I'm Terminal Anyway, No Regrets - Chapter 41

The King took a daughter from a humble family as his Queen.

He chose a family with the least connection to the ducal houses so the royal family would not be controlled by any one house.

But the humbler the family, the weaker they were to temptation, so they somehow formed relationships with the ducal houses. As gifts pile up, they turn into bribes, becoming debts of the heart that move people.

That’s how the Bersi family joined hands with the Queen’s family.

“How much heartache you must have endured all this time.”

When I was young, I desperately wanted to be in this embrace.

“We should have waited… We should have recognized that there are flowers that bloom this late…”

A gentle voice scattered by my ear.

She preciously cradled my head and kept stroking my hair.

As if unraveling the coldly frozen past, the Queen’s hands endlessly stroked my hair, embraced my back, cupped my cheeks, and acted out affection.

Her fingertips were sorrowful and desperate, like a mother who had found a long-lost child. If it were me from my first life, I would have believed it even knowing it was a lie.

Because that’s what I wanted.

“There was a blessing… If we had known earlier, we wouldn’t have had to adopt that commoner child into the royal family instead of accepting you as my daughter… Oh, Ormia. Ormia, my daughter.”

It was heartbreaking.

As her sobs grew louder, my cheeks became wet with the Queen’s tears.

Listening to the Queen’s regretful voice made me want to laugh.

The Queen regretted adopting Leticia, a commoner, as royalty more than she rejoiced in my having a blessing.

“My daughter, Ormia. My child.”

Once, I dreamed of a scene like this.

A dream where, branded as God’s denial and ignored, one night God would come and say He would now lift my hardships and give me His blessing again.

Then wouldn’t the King and Queen, my parents, come and apologize, embracing me?

The princes would surround me, cherishing me more than ever, and Calin would carry me around, never putting me down, I imagined.

How happy I would be.

How beautiful it would be.

I thought that once my blessing was revealed, we would become a perfect family and I too would be recognized as their sibling, their child.

In my first life, and in my second.

So in my third life, I revealed my blessing again.

Not thinking the King would order my confinement with a terrifying face.

“Lock Ormia in the tower. Announce that she was sent to a provincial capital to purify God’s denial.”

“Oh, Ormia. This decision is to protect you. If only you had just an ordinary blessing like other children.”

The third life was truly cold.

My heart froze and shattered.

My feelings for family disappeared. Not even a grain of sand remained, vanishing without a trace.

“Why didn’t you tell us about the blessing earlier? If we had known before Leticia was adopted, it would have been better. Why only now?”

The Queen who bore God’s denial.

The pitiful Queen who had to distance herself from her daughter and raise an adopted commoner as her child.

The Queen’s focus was still on herself.

With a face drenched in tears, the Queen cupped my face.

“Ormia, listen carefully. Everything I say from now on is for your own good.”

I heard those words in my third life too.

“To have to make such a decision… You don’t know how sad and heartbroken I am as a mother.”

She said that while locking me in the tower.

“Ormia, please die.”

The Queen sentenced me to death.

Behind the Queen, Duke Bersi was looking down at me.

When our eyes met, despite the gravity of the situation, he did not hide his smile.

“You don’t have to be afraid. I don’t mean for you to really die, Ormia. This decision is to save you.”

After hesitating for a moment, the Queen gently stroked my cheek and whispered.

“Your existence is chaos. You have brought confusion to Glishia once again. How cruel the gods are. I don’t understand why they keep giving you such a capricious fate.”

No, I was grateful to the gods.

They gave me one last chance.

A chance to abandon everyone first.

“Ormia.”

The Queen called my name and burst into tears.

Duke Bersi sat down next to the Queen and lightly grasped my hand.

“Currently, the royal family and ducal houses are in a perfect structure. If it’s revealed that the princess has a blessing, that structure will collapse and there will be fights and power struggles to take the princess away.

Moreover, a blessing flower that can be stored and taken far away.”

My existence was always a problem.

With or without a blessing.

“Princess Ormia’s existence has brought chaos to Glishia. That chaos will threaten the princess’s life.

I have discussed this from various angles with Her Majesty the Queen. And for the peace of Glishia, we have decided to erase the princess’s existence.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll just pretend you’re dead.”

“We plan to make it look like the Empire’s doing. The knights will go to rescue the princess when the Empire, having noticed her blessing, tries to take her away by blackmail. The Empire will kill the princess to avoid losing her, resulting in an unfortunate death.”

Duke Bersi smiled with his eyes as he discussed my death.

Thinking that as an innocent and foolish princess raised in a flower garden, I would be easily persuaded if treated kindly.

“The body will be too mutilated to recognize, and the funeral will be held on a grand scale. Officially, the princess will be laid to rest, but you will live safely and freely under the protection of our Bersi duchy.”

He spoke earnestly about changing my prison from the royal family to the Bersi duchy.

“Don’t worry, Ormia. From now on, this mother will be with you. My daughter. From now on, you can live happily without worrying about others, with this mother.”

Did they think I would tear up and accept if they acknowledged me as their child?

Forgetting all the past?

After slashing me over and over with disregard, contempt, and disgust, did they think I would forget with just a few words?

Or did they think I would unconditionally obey my mother’s words?

When I stared without answering, the Queen stroked my shoulder. A flicker of irritation crossed her beautiful face.

“Yes, you must be shocked too. Rest now. From now on, Duke Bersi will take care of everything. You just need to trust the Duke.”

“Yes, that’s right. But there’s one thing I’d like to confirm.”

A greedy gaze looked me over.

“Princess Ormia, have you truly manifested a blessing?”

“Duke, didn’t you say so yourself? That Ormia has a blessing.”

The Queen’s hand fell from my shoulder, wondering if she had been deceived by Duke Bersi.

“I’m certain. But we must verify.”

Duke Bersi lightly lifted my hand.

It was a damp, lukewarm hand. Unpleasantly sticky.

“Princess Ormia, would you bestow your blessing upon me?”

The Queen also looked at me with expectant eyes.

‘Nothing has changed.’

No matter how many times it repeated, nothing changed.

In my third life, my mother the Queen occasionally visited the tower where I was confined.

Duke Bersi always followed behind the Queen.

“Ormia, Duke Bersi is on our side. He will protect you from now on.”

“Give your blessing to the Duke.”

“This is all for your own good.”

“Princess, please.”

It was under the pretext of protection and help.

After going through my first and second lives, I was exhausted.

When the opportunity came, I told the King, but in the end, only I was confined. A sense of helplessness that no action would make a difference gnawed at my whole body.

“Ormia clearly showed her blessing, but…”

“Would you mind waiting outside for a moment? The princess seems to be shy.”

It was no use turning away and pretending not to hear.

The Queen left. In the tower where cold drafts entered, Duke Bersi used his ability to coat the walls with a thin layer of water to block sound.

“It’s no use refusing. You will bestow your blessing upon me, Princess.”

I had seen in my previous life how the premise that a Duke with abilities cannot harm royalty was shattered by rebellion.

It was no use screaming. A sharp needle pricked places hidden by clothes, and Duke Bersi didn’t even cover my mouth.

He was persistent and would do anything to get what he wanted.

The despair that asking for help was useless brought me to my knees.

Duke Bersi’s eyes were like that now.

His eyes were cold, as if telling me what he would do if I didn’t show my blessing as he wished.

Sharp eyes examined me and tightened their grip on my hand.

Urging me to prove my worth.

Though I’m living my fourth life, it was just a memory from a few years ago for me.

My body trembled and I felt suffocated. Duke Bersi, who had clung to me like a leech and taken my blessing, was the most detestable existence and a dark fear.

But now it’s different. Liam will find me. We were on our way to the Empire.

“Please, your blessing.”

Slap! My palm burned.

For the first time, I realized that hitting someone hurts the person doing the hitting too.

The Queen was shocked when I suddenly slapped Duke Bersi’s cheek.

“Ormia!”

I got up from the bed.

I had taken off my shoes. Though I was wearing socks, a damp chill crept up my legs.

Duke Bersi looked at me as he lightly rubbed his slapped cheek.

“Kneel.”

I lifted my chin.

I am not your possession.

If you want something from me, you must beg and plead.

I raised one hand towards Duke Bersi.

Just as the King had done, I demanded the Duke’s submission with my fingertips.

“Princess.”

Duke Bersi, with his cheek flushed, knelt on one knee and preciously held my hand.

Rather than having it taken, I would give alms to a starving beggar. That would be more valuable.

As I concentrated, a faint light flowed from my fingertips.

“Ah!”

I watched Duke Bersi intently as he was dyed with the blessing.

Seeing the blessing, the Queen covered her mouth.

“Ah… How… Oh my, to think such a blessing exists…”

I filled the hungry Duke’s stomach with my blessing.

Fully, with care, I pushed in enough to feel satiated with the finest taste.

I know what will become of Duke Bersi from now on.

Duke Bersi, having tasted my blessing, will no longer be satisfied with the blessings of other royals.

He will always feel thirsty.

Duke Haiman in my second life was the same.

He comes to feel ultimate satisfaction only with my blessing and becomes unable to be satisfied with others’ blessings.

The burning gaze flickered with desire and softened like a satiated beast.

Not knowing that what he ate was a poison that would eat away at his body and mind.

I smiled back at Duke Bersi too.

He will thirst for me.

He will struggle for life, never satisfied with others’ blessings.

He will feel hunger and suffer no matter what he receives.

I have addicted Duke Bersi.

* * *

“Ormia. From now on, Duke Bersi will protect you. Just follow the Duke. Let’s meet in the capital when everything is settled. My daughter.”

The Queen left, saying she couldn’t be away for long.

Duke Bersi, following the Queen out, turned to look at me again.

His eyes, full of longing and unabated heat, checked on me over and over.

“I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll sleep.”

“I can’t disturb the princess’s sleep. Rest well.”

Duke Bersi, who was about to leave, stopped and approached me.

I stepped back as his cold hand tried to cup my cheek.

Though rejected, Duke Bersi smiled.

“From now on, I’ll call you Ormia. We’re planning to hold a funeral, and if I call you princess, others might notice.”

Even though everyone around was the Duke’s subordinate and there was no one to deceive, Duke Bersi struggled to get closer to me.

“Then I’ll be going.”

I was left alone.

Confined again.

It was raining outside. Night had fallen and the moon didn’t come out, hidden by rain clouds.

Is today yesterday, or today?

The night sky and forest were even darker in the rain, and outside the window was nothing but darkness.

As I was left alone, anxiety crept in.

“It doesn’t change.”

Will the fourth life end like this, captured by Duke Bersi?

Then why am I repeating my life, coming back three times?

What am I supposed to do?

What can I do?

The helplessness built up over three lives weighed down on my shoulders.

Despair crept up to my feet and clung to my body.

“Maybe just like this.”

Should I end it like this?

Death is simpler than you think, and life is truly insignificant.

If it’s before Duke Bersi returns, there’s a chance to escape.

A chance to escape from this life.

My breathing quickened and my chest heaved. Emotions swelled and choked my throat. I clenched my fists. The rain pattered, revealing the existence of the window.

If I break that.

If I jump out there, I.

“Princess Ormia.”

Just then, the window opened and Liam appeared from the darkness. He reached out his hand to me.

“Let’s go.”

A rough, strong hand called for me.

I embraced him. Tightly, I grasped his clothes so as not to lose him.

Liam Wilboyer always saved me.