If You Want To Possess Me - Chapter 97

At that moment, Seyerd’s eyes widened.

“Kisa…”

Kisa blankly gazed at him calling her name, feeling a strange sense of pleasure.

She seemed to enjoy the fact that he, who was always calm, was emotionally shaken because of her.

“Why.”

A few seconds later, he spoke in a slightly lower voice than usual, with his usual expression.

“Why are you saying such things?”

His hand caressed Kisa’s hair at the side of her face.

Kisa intently looked up at the man sitting on the bed, determined not to miss even the slightest change in his expression.

“Because I like you, Seyerd. I like you, so I want you to stay by my side.”

Though she had never been in a proper relationship, Kisa was no fool and had at least a minimum level of intuition.

She fully understood the meaning of the words she was uttering now, and she knew Seyerd did too.

“…”

“…”

A tense silence filled the room.

When Kisa’s lips were about to go dry from the anxiety that wasn’t even diluted by the alcohol, Seyerd opened his mouth.

“You’re drunk, Kisa. Let’s talk about this again after the alcohol wears off.”

Seyerd, who had removed his hand from Kisa’s hair, tried to get up from his seat.

“Is it because we’re not married yet?”

Almost simultaneously, an urgent question burst from Kisa’s mouth.

“I don’t mind. We’re getting married soon anyway, and many others do it too.”

It wasn’t something to say out loud, but it was rare for engaged couples to strictly maintain premarital chastity even before marriage.

Even that conservative Count Vanspelt had allowed Kisa to stay at the Hillan ducal residence.

“So you don’t have to go out of your way to-”

“That’s not it.”

But Seyerd shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter. The problem is that you’re not in your right mind right now.”

“Of course I’m drunk, but this is something I thought about even before drinking.”

To be exact, she had borrowed the power of alcohol because it was difficult to say it when she was sober.

“Right now, I have an extremely normal judgment. Believe me, Seyerd.”

“Maybe so. But Kisa. I…”

He paused for a moment before uttering the next words.

“I’d like you to want me when you’re more in your right mind than ever before.”

Was it her imagination? The dark brown eyes she faced seemed darker than ever, making Kisa inhale sharply.

How should she put it, it felt like she had witnessed a hidden side of him that she had never seen before.

There were times when Seyerd felt like a completely different person, and now was one of those times.

“Not because of anything else, but because of your sincere desire.”

Kisa barely moved her stiff lips.

“It, it is my sincere desire.”

There was no way it could be because of anything else. She simply wanted Seyerd Hillan.

But his eyes narrowed.

“Really?”

“…What?”

Seyerd was silent for a moment, then smiled faintly. It was a somewhat bitter expression.

“From what I see, you seem like someone who is being chased by something right now, Kisa.”

Chased? No way. Even though she thought so, no particular words of rebuttal came out of Kisa’s mouth.

Seyerd, who had returned to his usual kind and gentle face as her fiancé, tapped Kisa’s shoulder as if to comfort her.

“I’m sorry if I’m mistaken. But I’d still like us to do this when we’re both sober and without any worries. It doesn’t have to be right after the wedding, but…”

Suddenly, Seyerd’s face seemed to come closer, and a ticklish sensation was felt on her cheek.

Seyerd, who lightly kissed Kisa’s cheek, finally got up from the bed.

“At least for now, I think it’s time for you to rest comfortably. Then, goodbye.”

Kisa reflexively tried to call his name, but at that moment, Lily’s voice was heard from outside the door.

“Your Grace, Young Lady. I brought the rosewater.”

Instead of answering her, Seyerd opened the bedroom door and bade farewell to Kisa.

“Sweet dreams.”

Kisa couldn’t stop him.

After Seyerd disappeared, with Lily’s help, Kisa washed up, changed into her nightgown, and lay down to sleep.

Once Lily left and Kisa was alone in the room, there was no more tension to be found.

“Seyerd.”

In the silence, Kisa called the name she couldn’t call a little while ago.

He had told Kisa that she seemed like someone who was being chased. The meaning of those words…

“Ah, I can’t do this.”

Due to the alcohol and drowsiness rushing in, her mind couldn’t proceed any further.

Kisa closed her eyes without much resistance against her heavy eyelids.

Her consciousness quickly faded into darkness.

How much time had passed?

Her eyes fluttered open with a terrible thirst.

“Water.”

Without even paying attention to the unfamiliar surroundings, Kisa instinctively looked for water.

When she found the water jug and glass on the nightstand, it felt like she had discovered a treasure chest.

After quenching her thirst as much as she wanted, she finally noticed the current situation.

“Right. I got drunk and…”

With the memories that came back in succession, Kisa’s whole body began to tremble.

“I’m crazy! I’m crazy!”

She hit the innocent pillow in a fit of rising shame.

“How could I do that to Seyerd…”

She borrowed the power of alcohol to give a clumsy seduction and was firmly yet gently rejected.

Recalling it with a sober mind, his rejection was very understandable, making it even more embarrassing.

“From what I see, you seem like someone who is being chased by something right now, Kisa.”

He was right. There was not a shred of falsehood in Kisa’s feelings for Seyerd, but it wasn’t just the hope of wanting to be with the person she loved that made her do such a bold thing.

…Kisa wanted him to wash away her anxiety with a more definite action.

She had tried to forget this lingering feeling that wasn’t completely erased even by alcohol through an act with him.

‘Nine times out of ten, Seyerd intuitively sensed my intentions and stopped me.’

She drooped her head powerlessly.

Looking back now, it was a selfish act.

Strictly speaking, hadn’t she tried to use him for her own personal reasons?

She couldn’t forget the slightly bitter expression on Seyerd’s face that she saw at the end.

Kisa decided to officially apologize the next time they met and lay back down, closing her eyes.

However, sleep, which had once receded, did not come easily.

Her stomach was queasy due to the hangover and she had a slight headache, but the stuffiness was greater.

She wanted to sort out her thoughts while she had the chance.

She couldn’t make Seyerd make that expression again with another thoughtless word or action.

‘Judging by the dim view outside the window, it still seems to be dawn…’

After pondering for a moment, Kisa got up with the intention of getting some fresh air.

She put on a thin coat that had been prepared in advance on the hanger and left the room.

This must have also been prepared by Lily along with the water, an exemplary maid as always.

Step, step. Kisa’s footsteps echoed in the interior that seemed to be asleep.

Perhaps because it was still early, she didn’t run into anyone while walking down the corridor.

But as Kisa was about to leave the corridor and reach the front door, a certain room caught her eye.

“This room is…”

Thanks to the tour of the ducal residence she had received from Seyerd not long ago, it was a place she remembered.

The painting storage room. The Hillan family kept paintings that were not hung in the corridors or other rooms here.

Of course, the really valuable ones considered treasures went to the vault, so only the relatively less valuable ones were here.

Kisa stared at the door, lost in thought. Honestly, she wanted to take a look.

When she came with Seyerd before, she had glanced inside and saw that, as with any wealthy noble family, portraits made up a large portion of the stored paintings.

In fact, summoning a painter to capture one’s image in a painting was a privilege only for those with money.

“There might be portraits of Seyerd too.”

The one painted after he became the family head was in his office, so she admired it whenever she went there, but what she was curious about were his childhood portraits.

It was likely that he had left a painting or two before leaving for the monastery.

Unfortunately, last time they didn’t have the leisure to look around the paintings.

At that time, the two of them had to make a round of the large ducal residence, so they moved quickly.

‘But it’s different now.’

When Kisa put her hand on the doorknob, the door opened so easily.

If it had been locked, she was going to give up and go straight to the garden, but she was lucky.

Kisa, who entered, examined the paintings lined up on the walls one by one.

What caught her eye first were the solemn portraits that were exceptionally larger than the other paintings and seemed to have been painted with several times more effort by the artist.

They were the faces of the successive Dukes of Hillan.

Come to think of it, the portrait hanging in Seyerd’s office was also exactly this size.

It seemed to be a long-standing tradition of the Hillans to leave a portrait of this format upon becoming the head of the family.

It was grand, but it wasn’t the painting she wanted, so Kisa passed by the group of portraits with quick steps.

No, she tried to pass by. Until she reached a certain painting.

The portrait hanging at the very end. A face very familiar to her as well.

It was a painting of Viserk Hillan.

Kisa, who had unknowingly stopped walking, heard a distant voice in her ears.

“I am Viserk Hillan.”

It was a memory of when she first exchanged names with Viserk Hillan.