Ren eventually agreed with my opinion, and we decided to immediately restore the room to its original state.

During the past fortnight when I was suffering from severe anxiety, many changes had occurred in my room.

Naturally, an extra pillow was placed on the bed that originally had only one pillow, and the blanket was changed to a larger one.

Because two people had to spend the night on the small bed.

It wasn’t like I had intended to share a bed so seriously from the beginning…

It just naturally progressed that way as Ren repeatedly came to take care of me whenever I was struggling.

At the time, I accepted it naturally because every moment without Ren was too difficult… but as I gradually came to my senses, I belatedly realized how strangely the situation had developed.

‘What was I thinking… Right, I wasn’t in my right mind.’

With this ridiculous realization, I sighed and let out a hollow laugh.

‘Somehow… it seems like things got out of order with Ren, though it wasn’t intentional.’

Although I’ve never been in a relationship before, I know this is quite different from the usual order of becoming lovers.

‘Is this really okay…’

Until now, Ren and I had been connected by a strong bond.

I really cared for him and cherished him.

To the extent that if asked who my favorite person in the world was, I could naturally answer that it was Ren.

However, I believed that it was absolutely not a romantic attraction.

To me, Ren was like family.

Although the time we spent together wasn’t very long, we relied on each other more than anyone else.

We were the only ones who filled the void for each other, lacking proper family or friends.

I don’t know about Ren, but at least for me, he had become an indispensable person in my life.

That’s why I had never thought of him romantically.

I had already defined our relationship in my mind as being no different from siblings.

But in the devil’s hallucinations, I realized.

The fact that I didn’t think of him romantically was just my own delusion.

Seeing Ren die was painful in itself, but it also planted other emotions in me.

Every time I faced his death, I was overwhelmed by a sense of deprivation, as if I had been robbed of my future.

As the hallucinations repeated, I naturally came to understand the reason.

I had been dreaming of a future with Ren for some time.

Exchanging greetings to be careful when leaving in the morning, and comforting each other for a job well done when returning in the evening…

I wanted to share delicious food every evening and talk about the day’s events with a smile.

How nice it would be to occasionally go out together, enjoy leisure time, and explore the streets.

…At some point, I had wished to grow old together with him in a happy daily life.

This desire had taken root in me long ago.

That I wanted to become his real family, not just a family-like relationship.

While pretending otherwise on the surface, deep down I had been seeing him as a romantic interest.

But when I finally realized this, I was already completely out of my mind.

Ren embraced me every night, calming me down.

It was truly grateful. Thanks to that, I was able to regain my sense of reality.

The problem was… this continued even after I had calmed down to some extent.

Now that I’m feeling better, I know it’s not reality even when I have nightmares.

I’m also well aware that Ren is alive and safe.

So even if I have bad dreams, there’s no need to comfort me like before, but Ren acted the same as before, as if it were natural.

Even if I made just a small moan while sleeping, he would come to my side, hold me preciously in his arms, and pat my back.

Because of that, when I suddenly woke up, his chest was the first thing I saw.

‘This is really troublesome…’

Ren probably wasn’t taking care of me with such thoughts, but I alone was conscious of him.

I liked being close enough to feel his breath, but on the other hand, I disliked it. It felt like he might hear my heartbeat.

And even if that wasn’t the case…

‘I feel guilty.’

Our pure Ren would only be worried about me, while I was having other thoughts…

Now that I’ve come to my senses, I intended to stop troubling Ren and try to overcome this on my own.

After finishing the meal, I started organizing Ren’s belongings that were placed in the room.

As I handed over the luggage in order to him standing in front of the door, it seemed like the task would be finished soon.

After handing over the last piece of luggage, he leaned slightly against the doorframe and said kindly.

“If you ever need me, please call me anytime. I’ll wait without sleeping.”

I was startled and waved both hands. Relying on him any further would be an inconvenience.

“What are you saying! You need to sleep well too. I’m not going to trouble you anymore.”

“Trouble me?”

Ren slightly lowered the corners of his mouth as if hurt, but I had no intention of changing my expression.

It wasn’t wrong, after all.

“You couldn’t sleep and always looked after me. If that’s not troubling, what is it?”

“I told you. I did it because I wanted to. It makes me sad to hear such words.”

Again, again. When I heard such words, it was difficult to know how to respond.

Worried that my face might have turned red, I slightly turned my head away.

‘Really, what’s going on since earlier…’

Am I being too conscious? Every time I heard words with such nuance, my heart felt ticklish for some reason.

This feeling that occasionally arose after I became conscious of Ren.

It felt somewhat strange, but interestingly, it wasn’t unpleasant.

I was unknowingly getting excited on my own, assigning meaning to each of his words.

‘Ugh, but this is Ren’s fault too.’

Every time I heard his words, the expectation that he might have feelings for me too kept raising its head in my heart.

Did Ren always talk like this? I couldn’t remember exactly how it was because I had never particularly been conscious of our conversations.

I pondered over the past, trying to recall his usual way of speaking.

‘Yes, he always had a gentle tone. Kind, considerate, and also…’

I stopped my thoughts as I realized the futility of listing only positive adjectives.

Ren was fundamentally a caring person.

Even if he didn’t have romantic feelings for me, he might speak like that simply because he cherished me.

‘But no, even so, do people usually talk like that to someone they don’t see romantically?’

They say a handsome man being kind is guilty, and this was exactly that situation.

Why does he keep treating me so well, making my head spin like this?

Ren was the one being kind, but why did I have to struggle with these thoughts? I felt suddenly upset.

“I can do anything with a joyful heart if it helps Vivian. So if you need… no, even if you don’t need but want to, please rely on me anytime.”

Ren uttered those words in an unbearably sweet voice and then tucked my fallen hair behind my ear. It was the final blow.

“O-Okay! Then good night!”

I pushed him out of the room and hurriedly closed the door.

Then I clutched my painfully pounding heart and lowered my head.

‘Did he see? He couldn’t have, right?’

I must have had the most foolish expression in the world just now.

I hope Ren didn’t see that…

Thinking that he might have caught my stupid expression made me hate myself.

Why do I keep shrinking like this just because I realized I like him?

I want to act naturally and skillfully, but nothing has gone as I wished since the moment I became aware of my feelings.

…This first experience of love was more difficult than I thought.

In front of the white door that closed with a bang, Ren was completely frozen.

He stood there blankly for a long time with an incredulous look on his face.

‘That just now…’

Right before the door closed, at that very moment.

He clearly saw it.

What kind of face Vivian was making.

It was a fleeting moment that would end with a single blink of an eye, but her expression was deeply etched in Ren’s mind like a tattoo.

Her cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment, her lips awkwardly pursed as if not knowing what to do, and her eyes slightly moist as if feverish.

Ren’s gaze had always followed only her, but even for him, it was the first time seeing such an expression.

To think that such a lovable expression existed in this world…

And to think that expression was because of him.

Faced with this unfamiliar situation, Ren felt like he was going crazy.

What kind of face is Vivian making right now?

Ren became incredibly curious. He wanted to see her who would be beyond that door.

He stared intently at the room, feeling regretful.

Her afterimage crept over the white door, drawing itself as it pleased.

His brain replayed that part over and over like a broken screen.

There was no pause button. Of course, even if there was, he had no intention of pressing it.

Ren felt an indescribable feeling.

Every moment with Vivian always brought him excitement.

Just seeing her round and cute face, just hearing her gentle voice call his name, just smelling her sweet scent wafting over, his heart always beat fiercely.

However… now it had gone beyond that level.

His heart pounded so hard it hurt. He felt like he could even hear the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

He thought he could control his emotions to some extent since he was used to unrequited love.

He was wrong.

Ren completely crumbled at that brief glimpse of her expression.

It seemed it would be difficult to fall asleep tonight.