Is that really true?

There was a pathetic desire to keep running towards the easier path. To believe Perseus’s words, that I had done nothing wrong, that I could live happily, that my family would want that for me – I wanted to think that way.

While my fiancé and friend were sharpening their knives to kill my family, I was praying for marriage. Not knowing my family was dying, I was thinking about how my life would change after marriage.

How could I expect forgiveness after that?

“Mama made the princess cry.”

Sensing the strange atmosphere, the children came closer, and seeing Roxiana crying, they started to whimper. Even as Perseus flustered tried to explain, “No, that’s not it,” Jewelry burst into loud sobs. Dennis, being the older brother, tried to hold it in, but his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Mama made the princess cryyyyy!”

At the sight of Jewelry wailing and Perseus looking perplexed, Roxiana let out a small laugh.

+++

After Perseus and the children left, Roxiana slipped out of Lily Palace. She wanted to calm her unsettled heart. She wanted to firmly grasp her heart that was leaning towards the easy path.

−”I don’t think I ever did anything deserving forgiveness in the first place.”

She wanted to pull out those words lodged in her chest.

But Perseus’s gaze when he said those words, that smile so similar to her mother’s, his voice sounding exactly like her mother’s despite the different tone, made it difficult to extract those deeply embedded words.

‘I miss you. I miss you, Mom.’

She called for her mother like she did when she was young.

‘I miss Mom so much.’

When she was upset, she would bury her face in her mother’s skirt and whine. Then her mother would gently pat Roxiana’s back and say, “It’s okay, Roti. Mom’s here.”

She needed that touch. Having trusted someone she shouldn’t have and caused her family’s death, she selfishly longed for her mother’s touch.

As Roxiana walked through the Grand Duke’s garden, she spotted Kirshan’s back. Kirshan was standing quietly under a large tree.

Wondering if Floyd was with him, Roxiana approached closer and discovered reddish-brown hair fluttering on the bench in front of him. She hesitated for a moment, but continued walking.

Even though she walked quietly, Kirshan turned around and gave a slight bow.

Floyd was sitting on the bench, leaning his head back with his eyes closed. Whether he was asleep or not, he didn’t react even as Roxiana came closer. After a moment’s hesitation, Roxiana quietly sat down next to him.

The weather was still chilly, so there weren’t many leaves on the branches. The sunlight filtering through the branches created deep shadows on his face.

Roxiana carefully examined his face, trying not to make even a breath sound.

His profile, which she hadn’t seen in a long time, was achingly beautiful. His straight forehead, the bridge of his nose extending from it.

−”I’m going crazy, Roti.”

Suddenly, his desperate voice came to mind. The look in his eyes when he said those words, too.

She wanted to tell him.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for driving you crazy. I’m sorry for not letting you smile. I’m sorry for making you frown even in your sleep. I’m sorry for not being able to say anything even though I know I love you and you love me.

I’m sorry for hurting your feelings because of my guilt. I’m sorry for clawing at your heart. I’m sorry that I’ve only received from you, while you’ve done so much for me, and I haven’t been able to give anything back.

Biting back the words she wanted to say, Roxiana barely tore her gaze away from him. Like Floyd, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. The sunlight penetrated her eyelids.

Floyd, too, was like sunlight. Sunlight that kept breaking through, announcing its presence even if you closed or turned your eyes.

‘If I had known the Grand Duke earlier.’

If Floyd, who had taken refuge in Ider Palace in those young days, had stayed instead of leaving, and if we had occasionally met face to face, exchanged greetings, and even engaged in conversation.

‘Would we still have fallen in love? Would I have come to love you, trembling with fear, and would you have come to love me, naive and ignorant?’

She wondered where their love had begun.

She knew the beginning of her own love. She was drawn to his constant consideration and kindness, his strength that seemed unshakeable at any time. Like a sunflower gazing at the sun, she found herself unable to look away from him.

‘But what about you? Where was your beginning?’

She had only shown him pathetic sides of herself. She had begged to be killed even after being saved, risked death even when warned to be careful. She had only been a nuisance to him, only receiving without being able to repay anything, and she couldn’t understand why he loved her.

“If you stay like that, your face will get sunburned.”

Startled by the languid voice, she opened her eyes and turned to look at him. He was still leaning back with his eyes closed.

“I thought you were sleeping…”

“I am.”

“…It doesn’t seem like you’re sleeping.”

“I am.”

“Alright…”

Roxiana closed her eyes again and leaned her head back. But this time, the sunlight didn’t penetrate her eyelids.

When she quietly opened her eyes, she saw his large hand over her face. He had opened his eyes at some point and turned his body towards Roxiana, creating a shadow with his hand.

“Why…?”

To him, who was considerate of her even in moments like this, Roxiana impulsively asked.

“Why do you love me?”

Only after letting out her full question did she realize what she had asked, and her face turned red. She had carelessly brought up his feelings, which she had never heard from his own lips.

But Floyd, as if not surprised at all, calmly gazed at Roxiana with those ash-colored eyes and answered serenely.

“Because you told me not to be in pain.”

“…”

“So I decided not to be in pain. And I wasn’t.”

“…”

“But now it hurts.”

Even as he said this, Floyd’s hand was still casting a shadow over Roxiana’s face.

Roxiana gazed into his beautiful eyes, trying to guess when exactly she had told this healthy man not to be in pain, and realizing it was from a very long time ago, she opened her lips.

“From… such a long time ago…?”

Floyd chuckled. A smile, lonely and futile like the wind, brushed past his lips.

“I didn’t know it was love, so I forgot about love, but I found myself in love. Without even knowing it.”

“What do you mean by ‘knowing it’…”

“A guy who shouldn’t love fell in love with a woman worthy of being loved, isn’t that not knowing one’s place?”

“Why shouldn’t Your Highness love? You’re the one who deserves to be loved by everyone.”

“Is that so?”

This time, the smile that flowed out was cold.

“Then what about the princess?”

The hand that had been shielding her from the sunlight came down and gently grasped Roxiana’s chin.

“Does the princess love me?”

For a moment, her throat closed up.

She wanted to say she loved him. She wanted to say that even though it wasn’t the time to love, she had fallen in love with someone she shouldn’t love.

She wanted to say that despite being responsible for driving her family to their deaths, despite not being able to save anyone, she was fortunately in love.

But then Ranian came to mind, her younger sibling who might still be wandering somewhere unable to return to God’s embrace, and she felt so sorry for that sibling.

Her voice wouldn’t come out.

Looking at her staring at him with wide eyes, he smiled bitterly. His twisted lips and darkly sunken eyes pierced Roxiana’s heart like an awl. An invisible awl kept stabbing her heart.

“So.”

As if not expecting an answer from Roxiana, he let go of her chin and asked.

“What business do you have?”

“Pardon?”

“Didn’t you come looking for me because you had something to say?”

I just wanted to see you. I wanted to watch over your sleeping face.

Swallowing the words she wanted to say, Roxiana asked.

“The holy knights… are you going to keep them locked up like that?”

“Then should I kill them instead of locking them up? Well, it would be easier to kill them since they’re just wasting food.”

“That’s not what I meant… The temple must know they came here. Besides, Valde Erten is the vice-captain of the Catus Holy Knight Order.”

The Catus Holy Knight Order was known as the elite of the elite, considered the strongest among the Great Temple’s knight orders.

“The Great Temple won’t sit still.”

“I suppose not.”

“Yet you’re leaving them like that?”

“Then what should I do? Should I bundle them up, take them back, and apologize?”

“Yes, Your Highness. That’s what we should do. And I’ll do it.”

Floyd glared at Roxiana.

“You’ll do it, Princess?”

“I should do it. It happened because of me. I’ll treat the holy knights, feed them well to help them recover, and then I’ll go to the Great Temple with them.”

“How fortunate, Princess.”

“Pardon?”

“When you’re around, this mad being stays quiet. If not for that, I might have burned you.”

“Your Highness…”

“Do you not understand what it means to go to the Great Temple with those guys?”

He growled.

“I do. But…”

“A person who knows speaks so easily about going with those guys?”

“I’m not speaking easily. I’ve thought about it in various ways…”

“You’ve thought about sacrificing yourself again, haven’t you! You’ve thought it doesn’t matter if you’re locked up in the Great Temple for life, haven’t you.”

Roxiana pressed her lips tightly together.

“Stop talking nonsense, Princess. Whether the Great Temple throws a fit or a damn war breaks out, I’ll handle it, so just stay by my side! Before I chain those ankles of yours!”

“How can it be so easy? Is war that easy? How can you speak of it so lightly?”

Sparks flew in Floyd’s eyes.

“Do I look easy to you right now? Really?”