Idren embraced the woman who had frozen stiff, apparently shocked by his words. Ophelia’s hands twitched slightly as if to push him away, but it wasn’t meaningful resistance.
Waiting for her trembling breaths to steady, Idren pondered how to comfort someone. Warmth and patience alone weren’t enough. He had used those before, but they were ineffective. So something better…
It was then that Ophelia, still panting against him, asked:
“H-how did you know?”
Though her voice was faint like the wind, he sensed her breathing had returned to normal. Relieved at this, Idren stroked her back.
“I saw.”
Of course, he would know if he saw.
She had asked the obvious. Ophelia bit her lower lip. Why did I think I hid it perfectly? This man could have just pretended not to know.
I was stupid.
Idren shouldn’t have seen the marks on her neck. Of all people, Ophelia didn’t want him to find out she had received such treatment from someone else.
She knew the fault lay with Netepel who had acted that way. It was he who had lost control of his emotions and suddenly turned mad.
If it were anyone but Idren, Ophelia could have claimed so without batting an eye. He’s the one who did something crazy. I’m not at fault.
But with Idren.
The more she grew fond of him, the more Ophelia wanted to hide the things that happened to her. Even though she knew rationally that these incidents weren’t her fault, they still felt like her own flaws.
If Idren found out, she feared he might turn his back on her too.
She knew it was an irrational fear.
Idren wasn’t the type to leave just because he learned of a few flaws. Ophelia had already tested him several times. Whenever he seemed so good that she wanted to cling to him, she deliberately pushed him away, but her feelings kept growing back no matter how many times she tried to cut them off.
But as the man by her side became more and more tempting, Ophelia grew anxious. A life that had never known anything whole made her hesitate to reach out even when something truly good appeared before her.
Her breathing started to quicken again. She didn’t want to undo the calm she had struggled to regain, but her body wouldn’t obey her will.
As she was pathetically panting, a gentle voice pierced her ear.
“I know you wanted to hide from me what happened between you and Netepel Lunthalis.”
“…”
“Originally, I planned to pretend not to know until the bruises disappeared. Since it was my fault for discovering what you tried to hide, I thought I should keep quiet until the end…”
And then the man tightened his arms holding her. Ophelia was pulled along by the embrace that was almost suffocatingly tight.
It was subtly different from his previous hugs. Until now, Idren had always moderated his strength when dealing with her. Ophelia knew this, remembering how his body hadn’t budged no matter how much she pushed when he washed her feet in Reden.
Words as desperate as his unrestrained arms flowed out.
“But this time, because you come first, I couldn’t hide it anymore.”
And Idren apologized though he had done nothing wrong. I’m sorry. His cracked voice slowly pooled in the room. I’m sorry for making you see such a sight. I’m sorry for bringing up what you wanted to keep hidden. I should have been more careful. I should have checked beforehand…
Words that pretended to be rational but had no logic flowed ceaselessly. A chill ran down her spine as his self-blame mirrored a part of herself.
Before the man could crumble further, Ophelia hastily spoke.
“No.”
This wasn’t something Idren should apologize for. No, wasn’t it the opposite?
“Rather than that, you should resent me.”
She was his spouse.
Even if their relationship took a slightly different form, that was no reason to treat the trust between them cheaply.
Idren had the right to demand the things she was hiding. He had the right to intervene in incidents she experienced, and to question her for concealing facts that would affect their relationship. These all came with the name of being husband and wife.
Yet the reason he hadn’t exercised those rights was purely out of consideration for her.
There was no need for him to blame himself so harshly just for momentarily forgetting that consideration.
To check the expression of the man holding her, Ophelia pushed him away slightly. But Idren, who would normally let her do as she wished, didn’t show his face.
Still not releasing his embrace, he spoke with his gaze fixed somewhere past her shoulder.
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
The question that came back seemed more like a reflexive response than a real inquiry.
Holding her tightly to hide his surely distorted face, Idren answered in a terribly cracked voice.
“Because I love you.”
He knew this wasn’t the answer that suited the situation. He knew this wasn’t what Ophelia wanted to hear, that all of this was a self-centered statement with not a shred of consideration for her.
But if not these words, he had no proper answer that came to mind.
With emotions spilling uncontrollably across his face, Idren murmured. I don’t want to blame or resent you. I don’t want to demand anything or hurt you either.
“There’s only one reason.”
Because I love you, even though I know this isn’t what you want, I can’t stop.
And Idren felt like crying.
He wanted to wash away this moment with tears if possible. The repeatedly thwarted efforts and the longing for happiness that kept disappearing no matter how much he tried to give it to her were too heavy. It was heartbreaking that despite such heaviness, he knew he couldn’t stop reaching out again.
I really want to give you everything.
Holding onto her, who had suddenly grown quiet as if at a loss for words, Idren inwardly repeated the motive for his actions. I want to give you what you rightfully deserve, happiness, stability, joy.
Why did he keep failing?
Perhaps it had been wrong from the start. The thought suddenly occurred to him. Maybe from the beginning, his vessel wasn’t big enough to hold what was good for her.
Like trying to see without eyes, or speak without a tongue.
Because what he held wasn’t hope, but greed.
It was then that the slender arms that had been stiff wrapped around his waist.
Idren blinked as he realized Ophelia had embraced him. He opened his mouth to say something. But as if his vocal cords were blocked, no sound came out.
Without moving her encircling arms, Ophelia murmured in a half-muffled voice.
“You’re taking a loss right now.”
Though her words were wrong from the premise since love isn’t a business, Idren didn’t refute. Because those words sounded just like she was willing to overlook the loss.
Ophelia murmured.
“I’ll probably be the worst thing you could have.”
“That’s alright.”
It didn’t matter if love seemed like a business to her, if she felt like she herself was a loss.
Idren remembered a promise he had made to her once. On the day she couldn’t see her own worth, he had said he would see for her what she couldn’t see herself.
Even if Ophelia didn’t remember, as long as he knew, that promise hadn’t disappeared.
“Maybe I won’t last long and will break soon.”
Though she hated appearing pathetic, Ophelia didn’t want to lie to him.
She still couldn’t trust herself.
Even if she endured everything else just for Idren now, tomorrow even breathing might feel too heavy.
When that time came, she might want to throw away everything, love and all, and run away. Though knowing it would hurt him, she might not be able to bear it and abandon him.
Then Idren would be left alone, counting and recounting the fragments of what she had shattered.
But until then, she would be fine.
She could enjoy what he so desired, even if just for a while.
“But if even that brief moment before I crumble is okay.”
Ophelia swallowed. She could feel the man’s body trembling against hers. She couldn’t quite tell if he was terrified, or overcome with emotion at his wish being fulfilled.
She was trembling too. Ophelia knew the words she was about to say couldn’t offset future anxieties. She also knew that taking his hand wouldn’t put her on a normal trajectory.
But calculations no longer mattered.
For the first time, Ophelia thought to let everything go.
She said to the man in her arms:
“Let’s do what you want to do.”
Male lead is a Divorced Husband
She said to him: “Tell me, what makes you like me? I’ll change it!”
Liu Changning transmigrated into a female cannon fodder character in a female-dominant novel.
After reading the first half of the novel’s plot, the first thing she did upon transmigration was to divorce the Pan Jinlian-style male protagonist she had just married.
She indulged herself, pretending to be ugly and poor.
But as time passed, the way that man looked at her became more and more unusual…
Liu Changning was dumbfounded: Tell me, what makes you like me? I’ll change!
――
This lifetime, Pei Yuanshao was rejected by the same woman twice!
The first time, she drove him away. Forced by the situation, he endured the waves of anger in his heart, yielding and humbling himself.
That person lay slanted on a rocking chair, her sallow face emotionless: “If you don’t want a divorce, go cook!”
Pei Yuanshao’s face was dark and gloomy: “You!”
The second time, after the crisis in Jinling City was resolved, the new emperor sent someone to pick him up. He turned around, stammering: “I… I have to go. If you keep me…”
That person lay on the kang bed, her back to him, as if she had long anticipated this day, crisp and clear: “Goodbye!”
Pei Yuanshao was so angry his fingers trembled: “You… you!”
The mission of family and country made him restrain himself, averting his eyes and turning to leave this broken household.
Two years later, they met again. Seeing her ethereal face, his body shook like a sieve.
“She was originally a ‘she’!”
At the Qionglin Banquet, the top scholar of the imperial examination, a talented person with exceptional speech and conduct, all the unmarried young gentlemen from aristocratic families looked at her with shy and timid eyes.
The peerless imperial official Pei Yuanshao felt the anger in his heart erupt. He pointed at the woman surrounded by the crowd at the Qionglin Banquet, his thin lips slightly curled: “Little sister, I wants that person to be the wife-master of my Mingde Prince Manor.”
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