The news of Tae Oh’s marriage had a significant impact on her decision to return to Korea, so her disappointment was immense.

“Mom, didn’t he say he was getting married soon? You told me that when we talked on the phone. You said it wouldn’t take long.”

Mom chuckled and replied,

“Just wait and see. I have a strong feeling about this. His demeanor, which always seemed somewhat cold, has definitely changed recently. I had a hunch he was seeing someone, so I casually asked, and he just smiled? Before, he would firmly deny it with a serious face.”

“Oh… Mom.”

“So don’t worry about anything. Tae Oh has changed a lot. He never even wanted to come to this house, but lately, he frequently visits Uncle and takes care of you. That alone shows it, doesn’t it? I think he’s finally accepting us as family.”

Seol Hee wanted to scream into the void out of frustration. Whether Mom knew how Seol Hee felt or not, she gently patted her back like soothing a child and made a request that wasn’t quite a request.

“Anyway, you. Don’t keep trying to distance yourself from your elder brother. Open up your heart a little. Tae Oh may not show his emotions well and be a bit clumsy at expressing himself, but once you get to know him, he has many good qualities.”

He doesn’t show emotions? He can’t wait to devour me alive whenever he sees me.

Clumsy at expressing himself? He’s eerily good at expressing unpleasant things. It’s written all over his face and tone.

Seol Hee had to swallow the words she couldn’t bring herself to say out loud.

“I understand what you’re trying to say, Mom, but I still don’t like it. I’m not a child, and it’s not that I’m incapable. Please don’t do this. I really hate feeling indebted. Okay? Please don’t ask my elder brother Tae Oh for favors anymore. If you care about me, please don’t do that.”

Mom must have sensed the sincerity in her voice. She tilted her head and soon replied as if she had no choice.

“Alright. I didn’t know you felt so burdened by it. I was being insensitive… I’m sorry.”

Her gaze dropped to the floor, and her hands, which had been smoothing Seol Hee’s unwrinkled suit, fell limply. Seol Hee couldn’t help but feel sorry for her delicate mother and hugged her tightly.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t take it so seriously. Oh, Mom. I don’t know what to say. Let’s go inside. I’ll be back.”

Seol Hee gently pushed her mother, whose shoulders were slumped, through the front gate and turned to leave with heavy steps.

Han Tae Oh, Han Tae Oh. What on earth are you up to? Please, just keep doing what you’ve been doing.

After an hour of driving with complicated thoughts, she arrived at the memorial park where her father rested. Her steps towards her father, carrying the flowers she had prepared in advance, were still heavy and laborious.

Her father, who loved mountains and nature, was laid to rest under a towering tree according to his will.

On a dazzling spring day, an afternoon in April, Seol Hee approached her father under a tree as tall as her, receiving an abundance of warm sunlight and flaunting its lush, vibrant appearance. She greeted him in a deliberately cheerful voice.

“Dad.”

Her eyes always welled up with tears here. After barely managing to utter a single word, she couldn’t even deliver a proper greeting and just saying “Dad” made tears brim in her eyes.

“Dad…”

What’s wrong with me, always? I’m really pathetic. Right? It’s been over ten years already, and I thought it was about time I could call out to you with a smile. But it still aches and hurts the same. You should have lived longer. What was the rush?

I wanted to show you my smiling face.

Looking at her father’s tree from a distance, she told herself she would really smile at him today. That his daughter was doing well and living strong. With each determined step, she approached, but as soon as she got close, it was all in vain.

Sitting in front of the tree where her father was buried, her resolve crumbled, and she returned to the immature time of the past.

Her father, who had been ill for five years, suddenly left Seol Hee’s side on a day when a warm spring breeze was blowing, the year she entered high school. She thought he would stay a little longer, but on that day, when his condition seemed unusually better than usual, on that day when he rarely smiled brightly, saying he felt light all day, he closed his eyes like it was a lie.

Did he smile like that, wanting to show a bright face instead of a pained one before leaving?

Not knowing it might be the last time, not knowing that would be the last day with her father, she acted spoiled in his sick arms, doing all the aegyo she didn’t usually do.

‘I want to eat kimchi fried rice made by my dad after so long.’

‘If my daughter wants to eat it, I have to make it for her. What should I put in it? Should I add tuna or ham?’

‘When Dad makes it, it’s delicious with just kimchi. To me, that’s the most delicious thing in the world. If you top it with a runny egg yolk, I could just die!’

‘Okay, got it. Just sit tight and wait. I’ll make it right away.’

‘But Dad, are you really okay?’

‘Of course, I’m fine. My body feels light today. I guess my condition improved to make fried rice for my daughter.’

Even his emaciated back, where he had lost so much weight, was cool. With what strength did he shake the frying pan and fry the rice?

Not knowing he might be pouring out his last remaining energy, just happy to see him lively for a change instead of his usual listless appearance, she sat at the table and waited for the fried rice with a silly grin.

Even if he had served it in the frying pan, she would have eaten it deliciously, but her father, who always said his daughter should eat nicely plated food to be treated well wherever she went, that day too, he scooped the fried rice pressed tightly into a bowl onto a white plate, shaping it into a round mountain.

The runny egg yolk, gently placed on top, was the perfect finishing touch.

‘As expected, my dad is the best! Mom really can’t compare to this. Seriously.’

Giving two thumbs up, without even telling her father to have a taste, she frantically scraped the plate clean.

Only afterward did the lingering images come to mind.

Her father’s warm gaze that never left her while she ate the fried rice, the cold sweat beading on his forehead, the bright smile that hung on her ears as he said just watching was filling enough. His thin arms trembling slightly.

That night, if I had known he would leave us so suddenly, if I had known that would be the last day with my father… Dad, I shouldn’t have done that.

I shouldn’t have acted spoiled. I shouldn’t have asked for kimchi fried rice. Then Dad… would you have stayed by my side a day longer?

“I miss you. I miss you so much, Dad. Can’t you appear in my dreams at least once? How can you not show up even once? I’m so upset. Seriously. Because of you, I can’t eat the kimchi fried rice I used to love so much. What are you going to do about it?”

Shamelessly, in the end, she’s whining and acting up again. After sobbing and shedding tears for a while, Seol Hee soothed her surging emotions and finally shared the news her father would be curious about.

Dad, you’re not in pain and doing well over there, right? Mom is… doing well too. Although not as much as you, not even close to half of what you did, I think Uncle is… a good person. He’s really… good to Mom. So Dad, don’t be lonely over there by yourself.

Tears flow again. She doesn’t know when this pain will dull. She thought she wasn’t an undutiful daughter, but seeing the endless tears every time she came here, she must be an undutiful daughter after all.

“Dad, I’m going now. Next time I come, I won’t cry. Really. I’ll come with a smile. I love you, Dad. If you miss me, come find me in my dreams… I’m really going now.”

She looks back several times as she leaves, and only when the end of the tree is completely out of sight does she fully face forward and move on. Now it’s time to go meet a friend.

In Seol Hee’s hand, heading to another memorial park a thirty-minute drive away, were lovely and dainty flowers, unlike the subtle ones she had brought to her father.

Her steps heading indoors rather than outdoors were even heavier than before. In the indoor charnel house where no one was seen, only the sound of her heels clicking on the marble floor echoed through the silent interior.

The steady clicking of her heels gradually slowed down. At her eye level, her friend, reduced to a handful of ashes, was sleeping inside a cinerary urn.

“Ha…”

A long sigh always escapes when she stands in front of her friend.

“Joo Yeon, I’m here.”

She was Seol Hee’s friend and Kang Mo’s elder sister.

Next to Joo Yeon’s urn, her once-radiant moments remained intact in a photograph, welcoming Seol Hee with a smile. Just like her dazzlingly fresh appearance during their school days, she was laughing with joy together with Seol Hee.

As she stared blankly at that smile, tears inevitably fell onto the back of her hand with a plop.

“You bad girl. Are you comfortable over there?”

I… still feel pain whenever I see you. Don’t do this. You… really shouldn’t have done this. You should have told me. Even as a joke, don’t ask like that. Say it’s hard, that it’s too scary and painful.

If you had, could we… be facing each other with smiles like before?

I still regret that day. I should have asked why you were asking such a question. I don’t know why I always regret things after the fact.

Joo Yeon… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Joo Yeon. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were hurting alone like that. I’m sorry I didn’t listen carefully to your story.

Please, don’t cry over there and smile. Smile… like in the photo. Smile for me.

Her head dropped. Through the wavering tears, her smile was so innocent that she couldn’t bear to keep looking at it, so her head fell downward.

The sound of footsteps faintly reaches her ears. Gradually becoming clearer, heavy footsteps, not light ones, drew closer and closer.

The approaching footsteps stopped right next to her. Seol Hee, with her head still bowed, stepped aside. Even with a stranger close by, the tears did not easily stop, and she did not try to force them to stop.

Seeing someone shedding tears here was a common occurrence. Perhaps it was an unspoken consideration that no one looked at a crying person with curious gazes or offered clumsy condolences.

But then, a handkerchief was abruptly held out under her lowered face.