If You Want To Possess Me (9 Chapters Left to Complete) - Chapter 5
Since that somewhat unusual incident at the library, Kisa’s life had flowed on in a surprisingly uneventful manner, just as before.
As expected, since she no longer visited the Royal Library, she never encountered Seyard again.
Whenever her carriage passed near the library, she felt a faint impulse to stop by, but circumstances never allowed it.
After all, Marsha, having already witnessed her young mistress’s two previous lapses, now kept constant watch with sharp eyes.
The report had surely already reached Count Bansfeldt’s ears. Fortunately, the Count had been too occupied lately—if not for that, merely thinking about being summoned to his suffocating study made her breath catch in her throat.
Kisa tapped her chest as a wave of stifling frustration suddenly pressed in. Naturally, the thought that most unsettled her lately surfaced.
Daniel Lowens. That shameless scoundrel had utterly crushed his fiancée’s dignity that day and had vanished without a trace ever since.
He hadn’t come to the Bansfeldt Estate nor sent any letters. How brazen of him.
She hadn’t even expected him to suddenly repent with genuine remorse, but she hadn’t anticipated he wouldn’t even offer a token apology or veiled conciliation.
Daniel had simply ignored Kisa for nearly a week. No matter where his thoughts lay, this showed complete disregard for her—not as his fiancée, nor even as a person.
‘But during that time, he surely went to see her.’
The woman with the name Hazel, with hair the color of ash.
“Kisa?”
Just as her heart sank coldly, her name was suddenly called. Kisa quickly pulled herself from her thoughts and stared at the person seated before her.
“Kisa, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Melissa took Kisa’s hand resting on the table, her face filled with concern.
“You’ve seemed oddly distracted from our conversation since a while ago. Is something troubling you?”
“It’s nothing.”
Despite Kisa’s denial, Melissa remained unconvinced.
“Don’t say that. Do you think I’ve only known you for a day or two?”
Melissa Dos. Kisa’s closest friend. Their families were close, so they had naturally grown up together since childhood.
Today, they had arranged to enjoy tea in the garden of the Bansfeldt Estate.
“You’ve been acting strangely lately. Remember, you even left my house without a word last time.”
The day Melissa referred to was when Kisa had learned Daniel’s hidden truth.
That day, Kisa had been invited to Melissa’s tea party as usual, peacefully enjoying the afternoon—until she heard those words from an unfamiliar noblewoman.
“I saw your fiancé courting a certain widow.”
What if she hadn’t paid attention to those words? If she’d simply dismissed them, believing Daniel incapable of such a thing, would she be spared this pain now?
She disliked herself for entertaining such pointless hypotheticals, yet her thoughts kept drifting there.
Then, as she quietly studied her old friend’s face, Kisa finally spoke.
“Melissa, how did you come to know Madame Oshuana?”
“Madame Oshuana? Oh, the woman who attended that tea party you also came to?”
“Yeah. Are you close?”
“Not at all. We happened to exchange a few words at some ball, and she showed unusual interest in me—said she absolutely wanted to attend my tea gathering.”
Melissa shrugged with a faintly awkward expression.
“But despite that, she stayed oddly quiet at the event I actually invited her to. It’s all rather confusing…”
Her voice trailed off, then she suddenly clapped her hands.
“Come to think of it—you were left alone with Madame Oshuana, weren’t you? While I was playing bridge with others. Yes, that’s exactly when you left without even saying goodbye.”
Her eyes turned searching, fixed on Kisa.
“What exactly happened? Did Madame Oshuana say something awful to you?”
“Not really.”
“Then tell me. I absolutely need to know why you’re acting like this.”
“Well…”
“What good is having a friend if not for this?”
Pressed repeatedly, Kisa’s tightly sealed lips finally opened. Truthfully, she’d longed to confide. The heavy burden in her heart was too much to bear alone.
And for Kisa, Melissa was the one person she could most comfortably share such troubles with.
“Actually…”
Once she started speaking, the words flowed freely. Kisa recounted everything that had happened in front of the teahouse that evening. Not even surging emotions could interrupt her confession.
“That’s unbelievable.”
After hearing the whole story, Melissa scolded Daniel furiously, her anger flaring.
“That wretched man! How dare he say such things to you? What a rotten bastard. He’s always been so full of himself.”
Then she took Kisa’s hand again.
“You must have suffered so much. It’s all that Daniel’s fault. You don’t need to torment yourself over it.”
“…Yeah.”
Those words truly comforted her. Yes, Kisa needed someone like Melissa—someone who would listen to her tangled emotions.
Knowing Kisa and Daniel’s situation, Melissa offered consolation in a way completely different from Seyard.
“I’m just so confused. I never imagined Daniel would do something like this.”
“Right? And before marriage, no less—already tangled with another woman.”
“Is that woman really that special? Special enough for him to humiliate me, after knowing me for over ten years?”
“He must have taken your preciousness for granted because you’re so familiar. Don’t worry too much. What could you possibly lack compared to that woman?”
“Is that so?”
“Of course! She’s just a widow running a tiny teahouse, after all.”
“But she possessed intellect. And Daniel always valued that sort of…”
Kisa’s words halted awkwardly. Something nagged at her—a discomfort akin to opening and closing a door with a rusted hinge.
“Kisa?”
Deep in thought about what exactly troubled her, Kisa looked straight into Melissa’s eyes.
“Did I ever say she was a widow?”
“What?”
“I never told you she was a widow.”
No matter how many times she retraced her memory, it was clear. Kisa had only mentioned that Madame Oshuana revealed Daniel’s secret—she hadn’t repeated the widow detail verbatim.
And afterward, while explaining her encounter with Daniel in front of the teahouse, there hadn’t been any chance to slip in that information.
“Melissa, you already knew who that woman was, didn’t you?”
“Uh… well, yes. I heard it in passing.”
“From whom?”
“I don’t know… Anyway, that woman seemed somewhat famous, so I knew.”
Melissa gave an uneasy smile. Kisa, her longtime friend, immediately sensed she was hiding something. Just how had Melissa learned about Hazel’s identity?
“…Now that I think about it, didn’t your younger brother mention joining some strange gathering a few months ago?”
“Huh?”
“You said your father disapproved, right? That he was wasting his time on useless things. Could it be that this gathering took place at the Willow Teahouse?”
“No, that’s—”
“Melissa, tell me honestly.”
This time, it was Kisa who grasped Melissa’s hand as she tried to pull away. Unlike before, her grip held no warmth—only sharp insistence.
“Did you know? About Daniel’s relationship with that woman?”
“……”
She didn’t even need an answer. Melissa’s trembling, anxious eyes spoke clearly enough.
“So you knew all along, yet never told me.”
Disheartened, Kisa let go of Melissa’s hand.
“You knew everything.”
“No! Please, just hear me out!”
“Then tell me—did you really hear nothing from your brother about Daniel seeming unusually close to the teahouse owner?”
Given the deep ties among their three families, Melissa’s younger brother also knew Kisa and Daniel well. If he’d seen Daniel at such gatherings, it would’ve been natural for him to mention it to his sister at least once.
“I just…”
Melissa paused briefly, as if gathering her thoughts, then looked aggrieved.
“I only heard that Daniel seemed quite friendly with the teahouse owner.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I feared you’d suffer exactly like this.”
“What?”
“Look—you’re hurting right now, aren’t you? That’s precisely why I hoped you’d never find out.”
“It hurts even more because you hid it!”
Kisa never imagined Melissa would do something like this. Not in her wildest dreams.
“What would you have done if I’d gone my whole life without knowing? Would you have congratulated me as I married Daniel, completely oblivious?”
“…Then what exactly should I have done?”
“You should’ve told me! We’re friends.”
“But telling you wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“Why not? At least I could’ve prepared—”
“What kind of preparation? Were you planning to call off the engagement?”
Engagement annulment—the word silenced Kisa. It carried far too much weight.
Though it was her own utterance, Melissa sighed deeply, as if the idea were utterly absurd.
“What can you do about a marriage arranged between our houses? You and Daniel will marry—that’s inevitable. If marriage is unavoidable anyway, what good would knowing early have done?”
She pushed her chair back and stood up, clearly intending to leave quickly while Kisa’s intensity waned.
“Kisa, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. But I did it thinking of you. No matter what Daniel does outside, just focus on your own life. Wouldn’t that bring you peace? That’s how most people live.”
Having already picked up her handbag, she turned to leave, then suddenly remembered something and spoke hastily.
“Oh, and don’t forget our promise to all visit the Princess together next week. Even if you’re upset with me, it’s a promise to the Princess. We must comfort her—she’s grieving the loss of her fiancé.”
With those final words, Kisa’s closest friend departed, as if Kisa no longer deserved consolation.
Left alone in the garden, she pressed her hand to her throbbing temples. The word “annulment” lingered painfully in her heart.
“What do I do now?”
Her murmur escaped like a sigh.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
_____
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