You warned me about the risk of poisoning and saved Arcadia while I couldn’t get up due to the poison.

I decided in this life, I would protect everyone.

When I woke up on that night after defeating all the barbarians of the South, I decided to live differently this time.

To me, you are a stroke of luck, the only variable in this life.

I need to verify.

My Northern eyes keep seeing that you’re hiding something, but I don’t know what it is.

If I provoke you, will you open your mouth?

“Like the movements of an assassin.”

I intentionally uttered those words and saw your expression crumble in hurt.

Yet, I must verify. For the North I have to protect.

Are you truly on my side?

I know, I know.

But why are you hiding something?

‘Dawn Star.’

Silver hair, sky-blue eyes.

Why does the image of that person I saw only once as a child keep overlapping with you, who are completely different?

Is this my own delusion that you would laugh at?

Why can’t I completely let go of this fantasy, both in my past and present lives?

But if you were really the princess, would Rahert have let you live?

I know it’s nonsense. That’s why I thought you weren’t her.

But sometimes I’m confused.

What if, by some chance, you are the princess?

How should I accept your past life that I know of?

Although it’s a past life, it’s also my current life for me.

Since my memories are connected, it’s ‘one life’.

Why do you confuse me?

Why do you keep unsettling me?

“Is it true that your parents’ memories have returned?”

I asked again, within hearing distance of your panting breath.

“That’s a personal matter for me.”

Avoiding again?

What more must I thrust at your shield?

But why do I increasingly find myself unable to think of anything?

Why does my heart heat up at the sound of your agitated breathing?

Then your sword flew towards me.

So fast. Unavoidable.

I see your hair strands falling onto your chest from my sword.

I blurted out without realizing.

“Did you deliberately not stab my shoulder? Just now, I was defenseless.”
In a moment, your face crumbles as if you’re helplessly hurt.

Ah…

Damn it.

Shut up, Sion Bellapast.

Esdel, I…

Then, you attacked again.

It was a dizzying moment.

An attack I truly couldn’t avoid this time.

‘This is your true skill.’

But you, with a shocked expression, withdrew your sword at an unbelievable speed.

I couldn’t just let you fall backward.

I clumsily caught your waist.

We both fell together.

The moon shone over your face hidden behind my body.

Your eyes turned red, you were crying.

Then I realized you were beneath me.

And I understood.

I wanted to trust you, so I hurt you.

I still want to ask if you are the princess.

But I’m afraid of your answer.

You would say no, then I could never ask again. If you say yes… I would lose you.

Ah…

Now I understand. I’m not ready to hear any answer from you.

That’s why I cowardly lashed out at you.

Your crying painfully wrenches my heart. I want to beat myself up.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Esdel.”

Without realizing, I brought my lips to your tears.

I wanted to wipe them away.

Have I gone mad?

Why? What have I done now?

I hope you think it was just the wind.

I hope you’re not too shocked.

I quickly stood up.

“We’re leaving early tomorrow, Esdel. Thank you for today. It was a good combat experience.”

Talking nonsense, I hurriedly returned to the mansion.

The heat of my body, the warmth I felt from you, doesn’t fade.

But Arcadia was there, by the window next to the entrance.

He turned towards me from looking outside.

‘How much did you see, Arcadia? My brother.’

He smiled stiffly at me.

“Your Grace, my lieutenant handles the sword well, but she is still a woman. If you don’t want to be accused of assaulting a woman like me, please don’t be too rough with her.”

“I’m sorry, Arcadia. I got too carried away with the sparring.”

“Yes, it seemed so. I should go check on her.”

Arcadia bowed to me and left.

I looked down at my hand that had held her shoulder.

The small, warm feeling still lingers. Afraid of losing this warmth, I brought my hand to my disheveled face.

In this life, too, it seems I still can’t understand myself.

As it’s still one continuous life, I feel like I can’t forgive myself.

Even now, meeting you again, I’m helplessly drawn to you.