In my past life, no one could avoid this attack of mine. But.

He raised his sword in an instant, blocking my long horizontal slash. Our swords entangled in mid-air.

‘He blocked it?!’

We faced each other again with our swords crossed.

The Grand Duke’s broad shoulders obscured my view as I struggled to block his sword.

The Grand Duke presses down on me with a strength too overwhelming to bear. The moon in the sky was hidden behind his body.

The Grand Duke, this man is strong.

He looked down at me and asked.

“Is it true that your parents’ memories have returned?”

“That’s my personal matter.”

At a distance close enough to feel the heated body temperature. The Grand Duke’s hot breath touched my face.

Is my breath reaching you too?

I didn’t want him to detect my heated sorrow.

I pushed forward as if thrusting the sword.

My sword barely grazed above his shoulder as it passed.

A few strands of his hair, cut by my sword, fell onto my chest.

Do you want me to say I lied about the memories?

Should I confess to you that I’m the real princess? Will you smile and say, “So that’s what it was, what you were hiding”?

Will you become the warm and kind Your Highness again?

I hope you don’t know.

If I become the real princess, can I stay by your side as a knight?

No, it’s impossible.

I will have to go to the Imperial Palace, and you will have to return to the Northern Grand Duchy.

The days we can be together will never come again.

‘The Imperial Palace and the North are far apart. Do you think I can prevent Medeia’s threat from reaching the North while I’m in the Palace?’

Can I take revenge in the Palace without you, can I set everything right?

Why don’t you just trust me?

He said.

“Did you intentionally not stab my shoulder? Just now, I was defenseless.”

“!”

Intentionally… he says.

I pushed him away with my hand.

But he turned and threw his sword at me again.

I easily avoided that attack and aimed for his neck. But he couldn’t avoid that attack.

Surprised, I instantly withdrew my sword. Lowering my center of gravity, I lost balance and fell backwards. He grabbed my waist.

‘If I don’t let go of the sword, the Grand Duke will get hurt.’

I threw the withdrawn attack to the ground as it was. The Grand Duke who caught me falling backwards also fell on top of me.

After calming my startled heart, I saw the Grand Duke’s face above me as I lay on the ground.

With one hand holding my waist and the other on my shoulder, he is looking down at me.

He is on top of me.

Over the Grand Duke’s shoulder, I could see the silver crescent moon. The downward curved moon looked like a person’s smiling mouth. The moon threw a thin smile as if mocking me.

At that moment.

“Huk.”

Like a fool.

Tears burst out without my knowing. Sorrow wells up.

‘I almost killed the Grand Duke.’

To think that’s so heartbreaking.

Emotions that couldn’t find an exit flow out as tears. I couldn’t stop sobbing.

The words like assassin, asking if I tried to kill him, calling me a liar. Each and every word the Grand Duke spat out stabbed my heart as if cutting it out.

It was then.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Esther.”

I looked at him.

His blue eyes were sadly distorted.

The Grand Duke’s face slowly came down towards me. A cold wind blew. In that wind, something touched my eyes.

Something warm and soft brushed past my tears.

This is…

Lips?

The Grand Duke looked down at me with sad eyes.

I couldn’t move at that gaze.

Countless stars in the black sky poured down towards me.

I didn’t mean to push her this far.

But.

Even seeing her expression like a candle flame in front of a strong wind, I couldn’t stop.

‘Esther. White butterfly. You don’t know anything.’

You won’t be able to understand at all why I’m so angry.

What’s more unbearable is that I can’t honestly tell you the reason I’m angry.

‘Esther, in my past life, I was the worst Grand Duke.’

I hated myself. Despised myself.

I should hate you, but I couldn’t hate myself who couldn’t hate you.

Why was that?

It was a feeling I couldn’t understand myself.

Even knowing you killed Arcadia, I couldn’t let go of my sympathy for you. Why was that?

Despite wanting to give up on life due to the death of Arcadia, who was the only ally left in the world for me, I couldn’t hate you.

That’s why I was terribly disgusted with myself.

Because I wanted to hate you, the white one wandering the dark night, but I couldn’t.

Seventeen, the day I first crossed swords with you. You, shabby and unsightly, whom Lahert brought before me calling a lowly servant from the South.

But why did my heart sink at that sight?

Was it because of your distorted face, or because of your sky-blue eyes visible through the mask?

You must have been filled with only despair, but there was a light of hope in your eyes behind the mask.

I ended up thinking that appearance resembled me.

As time passed, I learned you were the White Butterfly, the assassin from the South.

The night Arcadia died, I saw you fleeing from my friend’s room.

Yet why did I.

I couldn’t forgive myself.

‘Even after losing all my people due to an inexplicable attraction, I couldn’t hate you until the very end.’

I looked up at the darkened sky.

But in this life, you help me.

You ‘reddened’ that day of humiliation and silence from the previous life by sprinkling jasmine.

You warned of the danger of poisoning, and while I couldn’t get up due to the poison, you saved Arcadia.

I resolved to protect everyone in this life.

I decided when I woke up after death, returning to that night when I defeated all the barbarians from the South. That I would live differently this time.

To me, you are both luck and the only variable in this life.

I need to confirm.

To my Northern eyes, it keeps seeming that you are hiding something. But even I don’t know what it is.

If I provoke you, will you open your mouth?

“It’s like an assassin’s movement.”

I saw your expression crumble, hurt by the words I deliberately spat out.

Still, I need to confirm. For the North I must protect.

Are you really on my side?

I know, I know.

But why are you hiding something?

‘Dawn star.’

Silver hair, sky-blue eyes.

Why… why does the image of that person I saw only once as a child keep overlapping with you who are completely different?

Is this just my delusion that you would laugh at if you heard?

Why can’t I completely let go of that delusion in this life as well as the previous one?

But.

If you were really the princess, would Lahert have let you live?

I know it’s nonsense. That’s why I thought you weren’t.

But sometimes I’m confused.

If by any chance you were the princess…

How should I accept the previous life of you that I know?

Although it’s called a previous life, to me it’s also the current life.

It’s just ‘one life’ since the memories are connected.

Why do you confuse me?

Why do you keep making me anxious?

“Is it true that your parents’ memories have returned?”

At a distance where I could hear your rapid breathing, I asked again.

“That’s my personal matter.”

Are you avoiding it again?

What sword should I thrust at your shield this time?

But why am I gradually losing all thought?

Why is my heart getting hotter at the sound of your excited breathing?

Then your sword flew towards me.

At such a fast speed. Unavoidable.

I see my black hair falling onto your chest.

I unintentionally let out a shrill voice.

“Did you intentionally not stab my shoulder? Just now, I was defenseless.”

For a moment, your face crumbles uncontrollably as if deeply hurt.

Ah…

Damn it.

Damn it all.

Shut up, Sion Belfast.

Esther, I.

Then, you attacked again.

It was dizzying for a moment.

This time, a truly unavoidable attack.

‘This is your skill.’

But you withdrew your sword with a surprised face. At a speed that seemed impossible.

I couldn’t just let you fall backwards.

I awkwardly caught your waist.

We fell together.

The moon shone on your face hidden by my body.

Your eyes turned red, you’re crying.

Only then did I realize you were beneath me.

And I knew.

That I hurt you because I wanted to trust you.

I still want to ask if you are the princess.

But I’m afraid to hear your answer.

You would say you’re not, then I would never be able to ask this question again. If you say you are… I would lose you.

Ah…

I just realized. That I’m not prepared to hear any answer from you.

That’s why I cowardly got angry at you.

My chest aches painfully at your crying. I want to strike myself.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Esther.”

Without realizing, I brought my lips to her tears.

I wanted to wipe them away.

Have I gone mad?

Why? What did I just do?

I hope she thinks it was because of the wind that blew.

I hope she’s not too surprised.

I quickly raised my body.

“We leave early tomorrow, Esther. Thank you for today. I had a good practical experience thanks to you.”

Spouting nonsense, I got up and hurriedly entered the mansion.

The heat of my flushed body, the warmth of her that I felt, won’t disappear.

But Arcadia was right next to the entrance by the window.

He turned towards me from facing the window outside.

‘How much did you see, Arcadia. My brother.’

He smiled at me with a hardened face.

“Your Highness, my adjutant handles the sword well, but she’s still a woman. If you don’t want to be accused of assaulting a woman like I was last time, please don’t treat her too roughly.”

“I’m sorry, Arcadia. I was too absorbed in the practice match.”

“Yes. That’s how it looked. I should go check if that fellow is alright.”

Arcadia bowed his head to me, then went outside.

I looked down at my hand that had held her shoulder.

This small and warm temperature still remaining. Afraid that warmth might leak out, I brought that hand to my terribly disheveled face.

In this life too, I feel like I still won’t be able to understand myself.

Since it’s still one continuing life, I feel like I won’t be able to forgive myself.

Myself, who is still so defenselessly drawn to you even now that I’ve returned and met you again.