking for a doctor, or the shouts around her.
While Kang Mo, who had run out barefoot upon hearing the commotion, hurriedly picked her up and rushed to the emergency room, Seo Hee hung limp without any movement.
When she finally regained consciousness after some time, Seo Hee visited Joo Yeon’s funeral again despite her mother’s earnest dissuasion. She collapsed in front of Joo Yeon’s brightly smiling photo and couldn’t get up for a long time.
She resented the time that could never be turned back, resented Joo Yeon who easily brought up death as if it were nothing, and in the end, she begged for forgiveness, saying she was sorry for not knowing Joo Yeon’s pain and agony.
Seo Hee quietly knelt down in front of Joo Yeon’s parents and Kang Mo, who were looking at her with worried eyes. She didn’t know what to say to them or where to begin.
She just leaned into the warmth of her mother who quietly came over and stroked her back in silent encouragement, and opened her trembling lips.
“I’m sorry. I’m really… so… sorry. I’m sorry. I truly had no idea… that Joo Yeon was having such thoughts. If I had known… I wouldn’t have answered so thoughtlessly… I’m really, really sorry. I’m sorry.”
If only I could turn back time, if only I could, I would have listened to your story a bit more carefully. I would have firmly held you as you wavered. I absolutely wouldn’t have let you go so futilely. Maybe I could have… saved you.
If only I could turn back time to that moment…
Regretting the situation that could never be reversed and blaming herself for being so thoughtless and frivolous, Seo Hee could only offer apologies through tears, unable to say anything other than that she was sorry.
It was her mother who spoke on behalf of Seo Hee, who was half out of her mind. Joo Yeon’s family, who had silently listened through Sun Joo about Seo Hee coming again to apologize with tears, couldn’t say a word for a long time.
However, Joo Yeon’s mother quietly embraced Seo Hee, who was sobbing for a long time as if her soul had left her body.
“It’s not your fault. Seo Hee, that’s… not your fault. Even I, her mother, had no idea that my daughter was having such terrible thoughts… Even I, her mother… didn’t know what kind of pain she had to make that decision, so how could you, her friend, have known. Even I, her mother… didn’t know.”
Tears endlessly poured out at the sight of Joo Yeon’s mother embracing and comforting her when she had nothing to say even if she poured out reproach.
“I’m sorry. I… I should have listened more carefully… then… maybe I could have stopped it, then Joo Yeon… wouldn’t have left like that. I’m sorry.”
“No… no. Seo Hee, don’t think like that. Don’t torment yourself with such thoughts. I know well how good of a friend you were to our Joo Yeon. Thanks to you, our Joo Yeon became much brighter.”
Seo Hee just silently shook her head.
“Thank you for being a good friend to our Joo Yeon. Thank you so much for… not letting our Joo Yeon’s path be lonely. Thank you. Seo Hee.”
She had no right to hear words of gratitude. Seo Hee, who had sent off her friend so futilely, felt like she would never be able to escape the guilt for the rest of her life.
__________
Men In The Royal Harem All Yearn For Her (Female-dominant)
One-line summary: The men (young empress, young empress dowager, crown prince) in the harem all yearn to become her consort.
Synopsis:
The female protagonist is a wildly popular heartthrob with a natural halo.
The male protagonist is a crazily obsessed and self-abasing loyal dog.
Qiu Shu, the top scholar’s daughter, is pure, elegant and incomparably enchanting, captivating countless admirers.
Being favored by the eldest prince, the most handsome man in the capital, and becoming his wife in a single move is truly the pride of a poor student.
However, what they don’t know is that the seemingly bright and splendid female protagonist lives in a battlefield of jealousy every day.
The cute and adorable young empress is unusually attached to her.
The gentlemanly and upright young empress dowager has an ambiguous relationship with her.
Even her aloof and proud eldest prince is actually a gloomy and petty jealous husband.
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.