As he said, my heart was indeed pounding hard, but it was difficult to discern the cause.
Was it really because of the lie, or…
“Um, well.”
Kisa awkwardly lowered her head and avoided his gaze. She wanted to pull her wrist away, but it wasn’t easy.
If she shook off his hand here and now, it might look like she was getting angry despite being the one who lied, and things might become awkward between them.
“…”
“…”
As both of them fell silent, stillness settled over the garden brimming with spring air. She swallowed dryly. She needed to say something quickly, but once she missed the chance to respond, it became difficult to open her mouth.
Ah, even Seiard’s nail shapes are so neat. Kisa stared at his thumb resting on the vein crossing the inside of her wrist, indulging in an irrelevant thought. As if escaping reality.
How much time had passed? Seiard withdrew his hand first.
“I apologize.”
He offered an apology with a somewhat embarrassed expression.
“I tried to make a joke to lighten the mood, but it seems it wasn’t funny.”
“… Oh, it was a joke?”
“Yes, because you looked quite bored.”
“No! I wasn’t bored at all!”
Kisa unconsciously stood up abruptly, bracing herself against the table.
“I’m the one who should apologize. It’s true that I wasn’t fully focused on Seiard’s story earlier. But it certainly wasn’t because I was bored. Rather, it was quite interesting.”
The volume of her voice gradually decreased.
“It’s just that I… didn’t sleep well last night, so my concentration was a bit… Please believe me. Anyway, I’m sorry for asking and then getting distracted.”
Seiard comforted Kisa, who had started rambling and ended up apologizing.
“It’s really alright, Kisa. Isn’t this the time when spring fever tends to get worse?”
“… Thank you for saying that.”
He was truly someone who knew how to be considerate of others. The real Kisa sat back down, and Seiard took a sip of his share of black tea.
“I shouldn’t have made such a strange joke in the first place. I should have known better, but I only realized it when I saw your expression earlier.”
“What was my expression like?”
“Like a pitiful person enduring an inquisitor’s barrage of questions, I would say.”
“Aren’t you exaggerating?”
“It’s true. You didn’t even make eye contact.”
“That’s, how should I put it…”
“I understand. You must have been afraid of me.”
“…”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she looked at him. Afraid? Could it be that he thought Kisa had recalled the ominous legend of twins and was avoiding him?
“It’s understandable, given that a grown man suddenly grabbed your wrist. I’m embarrassed to say I misjudged our closeness and overstepped.”
However, fortunately, there was no sign of such thoughts on his face as he calmly continued speaking.
It seems she had jumped to conclusions, feeling guilty about the distracting thoughts she had been harboring until just now. Strangely, when with Seiard, moments of peculiar tension seemed to arise just when she thought she had forgotten about them.
In any case, it was a relief. Inwardly sighing with relief, Kisa shook her head.
“Not at all. I wasn’t afraid of you, Seiard.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, I was just a bit flustered because it was unexpected, and I felt embarrassed about being caught with my mind elsewhere.”
“That’s a relief, then.”
“Um, but. More than that.”
She asked about something that had been bothering her for a while.
“What did you mean by saying it was a joke? Surely, you weren’t serious about my pulse quickening…”
“That was a lie.”
He grinned and placed his index finger on his own wrist.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have such an ability. Even like this, I can’t feel anything.”
Momentarily at a loss for words at this sight, Kisa listened as Seiard shared an anecdote from his experience.
“One of the monks I know used to often discern people’s lies in this manner. Whether it’s true that the heart beats faster when one lies, or if he had some other method, I don’t know, but he was someone who could see through people’s hearts. Once, a young monk who had just entered the monastery, holding a grudge after being scolded by him…”
His life in the monastery? Apart from being interesting, the question arose whether it was alright to listen to this.
Wondering if he was forcing himself to recall a painful past, she watched him, and Seiard stopped speaking and gave her a meaningful look.
“You must be worried about me.”
“… You really are Seiard, aren’t you?”
“Me?”
“The person who accurately sees through others’ hearts, I mean.”
No matter how she thought about it, it wasn’t the monk in his story, but this uncannily perceptive man.
“Well, if you hesitate and look at me nervously every time the topic of the monastery comes up, I can’t help but notice.”
“I, I guess it was quite obvious.”
“You’re just too considerate.”
A moment later, he wiped the smile from his face and put on a serious expression.
“I appreciate your concern, but you don’t need to be so mindful. In fact, I feel more comfortable when you treat me normally.”
His gaze swept over the beautiful garden scenery as if swimming through the streams of memory.
“The time I spent in the monastery certainly wasn’t all good. I can talk about it casually now, but there was a time when I too was a rebel full of discontent with the world. Despite being a freeloader, I frequently caused trouble.”
It was unimaginable considering how he is now. To think that Seiard had been a troublemaking rebel.
Yet somehow, it was also reassuring in a way. Even he, who seemed perfect, was just a human being.
“But that’s all in the past now. I’m trying my best to shake off old grudges and focus only on the present and future.”
His right hand on the table clenched into a fist.
“… Besides, my parents, whom I resented so much, passed away a few years ago, and now even my siblings are gone. What’s the point in holding onto resentment? It would only hurt me.”
Suddenly, this thought occurred to her. Perhaps he too was taking time to let go of old emotions within him. Just like Kisa, who still couldn’t completely relegate Daniel to the past.
Seiard’s ability to read her concerns at a glance wasn’t due to some monk-like power to see through people’s hearts, nor was it simply because he had read many books, as he claimed.
It was simply because it was his own story.
For some reason, thinking this way spread a warm feeling through Kisa’s chest. It made him feel even more human, just like herself.
In fact, up until now, she had several times gotten the impression that Seiard seemed so perfect as to be almost inhuman.
An superhuman who was intelligent and kind, bold and of excellent lineage, yet never looked down on others carelessly, and could empathize even with the feelings of the flawed while being flawless himself.
But that wasn’t it. Seiard Hillan was certainly an exceptional person, but he also had pain, things he couldn’t do, occasionally made awkward jokes, and even told perfect lies.
And there was a high possibility that there were more human aspects to him that Kisa didn’t know about. She wanted to know. For some reason, Kisa found herself harboring such a wish.
“Um, Seiard.”
“Yes.”
“If it’s not too presumptuous, and if it’s not too painful for you, could you tell me more? About how you spent your time in the monastery.”
His reddish-brown eyes widened slightly at those words.
“And… although it might be shameless of me, I’d also like to hear again the story I missed earlier because I was distracted. I’ll listen properly this time.”
He was silent for a moment before speaking.
“Well. Except for a few anecdotes, it might not be very interesting to you.”
For a moment, a shadow passed over his face, and she thought he was refusing, but Seiard’s words weren’t finished yet.
“If those few anecdotes are alright with you, I’d be happy to share them.”
“Thank you! That’s more than enough.”
“In that case, shall we start with the story I couldn’t finish earlier, is what I’d like to say, but…”
After checking the time on his pocket watch, which he took out from a pocket on his clothes, he made a troubled face.
“Unfortunately, it’s already this late. I have other appointments today, so I think I’ll have to leave now.”
Come to think of it, the sun had already moved quite far to the west. Kisa hurriedly blurted out an apology.
“I’m, I’m sorry. You came all this way, and all you did was listen to my worries. What should I−”
“No, no. It’s fine. I originally came today with the purpose of talking with you.”
“With me? I thought you had matters to discuss with my father…”
“That was just a side purpose. The main goal was to see how my fiancée was doing and briefly confirm your opinion.”
“Opinion about what?”
“About when to announce our engagement to the public. We’re thinking of holding a banquet at the Hillan Duke’s residence in about a month to commemorate my succession to the title. Would it be alright to announce it then?”
I nodded readily.
“Of course, that’s fine with me.”
“Excellent. I look forward to the day when I can stand beside you in front of others for the first time.”
… How should one respond to such a romantic statement?
Honestly, if it were anyone but Seiard, I would have thought they had ulterior motives, or were simply behaving according to the courtesy that gentlemen typically show to ladies.
However, this man’s attitude was too straightforward to be considered ulterior motives, and too weighty to be mere superficial courtesy, and that confused Kisa.
“It’s just… politeness.”
Kisa muttered as she watched the departing carriage. Regardless of the fact that he was a good person, there was no room in her heart to accept someone new.
__________
Men In The Royal Harem All Yearn For Her (Female-dominant)
One-line summary: The men (young empress, young empress dowager, crown prince) in the harem all yearn to become her consort.
Synopsis:
The female protagonist is a wildly popular heartthrob with a natural halo.
The male protagonist is a crazily obsessed and self-abasing loyal dog.
Qiu Shu, the top scholar’s daughter, is pure, elegant and incomparably enchanting, captivating countless admirers.
Being favored by the eldest prince, the most handsome man in the capital, and becoming his wife in a single move is truly the pride of a poor student.
However, what they don’t know is that the seemingly bright and splendid female protagonist lives in a battlefield of jealousy every day.
The cute and adorable young empress is unusually attached to her.
The gentlemanly and upright young empress dowager has an ambiguous relationship with her.
Even her aloof and proud eldest prince is actually a gloomy and petty jealous husband.
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.