I Will Live for Your Death - Chapter 80

Allen, who came out of the newspaper office, immediately went to the bindery where he had worked before. Passing through the alley lined with people looking for jobs, he headed towards the area where binderies, used bookstores, and printing shops were gathered.

A neighborhood filled with the smell of old ink and musty paper. A place full of books, proportional to the accumulated history of the Empire.

Large buildings including publishing houses gathered in the front, but as one went deeper, small printing shops were crammed together.

Although it was a place that didn’t suit a young lady from a noble family at all, Alice moved around familiarly like someone who knew the geography well.

When Count Diobe was still a viscount, until Selina became a ‘shadow’, the Diobe viscounty was on the verge of collapse.

She wanted to prevent the family from falling apart at all costs. Alice really worked at whatever she could.

Starting with being a tutor, she tried her hand at simple side jobs that could be done at home. Without doing so, it was difficult to earn even living expenses, let alone the salaries of the employees.

Is this nobility or commoner? Whenever anger boiled up inside, she repeated it over and over again.

Yes, someone said that labor is sacred. It’s not illegal money, so what’s wrong with it? There’s nothing as valuable as money earned through hard work, sweat, and blood.

However, the value of Alice’s efforts plummeted in front of her father and younger sister.

The people called family first criticized the money the eldest daughter brought in. Saying things like it’s not enough to buy accessories for a dress, or it’s not enough money to rent a carriage for a ball.

Sometimes, words casually thrown out flew like daggers. Was it so difficult to say even one word like ‘you worked hard’ or ‘thank you’?

After walking for a while, Alice entered a bindery with only a small signboard hanging.

“Boss! I’m here!”

“Who is this? Alice… or should I say Allen now, since you look like that?”

The bindery owner greeted Alice with a raised voice. It was one of the few places that had accommodated her when she was working at whatever she could. And the owner of this place was also someone who knew that Alice was Allen.

“I told you to drop by occasionally, I’m going to forget your face.”

“I came for multiple reasons. Today is for a very important matter.”

Alice, in the form of Allen, changed to a grave expression as soon as she closed the door. The bindery owner immediately realized it was an unusual event. The owner’s gaze turned to the envelope of documents Alice was holding tightly to her chest.

“May I open it?”

“Of course. But… you might be surprised.”

After reading through the papers in the envelope for about a few minutes, the owner’s expression changed to one of shock.

“This is why I came to you, Boss. I couldn’t trust anyone else…”

“What can I help you with?”

“Please gather these papers and make them into a book. To hide it inconspicuously.”

“It would be a big problem if someone at home happened to open it.”

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say… but I’m the only one who reads books at home.”

Alice scratched her cheek with an awkward smile. The employees were too busy to read, or some were not good with letters. They sometimes read newspapers, but reading books in the library was the job of the mansion owners. Her father and Selina were out of the question.

“A smoke screen operation, huh? Alright. I’ll make it without letting the employees know.”

“Thank you.”

The owner patted Alice’s back with a meaningful smile.

The owner of the bindery where Alice worked occasionally printed propaganda used in protests, pretending not to know. He had a history of hiding people who were being chased during protests in the past.

She thought he might take on this job willingly too, and it was as expected. She sighed in relief and sat down in an empty chair inside the bindery.

The owner’s hand gently touched the evidence materials. And he whispered in his heart. You’ve been through a lot being in here, but now that you’ve met good people, all that’s left is to come out into the world.

While the binding continued, Alice placed her hand on the freshly printed, warm materials. The warmth transmitted by the paper was stronger than anything else. The stories, narratives, and truths held by the black words.

Who knows, if all the letters in the world gathered, they might soon reach the boiling point.

After some time passed, a book with a red cover was placed in front of Alice. It looked quite smooth and luxurious, unmistakably a proper book.

“I chose the title arbitrarily. Don’t you think people will just glance at it and pass by with that?”

It was a title that looked boring at first glance. A book that wouldn’t attract anyone’s interest unless they deliberately sought it out and opened it. Alice smiled with satisfaction.

“Thank you, Boss.”

“If you need any other help, come anytime. We’re walking in the same direction.”

The owner patted her shoulder with a meaningful expression. Beyond the noise of the printing press, Alice whispered softly.

“…As the ashen hawk flaps its wings in the dying flames.”

“Raise your head, light the fire, and soar towards the world.”

A sheet of paper that had just come out of the printing press circled in the air with a faint sound of wings. Leaving the slowly descending paper behind, the bindery owner warned in a firm voice.

“Be careful, Alice. The times are about to change greatly.”

Recently, the republican faction that had been operating only underground was slowly raising its head.

They thought its momentum had been greatly dampened by Cledius’s suppression, but as always, people were fascinated by freedom and equality and kept rising again.

“How could I not be?”

Alice left the bindery, deliberately smiling brightly.

The outside world where waves surge. The storm will intensify and a tsunami that will swallow everything will come, but one can’t just stay locked inside.

She boldly blended into the crowd of people. With the source of the waves held in her arms.

**

“Is it okay to search like this haphazardly……”

Lynette trailed off as she wandered near the garden. She repeated the act of running to check whenever she saw something shiny on the ground.

It was the first time the head maid of the Empress’s Palace was bending down to her waist, focusing on searching for something. At this unusual sight, passing maids and servants added their own comments.

“Head Maid, did you lose something? Shall we help you look?”

“Oh my. Is it perhaps a ring? An engagement ring?”

“…I dropped some money, money.”

After dismissing all the goodwill or meddling offers to help search together, she resumed her mission. Working alone is always slow. Lynette stretched, straightening her deeply bent waist.

It was no different from being told to find a needle dropped in this vast imperial palace.

And the palace was also full of materialistic people. It was clearly an expensive-looking locket pendant, and there’s no way they would have just watched it fall to the ground. If someone had quickly picked it up and sold it to a jewelry store…

“Are you looking for something?”

“Waaah! You scared me!”

Birds perched on the trees flew away due to Lynette’s scream. She almost fell backwards, dignity be damned. She glared at the man who had suddenly approached her side, trying to calm her startled heart.

“Captain Lebel, please make some noise if you’re here.”

“…Did you sense my presence?”

“I wouldn’t have been so surprised if I had…”

Life might be a series of surprises, but if it’s like this, she’d rather pass. Lynette and Lebel both sighed in relief at the same time.

One because the other was a familiar person, and the other because he realized his ability hadn’t completely disappeared.

“I heard from Her Majesty the Empress. I’m glad you’re safe.”

“Thanks for your concern. I appreciate it. Actually… there’s something I’d like to ask you, Head Maid.”

So this person has something he’s curious about too. I thought he had erased all curiosity after experiencing all the ups and downs of life. Lynette nodded without much consideration.

“I’ll answer as much as I can.”

Although he seemed full of curiosity, Lebel didn’t easily open his mouth. What on earth was this tall fellow hesitating to ask?

“Head Maid. What exactly does a ‘shadow’ do?”

It was a question that didn’t fit the bright day. At this unexpected query, Lynette had to organize the thoughts rushing in. Could it be that Lebel was asking about the ‘shadow’ with proper knowledge?

‘Surely Her Majesty the Empress didn’t say anything.’

Lynette asked Lebel back with a puzzled face.

“Captain Lebel. Do you know what ‘shadow’ refers to?”

“Yes. I know. I heard that the unofficial consort of the royal family is called a ‘shadow’.”

“That’s exactly it. That’s what they call the lovers of high-ranking people. You pretend not to see even when you see, and the shadow themselves must act that way too.”

Although Selina was a terrible exception. Cledius had given her conveniences to an extent that seemed excessive, which turned out to be poison. Lynette touched her forehead, recalling Selina’s arrogant expression.

“What a ‘shadow’ does is simple. They match the emotions of the one they serve, act as a conversation partner, and also enter the bedchamber together.”

Lebel quietly absorbed Lynette’s words. It was exactly as he had in mind. He thought that being Ilarid’s closest companion was what a ‘shadow’ was. The word ‘bedchamber’ in the last sentence was a bit concerning, though.

It was the first time the word ‘shadow’ came out of the mouth of a stranger who had entered the palace. Could it be that someone had become the Emperor’s new consort? Lynette asked a question with a bit more suspicion added.

“Why are you suddenly asking about the ‘shadow’?”

“I have become Her Majesty the Empress’s ‘shadow’.”

“…What?”

Lynette was certain she had misheard. And she repeated her question again. Of course, the same answer flowed from Lebel’s mouth.

How many times did she repeat just the word ‘What?’. A squirrel passed in front of Lynette, who was standing blankly in shock, and a bird flew overhead.

After some time had passed, Lebel carefully observed the head maid’s complexion.

“Head Maid?”

“Did Her Majesty the Empress really say such a thing? Directly to you, Captain Lebel?”

“Yes. She clearly said so in the hospital room.”

“She’s gone mad, really!”

Lynette let out a scream close to shock and covered her mouth with her hand. She quickly looked around, but fortunately, passersby didn’t pay much attention to this side.

“I’m… very flustered right now. So please answer step by step.”

“Yes.”

“Was there mutual agreement? I mean, was it Her Majesty the Empress’s unilateral action, or did you enter into a contractual relationship and sign some document somewhere… or were you forcibly… no, that couldn’t be, right?”

Every word that popped out of her mouth was chaos itself. As unorganized words kept popping out, Lynette was at a point where she was confused about what she was saying.

Unlike Lynette, who was pacing around in shock, Lebel was calmer than ever. He just started to ponder how to face Ilarid in the future, recalling what a ‘shadow’ does.

‘What on earth are you thinking, Ilarid? His Majesty the Emperor suddenly barging in was one thing, but not saying a word to me!’

She thought she knew everything about Ilarid after being like friends for years, but it was indeed a misconception. How can one fully see into a person’s heart? Until now, she had tried to let things slide, thinking that even if it was Ilarid, she must have had some reason, but…

“This won’t do at all.”

Lynette, who had been muttering to herself quickly, gave a short bow to Lebel and hurried towards the Empress’s Palace. Lebel watched the back of the head maid disappearing with her skirts fluttering, lost in thought.

Shadow. The Empress’s consort.

Originally, Lebel’s life was like a shadow. Moving secretly in the darkness, acting like someone who is seen but not seen. Isn’t that his position in the palace now too? A floating life, unable to mix with the nobles wandering around.

The ‘shadow’ given by Ilarid was like a lifeline. A rope that prevents one from being pushed away any further. Even a nominal position was fine.

Even if some point fingers calling it filthy, if only he could remain by your side.

It was Lebel who first asked to be used even as a desire. How to use him afterward was entirely up to Ilarid.

The only problem was another desire slowly growing in Lebel’s heart. One huge wish to be able to stay by her side had just been fulfilled. But wishes eat greed and grow their own size.

His nails dug fiercely into his palm. Lebel shook his head and suppressed the desire that was stirring within him.