I stared blankly at the cold coffee cup for a long time.

My thoughts cooled as rapidly as the chilled coffee temperature.

When I finally managed to stand up, my weakened legs trembled.

As I picked up the envelope in front of me, its rough texture cut into my fingertips.

The words spilled by Lady Fiocel flashed through my mind, now filled with a chilling coldness.

Then, time stopped at one sentence, repeating and becoming clearer with each blink of my eyes.

It was a natural thing for a lady to say, and I should have been prepared for it without being affected.

But why… does the back of my head throb as if struck by a hammer?

Some might think this is quite a passionate love, but I cannot leave the side of that man who holds my lifeline.

If only that man held my actual breath…

Then perhaps I could have abandoned this wretched life.

Why did that man have to hold my mother’s lifeline instead of mine?

Is that man amused by all this, having driven his blade deep into my only weakness?

Is he laughing at me, unable to move even slightly without his permission?

I try to blame that man like this.

Although I ultimately betrayed my conscience, I try to create an escape by saying he created this whole situation.

But such unreasonable justification crumbled quickly like a sandcastle.

The rough envelope once again plunged my feelings into the mire.

This situation, where I was neither slapped nor had my hair pulled, feels even more miserable.

If only that had happened, my heart would have been more at ease.

Lady Fiocel was too noble for me to do such things.

The more noble and elegant she was, the more wretched I felt.

Because there was nothing wrong with Lady Fiocel’s words.

I, who am neither his fiancée nor his mistress, am someone who should leave that man’s side.

To that man, I am nothing more or less than a toy that can be discarded at any time without being strange.

If only the relationship with that man could be exchanged for the value contained in this envelope.

Reality finally coldly awakens my mind.

The afterimage of that man saying he loved me on the way back from Alphonse scatters hazily, leaving only the vivid ashen reality like a corpse.

The elation I felt in the carriage after hearing him say he loved me now seems utterly ridiculous.

Nevertheless, even this insane reality where I must remain by that man’s side.

Love. Yes, that man told me he loved me.

I will shatter this false love that will leave no remnants, set it adrift as a buoy, and let it flow to where that man resides.

Meanwhile, I, unable to grasp the last chance Lady Fiocel gave me, will crumble.

I hope that man cries as he watches me leave, utterly shattered.

I hope his heart shatters as much as mine.

While I package my conscience-abandoned, dirty heart as revenge against that man, my aimless steps have already reached the lodgings.

When I opened the door, my mother came into view.

Fortunately, she didn’t seem to have lost her memory today, greeting me with a warm smile.

“El, are you hungry?”

My mother moved busily between the kitchen, saying I should look after myself.

Soon, as always, a pretty and neatly arranged meal was prepared by her hands.

As I mechanically spooned up the soup, aimless tears began to leak out.

I lowered my head to hide my reddened eyes, but my mother had already noticed.

“El, what’s wrong?”

“…”

“Did something happen?”

As I raised my head with a forced smile on my lips, my mother was looking at me with a deeply worried expression.

Stupid. The words I kept repeating inwardly continued to leak out as tears.

The forced smile on my lips twitched slightly.

“It’s just so delicious.”

Lying is indeed difficult. Especially to my mother… she always saw through my lies quickly.

“You, did something happen at the palace? We should just leave the palace…”

“No, Mom. We can’t leave.”

My voice came out firmly without me realizing, making my mother’s body flinch.

Seeing my mother’s face turn pale as paper just because I showed a few tears, I realized I had made a mistake.

It was always like this. My mother was someone who would do anything for me.

If she knew the whole situation, she might even crush the rest of her life for my sake.

She’s the kind of person who would abandon even her life if it was for my benefit.

Facing this realization once again, my resolve hardens clearly.

To escape this hell with my mother no matter what.

To think only of that.

There may not be heaven at the end of this long hell, but by then, I’ll be able to smile.

Reminiscing about this as if it were a distant memory from the past.

So, until then.

It was only for a moment that my loosened mind tightened again.

“I have to go to work.”

“El, if it’s hard, you don’t have to do that job. You know what’s most important to me is that you’re not struggling, right?”

A warm sensation spread from her hands cupping my face.

My mother, knowing nothing, thought being in the capital was just for a slightly more comfortable life and honor.

How fortunate her ignorance is at this moment.

I try to smile as usual, with a smirk.

“Other mothers would be making a fuss about earning more, why aren’t you?”

“…”

“You should say you don’t need a child who can’t earn money.”

“What mother would say that? Parents can’t do that to their children. That’s what it means to be a parent and child.”

The feeling of my mother pouring out all her love, almost blindly, hits me deeply.

My mother always said this.

That parents can’t help but love their children unconditionally. That there wouldn’t be anyone who doesn’t.

Asking what parent wouldn’t.

When I was very young, I innocently believed those words, and even as I grew up and saw the other side of the world, I never doubted my mother’s love like that.

But I never thought it was natural, as my mother said.

It’s too clear that not all parents are like that, just look at my father who abandoned me.

My mother probably knows that too.

Her life, which would have been much easier if she had just abandoned me as a newborn, was tumultuous because of me.

Nevertheless, it was she who ultimately protected me.

Even now, as she’s losing her memory, she’s still struggling to protect me.

She is the only person in this world who will be entirely on my side throughout my entire life.

My mother, the greatest fortune of my life.

I can do anything to protect her.

Just as she can do anything for me.

After wiping away the tears that had leaked out, I met her gaze.

“Then, would you live with me even if I became completely penniless?”

As I joked with a smile, my mother smiled back, saying it was obvious.

Although she seems to remember everything perfectly as she looks at me and converses like this, my mother doesn’t remember the fact that she’s taking medicine or that it’s extremely expensive.

Of course, the same goes for that young master.

At times like this, the aftereffects of my mother’s forgetfulness feel like a blessing.

If she knew, she would have been endlessly distressed.

Perhaps God is on my side after all.

“Then, I’m going to take this week off.”

“This child. You can take off forever.”

“What kind of curse is that.”

A gentle laughter spread through our conversation.

“Mom, let’s go on a trip during the break.”

I wanted to escape from here, even if just for a moment.

Even if it’s just a fleeting paradise.

“To Raphirean Island.”

Raphirean Island.

It was a place known for its warm climate, somewhere my mother occasionally mentioned wanting to go.

At the same time, it was a place that could remind my mother of her past memories.

The medical center I occasionally visit to check on my mother’s condition suggested a few things that might help with recovery.

One of them was visiting places with past memories.

When I heard that, the first place I thought of was Alphonse, but I didn’t want to take her back to that space full of unhappiness that was the first to be erased from her memory.

It was then that I remembered Raphirean Island, which my mother had once mentioned to me with a smile.

Didn’t she say there were memories with my father there?

Although I hate my father, I can’t hate even that person in her memories who still remains deep in my mother’s heart.

For that reason, I chose that place as our travel destination.

Despite my worries about the distance, my mother’s face flushed with excitement when she heard the destination.

Her excited voice spread over the space.

The topic was mostly about the island that existed only in her old memories.

The flower garden in her memories, the flower crown my father had made for her,

The food they ate together, the scenery of the sunset hill that I’ve never seen…

Even just hearing about it, the tingling love story was fresh and beautiful.

Even such a beautiful love now… only she remains, broken and alone as a mother.

Suddenly, I become curious.

“Mom, have you ever resented having me?”

If it were me, I would have at least once. No, maybe I would have done so quite often.

Could one always love a child who held back their life?

The reason I could carelessly throw out this question I had always been afraid to ask was because of a very small excuse that had been prepared.

Even if my mother said she resented my very birth… I could rationalize it as an answer given by a mother who had lost her memory and wasn’t in her right mind.

My mother’s face that turned to me was calm.

It wasn’t clearly visible due to the backlighting.

Only her trembling voice leaked out from within.

“You know, Mom…”

The broken sunlight shattered over her, and soon her face revealed itself again.

“Even if I go back to the past hundreds of times, it would be the same.”

“…”

“I would meet that person again.”

“…”

“I would come to see you again.”

“…?”

My heart pounded heavily. Such pure, natural love struck my heart.

Even though I always know what my mother will say when I hear it, every time I receive this confirmation, an indescribable emotion wells up.

And the conclusion always reaches the same place.

“Then, what if… what if I committed a really big sin, could you forgive me?”