129. If Only I Were a Little Stronger

2024.02.06.

Noel stood beside Yuan, eyes just as wide, scanning the surroundings.

Though he didn’t turn his head around completely, his clear violet eyes kept darting ceaselessly, absorbing everything new.

Unlike Bollonico, who treated anything not from the capital as inferior, Noel cherished the southern atmosphere—where his mother was born—just as much as the customs of the north or the capital where he had grown up.

The scorching sun.

The waves that stirred the heart.

The sea’s scent changing with each season.

A place where people of every skin tone came and went, as diverse as the west.

And the free-spirited atmosphere that encouraged blending in with others.

People here grew differently from the northern children raised as warriors due to monsters, or the capital nobles who lived like actors bound by rules from the moment they were born.

Even if this region suffered from constant raids and pirate attacks, even if it valued martial strength as highly as the north, the south’s uniquely optimistic and cheerful spirit never faded. Never.

Noel naturally glanced toward Empress Marilyn and Federico.

Together, his stiff uncle and his mother, whose smile was like a painting, embodied the south itself.

A region that carried both pride in being the Empress’s homeland and the tragedy of having its patriarch executed for leading a rebellion.

Throughout his life—from crown prince to suddenly becoming a prince living in the palace—Noel had struggled to understand his older brother Bollonico’s actions.

But he fully understood why Bollonico was determined to seize control of the south, even using distant relatives like Harol Companni.

‘How regretful it must have been…’

The south, which—if untouched by rebellion—would have staunchly supported Bollonico more than any other faction.

The very people who would rise up with their lives on the line if Emperor Igor, like the Empress feared, brought in a bastard from somewhere and placed him above the crown prince, betraying the Empress from behind.

That is, if they could stand proudly before the imperial family.

Perhaps due to enduring invasions their entire lives, the southern people’s unity and sense of justice stood out distinctly compared to others.

Of course, some generalized them as easygoing but quick-tempered when their sense of justice flared up—such was the southern temperament.

Anyway.

No matter how tarnished it had been by being stained with rebellion once more, the strength of these people who had steadfastly guarded the empire’s southern seas for hundreds of years… Bollonico absolutely had to keep hold of it.

Even if it meant the Empress and Federico occasionally had their insides twisted with bitterness.

Noel sometimes watched the dancing people through Federico’s eyes, sometimes through those of Empress Marilyn or Bollonico.

From the seemingly joyful and cheerful dance moves, Noel lowered the corners of his eyes, as if sensing a touch of sadness.

‘If only I were a little stronger.’

If I were just a little less weak, could I have stood up to my brother and asked him to consider my mother’s or my uncle’s feelings?

Perhaps it was my brother who understood my mother’s heart—the one who fought so desperately for her son to ascend the throne—better than anyone else?

Noel’s trembling gaze gradually settled, as gently as the soft waves of Nella Beach, upon Tasha.

‘If only I were a little more courageous…’

The area around the Kimfri siblings was packed with noble youths their age.

Not only southern nobles, but also several eastern nobles had gathered upon hearing that the Kimfri siblings would spend the summer in southern society.

The women flocked toward young Lord Kimfri, Eugene Kimfri, the heir to the Kimfri Countship.

The men, naturally, eagerly approached his one and only younger sister, Tasha Kimfri.

In the capital, it would be unimaginably rude for someone of lower status to greet a higher-ranking person first—but where were they now?

In the south, where merchants were welcome at noble gatherings as long as everyone had fun.

Of course, the young men and women gathered here weren’t so unhinged as to approach Empress Marilyn, the Second Prince, or even the rumored disgraced crown princess consort.

But the Kimfri siblings? While their status differed, there were plenty of young nobles of similar standing here.

Starting with cheerful southern nobles who approached with utterly innocent faces, young gentlemen who had been eyeing the siblings—especially Tasha—now crowded around her, greeting her one after another.

Among them were even nobles whose titles alone meant even Eugene Kimfri couldn’t afford to ignore them.

“Welcome to the south! Lady Kimfri!”

“If you’d allow it, perhaps a dance…?”

The fervent attention showered upon Tasha Kimfri, the eldest daughter of the Kimfri Countship that protected the east, was far more passionate than in the capital.

And this attention became even more blatant when Eugene Kimfri briefly stepped away for business.

And here…

There was Gumnus Yatpa, a northerner who had come to the south for sightseeing ahead of the upcoming swordsmanship tournament.

The scandalous rumors about Gumnus Yatpa were so widespread they had reached even the capital’s high society.

Especially with two broken engagements and multiple scandals already marring his reputation, among his peers—excluding the men of the Euphris imperial family—no one else could rival his notoriety.

There had been rumors he disappeared from the capital’s social scene after being beaten by the crown prince during the title-bestowing ceremony, but clearly, unable to wait, he had come to the south earlier than planned under the pretext of preparing for the tournament and already shown his face at the party.

Now, before such a man, Tasha Kimfri—who in the capital wouldn’t even let someone like him near her—was right there, like a perfectly prepared meal, making it impossible for his eyes not to gleam.

Noel, who had remained in the palace but kept his ears wide open, narrowed his eyes as he followed Gumnus Yatpa’s furtive gaze shifting toward Tasha.

At that moment, Yuan, standing right beside Noel, whispered softly.

“His Highness Bollonico isn’t here. Neither is His Majesty the Emperor.”

Noel flinched, leaning his ear toward Yuan, though his eyes never left Gumnus Yatpa.

“Could Lady Tasha really still have any reason to be disappointed in you?”

Before Noel could even bite his lip, Yuan prodded him in a lower voice.

“Perhaps Lady Tasha doesn’t take your condition as seriously as you think.”

“……”

“If Lady Tasha is destined to be with someone else anyway.”

A cold sweat ran down Noel’s back.

‘Someone else destined to be with Tasha?’

The crowd around Tasha grew even denser, and the southern gentlemen openly courting her did so with fiery enthusiasm.

Noel had clearly said before that he hoped Tasha could find a good match suited for her.

The wish for Tasha’s happiness was Noel’s genuine feeling, something he could proudly declare to anyone.

But what could he do when, each time Tasha seemed disappointed in him, his heart sank and he felt utterly alone in the world?

Even though he practiced speaking daily with Yuan, he still hated himself for shrinking whenever he stood before Tasha.

Throughout the journey to the south, Tasha hadn’t even cast a glance in his direction.

Though he should have felt free after finally leaving the palace, his heart felt as if imprisoned the entire time.

Dozens of men asked Tasha for dances and made plans for the next.

His tightly clenched fist trembled violently.

It wasn’t anger toward the men coveting Tasha.

It was rage—at himself, who couldn’t even ask the woman most precious to him in the world, the one who had shared every childhood memory with him, for a dance.

And what finally snapped Noel’s last thread of patience was the sight of Gumnus Yatpa approaching Tasha, leaning in to kiss both her cheeks.

***

‘I’m exhausted.’

In normal circumstances, Tasha Kimfri wouldn’t have bothered with these people at all.

But it was true that the free-spirited atmosphere of this party had melted away part of her usual icy barrier.

Regardless of whatever sorrow she carried inside, the southerners’ bright expressions and lively dances were enough to lead Tasha back to a moment from her childhood.

There, a quiet, clever little Noel and a slightly simple but energetic Tasha existed.

They awkwardly stood hand in hand, clumsily clattering like puppets, practicing the first dance they had ever learned.

Under Tasha’s lead—who excelled at anything physical—Noel spun in place until his head spun, eventually turning pale and retching, his face twisted in misery, while Tasha threw her head back and laughed.

Perhaps it was because that moment, filled with her clear, pure laughter, now unfolded right before her eyes in the middle of this summer journey far from the capital.

The reason Tasha accepted dance invitations from strangers she’d never usually acknowledge was—

“Lady Kimfri. It’s even more delightful to see you here.”

Tasha knew the rumors about Gumnus Yatpa better than anyone present.

She had simply crouched low, hiding momentarily behind the bushes like a lioness spotting prey.

In the south, light physical contact between men and women at parties wasn’t even considered gossip.

Gumnus Yatpa, sharp as ever, had already noticed how southern gentlemen casually kissed young ladies’ cheeks all around the party.

But Tasha? Not a chance.

“In the south, one should follow southern customs. May I show you the same courtesy our southern gentlemen offer to ladies?”

She clenched her fist as Gumnus Yatpa, attempting to cunningly flirt with her, approached her with the smoothness of a native southern noble.

‘Just try it.’

She was ready to respond by driving her knuckles, fingers curled into a fist, straight into his solar plexus.

But before Tasha’s fist could reach Gumnus’s abdomen, Noel’s hand reached Gumnus’s lips first.

Feeling the touch of a gloved hand—warm with a man’s presence—against his lips instead of soft cheeks, Gumnus’s eyes snapped open. The moment he realized the hand belonged to the Second Prince, Noel, he froze, mouth agape, unable to utter a word.

With lips tightly sealed, Noel grabbed Tasha’s arm—startled—and strode swiftly out of the ballroom.

Yuan, shocked by Noel’s lightning-fast action, instinctively followed after them.