If You Want To Possess Me - Chapter 110

She bent her stiff neck and barely nodded.

“Yes, that’s all the Count said.”

Did she answer in her usual voice? Was the spacing between words appropriate? What about her expression? How did she handle her gaze?

Amidst the many compulsive questions swirling in Kisa’s mind, Seyerd’s face in front of her remained serene.

“I see.”

He took another sip of tea and answered in a leisurely tone.

“I’m glad he at least didn’t bother you any further than that.”

Only then could Kisa taste the black tea lingering on the tip of her tongue.

But her heart wasn’t completely at ease to swallow a sigh of relief.

Seyerd perfectly concealed his own thoughts while seeing through her mind.

That’s why Kisa could rarely read his heart, except when he chose to reveal it himself.

Did Seyerd Hillan truly believe and accept the answer Kisa had just uttered a moment ago?

Even after the conversation topic changed to something else, Kisa remained bothered by that fact, but she couldn’t show it.

If he was observant, he would surely notice even the slightest change.

Therefore, Kisa had no choice but to desperately act as if everything was normal, carefully minding her every behavior, which gnawed at her nerves.

A few hours later, Kisa returned to the Vansfeld estate and collapsed like a marionette with broken strings as soon as she entered her bedroom.

Having tea with Seyerd, walking in the garden, having a meal… It was an utterly ordinary day, no different from any other.

Yet she was so exhausted. There was little physical fatigue, so it was a mental issue.

Being by Seyerd’s side consumed immense mental energy.

Even more than being in front of her difficult father.

“……”

Kisa’s arms trembled as she hugged her knees.

Now she had no choice but to acknowledge it.

The fundamental source of the uneasiness she had been feeling for quite some time was none other than her beloved lover, Seyerd.

In fact, Kisa had been unconsciously sensing the peculiar atmosphere he occasionally exuded or the suspicious aspects she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

But she didn’t want to admit it. She was afraid to face the truth.

After all, Seyerd had somehow come to occupy the biggest part within Kisa.

Looking back, it started from that day.

“I love you.”

That day when Seyerd suddenly confessed his love, the day she returned from Pavella Monastery with an indelible suspicion.

Kisa gained the love of the man she had feelings for, but buried her doubts in the ground instead.

She dismissed the sharp hatred written in his diary as a mere thing of the distant past.

She was truly blinded by love.

Being reciprocated with the same feelings by the person she loved was that sweet.

‘He was the first person to say he loved me after losing my mother.’

As it was a love that neither her father nor Daniel gave, she didn’t want to let it go no matter what.

So she tried to deceive herself into thinking this uneasiness in her chest was just pre-wedding depression and yearned for Seyerd.

At least while clinging to him and feeling his breath, an intense happiness painted over everything else.

“…But is that over now too?”

About an hour ago, the two shared a kiss as they always did.

It was a blissful kiss like usual, but Kisa’s heart was remarkably divided into two.

There was the her who rejoiced in the unchanging love shining upon her today, and the her who nervously watched to see if she had hidden the secret well until the end.

Both were Kisa, and that drove her even more insane.

“What should I do?”

Kisa buried her face in her knees and uttered the words she had mumbled countless times yesterday and today.

What on earth should she do from now on?

She had no intention of being played by Daniel, but it was difficult to simply ignore Emil’s confession.

It was true that there were many suspicious circumstances surrounding Seyerd in various ways.

At the same time, it was also wrong to hastily conclude that he was a murderer based on mere circumstances.

“Mom, what should I do?”

At that moment, a whisper reached Kisa’s ears as she was agonizing while tearing at her hair.

It was the devil speaking, not the deceased Countess.

What does it matter? Whether he’s a murderer or not, you can just pretend you don’t know.

Kisa’s hands began to tremble at those cruel words, but the devil continued.

Even if Seyerd really committed murder, all you have to do is keep your mouth shut.

Count Theodor and Daniel don’t have proper evidence anyway.

If they did, they wouldn’t have told Kisa to find it herself in such a ridiculous way.

The deceased Bishop Hillan? Of course it’s unfortunate, but he wasn’t an important person to you.

So continue to be happy by his side…

Oh my goodness. Kisa shuddered at the whispers of the intangible devil, no, the other self within her.

‘I didn’t know I was this immoral.’

She didn’t think she was overflowing with a sense of justice, but she also didn’t consider herself selfish enough to prioritize her own happiness over anything, even murder.

Even if she didn’t have the courage to directly step up and condemn a criminal, at least wishing for them to receive proper punishment was the basic attitude one should have as a person.

To drive out the evil thoughts within her, Kisa closed her eyes and recited a prayer.

“Dear God.”

Despite not being a devout believer usually, she sought an absolute being in this situation.

Even after repeating the prayer several times, what settled in her heart was not faith in God or pious repentance, but something completely different.

A beautiful yet ugly future where she turned a blind eye to the truth and found happiness with Seyerd.

The two in her imagination looked so happy that a single tear fell from her eyes.

Kisa lay in bed, wanting to indulge in this happy imagination just a little longer.

However, as if to mock Kisa’s hopes, the Seyerd who appeared in her dream was a wicked criminal.

He nonchalantly broke into the villa, strangled his brother’s neck, and manipulated the incense to start a fire.

It was a terrifying dream.

[This is the timeline separator]

“Kisa!”

At the loud voice, Kisa opened her eyes with a gasp.

The first thing she saw was a pair of eyes staring at her.

Red pupils that exuded an ominous feeling. And a hand reaching out on its own.

Slap! The sound of flesh colliding echoed in the dark room.

Only after reflexively swinging her arm did Kisa properly grasp the situation.

The pupils she thought were chillingly red turned out to be a warm reddish-brown upon second glance, and the being beside her was the one Kisa loved.

“…Kisa?”

With his slapped arm still not withdrawn, Seyerd carefully called Kisa’s name.

His face was filled with concern for his lover.

At that moment, Kisa felt the drowsiness fade away and recalled last night’s events.

There were no particular plans yesterday, but she still visited the Hillan estate.

Two days had passed since the last visit, but she still couldn’t make any decisions.

Her head was in complete chaos, and her mind changed a dozen times a day.

In the midst of that, she somehow wanted to see Seyerd.

She felt that if she saw him with her own eyes again, she might gain some sort of conviction about all this confusion.

Or maybe she simply missed him.

Anyway, Kisa impulsively went to find Seyerd.

The two often met like this without prior arrangements, so he welcomed Kisa without any particular suspicion.

Afterward, they had tea together, read books in the study, and even invited Gilliam and Lily to enjoy card games together.

…Regardless of the truth hidden within, it was a very peaceful and leisurely time on the surface.

It was also a natural flow when Seyerd suggested to Kisa that she stay at the estate tonight.

Kisa couldn’t find a particular excuse to refuse.

Or maybe she hoped to forget everything while embraced in his strong arms.

Her choice seemed like the right answer until drowsiness crept in after their intense and sweet lovemaking.

At least during that time, no worries or anguish could torment Kisa.

However…

“Kisa, are you really all right? You were sweating like rain in your sleep.”

Seyerd gently wrapped his arms around her slender shoulders.

“Did you have a nightmare? Shall I bring you a cup of warm tea?”

Not only his expression but also his voice asking about her well-being was indescribably kind.

But Kisa’s body was trembling uncontrollably.

Until last night, his embrace, which seemed like an infinitely safe haven, felt scary for some reason.

Ah, she realized.

Kisa could no longer treat Seyerd as if nothing had happened, like in the past.

Even if she ignored Emil’s confession and married him to form a happy family, she would definitely spend her life doubting her spouse and trembling in fear of when and how the happiness in her hands would be destroyed.

“…I’m fine, Seyerd.”

With a smile barely hanging on her lips after a desperate effort, Kisa slowly shook her head.

“I think I had a nightmare like you said and was having sleep paralysis. But I’m okay now. Because you’re here by my side, Seyerd.”

Leaning against Seyerd, she thought.

She had to find out the truth.

The truth would determine what would become of her relationship with him.

“I see. I’m not sure what kind of nightmare it was, but I’ll stay by your side as much as you need if it helps.”

Seyerd gently stroked Kisa’s back and pressed his lips against her golden hair.

“I love you.”

Those words that once made Kisa tremble with joy now approached her with a different temperature.

Kisa was simply cold.