I Will Live for Your Death - Chapter 85

Is the weight of the sword the same as the weight of the life he carries?

Ilarid wrapped Lebel’s sword in a black cloth and left the Empress’s Palace alone. She was carrying his outer garment on one arm.

It was the coat Lebel had put on her the night they met. If she kept leaving it there, it seemed she would only be able to return it after the seasons had long passed.

Could he have deliberately left the sword behind like that time too? But it was hard to believe that the mercenary captain would leave behind the sword he usually kept by his side.

Did he have some urgent business that required him to leave in a hurry from the morning? Above all, she felt somewhat disappointed that Lebel had left without saying anything. It would have been nice if he had at least said something before leaving, even if it meant waking her up.

When she arrived at the mercenary camp, Ilarid was aware of the countless gazes pouring down on her.

They weren’t looks filled with wariness or hostility like other nobles. Most were filled with curiosity.

As soon as Lailo saw Ilarid standing there holding the sword, he bowed slightly and then called out loudly towards the inside:

“Captain!”

As if he had been waiting for Ilarid to come, Lebel immediately appeared without a moment’s delay. With a bright expression, he came running over like a dog meeting its owner.

‘Somehow I keep comparing him to a big dog…’

They say you can’t spit on a smiling face. The feelings of disappointment that had risen inside her had already quietly disappeared.

“Your Majesty the Empress.”

“When I woke up this morning, I found you had left only your sword behind.”

“Judging by the fact that I’m still alive, it seems I didn’t do anything rash.”

Ilarid silently handed over the sword while adding a light reproach. She also passed over the outer garment she had been carrying on her arm.

“What should a swordsman do when he leaves his sword behind? And I think I’ve kept this coat for too long. At this rate, I was worried I might truly forget and think it belonged to the Empress’s Palace.”

Lebel readily accepted the sword, but he draped the outer garment back over Ilarid’s shoulders.

“I’ll entrust my ‘shadow’ to Your Majesty the Empress. I’ll come looking for my shadow from time to time.”

The coat was black, so it truly was like a shadow. Even without such an excuse, Lebel was a ‘shadow’, so it wouldn’t matter if he freely came and went from the Empress’s Palace.

Though he would likely try to enter and exit as secretly as possible while surveying the surroundings.

“And…”

Lebel moved closer to Ilarid and bent down. He had already noticed the watchful gaze lingering around the camp.

“There’s a gaze watching us. It seems to be one of the Imperial Guards.”

“They intend to monitor even the mercenary camp. This won’t be good for the Ricas Mercenaries either.”

“It may be bothersome, but it won’t be too much of a nuisance. Rather, many of the members focus better during training when someone is watching.”

Lebel uttered words that could have been either a joke or the truth. Ilarid quietly followed the direction of Lebel’s gaze. At the end of it stood someone wearing the uniform of the Imperial Guards.

She deliberately moved close to Lebel, then whispered softly in his ear. So that the person watching could see well. So he could go to Cledius and report exactly what he saw.

“His hair looks grayish, could it be the Captain of the Guards?”

“…Indeed. It’s Kailem Western.”

“I wonder how the Captain of the Guards will relay this.”

The two shared a brief laugh while savoring their close proximity.

Kailem was merely an errand boy sent by Cledius to monitor the Empress and the mercenary captain. To think they would neglect someone with no lack of skill like that, without any real authority. A snort of derision escaped involuntarily at his insight.

Cledius would simply want to know all the secrets they whispered and what temperature their gazes held as they talked.

She hoped Kailem Western would provide a description vivid enough to irritate the Emperor’s insides. Though being a perceptive and polite person, he probably wouldn’t do such a thing.

Ilarid turned her gaze to the sword Lebel was wearing. Now it was time to ask about what she had been curious about since the morning.

“It looks like quite a precious sword.”

“It’s the sword I received when I first took command in the mercenary group.”

It was the sword that Turgel had handed over with flowery words like ‘You deserve to receive this sword’. When Lebel drew the sword, a bright light charged towards his eyes.

The blade reflecting the sunlight looked even more brilliant and heavy than when seen in the room.

“Your name was engraved on the sword… Is there a reason for that?”

Ilarid had discovered her own name precisely engraved where the sword’s handle and blade met.

On the day he received that sword from Turgel, Lebel asked a renowned blacksmith from the northern region to engrave Ilarid’s name.

‘Looking at it, this doesn’t seem to be your name. Is it someone precious to you?’

The blacksmith had asked that as soon as he heard her name. Noticing the faint smile on Lebel’s lips, he started working without asking any further questions.

Lebel, who had been cradling the name ‘Ilarid’ with his gaze, opened his mouth.

“It’s my own kind of resolve.”

What kind of resolve would be contained in a sword engraved with the name of one’s benefactor? Ilarid placed her hand on that bluish blade. The sensation of her own name engraved in intaglio remained rough at her fingertips.

He muttered to himself, as if somewhat regretful.

“If it hadn’t been in the infirmary, I would have thrust this sword into the ground and sworn an oath to Your Majesty the Empress.”

Without hesitation, Lebel immediately thrust the sword into the ground. Ilarid felt the vibration emitted by the sword beneath her feet. She grasped the sword handle visible in front of her.

Like on the bed last night, their hands overlapped.

Under two eternities, the sun and moon, with the sword between them. Lebel’s hand was large enough that it wouldn’t be covered even if Ilarid wrapped both her hands around it. She slowly closed her eyes and whispered softly.

“I understand enough.”

The morning sunlight warmly embraced the two. For a long while, they held each other’s hands and prayed to the god hiding in the sky above. May your existence protect the one before you.

Kailem was witnessing the entire scene between the Empress and the mercenary captain from a spot slightly removed from the camp.

To someone unaware of the circumstances, the two might be mistaken for ordinary lovers. What kind of people in the world would radiate such an intense atmosphere and gaze at each other with such shining eyes?

Kailem too once had such a time. Memories that were passionate enough to be aptly described as a fiery love. The one and only person he had loved with his life.

But who could have known she would pass away so futilely from illness?

It was almost unbearable to watch someone who had shone so brilliantly waste away on a sickbed. Despite the increasing wrinkles, she always appeared beautiful in Kailem’s eyes.

He said he would search the entire continent, even cross over to the Eastern Continent, to bring an excellent doctor. But she shook her head while holding Kailem’s hand.

‘Death is also a natural order that comes, Kailem. I’ve had enough now.’

What kind of order is it that makes people part? In the end, she passed away after suffering in silence, refusing treatment.

It had been a long life, but for those left behind, it meant another long wait had begun.

Kailem looked at the two people who could hardly be called lovers. How should he explain their secret meeting to Cledius? His thoughts became disorderly and complex.

**

Was it because she hadn’t ridden in a carriage for a long time? Alice struggled to hold back the nausea that was coming over her.

Perhaps the cause of the dizziness was her father sitting across from her. He glared at his eldest daughter with a deeply furrowed brow, as if something was bothering him.

“What’s wrong, Father?”

“There’s not a single thing I like. I’m losing what little hair I have left because of you!”

“Ask Selina for some hair loss medicine when you meet her today.”

“Hey now, that’s Her Majesty the Empress!”

The Count of Diobe shouted angrily and warned her, then clicked his tongue. While the second daughter was just quiet and pretty, why was the eldest like this?

Alice wasn’t even wearing a corset. The dress she claimed to have dressed up in was just plain, and even though he had asked her to at least wear the jeweled brooch or earrings Selina had left behind, or even fresh flowers, she had refused even that.

When he scolded her, saying that such an appearance would bring shame to her father and sister’s faces when meeting Her Majesty the Empress, he received an unexpected answer.

‘Father. Have you ever shown any interest until now?’

He was at a loss for words. Looking closely, both her clothes and accessories were all inadequate.

If she had just said something earlier, he would have had a proper dress made for her, but she had no way with words. Why does a child who’s a thorn in one’s side remain like a sore thumb for life?

‘Sigh… I can’t kick her out either.’

After his title had been raised to Count, many gazes were focused on the Diobe family. He couldn’t cut off a sore thumb just because it hurt, so he had tried to hurry and get rid of her, but it was useless since the person in question showed no interest.

It’s not like she was exceptionally pretty or particularly talented. Everything about her was frustratingly ambiguous. What could the Empress possibly find curious about such a daughter to specially invite her to the Empress’s Palace?

She might have felt sorry for her, being the Empress’s sister yet unable to even make her debut in society. If she was trying to emphasize how she was paying special attention in order to make a point to Selina, that would be troublesome too.

Unlike her father who kept frowning, Alice was filled with a bit of anticipation.

‘It’s my first time seeing her in person. I’ve only ever seen her from afar or in newspaper pictures.’

What kind of person would the Empress be? Alice personally admired her mother, Keira Rowen Melpiram.

Her achievement as the first woman to stand in parliament shone brightly even after her death. Thanks to Keira, the social issues that surfaced were enough to fill all ten fingers.

Ilarid might have a similar atmosphere to her. Wasn’t she quite similar even just looking at her appearance as the Crown Princess? Whether visiting factories and markets for inspections, or secretly doing relief work, she always acted like an ordinary person without being bound by her status.

‘Maybe…’

Alice, who had been looking out the window with eyes full of expectation, suddenly straightened her posture for some reason. The red book buried under the bed flickered in her lime-green irises that closely resembled Selina’s.

Wouldn’t this be an opportunity to bring the academy corruption case to the surface? But first, she needed to meet Her Majesty the Empress and judge what kind of person she was.

Alice opened the carriage window to hide her flushed cheeks. They would soon arrive at the Imperial Palace, but her father’s nagging about her hair getting messed up by the wind didn’t bother her at all.

The Count of Diobe’s heart sank when he saw his second daughter’s gloomy face inside the Empress’s Palace.

It had been a while since she visited, but had something bad happened in the meantime?

“Your Majesty the Empress. I deeply apologize for not having visited for so long. But… why is your face full of worry?”

He bowed at the waist while scanning the reception room of the Empress’s Palace.

The entire way to the reception room was filled with pink flowers. The mysterious flowers that Selina had been boasting about before, which only grew in the secret greenhouse of the Imperial Palace. They displayed their vibrant energy without a single flower wilting.

When he discreetly asked a maid of the Empress’s Palace, she said new flowers always came in at the crack of dawn.

Fully bloomed flowers that would never wilt. This alone was already a symbol of love. The Emperor’s affection for Selina seemed unchanged from before until now.

But Selina kept looking anxious. She fidgeted with her fingers unknowingly and sometimes brought them near her mouth.

“Oh my, Your Majesty. You’ll ruin your nails. What are you all doing, hurry and bring a nail file!”

The Count of Diobe made a fuss while scolding the maids around. After the servants left, the Count approached Selina and asked in a pretend affectionate tone.

“If there’s something troubling you, please confide in this father of yours. Why did you want to enter the palace today?”

“Father…”

Gone was her proud demeanor of addressing her father by his title. Selina burst into tears and fell into the Count’s arms. Perhaps because a family member she could confide in had come to her side, her anxiously trembling body had already calmed down considerably.

After sniffling for a while, Selina wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and barely managed to open her mouth.

“…This morning too, I went to pay my respects at the Emperor’s Palace as usual.”