42. As If You Liked Me or Something

2023.11.11.

The gloom lasted only briefly.

Yuan also picked up a trowel and began helping diligently, when suddenly Oliver staggered away, dodging them and hiding behind a tall fir tree, panting heavily.

‘That boy doesn’t want me to see him die.’

‘There are deaths like that too.’

Fearing Oliver might run off again and wander through the white forest, Hena quickly rushed over.

Yuan, watching Oliver desperately trying to move elsewhere, admitted Clade Euphris hadn’t been entirely wrong.

‘There might be such deaths. But you could at least say goodbye before leaving on a journey you’ll never return from.’

Oliver, too weak to flee any longer, was gently embraced in warm arms.

His unfocused eyes blinked slowly.

Yuan forced a smile at Oliver, who quietly nestled in Hena’s arms and looked up at her, then wrapped the robe she’d secretly taken from Clade Euphris tightly around Oliver.

“Oh, Oliver!”

Then Oliver went wild. He frantically sniffed the air, whimpered “beep-beep, beep-beep,” then buried his nose into the robe.

‘Truthfully, I didn’t want to run away. I wanted to die seeing my lord, in my lord’s arms.’

Yuan’s lips twisted sadly. Hena’s eyes were already beyond the point of shedding more tears.

Yuan sensed that Oliver’s death was now imminent.

The “beep-beep” sounds gradually faded, and even to her eyes, the flicker of light in those dark eyes reflecting the setting sun began to dim.

Shielding Oliver from the rain like cradling a puppy, Yuan and Hena held him close and whispered to the dying dog.

“I’ll definitely clean your home again properly.”

When your master’s face becomes clean again, when he brightens once more like the beautiful prince who used to love you, then I’ll scold him properly for what he did.

As if understanding her words, Oliver let out another soft “beep-beep.”

Oliver struggled to lift his head to meet Yuan’s gaze, but finally buried his face back into the fabric.

Feeling the warmth of Hena and Yuan stroking him, smelling at last the scent of his beloved master, his dark eyes slowly dimmed.

“Your master truly wanted to be by your side too.”

Yuan whispered, like someone desperately shielding a dying candle with both hands.

“He loves you, Oliver.”

The dog let out a faint, barely audible “beep-,” then finally closed his eyes.

Hena released the sob she’d been holding back—“Waaaaaah!”

Yuan also lowered her head, her brows and lips contorted.

Once known as Clade Euphris’s wolf, his proud and imposing figure seemed unimaginable now—the dog curled in the soft robe was far too small.

***

The butler climbed up with Clade Euphris’s dinner, wearing a satisfied smile.

Thanks to Clade Euphris actually following his and Lancelot’s advice—trying to treat his wife well during the day since he couldn’t at night—these days had been surprisingly peaceful.

‘Madam is a blessing, truly a blessing. His Highness should treat her even better.’

Compared to the past, when he’d frown at the slightest breeze, it was nothing short of a miracle.

Clade Euphris, who had finally started doing even a little of what he was supposed to do—basking in warm sunlight, receiving odd instructions like “decorate the garden”—clearly looked better than before.

Behind his indifferent expression, emotions impossible to hide showed clearly in Gustav’s eyes.

They were fleeting glances that briefly moistened the heart, or small gestures—like Clade Euphris himself lightly tapping Yuan’s forehead or hair without hurting her, then curling the corner of his lips upward—as if proving they’d grown closer psychologically.

‘Still, Madam is truly kind.’

To cause a commotion without even asking His Highness’s permission, yet still firmly entrusting the butler with His Highness’s dinner before leaving.

It had been tough—since the head chef had fled, the butler had to use his own limited skills—but every time Gustav saw Yuan carefully tending to Clade Euphris, he felt indescribable gratitude.

‘His Highness should understand how grateful he ought to be.’

To have gained such a beautiful, kind bride, yet not even take her for a single walk!

As an old man like Gustav, who had no wife to lean on in his old age, this was utterly incomprehensible.

‘If His Highness gets angry because of Oliver, I should definitely side with Madam. What can I do? She’s so kind. He could’ve just ordered the servants or guards to bring Oliver, but instead went himself.’

After a few knocks, the butler, about to enter Clade Euphris’s bedroom, was startled to see him standing by the window in the exact same posture as earlier.

“Your Highness?”

Butler Gustav called him several times.

Clade Euphris didn’t answer.

His dark gaze looking outside showed none of the anger Gustav had expected—anger over his wife leaving without permission.

“Your Highness……”

He simply looked profoundly empty and sad.

Moreover, his jawbone bulged prominently, as if he’d been clenching his teeth for a long time.

The butler knew he should leave given the atmosphere, but somehow felt he couldn’t leave Clade Euphris alone, so he stayed behind until the dinner he brought had completely cooled.

That evening, Yuan returned, drenched from rain and snow, just before sunset.

***

Snow began falling along with the steady drizzle.

Yuan, thoroughly soaked during her journey, paused briefly inside the black mansion to steady her dizzy head.

Her mind was also cluttered with various thoughts.

Given her throbbing head and the slow ache creeping into her neck, she’d probably catch a severe cold by tomorrow.

It would’ve been far better to immediately take a warm bath, dry off by the fireplace, and sip some hot tea—but since the sun had already set, she was in a hurry.

She planned to quickly dry her face and hair, put Clade Euphris to bed, then return to her room to wash—so she opened the door to his bedroom.

There Clade Euphris still stood by the window, exactly as she’d seen him that afternoon.

Yuan paused, stepping onto the long shadow stretching down to her feet.

Tears welled up inexplicably.

‘His Highness is sad too.’

Flowing down Clade Euphris’s broad back was clearly sorrow.

He couldn’t possibly be unaffected by Oliver’s death.

Yuan removed her wet cloak and draped it over a nearby chair, then walked softly and cautiously wrapped her arms around his lonely-looking back.

He didn’t flinch at her touch as he usually did. He didn’t push her away.

“I buried Oliver properly.”

Yuan reported, hiding the tremble in her voice from the cold.

To the man who had watched her rush out to find Oliver.

“Oliver didn’t die alone.”

“……”

“Hena and I only said good things. We told him he was the kindest dog in the world.”

Yuan swallowed the tears rising in her throat.

“His master loved him, and will continue to love him and remember him.”

“……”

“Am I wrong?”

Clade Euphris remained silent for a long time.

Yuan assumed he was silently grieving.

‘Let him have his time to grieve.’

“Madam!”

The butler, who had been frantic since spotting her from the lobby, finally returned, hugging a large bundle of thick blankets bigger than himself.

“Madam! You’re soaked! You’ll catch a cold!”

“I’m fine. It felt refreshing.”

“It’s winter rain! Colds here aren’t mild.”

At the mention of her being wet, Clade Euphris finally turned his gaze toward her.

His sunken eyes slowly traced Yuan’s pale lips.

Amid the crackling sound of firewood the butler had hastily lit in the fireplace, Yuan’s quiet movements preparing tea could be heard.

After the butler left, and with the sun fully set, when even the servants’ voices could no longer be heard.

Clade Euphris finally spoke, watching Yuan’s busy hands from a distance.

“Just go tonight.”

“Are you worried about me?”

Yuan was drying her wet hair with the towel the butler had brought.

When a flicker of confusion crossed her eyes, his lowered gaze twitched almost imperceptibly.

“To spend the night looking like that.”

“Oh.”

Yuan well knew he was quite fastidious.

Looking like a drowned rat—of course he’d find it unpleasant.

Yuan quickly stood up and grabbed her soaked fur cloak.

“I’ll go wash and come right back.”

“You.”

Before Yuan could leave the bedroom with her things, Clade Euphris stepped away from the window and strode toward her.

His long black shadow stretched past the fireplace all the way to the bed.

Clade Euphris was clearly in a bad mood.

Whether because Oliver died. Because she was wet. Or for some other reason.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“…What do you mean?”

“You could just do enough. Do just what you need to do and stay comfortably. Why—”

He paused, having just poured out his words like a flood.

The flickering firelight in the hearth reflected in his eyes in shifting colors.

“Why go this far?”

“How many times must you ask? I’m your wife. We’re family—”

“No one enjoys being in pain.”

Clade Euphris repeated with a gloomy smile.

“No one enjoys being in pain.”

Their wavering gazes sharply clashed in midair.

“That much means nothing to me—”

“Don’t say it’s fine. Don’t say ‘this much is nothing.’ Stop with that nonsense.”

Clade Euphris pointed out the phrase she habitually used.

His eyes, heavy with sorrow, loneliness, and growing confusion, trembled so violently that his neat eyebrows twisted in different directions.

“I know you’re good-natured. But why endure me at night like this—why go this far?”

Fragments of emotion, rare to see from Clade Euphris, seemed to scatter in all directions.

Yuan stared up at him, dazed.

This Clade Euphris, quietly yet fiercely revealing his emotions, was someone she’d never seen before.

“Your tastes are as peculiar as your personality.”

“What do you mean by…?”

“Or perhaps it’s just utterly unreasonable.”

An intense gaze, seemingly slightly angry, pierced down at Yuan.

Yuan’s eyes rippled like waves.

“As if you liked me or something.”

Surprisingly, even his dark, sunken pupils trembled faintly.