Lily, I Wish I Was Your Lover - Chapter 37

As the distance with Fredrick grew closer, Lily gripped the paper knife tighter and shouted urgently.

“Don’t come any closer! If you come closer…… I’ll stab you!”

“Stab me.”

Ignoring her, Fredrick approached right in front of Lily and placed the paper knife against his left chest where his heart was.

“You should stab here, my lady. If you don’t stab exactly here, you won’t be able to kill me.”

The hand holding the knife trembled even more than before. It was remarkable she could even hold the knife while shaking this much.

“But if I die, there will be no one to pay for Lady Grace Benjamin’s hospital bills…… Will that be alright?”

At the following question, green eyes filled with despair and trembled as much as her hand.

You really can’t do it. Fredrick sneered and grabbed the weak hand that couldn’t even inflict a single wound, let alone stab him.

“Remember this, my lady. I, Fredrick Benjamin, am your husband and the current Viscount Benjamin.”

Fredrick, who had taken the knife away with ridiculous ease, gently smiled as he brushed away the light brown hair sticking to her sweat-soaked face.

“So I hope you don’t forget that the child who inherits the Benjamin viscountcy must be a son who carries my blood.”

After parting with Lily and returning to the Maximilian mansion, Herald leaned against the terrace railing and smoked a cigar without even changing his clothes. Through the hazy smoke, he could see Lily’s face, tears streaming down as she said to stop meeting.

He had expected something was wrong since Lily’s expression hadn’t improved much even while eating delicious food, but he didn’t expect her to say such things.

Herald was bewildered by Lily’s unexpected behavior, but more than that, he was angry. He also wondered how she could think of stopping seeing him.

So he held on. Because he didn’t want to let her go yet, because he didn’t want to end the relationship like this, he held on, comforting her in an uncharacteristic way, saying he would become her lover if she wanted.

A lover. He had never even thought of dating, let alone marriage, yet he said such nonsense about willingly becoming her lover.

“I’ve gone mad.”

Herald laughed bitterly as he stubbed out his cigar in the ashtray. If he was going to do something crazy anyway, he should have gone all the way, but it was also ridiculous to back down out of consideration for the other person.

Why did he do such a thing?

Herald pondered as he lit a new cigar. It was already his third. He had wanted to smoke a cigar ever since Lily cried and said to stop meeting, but he couldn’t in that situation, so he held back, and now he couldn’t control the belatedly exploding desire.

Kissing her was the same. Was it because he knew how sweet those lips were? It was bewildering that from the moment they met, he wanted to kiss her even while eating, even when she was crying.

This is…… I’m not some animal in heat. Herald sneered as he ran his hand through his disheveled hair. If it had been just lust, he wouldn’t have agonized like this. He could have just slept with any woman to relieve it.

The problem was that he only had these thoughts about Liliana Benjamin. He felt nothing even if other women stripped naked and threw themselves at him, but just seeing Lily cry made his heart stir, which was baffling.

Herald had no dating experience, but he wasn’t so young as to not know what this meant.

“I have feelings for Liliana Benjamin.”

He thought it was just simple interest born from curiosity or sympathy, but it wasn’t. Though it may have started as interest, the feeling that had now transformed into affection left him confused.

“It’s still alright for now.”

Yes, it’s still alright for now. Herald muttered as he looked up at the moonlit night sky. This relationship would end soon anyway. Given Lily’s personality, there was no way she would accept the proposal to be his lover.

So he thought it would resolve itself without him having to do anything, but at the same time, he didn’t like that fact. As he smoked a cigar with a frustrated heart, there was a knock. It was Dillon.

“I’ve found the men you mentioned.”

When ordering from the restaurant staff, Herald had asked them to pass a note to Dillon. It was possible because the restaurant was opened by a former Cardin Guard member who had married.

The note sent to Dillon said to find out why Fredrick Benjamin had put a tail on Lily, and if he couldn’t find out the reason, to at least find those men.

But saying he found the men meant he couldn’t find out the reason. I guess I’ll have to step in myself. Herald stubbed out his cigar in the ashtray and stood up.

“Where are those guys?”

“At the Delmos River.”

The Delmos River was a river that ran through the outskirts of the capital. But for the men who had tailed Lily to be found at that river, could it be……?

When Herald looked at him with eyes full of meaning, Dillon nodded and continued his report.

“The men who tailed the Viscountess on Fredrick Benjamin’s orders were all found in the Delmos River. They had no other injuries, just precisely stabbed in the heart.”

“……”

It was common knowledge that a person’s heart is in the left chest, but it was difficult to target accurately. There was a solid shield of ribs, after all.

But stabbing only the heart precisely without leaving other wounds meant that whoever killed them was quite skilled. It also meant they had no intention of hiding that fact.

The only person who could be so brazen was the Second Prince, but there wasn’t enough physical or circumstantial evidence to confirm him as the culprit. It was even more puzzling since it was after Fredrick Benjamin had joined hands with Count Stacy, the Second Prince’s subordinate.

Well, it was strange from the start that the Second Prince was digging into the Benjamin viscountcy, so this is nothing. Herald sat back down with a smirk and asked Dillon.

“Where are those guys’ bodies?”

“The capital guard probably has them. Would you like to examine the bodies?”

“No, that’s fine.”

Someone skilled enough to precisely stab the heart to kill wouldn’t have left any traces, so there was no need to check the bodies.

“Just check the investigation report when it comes out later.”

“Yes.”

“And find out if Fredrick Benjamin knows about this. If he doesn’t know, drop a hint and report to me how he reacts.”

“Understood.”

“Wait.”

As Dillon was about to withdraw after receiving his orders, Herald called him back.

“Put someone on Liliana Benjamin too.”

At the sudden order, Dillon hesitated for a moment before asking.

“Do you mean to have the Viscountess Benjamin followed?”

“No.”

Herald looked up at the now dark night sky, with the moon hidden behind clouds, as he continued.

“Assign someone who can protect her from danger.”

Even after Fredrick left the bedroom, Lily, who had been hiding under the dressing table for a long time, crawled out just as she had gone in. Though the object of her fear and terror was gone, the sensations he had left behind were still there, and it was horrible. Along with the tears she had been holding back, nausea welled up.

“Ugh—”

Lily, who had crawled into the bathroom, grabbed the toilet and retched. Even after throwing up everything she had eaten for dinner, her stomach still churned. After vomiting up yellow bile, her throat and mouth stung as if scratched by fingernails, but it was nothing compared to the wound inflicted on her heart.

‘I should have just stabbed him.’

Lily regretted hesitating, but even if she could turn back time, she would have made the same choice. No matter how much she disliked Fredrick, he was still a person. She couldn’t do the terrible act of stabbing someone with her own hands.

Moreover, as Fredrick said, if he died, there would be no one to pay her mother’s hospital bills. Because she could no longer make the title transaction.

A son-in-law inheriting the title was only possible once, and after that, even if she remarried, the title would pass to distant relatives she didn’t even know.

In other words, it meant that until Grace Benjamin fully recovered, or until Lily was able to pay her mother’s hospital bills herself, she couldn’t divorce Fredrick, let alone kill him. That fact made her even more miserable, and her tears wouldn’t stop.

After vomiting until nothing came out, all strength left her body. Lily sat leaning against the bathtub and washed her lips with water, which had been dirtied by vomit and Fredrick’s lips. The vomit washed away quickly, but the filthy sensation that bastard had left behind wouldn’t go away no matter how much she scrubbed.

Just a brief touch of lips was this horrible, and the thought of joining bodies with Fredrick made her want to die by drowning in a dish of water. If it weren’t for her mother, she would have done it right away.

No, if Mom wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have married that man or endured living like this.

“……What am I thinking?”

Feeling guilty for momentarily thinking of her precious mother as a burden, Lily slapped herself hard enough to make her cheeks turn red. Thanks to that, her mind, which had been numb from the shock of Fredrick’s actions, snapped back to clarity.

“It’s okay, Lily.”

Lily hugged her still weak legs and muttered. Her voice was terrible, hoarse from screaming too much.

“You can do this.”

Dad, please give your beloved daughter courage to overcome hardships and protect Mom.

As Lily earnestly prayed to her dead father instead of a God she didn’t believe in, something suddenly caught her eye. It was Herald’s handkerchief. It must have fallen when she crawled into the bathroom.

“……”

Seeing the handkerchief reminded her of that man, and Lily’s expression twisted. Unlike Fredrick, every moment he had been considerate of her, his warm and comfortable embrace, came to mind, and Lily cried so much that the slightly dry handkerchief became wet again.