I Will No Longer Live As Your Villainess (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 5
Ilina grew up believing she was superior to others because Brandt and Anne had showered her with excessive attention and praise since childhood. Thus, she came to see herself as someone of exceptional worth.
In high society, Ilina indirectly won people’s favor with money, subtly encouraging them to praise her. She never openly or arrogantly expressed her pride herself.
If someone appeared even slightly better than her, Ilina would cast herself as the victim to make them feel guilty or manipulate unpopular men into shaming them so badly they’d withdraw from society. For this reason, Ilina was nicknamed not “the flower of high society,” but “the poison of high society.”
She never gave out of genuine feeling—only with a clear purpose.
Ilina believed she could be forgiven for anything she did, no matter how excessive or outrageous her actions might be.
Lorencia had once knelt before Ilina and pleaded. But Ilina never showed mercy.
Before Lorencia’s eyes, the tiny bird was torn apart and dying.
Just moments ago, the bird had been flying vigorously through the sky, but now its wings had lost all function. The bird’s painful chirping—“peep”—gradually faded away.
The little bird, who had kindly become her friend by visiting her window whenever she sang the lullaby she’d learned from her late mother, now rolled on the floor like trash. Gazing into the bird’s cold, lifeless eyes, Lorencia strained her unmoving arm and reached out toward it.
Ilina watched Lorencia reaching for the dead bird with delight, then lightly stomped on it. Only emptiness remained in the bird’s eyes—its soul already gone, its vitality lost. Lorencia’s face turned deathly pale, and she withdrew her outstretched hand.
After that incident, Lorencia kept her window shut for a long time and never sang again. She vowed never to make another friend.
The memory of the bird’s horrifying death brought tears to Lorencia’s eyes.
Convinced by Ilina’s promise not to kill birds, Lorencia began singing again. Ilina kept her word—at least for a while—briefly filling Lorencia with gratitude.
Lorencia shook her head vigorously.
The moment Ilina grinned while gripping the puppy’s throat, Lorencia closed her eyes. Her body trembled violently at the puppy’s piercing cries echoing in her ears.
Those cries sounded like a plea—“Just kill me quickly if I must suffer.” Or rather, that’s how she rationalized it to herself.
The sobbing puppy’s plea for life ended in an instant.
On the day Ilina forced a knife into her hand, Lorencia sobbed uncontrollably for the first time in her life. Her heart ached more from being compelled to kill the puppy than from any physical pain. The psychological aftermath was worse than she’d expected. So later, whenever Ilina starved her or forced her to stay awake, Lorencia would pretend those things hurt her more.
Just seeing the kitten in Ilina’s arms brought back memories as vivid as yesterday. Every time she was forced to take an innocent young life against her will, she suffered deeply. Even though she’d been just a child, that didn’t erase the guilt she felt for the things she’d been coerced into doing—and that guilt never faded easily.
“What are you thinking about right in front of me, Sister Lorencia?”
“Seeing the cute little kitten you’re holding now… it brought back old memories…”
Lorencia spoke meaningfully as she looked at the black kitten in Ilina’s arms. The sight of it was more than enough to recall Ilina’s past acts of cruelty.
“Really? You remembered the past? That’s exactly why I brought this kitten!”
Ilina always wanted to feel her influence over Lorencia—especially deriving superiority from fear and dread. She particularly enjoyed it when the other person’s crying grew louder and more desperate. Back then, she hadn’t realized that while her cruel actions gave her satisfaction, they also worsened her own situation…
But the current Ilina wouldn’t know that—because the Lorencia who once knew nothing was no longer here.
“This little kitten is really cute, isn’t it?”
Ilina carefully observed Lorencia’s expression as she asked.
“I picked out the cutest one among all the one-month-old kittens especially for you.”
Lorencia stared intently at the kitten in Ilina’s arms, her expression completely devoid of emotion. She knew well that Ilina’s momentary kindness toward the kitten was never genuine—it always came with an ulterior motive. She could never forget the insane look on Ilina’s face when she’d petted a puppy, cooing about how cute it was, then suddenly strangled it to death.
“Ilina. I hate it.”
“What do you hate? Killing cats? But you killed it so well before when I just handed you the knife.”
Ilina stopped stroking the kitten and spoke.
Lorencia let out a small sigh and said,
“Ilina, you can kill perfectly well without borrowing my hands. It’s troublesome when you keep throwing tantrums like a child, demanding I do it for you. You should handle what you want to do yourself. I can’t keep doing it for you forever.”
Ilina’s face flushed bright red with shame at Lorencia’s firm words—they sounded exactly like someone scolding a foolish child.
“What did you just say?”
“To be honest, Ilina, I don’t feel anything anymore—not even when killing small animals like this. Don’t you feel the same? Could you really still be satisfied by killing such tiny creatures?”
Lorencia’s violet eyes curved like a crescent moon. Slowly, her hand reached toward the kitten in Ilina’s arms.
“Killing a young life that doesn’t even comprehend its own death… it’s not fun at all, is it? Right, Ilina?”
As she spoke, Lorencia gently plucked the kitten from Ilina’s embrace.
“I’ll kill it for you one last time, Ilina. But next time, please don’t ask me to kill these trivial little animals for you.”
Lorencia spoke to Ilina in a tender voice, as if offering a kindness.
“What nonsense are you spouting! I brought the cat here for you to kill! Give it back!”
“Ilina, what are you talking about? Don’t you remember why you always brought animals to me? It was always to ask me to kill them for you. Could you really have forgotten?”
Her violet eyes, previously curved in a crescent of amusement, slowly opened wide—locking gazes directly with Ilina.
“Think about it, Ilina. Among all the animals you brought into my room… were there any that ever left alive?”
Ilina had carefully killed even tiny baby mice, always considering the shock it would give Lorencia—and then manipulated her into killing them herself. Ilina was the one who had laughed with amusement while watching Lorencia cry and cling to her desperately.
“There weren’t any, right? You know that perfectly well yourself.”
Ilina found the current Lorencia utterly unfamiliar. The Lorencia she knew would be trembling, sobbing, and begging her not to force her to kill the cute kitten—but this Lorencia wasn’t pleading at all. Instead, she was treating Ilina like a bothersome little sister. Had all those years of abuse driven her mad?
“Ilina… instead of killing something as insignificant and tiny as this…”
Lorencia continued in an excited tone,
“…how would it feel to kill someone who’s crying, pleading, begging for their life? Wouldn’t you want to try it?”
Lorencia smiled gently, tilting her head to meet Ilina’s averted gaze. A cold sweat ran down Ilina’s spine.
“Wouldn’t it be far more fun than killing animals?”
“Give me back that cat.”
“No.”
A bright, flower-like smile bloomed across Lorencia’s face.
Just as Ilina stood up to approach Lorencia, a sharp knock sounded at the door, followed by a maid’s announcement that Luans had arrived at the mansion.
Realizing Luans had come earlier than usual, Ilina grew flustered.
“Deal with it yourself—kill it or spare it, I don’t care.”
When the maid knocked again from outside, Ilina stormed out of the room with an annoyed expression.
As soon as Ilina left, Lorencia opened the terrace door and gently placed the kitten down on the floor. The kitten lifted its chin haughtily and began meowing incessantly at Lorencia.
“Why are you crying?”
—Meow.
“You want me to hold you again?”
—Meeow. Meeaaow.
Lorencia sighed and picked up the kitten once more. The kitten immediately stopped crying, yawned deeply, and nestled comfortably in Lorencia’s arms, purring and swaying its tail contentedly.
“You’re completely different now compared to when you were in Ilina’s arms.”
Lorencia whispered softly as she gently stroked the kitten’s head. The kitten, sensing her attention, gazed up at her with gleaming golden eyes, as if offering comfort.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
_____
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